Too Much is Never Enough.
Feb 27 '03 (Updated May 27 '03)
The Bottom Line My struggles with excess.
Now that I hit the ripe old age of 72, I finally learned to live with the fact that I’m a man that struggles with knowing limitations. I have never been the type of person that practiced moderation. For example, I’m sitting here at my computer after eating three oranges. Why could I not stop after eating the first orange? Why do I need to eat three? Every night this month I ate three oranges and two pineapple yogurts before going to sleep. This is not unhealthy because I buy the light yogurt that has little or no fat, but that is not the point, I always do things in great excess. Like when I eat raisins, I reach in the box and take a fistful and roll them up in a ball and eat the raisins like an apple. Again, this is not extremely unhealthy. But the powerful gas that I get from eating all those raisins is unbelievable, put it this way, if I lived in Iraq, there would be weapons inspectors knocking on my bathroom door.
When I was a young boy growing up poor, we never had food in the house, but yet I was an overeater in training. I would often eat things like mayonnaise and sticks of butter just to feel the comfort of feeding my face. One night at the young age of seven my father spanked me for eating a whole jar of mustard. He thought I was doing it for attention, but in reality, I just wanted to be left alone to eat my jar of mustard in peace.
When I was twelve years old I started working my first job. Making my own money was definitely dangerous, I had money in my pocket and I was able to spend it on whatever my heart desired. I would often go to the local ice cream shop and shock the whole store, I would start off eating two hamburgers and then begin eating ice cream and candy like it was going out of style. On one occasion the waitresses gave me a standing ovation as I walked out after eating three ice cream sundaes. I would stumble home with the button on my pants ready to pop off as my ice cream belly poured over my belt. When I got home I was too full to move, I can still remember my eyes feeling like they were bulging out of my face from eating so much. Back then I was too young to wonder why I was such a glutton, but now I can’t help but to marvel at my overwhelming appetite.
Some would say that it is not that uncommon for a young boy to have such a massive appetite. But there is not many that would say it is normal for someone MY age to consume everything insight. There have been recent days that I would eat two Whoppers from Burger King as a snack. Most recently my daughter’s eyes popped out of her head as she witnesses me inhale two pounds of Gummy Sharks while watching a movie. These gummy candies are fat free but filled with calories. Also if you eat great quantities like I did, you will find that you will be unable to take a dump for a couple of days. I felt extremely clogged from the two pounds of gooey gelatin.
This appetite for tremendous quantities is not limited to just food. After consuming my first beer at the age of 15, I think I drank more beers than a fuche_bu. There were times when I was much younger, I would drink a beer with the attentions of having one or two – but before the night ended I would drink well over a case. I remember one night I drank so many beers that I fell asleep on the front porch of the young woman’s house that I was previously dating but have not spoken to in months. I woke to her new husband kicking me in the ribs telling me to stay away from his house or he would kill me. On another occasion I thought I could no longer get intoxicated from beer, so I decided to buy three six-packs of Schlitz. I sat my fat rump on top of my car and drank all 18 cans. After gulping down the last beer, I found myself in a bar hours later with no idea how I got there or what I did with my car. I found out two days later that I conveniently parked in a gas station right next-door to my favorite watering hole and the car was towed by the city. Looking back at my drinking problem, I wonder if I enjoyed getting drunk or if I just liked drinking because I was able to consume beer in such extreme volumes. Did I find comfort in gulping down beer the same way I found comfort in eating a whole jar of mustard?
My emotions also come in great extremes. I remember the anger that I often felt and at times still feel. It is not the type of anger that makes you want to confront someone and discuss the situation that made you upset. My anger comes by the boatload. My face turns red and my hands begin to shake and I feel the urge to grab the nearest blunt object and begin bashing in someone’s scull. I have never acted on this desire to the point of murder, but I have hit people during the high points of this rage. One time I hit another man across the face with a tennis racket for saying he liked my sister’s butt. This slob was in his twenties and my sister was around 15 years old. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. But after the $200 dentist bill and a court order to turn myself into the local police came in the mail, I was a little less pleased with my decision to use his face as an outlet for my anger.
On a different occasion, I was so angry and filled with rage when my son’s car stereo was stolen, that I decided to confront the well-known neighborhood thief. This young scumbag would often play pinball at the corner store with his loser friends. I walked in the store and mentioned my son’s stereo and that I would like it back. The only response from this guy was laughter as his friends warned me to be careful what I say - they warned something bad might happen to me if I did not keep quiet. I left the store filled with anger, I felt like these idiots got over on me in a big way and there was not much I could do about it. In a fit of rage, I went home and grabbed my son’s B-B gun that looked close enough to the real thing. I walked back into the store and started shooting these young guys at close range in their faces. This was a low-powered air gun that at best would break their skin and leave a bruise. But they jumped and cried and ran out of there as I screamed “you're gonna die now”. My anger seemed to disappear and I began feeling better as these young punks screamed and cried like schoolgirls. Most people would have filled out a police report and gotten over their anger in the matter of minutes, but the rage I felt was much too powerful for such tame actions.
Final Words
You would think after all these years of eating and drinking so much, I would have dropped dead years ago. I’m also happy that my extreme anger has not badly hurt anyone. I will probably never fully understand why I feel the need to take everything to such extremes. But it has made me who I am today, a 72 year-old man with a temper, no money and a decent sized set of man-boobs.
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I know I have been spending too much time in the Writer’s Corner and not writing enough product reviews. I feel guilty, I feel like I am steeling the resources of Epinions. So, coming soon will be product reviews.
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Member: Chuck Broginger
Location: Chicago
Reviews written: 65
Trusted by: 182 members
About Me:
I am back and with skid marks !
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