All The U's That're Fit To Cut-And-Print: Simply_Crispy's Epinions Film Dictionary W/O Apr 08 '03 (Updated Apr 10 '03)    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Books Anna Dewdney - Llama, Llama Red Pajama From $10 Irene Hunt - The Lottery Rose: A Novel From $6 The Bottom Line Check out http://www.epinions.com/user-simply_crispy or http://www.epinions.com/content_3208880260 for a better understanding of what this w/o is all about. Tailor of Panama to Two Moon Junction BY JACKSOMMERSBY [This is my entry in Simply_Crispy's "Epinions Film Dictionary" write-off. Check out his user page for the rules and regs, which turned out to be pretty strict if you ask me. Thankfully, an amendment was added, allowing (begging?) us to cheat these rules if we saw fit, and if it was funny. Cheat? Of course I'm going to cheat. This is, after all, a write-off hosted by Crispy. That fact alone saps it of its credibility, leaving the door wide open for all sorts of shenanigans. Keeping that in mind, here are 21 things cinematic that start with the 21st letter of the alphabet.] • U Can Count On Me film, written and directed by Kenneth Lonergan (2000) Nominated for two Oscars (Best Actress in a Leading Role and Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen), Kenneth Lonergan's 2000 directorial debut was a tense but uplifting look at a sister and brother, twenty years after a car wreck left them orphaned. Laura Linney (Sammy) and Mark Ruffalo (Terry) care for young Rory Culkin (Rudy), in a touching tale of warmth and affection. Lonergan, a devout Prince fan, preferred the spelling I'm using here for his film's title (and last, unsaid last line). But Paramount, unfeeling and monolithic corporate entity that they are, balked. Instead, they went behind Lonergan's back and printed up thousands of posters with their favored spelling, "You Can Count On Me". Not since "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" has there been a greater example of film mistitling. • "U can't handle the truth!" famous and oft-repeated movie line In Rob Reiner's "A Few Good Men", military lawyer and walking Oedipus complex Lt. Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise) is assigned to a case defending a pair of Marines accused of hazing and killing a fellow soldier. Col. Nathan Jessep (Jack Nicholson), a man "about to be named Director of Operations for the National Security Council" is eventually called to the stand. After a rousing question-and-answer session that really goes nowhere, Kaffee determines to get Jessep to admit to his wrongdoings. This exchange is made even more suspenseful by the fact that if Kaffee accuses Jessep of a crime without proper evidence (and, of course, he has no evidence whatsoever at this point) he'd be subject to a court-martial. After some tense cat-and-mouse moments, Kaffee goes in for the kill, but is momentarily rebuffed: KAFFEE: I'll ask for the fourth time. U ordered – JESSEP:: U want answers? KAFFEE: I think I'm entitled to them. JESSEP:: U want answers?! KAFFEE: [yells] I want the truth. JESSEP:: [yells even louder] U can't handle the truth! Jessep delivers a rousing speech about the need for men with guns, eventually gives up the key piece of evidence, and is taken away by MPs. But it is his line about "the truth" that was on the lips of every parrot and self-described Nicholson impersonators across the country. • Uecker, Bob actor, former baseball player Ted Williams used to say that the hardest thing to do in sports was hitting a round ball with a round bat. Bob Uecker, former major league catcher and Hall of Fame announcer for the Milwaukee Brewers, knew this better than anyone. Just look at his terrible career stats: .200 batting average; 14 home runs in 297 games; a career high 30 RBIs in 1966. True, he was on the roster of the 1964 World Series Champion St. Louis Cardinals. But he knows his contributions to that team were minor; after all, this is a man who jokingly lists his two career highlights as being intentionally walked by Sandy Koufax and getting out of a rundown against the Mets. So why is he listed here, in a Movie Dictionary? Because he said "Juuuuust a bit outside" in the movie "Major League". And because over one crazy weekend when I was 15, my brother and I watched that movie about a dozen times. And every time Ueck said "Juuuuuuuust a bit outside", we fell to floor in the kind of laughing hysterics only teenage boys (and hyenas) can get away with. Some of you might point to "Mr. Belvedere", or his voiceover work in "Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco", as perfectly justifiable reasons for his inclusion here (nah). But I'll always point to that fateful pitch to the backstop, and the dry delivery by the man in the announcer's booth, as reason enough. • UHF film, written by 'Weird Al' Yankovic and Jay Levey; directed by Jay Levey (1989) After a string of parody pop hits, including 'Like a Surgeon', 'Yoda', and 'Eat It', it was inevitable (read: financially viable) that 'Weird Al' Yankovic be allowed to make a movie. And it was even more inevitable that said movie would be a strange and loopy pop-culture obsessed concoction, full of mad and manic characters, absurd situations, and enough humour to shake a mop at. And it was also inevitable that the movie, no matter how enjoyable, would also be completely disposable. I suppose it is also inevitable that I'd remember the movie, which I first saw in theatres when I was 14, half a lifetime later. I remember "Supplies!", I remember drinking from the fire hose, I remember Conan the Librarian, and I remember Spatula City. I remember Michael Richards ("Kramer") as Stanley Spadowski, a mop-obsessed janitor and kid show host. But most of all I remember 'Weird Al' as an Everyman entrepreneur and new-fangled TV-station manager George Newman. His movie turned out to be ridiculously hilarious, emotionally satisfying, and satirical enough to be relevant lo these many years later. • Ulrich, Skeet actor, professional Johnny Depp lookalike Skeet Ulrich first stepped into the public consciousness as the Johnny Depp-lookalike 'Chris' in 1996's "The Craft". But it was his turn as the serial killer/Johnny Depp-impersonator in "Scream" that really broke the young man from North Carolina. He followed up his breakthrough role with turns in "Touch" (as a miracle man who looks like Johnny Depp), "As Good As It Gets" (as the con-artist who swindles then beats up Greg Kinnear, while paying the rent in a "21 Jump Street" cover band), and "The Newton Boys" (alongside Matthew McConaughey, Vincent D'Onofrio, and fellow Depp doppelganger Ethan Hawke). Alas, Skeet found that a passing resemblance to the star of "Ed Wood" was not enough to get by in Hollywood. The town, in recent years, seems to have yelled "pull" on his clay career. • Uma oddball first name of actor and vapid babe Ms. Thurman Named for a Hindu Goddess by her father, a professor of Indo-Tibetan Buddhist Studies at the Columbia University School of Religion, Uma Thurman is one of the most beautiful and bland actresses in Hollywood. Her early career saw roles in such diverse films as "Johnny Be Good", "Dangerous Liaisons", and "Jennifer 8". But Uma's greatest performance may have come the night of March 27, 1995. She was sitting in the audience of the Shrine Auditorium, watching the 1995 Oscar presentations. Nominated as Best Supporting Actress for her role in "Pulp Fiction", Uma was having a wondrous time, laughing maniacally with her huge horse-mouth at the antics of host David Letterman. But when Mr. Letterman stopped the show, stepped to the lip of the stage, and introduced Ms. Thurman to Ms. Winfrey ("Uma… Oprah… Oprah… Uma"), there was nothing for Uma to do but allow her eyes to glaze over, her mouth to open agape, and a quizzical look -- which to this point had dominated her 25-year old life -- to return to her face. She still hasn't recovered from the shock. • Un chien andalou film, written by Luis Buńuel and Salvador Dalí; directed by Buńuel (1929) Sixteen-minutes of purposeful irrationality, Buńuel and Dalí's surrealist masterpiece will always be remembered for the moment near the beginning when a woman's eyeball is sliced by a razor blade. The first time I saw it I nearly kicked the woman sitting next to me, so violent was my reaction. I mean, that guy really slices up her eyeball. It like, gets cut in half and stuff. She must be like, I dunno, blind or something now. (Kidding aside: the eyeball in question actually belonged to a cow carcass. No women were harmed during the making of this movie.) Even though it features scenes of rotting donkeys trapped in grand pianos, and hyperactive ants in the palm of some man's hand, it'll always be that eyeball that has them flocking to theatres, and grossed out beyond belief. For an alternate take on the film, see The Pixies' song 'Debaser' ("Got me a movie / I want you to know / Slicing up eyeballs / I want you to know / Girlie so groovie / I want you to know / Don't know about you / But I am un chien andalusia / Wanna grow to be a debaser"). • Unbreakable film, written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan (2000) "Unbreakable" is the piece of rancid deli meat in an otherwise tasty M. Night Shyamalan sandwich. Coming between the blockbuster hit "The Sixth Sense" and the sci-fi sermon "Signs", "Unbreakable" could not be more tasteless. Things start out well, as a giant commuter train carrying Bruce Willis is involved in an enormous crash. Sadly, Willis survives unscathed, while everyone else perishes. And we are thus introduced to our titular hero. Bruce mopes and broods through much of the rest of the film, trying desperately to understand why his life was spared. Is he a comic book-style superhero? Or, more accurately, a Bruce Willis-style superhero? Samuel L. Jackson, in ridiculous fright wig, plays a mysterious stranger afflicted with a disease that causes his bones to be as brittle as glass (I think he's the cousin of that guy from "Amelie" who keeps copying the Renoir painting). The movie's highlight, of course, is the mother's line: "No shooting friends, Joseph!" It warms my heart, in this day and age of rampant teenage violence, for a movie to have such a safe, simplistic, and easy to follow exchange between mother and son. My roommate and I, not believing what it was we heard, had to rewind the tape over and over to make sure that this was the actual dialogue from the film, and not some flashback to a bad trip. • Uncle Buck film, written and directed by John Hughes (1989) I think the quickest way to judge the quality of an auteur's filmography is to judge the quality of the actors s/he regularly works with. Woody Allen got much repeat business out of Diane Keaton, Mia Farrow, Wallace Shawn, Danny Aiello, Alan Alda, etc. Wes Anderson invited Owen & Luke Wilson, Bill Murray, and Seymour Cassell to several of his cinematic barbecues. And Akira Kurosawa was often flanked by Toshirô Mifune and Takashi Shimura. John Hughes, the king of 1980's-era auteurs (which is a title carrying as much prestige as Summer School Valedictorian), worked with John Candy eight times (in various capacities) and Macaulay Culkin four times. The three men (heh) worked together three times, starting with 1989's "Uncle Buck". The rotund Candy and ruined Culkin did have great chemistry together in at least one scene, a "Dragnet"-style interrogation at the breakfast table. But besides that (and possible a sweet little romance between Candy and Amy Madigan), there's not much else that I can say I liked -- or remember, even -- about "Uncle Buck". • Underlighting aesthetic technique I exhausted my enormous personal research library looking for techniques from cinema's grammar starting with the letter 'U'. Underlighting was the best bet of a seriously underfed crop. According to my copy of "Film Art: An Introduction", by David Bordwell and Kristin Thompson, underlighting is "illumination from a point below the figures in the scene". Remember when you used to turn the lights out and put a flashlight under your chin to scare your little brother (a childhood game resurrected by Conan O'Brien for his 'In the Year 2000' bit)? That was underlighting. I guess you were a cinematographer and didn't know it, hmm? Found a couple of pics that show off this effect. http://www.creepyclassics.com/front/lonjrcreepyface.jpg http://www.eskimo.com/~noir/ftitles/deepend/deep03.jpg http://www.eskimo.com/~noir/ftitles/deepend/deep04.jpg The first is of Lon Chaney Jr., in some film or other that called for him to look like Burgess Meredith. The other two are from the 2001 suspense thriller, "The Deep End". That's Jonathan Tucker in the first pic, and Tilda Swinton in the second. I didn't like the film; but still, don't they look creepy? • Under Siege film, written by J.F. Lawton; directed by Andrew Davis (1992) Before he got dumpy, Steven Seagal had a nice little action career going there. Things began well, with a series of films all featuring at least one moment of wince-inducing elbow snapping, curious attempts at regional accents, and three-word titles. No matter the meter, be it the trochaic dimeter of "Hard to Kill", "Marked for Death", and "Out for Justice", or the iambic dimeter of "Above the Law", all his films managed to sum up their chop-sockey goodness in only three words. That kind of consistency allowed Seagal to build up a solid fanbase of mouth-breathing illiterates. It was thus a bold move when his fifth film, 1992's "Under Siege", showed up and contained a relatively short two-word title. I remember a couple of easily rattled theatre owners, attempting to elongate the darned thing so as not to confuse Seagal fans, adding a definite article in between the two words. Alas, "Under the Siege" just didn't have the same zing. Disaster was averted when the film turned out to be pretty darned good. I guess some of the credit should go to Tommy Lee Jones. And having Gary Busey's big old teeth on board was a nice touch. Also, any film that features Erika Eleniak emerging naked from a giant novelty cake is going to put the bums in the seats, no matter how long its title. But Seagal was never able to live up to "Siege's" lofty standards again. And despite following it up with such diverse and three-word-titled fare as "On Deadly Ground", "Fire Down Below", and "Half Past Dead", his career now appears to be "In the Crapper". • Unendliche Geschichte, Die, a.k.a. The Neverending Story film, written by Wolfgang Petersen and Hermann Weigel, based on the novel by Michael Ende; directed by Wolfgang Petersen (1984) I haven't seen "The Neverending Story" in a long time, but from what I remember, the story goes thusly: A bullied British boy with an overactive imagination (presumably bearing a striking resemblance to our generous benefactor, Mr. Biggar), finds himself stuck in the attic of his school on a proverbial dark and stormy night. He finds there, amongst the dust and shadows, a fantasy book called, wait for it, "The Neverending Story". Breaking the spine, he begins to read. Soon it becomes clear that not only is he following along with the story of Atreyu and Falkor the Luckdragon and The Childlike Empress, but he is actually effecting the story too. I also remember Ms. Crandall, my Grade 4 teacher, reading Michael Ende's book to us over the course of one school year. And, most tellingly I suppose, I remember this little legal exchange from The Simpsons, episode # 9F06, 'The New Kid on the Block': Homer: All you can eat. Ha! Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending Story". When in doubt, The Simpsons shall be your bible. • Unforgiven film, written by David Webb Peoples; directed by Clint Eastwood (1992) Clint Eastwood's Oscar-Winning deconstruction of the Western, "Unforgiven", features many a fine performance (Hackman, Freeman, Harris, Rubinek, Eastwood himself). And its themes (the dying of the West, the evils that some men must resort to for survival, the struggle of the human soul) are all poignant and juicy. And despite its capital-I Importance, it still manages to be a rip-snorting tale. But my favourite bit, the part that I'll always remember, is the early scene where Clint falls off his horse. 'The Man With No Name' becomes 'The Man With An Inner Ear Disorder'. • United Artists film company United Artists, "the company built by stars", was founded in 1919 by cinema giants Charlie Chaplin, Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks, and D.W. Griffith. The wanted to provide a home where actors and directors could thrive, promising creative freedom in an effort to "further the artistic welfare of the motion picture industry". The company's early years saw them distribute films by such legendary stars/producers as Gloria Swanson, Samuel Goldwyn, and Daryl Zanuck, as well as -- more specifically -- Buster Keaton's "The General", Chaplin's "Modern Times", Charles Laughton's "The Night of the Hunter", "Judgment at Nuremberg", "Network", "Stardust Memories", "Richard III", "Ghost World", etc. etc. etc. ad infinitum. Check out their current releases, as well as learn a bit more about the company's history, at: www.unitedartists.com • Universal Pictures movie studio Universal Pictures, at the time called Universal Studios, was founded in 1912, by Carl Laemmle. In its early years of motion picture making it was best known for the classic horror films of Lon Chaney, Bela Lugosi, and Boris Karloff. Over the course of its history it would produce or distribute such well-known movies as All Quiet on the Western Front, The Bourne Identity, Brazil, The Deer Hunter, Jaws, Red Dragon, Schindler's List, Shadow of a Doubt, The Sting, and Touch of Evil. Oh yeah. They also have sort of an involvement with a Florida theme park where you can feed a giant shark, or get caught in a giant earthquake, or run for your life from a giant ape. They appear to have sort of 'giant' fixation, don't they? • Untouchables, The film, written by David Mamet, based on the novel by Oscar Fraley, Eliot Ness, and Paul Robsky; directed by Brian De Palma (1987) Brian De Palma's "The Untouchables" is memorable for many reasons. First, it's got that great scene where a pudgy Robert De Niro, playing Al Capone, nearly beheads a man with a baseball bat. And it's got Sean Connery, our preeminent Scotsman, using his own accent to play an Irish beat cop on the streets of Chicago (and being rewarded with his only Oscar for doing so). And, most notably, it's got one of the more famous examples of a film referencing the Steps of Odessa sequence (a baby carriage floats perilously downwards, narrowly avoiding getting caught in the crossfire of some furious gunplay) from Eisenstein's "Battleship Potemkin". And it's got Kevin Costner in one of his rare performances where he doesn't botch an accent. That's always special. • Up the Creek film, written by Jim Kouf, Jeff Sherman, Douglas Grossman, and Jim Kouf; directed by Robert Butler (1984) It was my tenth birthday party. Our VCR was brand new, and Ma and Pa Stone decided to treat my friends and I to a "video". "Up the Creek" was their selection. Little more than a T&A jiggle-fest, the film was, for many of us there that night (Andy, Josh, Marcus, etc.), our first exposure to the naked female form. There's a picture, buried somewhere in one of my mother's photo albums, of the lot of us, glued to the couch, eyes popping out at what we were witnessing on the TV screen. Released during the Golden Days of Teen Sex Comedies (read: April 1984; the same day, incidentally, as "Where the Boys Are '84"), the film was little more than "Animal House meets Porky's on White Water" (a conclusion cemented by the participation of "Animal House" alums Tim Matheson and Stephen Furst, and "Porky's" Pee-Wee Dan Monahan). It was (and still is) warmed-over tripe, but it sure left a lasting impression on me. I still remember the sight of one actress (whose name I can't discern eighteen years later), sitting topless on a bed, oblivious to the fact that -- as the camera spies in the background (wonderful deep-focus work) -- an enormous raft is about to fly through her riverside cabin's picture window. Pete Townshend can have his 'Pictures of Lily'; I've got this buxom but anonymous beauty. • Usual Suspects, The film, written by Christopher McQuarrie; directed by Bryan Singer (1995) Katybrighteyes asked me, when it didn't show up in my Top 100 Movies of All-Time List, what I thought of "The Usual Suspects". Here's my reply: "Ironically, my list of the usual suspect doesn't include The Usual Suspects. I didn't see the film while it was in theatres. Which is odd, because at the time I was an ardent Kevin Spacey fan. The day it came out on video, I rushed out between classes to rent a copy. Unfortunately, I had an evening class that day, that didn't end until 10pm, so much of the day was spent hyping myself up for the sure-to-be blissful viewing experience I was about to have. I didn't get to start the film until late that night. When it was done, around 1 in the morning, I couldn't believe how underwhelmed I felt. Maybe I'd missed something. After my second viewing, the next morning, I was sure of one thing: The Usual Suspects is an all-style-no-substance mess, too smart for its own good, and not even that smart to begin with. Its secret, I'm sorry to report, was quite easily guessed by me before the first reel was done. And any movie that prominently features Stephen Baldwin can't be any good. Can it?" Sorry for plagiarizing my own comments, but I just can't get up the strength anymore to explain why I think this over-rated little movie is so worthless. • Utah state in the union A dozen films shot wholly or partially Utah: 2001: A Space Odyssey, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Casablanca, Once Upon a Time in the West, Easy Rider, Forrest Gump, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Planet of the Apes, The Searchers, Stagecoach, Thelma & Louise, National Lampoon's Vacation. More importantly, Utah (specifically Park City, Salt Lake City, and Sundance) is the home of Robert Redford's Sundance Institute ("dedicated to the support and development of emerging screenwriters and directors of vision, and to the national and international exhibition of new, independent dramatic and documentary films") and his annual Sundance Film Festival, possibly the best known film festival in North America. Past winners of the Festival's Grand Jury Prize include: "Girlfight", the above-mentioned "U Can Count On Me", "Welcome to the Dollhouse", and "Blood Simple". Paul Newman's would-be rival Butch Cassidy Film Festival is still in the planning stages. • "U talking to me?" famous movie line and shorthand Robert De Niro impression After titular taxi driver Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro) loses a couple of cards from his full deck, and before decking himself out in Mohawk and shades, he has a little tęte-ŕ-tęte with the world through his bedroom mirror. Ostensibly a practice session, to test out his new spring-loaded weaponry, it turns into one of cinema's greatest example of full-fledged mania, and a catchphrase for a De Niro-obsessed generation. The speech was completely ad-libbed by De Niro. The screenplay's only direction? "Travis looks in the mirror". And this is what he says: "Huh? Huh? I'm faster than u, u f*ckin' son of a...I saw u comin'. F*ck. Sh*t-heel. I'm standin' here. U make the move. U make the move. It's ur move. [Suddenly, a gun bursts out from its hidden position in his sleeve] Don't try it, u f*cker. U talkin' to me? U talkin' to me? U talkin' to me? [He turns to look behind him] Well, who the hell else are U talkin' to? U talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who the f*ck do u think u're talkin' to? Oh yeah? Huh? OK." • Uwan my preferred spelling of the first name of actor, Scotsman, and Jedi Mr. McGregor Thirty-two year old Uwan McGregor was born in Crieff, Perthshire, Scotland. Unlike many cultish UK actors, he didn't have to toil in period pieces or series television before making a splash in front of American audiences. A small role in the 1993 Robin Williams existential drama "Being Human" led to a larger role in the underrated Hitchcockian thriller "Shallow Grave" (his first of three films with director Danny Boyle). But his big break came as the protagonist and narrator of Boyle's knockdown hit, "Trainspotting", playing a deadpan junkie nearing the end of his rope. The film led to a third and final pairing with Boyle in the dreadful "A Life Less Ordinary"(they fell out after Leo DiCaprio got the Uwan role in "The Beach"), as well as roles in such high-profile films as "Velvet Goldmine", "Moulin Rouge!", and "Black Hawk Down". But it is his role as uber-Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi, in George Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel trilogy, which will probably have them still talking about Uwan 50 years down the road. 'V' BY VORMANCIAN (not yet posted)

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