Issue #26: George Bush Creates New Number "Eleventy"
Mar 10, 2003
The Bottom Line Threeteen minus fifty-twelve equals eleventy onions.
"George Bush Creates New Number 'Eleventy'"
When a CNN reporter asked George W. Bush how many days he planned to wait on the Iraq issue and how many troops were deployed already, he answered, "Eleventy." He then elaborated, "Eleventy-three troops are now in Qatar, and we will wait no longer than eleventy-seven days to take action."
Most reporters at the small gathering laughed but quickly realized that there was no joke. Says NY Times reporter Hank Redding, "The man was dead serious; looked at us like something was wrong with us when we laughed at him."
Since Monday's incident, the president has not sought to correct or edit any of his statements that include any variation of the number eleventy.
As such, reporters have elicited help from various mathematical experts and military commanders to try to understand the new number.
Gimps (Great Internet Mersenne Prime Search) founder, George Woltman, who's latest discovery via study participant Mike Cameron was the largest prime number known as yet, is investigating.
"If he just blurted it out or it's some code word, I have nothing to add, of course," said Woltman. "But if he's found something, perhaps through gathered intelligence from our planet or elsewhere, then we ought to find out what it is."
Some scientists have pondered the more likely possibility that Bush simply combined the number eleven with the number seventy, but democrats say different.
"Eleventy? Don't you see how dumb our president is? He thinks he can just make up a number and nobody will notice, or he thinks it's real. Either way, he's a real Gump," said actor Michael Douglas.
When Ari Fleischer was asked about the president's new number, he said, "The president has been informed that the number is a legitimate number." When Fleischer was asked what the number really is, he replied, "Eleventy."
Some political analysts believe it's a wag-the-dog motion to distract from Iraq, whilst others say that Bush is suffering from psychological problems and invented the number to escape his difficulty with math in general.