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Sleep Is Elusive
by SurgRN911 | Mar 13 '03
A place when you have no where else to go!

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Comments on Sleep Is Elusive" (30 total) View all
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Date Written
Made me cry (Reply to this comment)
by artbyjude
....glad I am the only one up at my house. ...I realize again how lucky I am, and your last line reminds me of my dad...If only. if only.

Maybe she did have a party up there, but would she be celebrating the day she arrived to be with them? I suspect she can see you and rtead your words.

Stay well...Jude
Jun 19 '03
12:40 am PDT

Re: I know....... (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Reva, thank you for your words of comfort. Someday gets closer every day :)

Di
Mar 25 '03
5:11 pm PST

I know....... (Reply to this comment)
by MariaLynn
how you feel. I hope time will help lessen the pain. I too have lot's of ( if I had done this or if I hadn't done that ). I think we all do when a loved one passes away. Just remember like I have learned to do. She is where she has a perfect life now and some day you will be able to see eye to eye.

(( Hugs )) Reva~
Mar 25 '03
11:27 am PST

Re: Regrets Are Part Of Life (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Thanks AJ will be looking forward to the Roberto story. (Sigh) To be able to turn back the hands of times, sometimes.

Di
Mar 17 '03
10:57 am PST

Re: Your beautiful tribute (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
"The love is always there"

Thanks Patti your comment was very uplifting.

Di
Mar 17 '03
10:55 am PST

Regrets Are Part Of Life (Reply to this comment)
by AinsleyJo
It seems to me that, no matter how close you are to somebody, you always end up having those regrets--this feeling that you could have shown your love more and those sad memories of those times when you disagree that you wish you could take back.

As I've mentioned before, I went through the experience of thinking, "I now have something interesting to write to Roberto about!"--referring to the fact that we were going to be having a bazaar at church, and I was involved in doing a lot of crafts for it.

As I was sitting there on the family room floor working on crafts--and planning on dropping a line to Roberto about how excited I was--a news report came on TV about a man who had been fatally shot in the neck while waiting for the light to change.

It was Roberto.

And I could beat myself up for not writing to him sooner--even with not a lot to tell other than the fact that I was still breathing.

Or I could remember the birthday party I planned for him, the lingering conversation over dinner the first time we met (and how we met--which is a neat story in itself. What would have been Roberto's 76th birthday is coming up on April 11, so that just might be a great time to write a tribute to him), our long telephone conversations, the way he danced and how he interacted with kids, and things like that.

Upon remembering those things, I could celebrate what we did share together--just as you have shared the special things you shared with your mother!

I'm sure that your mother wants you to remember those happy times and to sleep well!

Love,
AJ :o)
Mar 17 '03
9:16 am PST

Your beautiful tribute (Reply to this comment)
by AliventiAsylum
has me thinking of my relationship with my oldest daughter (now 12).

She is very independent and does not open up to me no matter how hard I coax. I do not press her too much because I don't want to pressure her.

And reading this, I wonder what her "I wish I had said or done this differently" sentiments will be when I am gone. Of course, I am planning on being around to annoy her for the next 50 years or so, but things happen.

From the mother on that side, I can tell you the longing to hear the sentiments is there, but so is the forgiveness. We allow you to be your own person, even if that is not what we always want at the time. The love is always there. *That* is what is most important.

Patti
Mar 14 '03
6:54 pm PST

Re: I lost my father recently (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
I'm sorry for your pain, but there is just those days when it comes back to bite you in the rear. It never gets easier, but the days of looking back do become more peaceful. Thank you for commenting may you daily realize more peace.

Di
Mar 14 '03
2:15 pm PST

I lost my father recently (Reply to this comment)
by bobbo428
I lost my father a few months back, and his first birthday after he had passed away was a tough one for me.
Mar 14 '03
1:47 pm PST

Re: You're such a fine person and so is your brother (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Yeah Moppy, she was quite an incredible lady. In my own selfishness I only saw the good she could afford to show. I never looked deeper, I let the wall stand instead of trying to break through or climb over. This will be my baggage to turn loose of, guess the time is just not right.

Thank you for your sweet comment, and I do agree Gung is real special.

Di
Mar 14 '03
9:47 am PST

You're such a fine person and so is your brother (Reply to this comment)
by Moppysl
your mother had to be terrific. (But I 've told you that before)
Moppy
Mar 14 '03
8:33 am PST

Re: Beautiful (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
George, thanks for your sweet words. Today the sun shines, birds are chirping, and heaven does not look so far away. Thank you!

Di
Mar 14 '03
7:17 am PST

Re: Oh, I know those feelings well..... (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Carol I know you know the feeling, what we do to our selves in the name of love. Hmm
So how are you doing my friend, haven't heard from you in a ricki tic?


Di
Mar 14 '03
6:32 am PST

Re: Beautifully (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Jennifer, thank you and I realize I am not alone. I know so many people face such things daily and on 363 days of the year I can and want to be there for them.

I feel so selfish on the two days of the year that blind me to life. But I guess that is life. Thank you!

Di
Mar 14 '03
6:30 am PST

Re: Di (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Thanks Char, I'm sure she is. Besides it's almost St. Patrick's Day her time to shine, so she's busy getting all dolled up for the parade and parties.

I appreciate you stopping by.

Di
Mar 14 '03
6:27 am PST

Re: endless days and sleepless nights (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Susi, well this is one of the most difficult comments you have left me to try and respond to. I can't even think of any comment to make up, that would give a good reason for the distance and the walls.

Maybe the years of dealing with painful situations alone (on both our parts) is just an easy retreat. I realize that sometimes the silence is deafening. One other option, I think we humans choose to hold on, and cling to the things that bother us the most alone, because by sharing we'd be in a sense letting go of some of the pain that we use as one of our crosses in life. Our sole atonement, for whatever it is we think we need to carry, and to share that burden
would somehow lighten our self imposed sentence.

You are correct though, under the same roof and times that should draw us closer are the ones we choose to drive a wedge. Yeah, I know you love to cry (smile) and I don't. You see in all honesty sharing the really tough stuff would make me vulnerable to that, and that I really do not know how to cope with.

I do promise to work at extending my hand, instead of letting it rest by my side, that's the best I can do. But I do thank you for being there, regardless of the fact I don't take advantages of such friendship and love.

Hugs



Mar 14 '03
6:25 am PST

Oh, I know those feelings well..... (Reply to this comment)
by Lucky47
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this Di. I lost my Mom unexpectedly and there are so many "Why didn't I's" and what if's. Thank you for sharing some beautiful thoughts and words.
Carol
Mar 14 '03
2:57 am PST

Beautifully (Reply to this comment)
by jcrismon
written; what a tribute; it's that back and forth, tug and pull we miss, I know; the things that make us stronger just having that person around. Blessings on you ... (you are not alone!)

Jennifer
Mar 13 '03
6:46 pm PST

Di (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Your mom is smiling down on you from heaven! Hugs, Char
Mar 13 '03
2:24 pm PST

endless days and sleepless nights (Reply to this comment)
by susidee34
We've both shared them and yet we never share them. Much like the relationships with our respective Mothers.

As many times as we have laughed together we always take the solitary route when it is time for our tears. As much as we offer our shoulders to others we turn them away when we need the comfort.

We live in the same house yet we never share these tough times together. Silly isn't it? What was it I said the other day? Something about it being harder to extend your hand than hold it by your side? I wrote it down but I don't know where it is.

Sorry you have had the sleepless nights and sorry that you couldn't share them with me. You know how much I love to cry.

Hugs and better times
Susi
Mar 13 '03
1:16 pm PST

Re: This (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Aaron, indeed the good memories are the ones to keep on the front burner. Thank you for your wisdom.

Di
Mar 13 '03
12:43 pm PST

This (Reply to this comment)
by imprimis2
poem reminded me of my mom for some reason...I think its just the relationship we shared together...and how there were many things I never got to tell her, either...

I hope you aren't too sad today...good memories are the ones we should keep fresh in our minds .

;)

=Aaron=
Mar 13 '03
12:35 pm PST

Re:   (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Thanks stranger (wink)

Di
Mar 13 '03
12:24 pm PST

Re: Oh, Di! (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Lorace, I'm sorry I never meant to cause tears. Being so used to walls I guess I don't see them. I thank you for your kind words, and yes let's all remember to not put off till tomorrow......

Special comment, thank you.

Di
Mar 13 '03
12:23 pm PST

  (Reply to this comment)
by 4-1-1
hmmm... ...touching. Nicely done.
Mar 13 '03
11:07 am PST

Oh, Di! (Reply to this comment)
by lorace
To make me cry so early in the day.

Bless you, friend. I know the feeling well. Even in good relationships there are usually the, "Why didn't I's?"

But you wrote this so beautifully that I didn't need to go between the lines.

Thanks from those of us who need the reminder to make today count for the things we should do so we won't have sleepless nites.

You're something else!

Lorace
Mar 13 '03
10:41 am PST

Re: Oh Di.... (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Lisa, thank you if we all had sincere blessings such as yours we ALL would be a lot better for it. No wit is needed, thank you!

Di
Mar 13 '03
9:42 am PST

Re: @[xxxx]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::> (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
"But you still love each other deep inside, no matter what you say or don't say." Tis the key my friend tis the key. Thank you for your kind words and well wishes.

The hat is way to big!

Di
Mar 13 '03
9:39 am PST

Re: Oh gosh..make me cry (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
jo, I think you are right, and if I could I would give you that minute. Thank you for stopping by, others words remind me I'm not alone.

Di
Mar 13 '03
9:36 am PST

Oh Di.... (Reply to this comment)
by Lisa_J
I wish I could think of something witty to say, yet the tears are suppressing creativity. So I will put it simply, I am sorry for your loss, and for your pain. My sincere blessings to you as your persevere. Thank you for sharing this, it is touching.

Hugs~~~ Lisa
Mar 13 '03
8:45 am PST
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