Ironic Py-Writes From A Fool's Gold Mine --The Memory Lane W-O
Mar 25 '03 (Updated Apr 06 '03)
The Bottom Line Funny feedback good. Ever-extending, never-ending comment sections better....
SNORE-- ... Ehhhh, I MEAN FOREWORD:
PUNS. What's the point of them? Why do I incorporate them into my reviews?
Much as I'd like to tell you I'm attempting to demonstrate that there is always more than just one way of looking at a given item, or that I'm trying to make you think twice about some seemingly commonplace point I'm discussing, I think the most likely explanation is that I feel compelled to demonstrate there's absolutely no limit to how obnoxious I can be when I write a review. Though I like to write them, it's probably not very fair of me to subject you to them. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I sympathize with you. That said, the theme of this review's toilet-load of puns and double-entendres, is "gold." For me, the process of digging up old comments was a bit like digging for gold nuggets. Still, my selections weren't the ones I considered to have the most "redeeming literary merit." In keeping with my epinion's persona, I attempted to select the ones that contained a high content of "iron pyrite," a.k.a., "fool's gold."
Oh yeah-- Just one other point: Unlike the other w-o submissions, the comment selections I chose aren't single comments. Individual comments don't capture the spirit of what epinions comment sections have represented for me. The reason I submit reviews to epinions, is to interact with the members via comment-exchange. Single comments may effectively sum up the essence of a review, but they don't convey the camaraderie or spirit of a comment section. For this reason, most or all of my selections are comment sets. Please do not be alarmed by the conspicuous absence of my traditional double-dosage of consumerlicious info-SCADS. They have been deliberately omitted to prevent any errant helpfulocity from diluting the purity of the collected py-write samples.
AU NO! IT'S FAUX AU!
At fellau Au-pinionater Ginzo's metallurging, I hereby submit the following au-pinion as my submission to his much ballyhooed Memory Lane Write-Off. Happy 3rd Epi-Anniversary, Ginz'. To the best of my understanding, the W-O terms require me to plumb the dark recesses of epinions' abandoned archival mine shafts and stygian subterranean text-tunnels for comment-forum aurum; ore-atory deposits from epinions' "golden age." This sounds like a relatively "miner" prospect until one considers the fact that, instead of being SUPPLIED "picks" and "pans" to help us sift the stony sediment, we're forced to forage the "oratory ore-age" in SEARCH of these two items; certainly no miner ore-deal. Since I find foolish banter entertaining, the aurum of my forum is predominantly "ironic py-write." I'll try to keep the puns to a bare mineral, but as assaying goes: "Au that glitters isn't Au." Sometimes it's "faux Au."
Au-K, on to the selected "eu-reekas" ....
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DRUNKEN EPINIONS' COMMENTS (PART 1) [CON'TD]
In this excerpt from his "Drunken Epinions" comment section, Mark (Hard_To_Please) confronts an ornery detractor. Though Grandgram and Mark immediately set aside their differences; become friends and "mutual-trustees" shortly after writing this contumelious comment exchange, I liked to haze Mark with it, citing it as "written proof" that he was really a mean, ol' bastard hiding behind a "nice guy" facade. Then he'd proceed to "prove" my point for me by abusively refuting my groundless charge:
NO MORE WRITE OFF'S (Reply to this comment)
by grandgram
This is getting out of hand and boring. I have stopped rating any more write off's. I was giving them R's but no more.
You people need to get a life, if you can't think of something to write on your own, just forget it. These are a waste of time.
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Re: NO MORE WRITE OFF'S (Reply to this comment)
by Hard_To_Please
Gramma-
Thanks for your helpful comment telling me my review was a waste of time and that I was boring and need to get a life since I can't think of anything to write.
I thought I'd visit your page to see if I could learn how to write more exciting, entertaining reviews by following your example. Not quite sure I can compete with such fascinating review topics as yours, such as Iowa, Electric Smokers, and Blood Pressure Monitors but at least now I feel better about my life! ...Mark
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MATTJOE "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!! (DRUNKEN EPINONS. WRITE OFF)"
I've always considered Mattjoe a reliable source of irreverent amusement and a willing co-conspirator when spontaneous hazing opportunities present themselves, especially if he's been properly "wound up." In this set of comments, epins "tea-totaler," jannykp was the involuntary recipient of our juvenile mirth. What made this instance amusing for me, is that it took place before jan had reason to know of my aberrational tendency to initiate childish exchanges like these. :::sigh::: I guess you can only ruin your reputation once before it loses its scandalizing impact... Sad, isn't it?
Jul 23 '00
11:27 pm PST
my rating (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
Sorry, but I can't recommend an epinion written while drunk. It makes me very sad for you...:-(
Jan
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Jul 24 '00
8:37 am PST
My Rating (Delete your comment)
by 29th_Candidate
Congrats, I highly recommended your epinion written while drunk. It made me very jealous of you...:-(
Jim
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Jul 24 '00
8:41 am PST
Re: my rating (Delete your comment)
by 29th_Candidate
I resent jankp's stealing the idea for my comment's format before I had the chance to think of it...:-(
jim
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Jul 24 '00
2:51 pm PST
Re: my rating (Reply to this comment)
by mattjoe
Muchas Gracias! I highly recommended your running for congress while sober. It made me very jealous of you...:-(
And I too resent Jan's stealing our format before we even wrote our comments. The nerve of some people...:-(
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WHEN YOU CARE ENOUGH TO BARE THE WORLD YOUR BREAST
Comment sections are more than just frivolous amusement. I find that they're indispensable "lynch mob barometers." I can always tell by a glance at that first page of comments when I've established some depraved, new epinions review-writing low, or when I've pushed the proverbial envelope a few mailboxes too far, or when I've written something so frighteningly bizarre that people can't grasp the full measure of it in one reading. When one of these incidents (or more likely, all three) occurs, I'm likely to encounter:
--Chrisbickel giving his most raucous and enthusiastic approval:
Aug 16 '00
Double Plus Gah! (Reply to this comment)
by chrisbickel
You and your cronies have elevated the Epinions game to some sort of either idiot-savant or genius-retard style of performance art!
If you were Otto Muhl, my computer screen would be covered in piss and entrails.
Once again... I'm a bit befuddled, but certainly impressed.
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--Adam Woolcott gaping in stunned, yet titillated disbelief and making certain to verbally underscore said disbelief so that the horizon-exceeding stream of gawkers and rubberneckers waiting in line behind him for their gander at the spectacle ALSO appreciate the incomprehensible surreality of the horrifying new depths of self-alienation and social pariahism to which I've irreversibly written myself:
Aug 16 '00
8:25 am PST
what the? (Reply to this comment)
by awoolcott
Now Jim, this is the most f-cked up piece of writing I have ever seen in my life! Sheesh its more screwed up than HTP's drunk thing! You 29th_Goofball!
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--Mike (pantagrapher) availing himself of the involuntarily abandoned armload of distaffic double-entendres my precipitous plummet through the Tiresian-tale triggered trap-doors of demolished self-dignity and my sudden slide down the chute of sapphic-story shattered status scatters in my socially-stigmatized and shame-stricken wake (*Phewwww* ... I wrote that all on one breath:)
Aug 16 '00
10:42 am PST
i hate writing comment titles (Reply to this comment)
by pantagrapher
your writing has really blossomed. with such an imposing task, i'm surprised you were able to restrain yourself. you could have very well exposed your impressive endowments to everyone whithout so cleverly illustrating your perky wit. i hope this is just the tip of the iceberg.
feeling like your bosom brother,
mike
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--Adam Woolcott, yet again, attempting to assimilate the full measure of the resultant carnage:
12:01 pm PST Aug 16 '00
Re: I had a real hard time with this review. (Reply to this comment)
by awoolcott
:::modern masterpiece of literary confusion:::
your damn right this was confusion!
Adam
just making stupid comments just to be noticed.
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--drsteph waxing apocalyptic:
Aug 16 '00
8:14 pm PST
Terrifying! Simply Terrifying! (Reply to this comment)
by drsteph
Ahh.... e-writing has become performance art...
I see the end of our civilization in sight... perhaps its better that we all descend into an oblivion of virtual reality...
And all for a little chunk of Yttrium!
The proselytizers will become the pundits, and the weak shall inherit the wind. So, begins our error of Koranical proportions.
Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas any more!
You know, we call them Kikas down here...
-Dr of something
probably cheesy
not quite sleazy
certainly not easy
and anything but wheezy
Steph
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--And, on occasions where I've REALLY broken through to new subterranean depths of self-disgrace, I might even encounter ken, the sympathetically-sordid-1, feeling pity-compelled to soften my landing with some oratorical flourishes of emergency damage control a la Patrick Henry:
Aug 16 '00
6:16 pm PST
Thanks for the Mammaries (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
First off, to address the eager horde lined up around the block waiting their turn to lambast poor Rendy Winth: I am the Simon Legree of this scenario, I locked the shackles on myself... threw away the key... and watched him *squirm*. If you are searching for a true villain, please save some of your tomatoes and rotten eggs for me, Jim is somewhat of an innocent bystander.
Reading this review was somewhat of a surrealistic endeavor... I felt as if I were watching a car accident in progress occurring right in the midst of a circus parade, complete with juggling clowns and a bearded lady.
The interesting thing about reading the comment section in this instance is to see the befuddlement and exasperation of so many because they are expecting a certain "type" of review, yet receiving another. I fully believe that if this fell from the pen of a almost any other epinionist on this site, it very well may have been quite well-received.
I, for one, am glad to see a writer take a risk and try something a bit off-the-beaten-path & I found myself amused throughout the review, although I found myself cringing a few times as I thought to myself, "Oh man... you are flirtin' with disaster, ya handsome devil, you."
There are some who claim a review like this (heavy on humor and creativity, minimally acceptable in substance) has no place on Epinions and is diametrically opposed to the "spirit" and intent of the sight. I really don't agree. While I value epinions as a consumer resource, what keeps me coming back and reading and reading and reading is the creativity and literary highjinks of the talented crew that resides here. Writers such as that-guy, hard_to_please, BadBob, twelvemotion... they don't have a great deal to add in providing me the information I need to make an informed decision when picking out a toaster... but they keep my eyeballs glued to the screen and keep the return visits just a flowin'. Otherwise, I might only visit this site once every five years when my toaster broke.
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
1) Why this site as the oddest? I see nothing strange about breastfeeding (well... except when the kid is 14 years old... and named Oedipus).
2) I liked the limerick! I see everyone else took the coward's way out and wrote haikus, but you rose to the occasion!
3) Don't all the political asses bray HEE HAW HEE HAW? It sure seems like I've been seeing a few on coverage of the DNC this week. (I'm just setting myself up for a lambasting of my own, eh?)
4) C'mon, people. This is creative. Who else would have thought to give a demented twist on Dicken's A Christmas Carol when reviewing a breast-feeding resource guide? This is definitely not milquetoast.
5) This site may actually be of personal benefit. I will be welcoming wee-wah #2 to the world in LESS THAN FORTY-EIGHT HOURS!! My wife breastfeeds, but has never had the courage to do so out of the home. There may be something really useful in here...
6) Be honest with yourself... who doesn't like a good titpun? (Even if surrounded by 40 bad ones... ppppppphhhhhhhttt!!!!)
7) Jim, if you actually SENT that letter to Jane's website, I would be VERY interested in seeing what (if any) her response was!
Mr. Scileppi--- thank you very much for taking part in the writeoff and for this review. I enjoyed the sense of camraderie within the event and the zingin' banter throughout. And reading your review was fun (if not a bit painful!). You, sir, are one of my very favorite people on this site & I'm honored that ya took the time.
Hope there is no permanent scarring (physical or emotional!) from the stranglehold the WOs constraints had on ya.
Live long and prosper.
Despicable Sordid
Anyone got a shovel? I seem to be neck-deep in aa
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"FEELY BUGS", ECONOMIC COLLAPSE, AND NAKED BOOBS (CAR CRASHES OPTIONAL)"
The following Sordid-1 comment-section series, captures the essence of what I consider epinions at its amusing, comment-section best. In what would become a staple set-up formula for generating comment repartee inanity, Ken makes a deliberately antagonistic reference to me in his review; in this case, to "Scileppi's cats." I follow up by spinning it to the fullest extent of its foolishness in the comment section that follows. Here, I have no choice but to dime Sordy out to my cats. I simply wasn't willing to risk the mayhem that would ensue if they found out I clammed up, when word on the street got back to them about ken's fatally-foolhardy, cat-baiting comments. The frightful four took it upon themselves to respond to ken directly.
The initial comment in this set pretty much sets the atmosphere for the 80 or 90 comparably festive ones that follow it. They are all so funny, I actually debated just inserting the whole comment section here, but thought better of risking my hard-won reputation for review brevity. By way of highlights, note how naturally Mark (HTP) picks up the "improv" ball and runs with it. Damn, but that boy could be funny when he set fingers to keypad. Sordid is no slouch here either. Nor is Sloucho a sordid in this string. Ken's repetitious adaptation of the tedious "Farmer's daughter" joke provides a classic comment-section closer:
A Message From Scileppi's Not Very Amused Cats-- (Delete your comment)
by 29th_Candidate
(Translated by an unknown, 3rd party, who left any kitty-vulgarities in their native language... .)
Dear Cat-Baiting Mothuh-*MEOW*er
That's RE-E-E-AL funny, mothuh-*MEOW*er! So y'allz THINK you've encountered parasitic stalkers in y'allz' comment sections, eh? Well *MEOW*-face, you done gone an' *MEOW*ed-off the wrong quartet of killer-kitteez, now didn't y'allz!
We felines are BORN stalkers; not the menopausal midwife kind, neithuh. We don't just sit around leachin' offuh othuh peops' comment sections and reviews, and pretendin' lahks we knows things about them by makin' libelous comments about their 3 year old profile picture; clingin' to deh ayzholes and such. We'd be honored tuh personally show y'allz jez what we mean; yuh know, show yuh how big a bug we CAN eat, you *MEOW*ety *MEOW* *MEOW*....
So whats say you take that li'l razuh o' yours; yuh know, the one y'allz is gawna hack off alla our furz wit,' an' pick an alley of yo' lahkin.' We allz a gon' meet yuh there, an' see jez who've us done leaves with dey fuhrs intact, an' who leaves deyuh wit' tic-tac-toe bohdz a bleedin' from dey shiny-mothuh-*MEOW*in,' human chrome-dome... . Re-e-e-eal funny *MEOW*er, dis one. Yeah, we'll make a boob for yoh book-wrahtin' ayz alright.
Don't y'allz go tryin' tuh blab' yo humin ayz off to Scileppi bowdit none neithuh, cuz we straightened hiz ayz out a whilz 'go. Sahdz which he duh onliest peop we got keepin' uhz offen duh streetz at nahtz, if'n yuh catch ah feline drift... .
Yeah, We See Jez How Funny Y'allz Think This Iz When We'unz Iz Shootin' Marbles Wit Yo' Eyeballz,
"Bugz" Bengal
"Basher" Bitten
"44-Clawz" WhiteBear
"Got-No" Empathy
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Re: A Message From Scileppi's Not Very Amused Cats-- (Reply to this comment)
by Hard_To_Please
Jim-
I must admit that I was about to jump on the 'shave Jim's cats bandwagon', but thankfully read their post below before I joined in the fun. Those are some scary-@ss motha-MEOWers and the last thing I need right now is to have either one of my eyes shredded up in a feline marble game! ...Mark
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Re: Re: A Message From Scileppi's Not Very Amused Cats-- (Delete your comment)
by 29th_Candidate
Mark--
As much as I'd like to respond to your comment, the four cats have already demanded their dinner --twice now. Nobody has ever lasted till a third time. Nuff said. I gotta jet... while I still can... .
Jim
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Re: A Message From Scileppi's Not Very Amused Cats-- (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Dear Jim’s Cats,
I cannot take full credit for the mention of utilizing your collective fur in my “Feely Boobs” series of fine literature, as, in all honesty, it was wholly and totally Hard_to_Please’s idea. Actually, I was opposed to the idea, but he intimidated me into including it by his constant threats and “I HATE JIM SCILEPPI’S CATS AND COULD KICK THEIR ASSES ANY FREAKING DAY OF THE WEEK” attitude. You can see how I would be frightened into submitting to his wrong-minded whims, he is very large and has an oddly-shaped head.
Also, Jim himself made a suggestion which, frankly, abhorred me. It was something to the effect of including something in the “Dangly Beanbag” series of books entitled “CATSTRATION”. It was terrible. I cried myself to sleep that night. So, as you can see, my fine, fine (and much-esteemed) feline friends, everyone but me is the “bad guy” in this scenario. I suggest you redirect your fully understandable animosity towards the TRUE culprits.
Tender Vittle all around, bill it to Sordid-1,
Sordid-1, Friend to Cats
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Re: Re: Jumping on the Sordid Bandwagon (Reply to this comment)
by Hard_To_Please
Benedict Sordid Arnold-
Of course I do not have a problem baring my fat-@ss bug-like creature with the additional knowledge of the target audience. What I do have a problem with is the fact that you ratted me out to the Scilleppi clan! You may recall from my cat review last fall, that I've already suffered the painful experience of a squirming kitty dangling from my dangly beanbag.
If you think I'm now going to risk having four furious felines hanging from my tender vittles by exposing myself for 75% of nothing, you are sadly mistaken. (I will, however, reconsider for 90% of nothing!)...Mark
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Re: No longer baffled. (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
S-L-Y,
Hey, I’m just pleased as could be to be spreading that special tidbit of Onanistic self-trusting, WOT-manipulatin’ wisdom.
And I agree, my comments sections are happenin’ places, all the far out and groovy cats bop in here and let it rip. It does pale, however, in comparison to those of 29th_Candidate and Hard_to_Please, the unchallenged kings of comment verbosity.
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Sordid-
Re: Re: Re: Jumping on the Sordid Bandwagon (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Mark,
I’m sorry, man, I was under a lot of pressure. What could I do? I really regret not ratting out someone closer to Jim, Donlee Brussel or something, because now *I* will be partially responsible for the consequences of the trail of mayhem Jim’s rebellious bug-eaters will spread from the West Coast to the Heartland on their quest for vengeance.
I am truly repentant though, Mark. As a show of good intentions, I agree to your offer of taking 90% of nothing for all proceeds that your dangly beanbag brings in.
Hey, that reminds me of a joke (your dangly beanbag, not your keen bartering skills)!
There was the beautiful farm girl who was in the habit of going out every morning and milking the cats naked. She was out one fine morning milking those cats (in all her nude splendor) when she noticed Hard_to_Please jogging by on a nearby country road...
Just kidding, old buddy!
Sordid-1
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[Here's the rest of the "farmer's daughter" joke, which ken had just told in the prior comment:
"Re: Hmmmmm..... (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Andrea,
You have a keen business mind.
That reminds me of a joke (your comment, not your mind).
There was the beautiful farm girl who was in the habit of going out every morning and milking the cows naked. She was out one fine morning milking those cows (in all her nude splendor) when she noticed Sloucho jogging by on a nearby country road.
She went running back towards the house, yelling, “Mama, mama… Sloucho is jogging by, what should I do?”
So her mom told her, “Well, you know that Sloucho, you’d better put some clothes on!” So she did.
The next morning, it was the same thing. She was out there, naked, milking the cows, when suddenly she noticed BigJack jogging by. So she sprints back towards the house, screaming, “Mama, mama… BigJack is jogging by, what should I do?”
And, again, her mom tells her, “Well, you know that BigJack, you’d better put some clothes on!”
The next morning, sure enough, she’s out there milking the cows naked, when she sees that Hard_to_Please is out jogging and getting very near. She races back towards the house and calls out, “Mama, mama… Hard_to_Please is jogging by, what should I do?”
Her mom got a very alarmed look on her face and answers her, “Well, you know that Hard_to_Please. Better lock up the cows!”
Ba-da-boom ! "]
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DRUNKEN EPINIONS' COMMENTS (PART 1)
I include the following, not only to showcase tipu's flashing coruscations of wit, but because Mark (Hard_To_Please) confided that its content made him feel genuinely uncomfortable, and that amused me. Though Mark genuinely was not homophobic, his conservative, midwestern upbringing caused him to feel very awkward about tipu's sexually suggestive (if genuinely innocuous) ambiguity as set forth in the following comment:
So am I a slut if I... & have you checked for VD? (Reply to this comment)
by tipu
On the first question - so, if reading epinions is like sex,
man, I wish there was some way to trade my real life for
my epinions life!
But seriously, what do we call it if someone leaves without
rating? Is that a fly-by-nighter? What about those anonymous HRs?
Were they just too coy to let you know how goooood you were? And
those anonymous NRs that you see scattered around all over the
place like someone lost control of their, uh, equipment on the
down - I mean - mousestroke, and definitely didn't have a good
time but didn't want to offend their partners by saying so?
And if reading epinions is sex, then epinions should be the haven
for all alternative lifestyle couples...
Do you ever read your own work? I guess I’ve played with myself
more often than I realized… Do we want to go further with this
one?...
What about the visible SRs? I've left quite a few of those... why
is it that I seem to find partners who I leave with Slam! Bam!
You sucked, ma'am! Or the, once again visible, NRs I've left
here and there - Slam! Bam! You blew, ma'am! What is wrong
with me? Do I need a psychiatrist? Or two?
On the second question, egads man! 300 epinions??? Talk about
promiscuity! Please tell me you wore rubber gloves at least!
And replaced them frequently, at least every fifth partner
or so!
When was the last time you had yourself checked for STDs? I
suppose we must await the next few reviews to see if any untoward
spots appear on your equip- ummm... epinions.
Questions over.
Ratings... have always believed in calling it like I see it, the
filter madness didn't change my rating patterns. It was indeed
interesting to see the reaction of what you've called sheep and
lemmings, though.
Yunno... you did finally give me some info I wasn't aware of... I
seems that EP has come to their senses finally and either
increased the trust # before you become invisible or done away
with it entirely...
On Clubs/Boards... rather than spreading my syllojisms all over
the sacred boards, I prefer to let them germinate in the generous
goodwill of some of the boards I've found to date...
Gee, it looks like you've made one of those comments you wish you
could take back right here in this comment section, or was that
just for purposes of illustration? Hmmm... I guess questions
weren't over yet, sorry!
As another commenter mentioned, your, um, point, was, urm, dulled
by the method of presentation somewhat, but I felt that you've
pitched this well to the LCD.
Ah, Mark, would you mind rolling over so I can disengage? Thanks
hon! ...t-žoo
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Mission: Implausible (Or, Sorry Tom, We Already Have A 007)
The following section (aside from the selection immediately below,) derives from a movie review I wrote entitled, Mission: Implausible (Or, Sorry Tom, We Already Have A 007)." I'm told it holds the site record most review comments. Why this might be so, is anybody's guess. It currently shows 1,092 comments, but at one time I recall it having several hundred more comments than it currently shows. As near as I can figure it, these were lost during the first system changeover. At some point between1800 and 1900 comments, the inordinate amount of bandwidth consumed by all the comment sction made it virtually impossible to load or add additional posts. Even with about 40% of its comments lopped off, epin's current system refuses to tally any comment numbers beyond "#1092," though it still allows commentators to leave posts.
Scattered throughout its 37 pages is an odd mix of assorted posts submitted by an equally odd assortment of members. There are several "Hard_To_Please" gems, 3 or 4 spontaneously-written mini-autobiographies provided by once-prominent members who no longer write at epinions, hundreds of poems, the formation of a group called "the Royal Writes of The Round Table," a scattering of intermittent flames, occasional stalkings and a whole bunch of garbage as well.
Of all the talented, and in some cases, genuinely gifted commentators who have shaped this comment section with their entertaining thoughts, off-the-cuff observations and provocative comments, one writer's consistently witty and amusingly profound input throughout it, have made it an archival gold mine of the "Au" variety; Brian Allgood. Brian was known to people at ep as "nealgoodall." Analogically-speaking, Brian's input rated pure "Au," both on the "elemental table" and on the "Round Table of Royal Writes;" a tongue-in-cheek nickname I gave the comment section's group of regular contributors. The unusual glow cast by the fulgent gilding of his comments often made them glitter like "iron py-write," but if you examined them with an open mine; assayed them at a deeper, subsurface level, your analysis would invariably reveal genuine Au. Brian's abstruse brand of intellect and his unusual capacity to mold abstract thought into 24 karat nuggets of wit, pearls of self-deprecating insight and time outlasting humorous gems, have given this comment section a humor value I savor the way a pirate savors buried treasure, particularly since its location will likely prevent its ever seeing the daylight of conscious appreciation again. The following comments represent a few of the gold nuggets left behind from the intellectual lost city of Byzantium that Brian's regrettable decision to refrain from further contributing to epinions (aside from occasional comments on my reviews) has since sealed off from public view:
Mission: Implausible (Or, Sorry Tom, We Already Have A 007) Page 23/37
Revelation (Reply to this comment)
by NealGoodall
I feel renewed. The Roundtable has helped me become so articulate that I no longer understand myself. For those who want to tweet, yoo-hoo on my yahoo.
Farewell,
Lurking in the Future
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Mission: Implausible (Or, Sorry Tom, We Already Have A 007) Page 24/37
Hi (Reply to this comment)
by NealGoodall
Hi, I'm new here.
Honey, will you go to the movies with me? I like to hold hands at the movies. I'll wear a glove.
Sincerely,
Whoever, I AM
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Mission: Implausible (Or, Sorry Tom, We Already Have A 007) Page 25/37
Hi (Reply to this comment)
by NealGoodall
Hi, everybody. I'm new here.
In view of the fact that the material contained in these comments may be considered to be of a controversial nature, I submitted the body of work to a cross-section of theologians for approval and exegesis. Their responses ranged from enthusiastic to downright ecumenical:
...Moving...should bring the "now" generation closer to Jesus...Four and a half superstars...
---The Reverend Billy Graham
Extraorthodox...neognostic...utterly transubstantiating...Imprimatur!
---F. X. (Cardinal) Flotsky
The wounded rock weeps. Wouldn't you?
---Daniel Berrigan, sj
One must distinguish between Kierkegaardian irony and existential grossness...nevertheless, an affirmative gesture...what the hell...
---R. Neibhur
Reform Liberal Judaism has always rejected the very notion of censorship...Anyway, he's not my God...
---Rabbi I. Stein
Unum de rerum repulsivissimis...disgustibus non est disputandum...vomitandisque...facile est destructare sed difficile constructare est.
---Jean, Cardinal Tisserant (mort.)
Overall, I take these remarks as ringing endorsements and reassurance that what goes on at "The Roundtable" to be of genuine Redeeming Social Importance.
Not bad.
Brian
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Mission: Implausible (Or, Sorry Tom, We Already Have A 007) Page 26/37
Re: utter clamps (Reply to this comment)
by NealGoodall
Gee whiz, Honey, I told you time & time again I'd gladly sell, er dump my mail-order bedwarmin' maid if you would just give it up to the ol' Nealster here. I'm remarkably easy.
Just like real life, you now wanna go out with the "rude guy"...helping ensure that our future gene pool will be filled with yet more rude guys and beautiful girls, with super-duper-nice-guys like me resorting to the Asian Slave Trade. Oh well. Konichiwa, Atsuko!
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Re: utter clamps (Reply to this comment)
by NealGoodall
worldnick, while your comment is astute and I'm properly insulted, you apparently fail to understand that the thread IS the message.
I figure that if we can go really, really far out, say to 20,000 leagues or so, we'll eventually break through the Barrier. Beyond the barrier, the only thing that'll be visible on Epinions will be The Roundtable. All ! unredeemed eroyalties will then be automatically deposited into Jim's campaign fund.
Once you hit 1600 PA Ave, Jim, I want to be appointed Secretary of Gettin' It On.
Brian
"Brian"
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Mission: Implausible (Or, Sorry Tom, We Already Have A 007) Page 27/37
Nile List (Reply to this comment)
by NealGoodall
I lurk on the skylight, for pray, I must be brief, though no tort or pantaloons will do, be they e'er so profitable or comfortable; lest I bring down the whole house, or at the very least make its inhabitants pregnant with pausing. So I spare you the curse of my frequent dark blather and watch the passing of more cheerful nobility whilst cavorting with jesters and tormenting unseen spirits who may dare to interrupt this hearty regalia. But I do vow my undying and steadfast allegiance--especially to the damsels and their luscious handmaidens.
Alas...what once was chivalry is now regarded perversion. (That's why I'm waitin' outside. Over there, by the drawbridge.)
Tally, Ho!
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Mission: Implausible (Or, Sorry Tom, We Already Have A 007) Page 29/37
The following line by tipu amusingly sums up the the spirit of the comments; in this comment section specifically, but perhaps most ep comment sections generally as well. It's certainly not an indictment of them, though some epinioners might read it as such. I believe it is the inevitable departure from strict, ep-suggested protocol this statement represents that gave rise to what we now perceive as "the epinions community." Epinions ongoing success would never have been possible without it. Of that much I feel certain. Long live longwinded and lively comment sections:
Seems like... (Reply to this comment)
by tipu
". . .Ah well, carry on, genteel gentlepeople, may your comments never veer onto a germane point. . . ."
...t-žoo
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This is, hands down, my single, favorite comment. Since its author (nealgoodall) first posted it two years ago, I've revisited it many times for a guaranteed laughter fix. Its childish irreverence and bizarre, pot-head, "imagine if" brand of "juvenility" get me roaring every time I re-read it:
I WOULDN'T LIKE THIS VERY MUCH
by nealgoodall, 3rd February 2001
Unpleasant fantasies from Reptile Gel. Use or sell yours today!
It dawned on me that a particularly unpleasant experience would be one fitting the following description:
You're locked in a black compact car with its windows stuck in the "up"
position. There's a large 15-year-old black dog with rabies in the car who
suffers from diarrhea, ringworms, is infested with fleas, and has never bathed.
He has the gift of gab, too, and he complains about his condition. The sun
shines down at a temperate 105 F in the shade. The dog has no control of his
bowels, and he barks, coughs, howls, and pukes incessantly. The car's horn
honks continuously. Oh yeah, fountains of blood shoot from each of the dog's
orifices.
Another regrettable happenstance would be a matter of walking on a train track,
getting an ankle caught on a tie, and enduring the crushing weight of a freight
train as it slowly comes to a halt after applying its brakes to avoid hitting
you.
(These "fantasies" are the results of in-jokes which carried themselves away.
Your mileage may vary.)
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Thanks for re-reading,
The 29th_Candidate
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Happy "3rd," Ginzo--
Check out these other fine writers and their contribution to Ginzo’s W/O.
MISC_EL (toe)
29th_Candidate (standing under the "misc_el toe")
amysmom
artbyjude
beckytcy
DavidMac
donnie013
drdevience
e_commentor
_haggis_
jankp
jilpie
KcFoxy
kristinafh
lemon_lime
liquored
Lisa_J
lorace
poprocks
RedDiva
sleeper54
small_batch
Susie_34668
shoplmart
thorbjore
trust12345
patiche
and of course, host GINZO .
Sorry If I missed anyone. For current list of attendees Go to:
http://www.angelfire.com/jazz/sleeper54/ginzowriteoff/writers.html
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Epinions.com ID:
29th_Candidate
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 - Top 1000 |
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Member: Jim Scileppi
Location: The 29th Congressional District, CA
Reviews written: 67
Trusted by: 515 members
About Me:
Consume THIS...
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