IT'S THE TABLE!!!!! Mar 16 '03    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Furniture Briony Upright Jewelry Box in Antique Walnut From $80 Techcraft PAL62 62-Inch Wide Credenza (Walnut) From $325 The Bottom Line I do not recommend House & Home non-fiction. All homes should be fictional. This is the table. It is flat, and it is made of wood. It's not made of anything fancy like ivory, it is just a common type of wood that I have never taken the time to learn the name of. I call it: "the wood". The table is also very flat. As for colour, the table has a wooden colour. Some, I guess, would call this table "brown", but I think that it is far too light to be categorised as having that colour. I would very instinctively call this table "beige", but that is not true, either; I have a tendency to think that all things pleasant to me are beige, but alas, this is not the case here. I suppose that the best way to define this table would be calling it "yellow", or maybe "yellow-brownish". Yes. It is a yellow-brownish table. The table has a very pretty colour. The table has four legs: legs one, two, three and four. Maybe I should make you a drawing in order to avoid confusion, but I do not have a pen or paper. Maybe you could give them to me? Or do you not have these things, either? Ah, it's a cruel world! The table is very nice. It will look very fetching in your kitchen, your living room or maybe at your grandparent's house. I am sure your grandfather would love the table, but I am not too sure about your grandmother. The table is flat, yellow-brownish and made of wood. Hooray for the table!! Enjoy the table. It is a simple pleasure. Things you can do with the table: -Write on it -Put a plate with food on it and have dinner. -Get all your friends together and play Pictionary -Get all your friends together, give them party hats, put a cake on the table and have a party. -Bang on it and shout "I want my life back, you b astards!" -Put a kitten on it and pet it. -Talk to it (it might not answer) -Take off all your clothes, lie on it and cover yourself in ketchup. Last night Sir John Pendergrass paid me a visit. He said: "Dear Boy, this life has made a loser out of me". Snoop Dogg came too. He said: "Yo." (Daniel Sylvester Reifferscheid is a music writer. You can check out his reviews at: www.culturedose.com His motto is: "I listen to the bad records and then make you listen to them too because you are my b itch". Daniel is dead sexy and owns a hippo.) (There are three rabbits hidden in this text! Try to find them!)

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