Romance Online: Does It Really Work?
Written: Feb 08 '07 (Updated Feb 11 '07)
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Intro
These days, you can find almost anything online, tangible and intangible, including love and romance. Dating sites decorated with hearts and flowers have popped up all over the Web, offering a gamut of choices from lifetime partner to a one-off hot date.
Australia’s best-known and most patronised website is probably RSVP (www.rsvp.com.au), which caters for people of all ages (18-100). Many singles have tried it and now that I too fit into the “Single, Separated, Divorced, Widowed” category, it makes sense for me to be on there as well. The following evaluation of the site might help readers wanting to register for online dating.
Overview
Perhaps RSVP’s principal drawcard is the fact that you can register for free, unlike other sites where you must pay to post your profile, and are obliged to renew on a monthly, three- or six-monthly basis.
Profile
The profile page supplies tick boxes for info on age, nationality, physical appearance, interests, education, etc. and you may attach a photo if you wish. Some members prefer to password protect these (either they’re so good-looking that they don’t want to be inundated with offers (!), are already attached and don’t want spouse/partner finding out, or are simply private by nature), while others post one or more. The site makes a point of reminding members that they’ll receive more hits with a pic than without.
You can write a self-description outlining your qualities, characteristics, hobbies, values, etc. as well as a brief comment on your ‘ideal partner’. At no point can you supply contact details (although some members get around it by inserting phone numbers in a word sequence, or use codes for others to decipher). Of course if the site managers get wind of this, they won’t post your profile.
Matching Up
The site automatically displays local profiles which match your age group. If you want to fine-tune this to include certain features only (educational level, whether they smoke, their profession, whether they have kids, etc.) you can initiate a specific search.
Members contact each other through one of two ways:
(1) The “Kiss” - A pre-programmed message: “seen your profile, love your smile”, “would like to get to know you”, “thinks you have a lot in common”, and so on.
Standard (free) replies are provided: “interested, would like to know more”, “interested, can you please send an email”, “sorry you don’t match my ideal partner profile”, etc.
While the first option has the advantage of being free, you can’t really make contact without using the second:
(2) Stamps – One stamp allows 30 days of unlimited contact with one member. Prices (A$) are as follows: 24 stamps - $95 (USD 74), 12 stamps - $75 (USD 59), 6 stamps - $55 (USD 43)
In my case, because I’m too mean to buy stamps (!) I wait until an ‘admirer’ sends me an email. I can also respond by email since the sender has effectively paid for my reply. In the event that I’m not interested, the other person has unfortunately wasted his money – but that’s the name of the game.
My Observations
Being extremely hard to please, I didn’t think it would be easy to find friends on this site, let alone romance. Since I first registered, I’ve received a modest 140 emails/kisses. Out of those, I have met eight members, four of whom weren’t interested in me. Three of the remaining four made it out of the starting blocks but didn't get far: one is a Casanova intent on "collecting" as many women as he can, while the second is so focussed on funding his retirement that he has precious little time for socialising. The third has become a friend and we go out from time to time.
And what about the other 98%? Well, many of them are “chancers” who click on a profile they like and send a “kiss” (what the hell, it doesn’t cost them anything and they might get lucky); others don’t read my ‘ideal partner’ specifications (e.g., education, culture), and some believe we have lots in common when none of our interests coincide.
Clichés abound. How many profiles read the same way! “Looking for a lovely lady to share a warm and loving relationship.” “Cosy nights by the fire with a lovely lady and a glass of wine.” (Why one?!) “Fine dining (or in some cases dinning) or quiet intimate dinners at home.” “Walks along the beach at sunset with (the mandatory) lovely lady.” Most of them “enjoy life to the full(est)”, “enjoy the finer things in life”, some are seeking a “soul mate” and many describe themselves as “tactile”.
You can tell a lot about people not only from what they say and how they say it, but also from what they leave out. For example under “Music, Sports, Movies, Reading, Other Interests” people have the opportunity to write about what they enjoy, yet some put nothing at all. If you were to meet, what on earth would you talk about? Some put comments like: “Yes I can read” or “I enjoy the movies” without specifying a genre or author. Under “Sports” (which presumably suggests physical activity) members often list spectator sports, thereby sending the message that they are likely to be couch potatoes. If you are physically active and want to share some of your outdoor pastimes, these members are unlikely to suit.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that the majority of members seem to be semi-literate; spelling is appalling, despite spell-check (you can write your review in Word and then screen it before posting): “I love dancing, all kinds and tanog”, “I’m tried of datting”, “Definately a good catch. …. I'm spirit filled, relaxed, trustworthy…”, “you will find me easy to pleas i lice most cooking”. Now, having said this, the joke is on me because when I first posted my profile I wrote that I liked meeting “articulated people” (until another member pointed out my error - to this day I still blush at the memory!)
Those who pique my curiosity invariably have unusual profiles. Soul-mates, cuddles, red wine by the fire and sunsets on the beach don’t rate a mention, and if they’re ‘tactile’ you’ll find out in the fullness of time. In short, they are intelligent and educated, think outside the square, have a good sense of humour and are interested in the world around them.
From the male perspective, it seems that guys do quite well, since those I met in person had formed relationships with RSVP women, and even when a relationship folded they still remained friends. However their chief peeve seemed to be that women often didn’t resemble their photo; one member commented that some ladies expected the man to pick up the tab as a matter of course, while another told me he found it difficult to have conversations about politics or world affairs because the average woman just wasn’t interested.
Other Features
The RSVP site offers outings for members (balls, movies, game evenings), tips on dating dos and don’ts, advice on how to post a profile etc. and there’s also an e-magazine.
Conclusion
While online dating might seem calculated and less spontaneous than a chance meeting in real life, for singles in their forties, fifties and above, it is one way of interacting with others in a non-threatening environment. Granted, it doesn’t replace joining a group or a club, but like it or not it’s definitely a part of today’s lifestyle.
Can one find love online? Plenty of couples have, so obviously the system works.
And me? Still waiting…….
Recommended:
Yes
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About the Author
Location: Perth, The Wildflower State, Land of Oz
Reviews written: 213
Trusted by: 49 members
About Me: If Time is Woman’s greatest enemy, a plastic surgeon has gotta be her best mate!
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