Corpgent's 20 Facts About Me W/O: Cheaper Than TherapyApr 06 '03 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line You think you know... but you have no idea (okay, maybe you have a bit of an idea). I only just met Corpgent, but I have already decided that he is both a corpgentleman and a corpscholar. So how could I turn down his invitation to participate in this massive and impromptu write-off (the details of which can be found in his 20 Or So Facts About Me article)? 1. Most of what follows is true. 2. I was born in Toronto, Ontario, Canada on January the 27th, 1975, at 9:31pm. Mark this date on your calendars, because I will be expecting gifts from all of y'all next year. I am a third generation Canadian; all my grandparents were born in Toronto, too, after their parents came over from either Poland or Russia. 3. I was Bar Mitzvahed on January 9th, 1988. After months of preparation and practice, a morning that had all my relatives beaming with pride as I sung from the Torah, and an evening spent collecting envelopes filled with generous cheques from people I'd never met before, I immediately renounced Judaism and proclaimed myself an agnostic. I felt like such a mercenary. 4. Between the ages of 12 and 17, you could not stump me with a question about baseball trivia. I was the man, the mack-daddy, and the daddy-mack of useless baseball knowledge. I had the whole history of the game memorized, with a special emphasis on statistics and records. My interest in baseball began to wane just as the Blue Jays were gearing up to win back-to-back World Series. Timing is, of course, everything. 5. I own a nylon string classical guitar. I've had it for about ten years. Despite having a bit of a tin ear, it, more than any other material possession, relaxes me the most. 6. All the cool kids had rock 'n roll bands in high school. So my friends, ever eager to jump on to bandwagons and harbouring ludicrous dreams of becoming Rawk Stahrz, formed one too. I played the bass. After an afternoon of brainstorming, we decided to name ourselves "Proving Darwin" (I say we, but I was vehemently opposed to that name; my suggestion was "Erotic Jesus", which suggests that I took Jane's Addiction too seriously at the time, spending too much time listening to their song 'Three Days'). The name "Proving Darwin" implied, or so I was told, that though we weren't the best band of musicians right now, we were sure to get better, to evolve, if you will. In the process, proving Darwin correct. That was the plan, anyway. In the end we did prove Darwin. He claimed that, "only the strong survive." We didn't. 7. My favourite authors are: Douglas Adams, Martin Amis, Paul Auster, Don DeLillo, Umberto Eco, Haruki Murakami, Terry Pratchett, Paul Quarrington, Tom Robbins, Richard Russo, and Kurt Vonnegut. I am currently reading "White Teeth" by Zadie Smith, which about a dozen people have recommended to me in the last three years. I don't know why it has taken me this long to crack its spine. 8. Eight, eight, I forget what eight was for. 9. There are currently five discs in my CD changer. They are: Elvis Costello's "My Aim Is True", Chili Pepper John Frusciante's solo album "Niandra Lades and Usually Just a T-Shirt", Disc One from "Fossil Fuel: The XTC Singles 1977-92", a burnt copy of Elliott Smith's first album that my friend made for me (it includes covers of Lennon's 'Jealous Guy' and Neil Young's 'Harvest Moon'), and The Pixies' "Doolittle". The song playing right now is Smith's 'Some Song' ("Help me kill my time / Cause I'll never be fine"). 10. When I was nine years old, my dad took me to see "Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom". I got through the first act okay, but then when that guy got his still-beating heart ripped from his chest, I started to panic. And then when Indy, a couple of scenes later, is given a potion that will cause him to sleep forever while having nightmares all the while, I tapped dad on the shoulder and begged him to leave. He understood, because he had taken me to see "Poltergeist" a couple of summers before, and I was still getting over that one. These are my earliest and most influential movie-going memories. 11. I go to the YMCA gym three times a week. The combination platter of narcissism and masochism it offers I find really appealing. 12. I've been in love with the same girl for the past dozen years, and fear that she will never love me back. She might read this, which would be fine. Because she already knows. 13. The three people, living or dead, I'd most like the have dinner with are Orson Welles, Kurt Cobain, and my grandfather, who died when I was 3 years old. 14. People who've just met me often wonder at the Zen-like calmness I exude. Little do they know that on the inside my vital organs are in constant anxious battle with each other to see who gets to vacate the premises first. This all makes me think I should become an actor. 15. I like people but I hate crowds. 16. I was once at a party, sitting on the outdoor patio of a bar with a table full of girls. One of the girls, who didn't know me too well at the time but does now, leaned over and asked if I'd be more comfortable sitting with the guys at the next table, talking sports. I said to her, "Sports is something guys should only talk about until the girls arrive." I think I won her over with this comment. Thankfully, it's also true. 17. In December, I applied to a whole whackload of Teacher's Colleges in Ontario. This past week I found out I got into my top choice (among others). So in September, I will be attending the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education (OISE) on the University of Toronto campus. This may or may not cut into the time I have set aside for Epinions. If it does, please don't miss me too much when I'm gone. 18. The song playing right now is The Pixies 'Wave of Mutilation' ("I've kissed mermaids, rode the El Nino / Walked the sand with the crustaceans / Could find my way to Mariana / On a wave of mutilation"). 19. Every time I write a review, I wonder if it is too long, too full of useless arcane knowledge, too goddamn boring. 20. Even after that trip down admission lane, there's still a whole iceberg's worth of things you don't know about me. And I'd like to keep it that way. Ta… -mike  |
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