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“The Epinions Film Dictionary W/O”: This Editorial Is Brought To You By The Letter 'N'Apr 07 '03 (Updated Apr 27 '03) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line The letter 'n' is an important part of the alphabet.
Jump back to M Here it is then, my own contribution to my second ever write/off, “The Epinions Film Dictionary W/O”. The rules are simple: I asked members of the Epinions community to come up with a reference guide to anything relating to films, be it films, actors, directors, lines of dialogue, names of critics… generally anything ever that could be associated with films. Each writer was randomly given their own individual letter to come up with as many listings as possible, with the option of either playing it straight or playing for laughs (I’ve done a lot of the latter). A list of rules were also handed out that I then begged were duly broken in the name of fun, so you’re more than likely find a lot of entries under a letter that are tenuous to say the least. Layout requests were not issued to the participants, so chances are that each writer has structured their entry in various different ways, but the actual design of the postings are not really of concern to me. I’d also like to point out that this isn’t a comprehensive guide. We aren’t trying to rival imdb.com here in terms of information, merely come up with as many references as we can think of and play with it. So if you notice that we’ve missed something out, then try not to get flustered. Remember, we are but one person and can’t be expected to remember every single thing in cinema. Basically, if I can’t think of anything interesting or funny to say about a film, actor, director or whatever, I haven’t referenced them. As soon as all the entries have been posted all entries will feature links to take you to posting which contain the letters immediately before and after the one being read. This may take a short while, so for the time being you’ll have to negotiate your way through each individual letter via my profile page. Anyway, it’s easy enough to understand; so on we go, with the letter 'N': N; sole letter missing from the surname of Kutcher, Ashton that, if strategically placed, will spell out a rather amusing first syllable. Known to be the sole interesting, and amusing, thing one can relate with this actor, who’s only noticeable film role is from Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), a film that more than likely prompted him to ask his agent “Dude, where’s my career?” Nadir; the lowest possible point experienced in any given situation e.g. being an actor and having to work with director Anderson, Paul WS. Nakatomi Plaza; office building featured in Die Hard (1988) in which the wildest of Christmas parties are thrown Naked Gun, The (1988); superlative police drama spoof starring Neilsen, Leslie and an eerily funny Simpson, OJ. Nakedness; something we love to be included in a film, no matter how many times we tut-tut about it. Believed to be the only reason why actresses like Elizabeth, Shannon are ever allowed in front of a camera. ‘Nam; a war which took place between 1961 – 1970 that the Americans lost, but still devote a countless number of films to. Good thing that the vast majority of them are so good (see: Deer Hunter, The - 1978; Full Metal Jacket - 1987 and Tigerland - 2000). Also believed to be the metaphorical inspiration behind the Boyle, Danny film Beach, The (2000) Napier, Jack; meanest, and still most memorable, bad guy from the resurrected Batman (1989) franchise, played by actor Nicholson, Jack. Noticeable for bearing a remarkable resemblance to British PM Blair, Tony Narration; technique used by scriptwriters in order to explain the thoughts of a character, sometimes because it builds plot development and allows key issues to be explored (see: Fight Club - 1999) but mainly used as a flaccid and somewhat sloppy way of expressing emotion that neither the director nor writer are talented enough to convey without having to literally spell it out for the audience. Nationalism; something that dominates mainstream Hollywood blockbusters more than crappy CGI effects, wafer-thin scripts, and B-grade actors. See: “Nobody does this to the United States” NBK; the initials of two very different films, one being a teen rom-com starring Barrymore, Drew, the other a hard-hitting satire in which a murderous couple, Harrelson, Woody and Lewis, Juliette are turned into heroes by the American media that was banned for fecking years. Best not to get the two mixed up. Near Dark (1987); amazingly tongue-in-cheek (or is that ‘fang-in-neck’?) take on the vampire genre, starring Paxton, Bill as the coolest blood-drainer of all time who loves to start fights with bars full of hicks. Pretty much like the rest of us then. Necronomicon; the illustrious Book Of The Dead, believed to be written in human blood and bound in flesh, that contains spells capable of unleashing all kinds of evil on the planet. Not unlike the Harry Potter novels then. Necrophilia; we've had teenagers having sex with pastry (American Pie - 1999), their supposed sisters (Say It Isn't So - 2001), and people eating eclairs filled with dog spunk (Van Wilder: Party Liason - 2002), so surely it's a matter of time before a film exec comes up with the idea of someone humping a corpse as the central gag for a film. Any takers? Neeson, Liam; respected Irish actor with the ultimate roller coaster career, having started with early roles in the laughably poor likes of Krull (1983), camp schlock such as Darkman (1990), through to established classics such as Schindler’s List (1993), then back to the camper than Christmas Rob Roy (1995), and finally reaching his nadir with the worse-than-laughably-poor Phantom Menace, The (1999). Is also allegedly a member of the 12 inch club.” You work it out. Neighbor; How American’s spell the word ‘neighbour’, puzzlingly dropping the ‘u’. See also ‘harbor’, ‘favor’ and ‘honor’. So now you know. Neilsen, Leslie; formerly a serious stage actor whose earlier career roles include a straight-faced turn in Poseidon Adventure, The (1972). Soon realised that his hammy performances were better suited to comedy, met Abrahams, Jim, and the Zucker brothersDavid and Jerry and the rest is history. Mind you, after appearing in crud like Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995) and 2001: A Space Travesty (2000) so too is the guys career Nell (1994); highly enjoyable film to watch while under the heavy influence of alcohol, in which Foster, Jodie spends the whole film speaking with a mouth full of gob-stoppers. Neo; 1) Something that is new and different 2) Christian name given to Reeves, Keanu’s character in Matrix, The (1999) which for some reason prompted smug gits everywhere the chance to point out the bleedin’ obvious by mentioning that it is an anagram of the word ‘one’. Nerds; definitive term for people who get excited over sci-fi films such as Star Wars, Star Trek, and suchlike. Reported to be found repulsive by women, which may or may not be due to the fact that some of their members have been known to start queueing for a film a good six months prior to its release. Nevada; American State that, if used in a film, is done so purely so that someone at some point can a) be buried in its vast desert (see: Casino (1995), Very Bad Things (1998) and a trillion others) or b) attempt an elaborate vault heist (see: Ocean’s Eleven - 1960 & 2001) New Line; film production company whose execs are probably smoking $100 bills as we speak after picking up the tab for the Lord Of The Rings trilogy (2001 – 2003). Nothing to do with their vast profits you understand, more to do with the fact that they also take to commissioning crap like Lost In Space (1998), proving they’re hardly the shrewdest (or most intelligent) of people when it comes to finances. New York; American City in which every single frickin’ action movie seems to take place. ’Next Big Thing’; phrase spouted by critics approximately one hundred billions time a year, each, when describing a young actor who is reasonably good in their first noticeable film role. Usually results in said actor either turning out to not be all that in the first place and chastised by the very people who built him up (see: Caruso, David); or an instant rise to stardom, fame and fortune, who is then scrutinised, criticised and ultimately made into a hate figure by the press for having the sheer audacity to be successful (see: Affleck, Ben). Noon; The time when cowboys get ‘high’. Or maybe I’ve misunderstood this one Nicholson, Jack; fantastically eye browed actor, who has been nominated for an Oscar on 12 separate occasions, plays misanthropic outcasts like nobodies business (see: As Good As It Gets - 1997), and has spawned his own impersonator in the form of Slater, Christian. Famously ‘mooned’ a Golden Globe award he had just won, live on stage. Night; 1) the time of the day when ghosts, monsters, vampires and a whole horde of nasty buggers came out to wreak havoc on mankind and take over the world. Or something. 2) puzzingly pointless middle name of the director of The Sixth Sense (1999). Nightmare On Elm Street, A (1984); timeless horror by Craven, Wes in which people are killed in their dreams by an unfashionable and deformed child murderer. Unknown if these consequences are anything to do with eating cheese before going to sleep. Night Of The Living Dead (1968); first part of Romero, George A’s inspirational zombie pictures, forever embedded in history as being the first horror film to have an African-American playing a lead role. Nikita (1990); stylish assassin flick directed by the once great Besson, Luc about an unwilling government killer. Also stars Reno, Jean as a ‘cleaner’ who takes to pouring acid over people when things go wrong, a fate that should have befallen everyone involved with the dreadful remake Point Of No Return (1993) – or simply Assassin if you live outside of the US. Nikto; from the phrase "Klaatu, Barada, Nikto": you says the word, you gets the book, in this case the fabled Necronomicon. Sadly, in Army Of Darkness (1993) our unwilling hero Ash doesn't get it right. "Necktie... Nickel... It's an 'N' word, it's definitely an "N" word!" Nine 1/2 Weeks (1986); supposed erotic drama that encouraged people to smear each other with food during sexual intercourse. Not quite as sexy when said food is Ready Brek. Nipples; a small part of the body that nevertheless played a prominent support role to Dunst, Kirsten in Spider-Man (2002). Nnep; backwards spelling of Penn, the surname of two acting brothers who couldn’t be further apart in terms of quality if they tried, with elder brother Sean a highly acclaimed actor who has been Oscar nominated on three separate occasions with Dead Man Walking (1995), Sweet and Lowdown (1999) and I Am Sam (2001) and stole the show from Pacino, Al in Carlito's Way (1993). Younger sibling Chris on the other hand has starred in Rush Hour (1998), Best Of The Best 2 and Beethoven’s 2nd (both 1993). “Nobodies Perfect” – Best ever last line in a film; from Some Like It Hot (1959) “Nobody does this to the United States” - Quote from the film Air Force One (1997) that managed to alienate the remainder of the world. An attitude typical in pretty much every Hollywood blockbuster ever made. Noir; French for ‘dark’, and a term used by all film critics when discussing a film that approaches any subject matter that doesn’t concern fluffy bunny rabbits. Or so it seems. Nolan, Christopher; genius English director who gave the world Memento (2000), for which we should be eternally grateful. Also the man who restricted Pacino, Al from uttering a single ‘hoo-ha’ throughout the whole of Insomnia (2002). Again, we should show nothing but gratitude. Norman; the least frightening Christian name ever given to a serial killer, as seen in Hitchock, Alfred’s Psycho (1960), a film that was to spawn the most pointless remake of all time. Ever. Norton, Ed; multi-talented actor highly acclaimed in the acting field after his Oscar-nominated turn in the otherwise forgettable Primal Fear (1996) and oft-touted as the greatest actor of his generation. Recently impressed with his turn as Graham, Will in Manhunter-remake Red Dragon (2002). Set to do anything but in the upcoming remake of Italian Job, The. Can either ‘speak fluent Japanese’, or merely ‘know one or two Japanese phrases’, depending on who you listen to. Nosferatu (1922); the daddy of all vampire films, that seems to be paid homage to in horror films to this day. Also the subject of numerous rumours that the lead character Orlock, Graf (played by renowned method actor Schreck, Max which is believed to be German for "maximum terror"), was actually a real vampire, an issue tackled in the film Shadow Of The Vampire (2000). “Not As Good As The Book”; stupendously idiotic and highly ignorant cliché churned out by critics when reviewing a film adaptation of a novel, which suggests in some bizarre way that comparing two completely different forms of media in such a flippant manner is wholly justified. Akin to saying “water quenches my thirst better than a PC laptop” Not Helpful; what this editorial probably is. Also, a rating usually related to the works of Epinionater Mfunk75. Probably. No Trespassing; 1) Title of a little known 1922 film 2) Something Schneider, Maria probably wishes she had tattooed on her toilet hole when Brando, Marlon decided to get experimental with a pack of butter in Last Tango In Paris (1972). Not Very Good; accurate summary of all five of the released Star Wars films and, most probably, the next instalment too. Nuclear explosives; weapons that’ll destroy mankind as we know it. Constantly cited as the reason why everything looks vaguely dusty by filmmakers when creating a post-apocalyptic future (see: Reign Of Fire – 2002) Nude Bomb, The (1980) – Brilliantly juvenile film about a scientist who invents an explosive that destroys clothing. Written by Brookes, Mel, which says it all really. Nutty Professor, The (1963); fondly remembered Lewis, Jerry film about a scientist who invents a potion that turns him into an irresistible lady’s man. Remade hopelessly by Murphy, Eddie in 1996, which itself produced a sequel in which a man in anally raped by a giant hamster. Perfect for the kids, then. Nymph; 1) what most single girls in films are depicted as being 2) Awful 1997 film about a sex-crazed chick who casts sex spells on people. Nyquil; helpful remedy for nasal congestion, headaches and sore throats. Can also provide some seriously warped film reviews should you become addicted to it. Jump to O -------------------------------------------------------- This is one of 26 postings for my write/off. The other fools who undertook this task are: Artbyjude, cripper, dedemw, d_fienberg, DrDevience, food_critic, JackSommersby, lemon_lime, Lynus, MACRESARF1, mfunk75, millinocket, Pffrdfdus7, Psychovant, Skbreese, sleeper54, SusiDee34, Vormancian, Weirdo87, Wokelstein, Xxxxer, Youngchinq  |
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