20 things about me: the normal guy
Apr 08 '03 (Updated Aug 14 '03)
The Bottom Line What's the bottom line? Enjoy the write-off!
I have a confession to make. I had a completely normal childhood. I read the life stories of some Epinionators and how dysfunctional their childhoods were, and so many other people’s pasts (even my wife’s), and I begin to wonder if I can even call it normal. It almost sounds like dysfunction is the norm out there. It makes me kind of sad. I sometimes feel guilty about telling my wife something from my childhood because it was so normal, so “American as apple pie.” She quickly reassures me that I have nothing to feel guilty about and that she is ecstatic that I had such a good one.
Maybe that’s why I don’t talk about it much. I’m much better about it now. I don’t feel like I’m rubbing it in when I talk about it or tell stories. I’ve never been that open of a person anyway, but I’m getting better about that, too. I was originally not going to take part in this write-off because of that, but then I read a bunch of the other ones, and I couldn’t resist any more. You’ve all told me so much about you, how dare I not reciprocate? So, here goes. Try not to nod off too quickly.
1) I was born on September 9, 1970 in Davenport, Iowa. I was the second child born to my parents (my brother was born in 1965), and I was lucky, in a way. My mother has told me that they had only wanted two children. She was pregnant in 1963, but a few days after JFK was shot, she miscarried. If that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be here, because they would have stopped with my brother (either that, or I’d be a lot older!).
2) I’ve always loved reading. I learned to read when I was 4 years old, but I’m not sure how self-taught I was. Mom did used to read to me, but I don’t have much of a memory of it. Maybe I taught myself so I wouldn’t have to listen to her anymore. I don’t know. I’ve always been fascinated by military history books, checking out everything in our school library on the subject of World War II (which, admittedly, wasn’t a whole lot at the time, being elementary school) by 4th grade. My friend Tommy and I were actually called warmongers by other kids because we always had a war book with us. However, what I’m proudest of was when I read Fellowship of the Ring in 3 days when I was in 3rd grade. I will always consider that an accomplishment.
3) I’ve always been smart. That wasn’t really a problem until 7th grade, though I’m not sure why it changed. Suddenly, though, I was being teased a lot. I was being teased about being a Star Wars fanatic (T-shirts, action figures, the whole bit), about being smart, and about many other things that I don’t even remember. I had a couple of people I thought were good friends turn on me and join them, or at the very least they didn’t offer any support during this time. The good thing was that I found two good friends through this who didn’t turn on me, and they made that time period a lot better.
Most of it was typical kids’ stuff. There were two kids who were the bane of my existence when they were together. They were almost the ringleaders, if there had been any organization to it. The weird part was that one of the kids was actually pretty cool when he wasn’t with the other kid. The karma bug came and bit them later in life, though. One of them was killed in a one-car accident when he fell asleep at the wheel, and the last thing I heard about the other one was that he got really drunk at a party and was found jacking off in the corner. He became the subject of a lot of ridicule, and I have no idea what happened to him after that. The good part of me hopes that he recovered from all of that and has lived a relatively normal life since then. The 12-year-old in me hopes that it was just the beginning of a life of hell.
While I’ve always been smart, I still have trouble with wisdom and common sense. That’s where I feel really dumb sometimes.
4) I wasn’t really shy up until that period in my life. I became extremely shy after that, and I still am to this day (though if you knew me back then, you’d think I was positively outgoing now!). Things got back to normal in high school, though not really until my senior year. It still takes me awhile to let down my guard when meeting people, and I’m not very talkative. The more people around, the less talkative I am. Lots of fun at parties, as I’m sure you can gather!
5) Ever since high school, I’ve been more comfortable with women then men as far as friendships go. I’m not quite sure why that is. All of my recent best friends are female (except one, and I met another good female friend through him when she was dating him). I think there is some sort of competition thing to it, based on my insecurities. I’ve never really seen myself as attractive (just starting to believe it since I met my wife) even when my female friends would tell me that I was. So I think it was me trying not to have any guy around to make me feel inferior. My parents and my brother used to tease me about my “harem” because I would go out and do things with my friends, who at the time were 3-4 women and no guys.
However, until my wife, I was never really able to move any relationship past the friendship stage, and in college, I was almost more comfortable with my female friends if they already had a boyfriend. I guess it made me feel that, since she was “unattainable,” that I didn’t have to worry about trying to impress her and I could just be myself.
6) I met my wife on-line. She had the courage to fly out and meet me where I lived four months after we had “met” and six months later, I had moved to Seattle. We wanted to get to know each first before we actually did the immigration thing, so we decided we would have weekend visits for awhile. If she had been American, I don’t know what would have happened, whether or not we would have moved in immediately or what. I asked her to marry me on Christmas Eve, 1997 and we got married in April of 1998. I got my “approval-in-principle” in August and I moved up here to Vancouver in September. I finally became a landed immigrant here in January, 1999. We’re about ready to celebrate our fifth anniversary, and I can honestly say that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. We’ve had some rough times (not between us, but circumstances around us), but we’ve only grown closer together since that day.
7) Cats seem to love me. I grew up with dogs, and I never thought I’d ever have a cat or want one. However, when I flew to spend a week with my then-girlfriend, her cats adored me. Then, when I flew to Portland to spend a week with some other internet friends I had made, their cats loved me too. I have to admit I kind of liked them too. Now, I have inherited a cat through marriage, and she is such a great pet. I love her dearly, even if she is a headcase. Maybe it would be different if we owned a house, but I can’t imagine having a dog anymore.
8) I’m a big Trekkie. I know it’s not as obvious as Patti, but I am. My first introduction to Trek was the book Web of the Romulans, which I picked up at the local Ben Franklin for the trip up to Iowa State University to take my brother back to school. I didn’t think a whole lot of it, until I saw Star Trek II on HBO. It was a Saturday night, and I watched it, and then promptly watched Fantasy Island right after that. Talk about a head-jerker! Watching Ricardo Montalban play Khan, and then play Mr. Rourke one right after the other was quite weird. I’ve been a fan ever since. I’m not sure if one has anything to do with the other, though.
9) I love my job. I know a lot of people can’t say that, but I do. Oh, sure, I complain a lot. But when you get right down to it, I enjoy it. My job is to help teachers further their education, and I get a lot out of it. Sure, there are people who call me about one of our programs and ask such stupid questions that I seriously wonder how they can be teachers. But just when I’ve had one idiot too many, I get somebody who is either a) intelligent and wonderful to talk to, or b) somebody who is truly appreciative of the help I’ve given them and they express that appreciation. I had somebody from Korea email me about our program. After numerous emails back and forth, I determined that our program wasn’t right for her and after a few more emails asking her questions, I was able to pinpoint where she should go. Her niece lives in Vancouver, and she had asked her niece to send me a really nice display of Korean exorcism masks in appreciation. I can’t imagine how much they might have cost, and I was so moved. It’s when you feel like you’ve truly helped someone that your job becomes truly enjoyable.
10) I don’t get angry. Actually, let me rephrase that. I don’t express anger. I know it’s not good for you, but I don’t. It feels like I have a short-circuit in my head. If I get too angry, I start to cry. It never fails. There was a time when I was getting so much of the runaround on the phone from some company that I was close to tears. Thankfully, I’m usually able to hold it in long enough that it doesn’t become a concern. I was able to get whatever the situation was resolved to my satisfaction and hung up, but after I did I started crying like you wouldn’t believe. The only person I can’t hold it in front of is my wife. It’s a combination of her knowing me so well and her being the only person I feel comfortable enough to cry in front of. Unfortunately, the poor dear thinks that she has made me cry, when really it’s just that short-circuit kicking in. I know it’s not “masculine” to admit something like this, but fuck it.
11) I was a pretty good baseball player in Little League. I played third base, catcher for a season, and I pitched a little bit. Was never good at pitching, but I loved playing third base. They called me “Hoover” because I sucked up anything that came near me. I was third baseman on our all-star team that went to the State Finals before getting beaten by the team that eventually went to the Little League World Series. It was a lot of fun, and probably the most camaraderie that I’ve ever felt in my life. I’ve thought about playing softball, but I’m too out of shape right now. Last time I swung a bat, I almost threw out my back.
12) I’m an avid bowler. That’s my sport of choice now. I’ve been in a league almost every year since college, until this year. (more on that in the next point). I even managed to maintain a 170 average, and just last year I beat my best ever game by bowling a 249. I would never consider myself a “great” bowler, as I don’t practice enough. But I am a pretty good one. And it’s a night out with a bunch of friends, which is always good too. Some of my best memories of my time in Chicago were my Sunday night bowling league where a teammate and I would bowl, and then sit in the bar until 10:30 or so playing NTN trivia games, drinking beer and shooting the breeze.
13) I am a tremendous hockey fan. I love my Vancouver Canucks. The reason I didn’t bowl this year was because we decided to get full season tickets to the Canucks games. This has been their best year ever (regular season, anyway) and I’ve enjoyed going to every game. Hockey wasn’t even in my radar until a friend brought over NHL 95 to play on my computer. Even then, it didn’t become a passion until I moved up here. Could be something to do with the Chicago Blackhawks GM being an idiot and making sure that none of the home games were televised.
14) Major pet peeve: bad drivers (especially when they’re bad because they’re talking on a cell phone). I think I used to be more laid back about this. I don’t know if it’s just gotten worse or if I notice it because it aggravates my wife so much too, but now I’m really noticing it. People who tiddle in the fast lane. People who make a turn going .05 mph, people who tailgate me when I’m already going 15 miles over the speed limit. They should all be taken out and shot.
15) I’m a really picky eater. I’m very much a “meat and potatoes” man, and I don’t really like a lot of fancy stuff. Most of the stuff they make on those cooking shows just grosses me out. I used to be extremely fussy, not wanting to try anything. That lasted until I moved in with my brother and his wife for two months. She was a fabulous cook, and it’s a lot easier to tell your Mom “I don’t like this!” then it is to tell your sister-in-law who volunteered their *new* home (they moved in the same day I did) to let me stay there until I got on my feet in a new city. So I felt obliged to pretty much eat what she put out, and I found I liked a lot of it. Now, I eat Chinese, some East Indian (though not a whole lot, I always order the same thing when we go to a restaurant), and Thai. But still, give me a burger and fries and I’m set. I also used to be a weird eater, living on peanut butter and butter sandwiches. Now, my mom eats them, and I can’t imagine eating them myself. Ugh.
16) One of the reasons I was going to move away, even before I met my wife, was to get out from under my brother’s shadow. I don’t blame anyone, really, because it’s really my insecurities that were the root of the problem, but I always felt like I was less than him. He had a beautiful and loving wife (and extremely nice, as what I mentioned in the previous point only scratches the surface), a child, and they were both really happy in their jobs while I felt like I was still treading water. My parents never treated me like they preferred him over me, but I just felt that way. How could I not? He was so much better than I was (that’s the way I felt, anyway). I felt like everything I did or was going to do would be compared to him.
I still get flashes of that, but it’s nowhere near what it used to be. As my wife points out whenever I do get that way, I moved half-way across the country with no job prospects and have managed to make a very good life for myself here, and that’s something that he has never done. And now, of course, I’ve moved to a completely different country, which makes it even more impressive.
17) I miss my nieces. The only thing I regret about moving away is that I’m not really involved in their lives too much. My brother and his wife do their best to talk us up, but it’s not the same as being there. I don’t regret moving away at all, but that’s the tough part. As they get older, they’re getting better. It used to be when we went home for trips, they were so shy that they wouldn’t interact with me at all. They’ve gotten better since then, and trips home are happy again.
18) I love driving on trips. Flying is ok (though I prefer to do that if I’m alone, because I find myself trying to keep my wife in a good mood rather than worrying about myself), but driving is wonderful. When I moved out to Seattle, we drove out here. We’ve driven back to Iowa once and we’re going again in June. There’s something about the open road that is just breathtaking. Flying is much more efficient, but driving is much more fun. Of course, we don’t have kids, so that might change if we did.
19) I’m a complete agnostic. Actually, I’m almost more of a Deist, in the sense that I believe that something had to get everything started, but I’m not sure that anybody’s paying attention now. I don’t like fundamentalists of any stripe, be they Moslem or Christian or Jewish or any other faith. I’m more than willing to allow anybody to have whatever beliefs they want as long as they don’t try and convert me to them. I’m not like some people, who bristle at the slightest “you’ll be in my prayers,” but start preaching to me and I’ll tune you right out. I have no problem with people who wear their religion on their sleeves, but I hate it if they try to put it on my sleeve.
20) Last, but not least, I’ve been on-line for eight years now (not counting the two years in college before I graduated and lost my free computer account), and I have met some of the nicest people this way. I’ve encountered some horrible people too, but have managed to steer clear of them so that they don’t affect me at all. But it’s the good people that the Internet allows us to meet who just prove that there are so many good people out there. That evil or bad things are not the norm in this society. I’ve read some of your life stories, either through this write-off or through other posts that you’ve made about your life, and I marvel at how you’ve been able to get through it all. And you know what? You’ve all shown that not only can you get through it, but you can get through it and become wonderful people despite it all. I truly value what you’ve all brought to me. Whether it’s constantly seeing your rating appear on my reviews almost as soon as they appear (hi Lori!) or through comments you have left for me, or through interaction on various email lists or whatever. I’ve loved my time here in Epinions, and I love each and every one of you that has made my time here special. You are the greatest.
Wow, that was long. Sorry about that. Here I thought I would have trouble coming up with all of these. It was difficult, but each time I decided on one, I found myself gushing about it. I hope you made it all the way through.
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Member: David Roy
Location: Vancouver, BC
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