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hey (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
I enjoyed rereading this, Bri. Wish you were still writing here. So your dad died in 2001? Mine, not the biological one but who raised me, died suddenly yesterday and I'm still stunned. Makes me want to get Oprah's book she's promoting, Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth, and that's a first for me. Tolle is a great writer, though (The Power of Now). So sad. Reading you cheers me up for some reason. Take care...
Jan
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Feb 20 '08
1:17 pm PST
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Re: The Joke (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
Thank you! You have enriched my life. Seriously, i never expected anyone to know what the heck i was talking about. Much appreciated.
cheers,
- Brian
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Nov 05 '05
7:15 pm PST
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The Joke (Reply to this comment)
by mattygroves
"Also, the squaw on the hippopotamus is worth the sons of the squaws on the other two hides. I forget the joke that's the punchline for."
OK - deep breath. I know the joke.
A native American chief has three beautiful daughters. The eldest comes of age, and has suitors seeking her hand. A brave says to her "what may I do to prove my worth and win your hand". She thinks about this and replies "Bring me the hide of a bison, so that we may sleep warmly at night, and you may prove your bravery and prowess". So off he goes, armed with knife and bow. He returns some days later - slightly brusied and battered, but with the bison skin, and they are married.
Next year, the second daughter comes of age, and again, the braves compete for her hand. "What may I bring you to prove...yadda yadda". She thinks about this, thinking that maybe her brother-in-law had it too easy. So she says "bring me the hide of a bear, so that we may sleep warmly at night, and you may prove your bravery." So off he goes with knife and bow, and comes back a few weeks later - bruised, bloodied and generally abused, but successful - with bear hide in hand, as it were. They are wed.
The following year the third daughter comes of age. Again, her suitor asks what he might do to prove himself, and what he can bring her. Now she reckons the other two had it WAY too easy, so she thinks, and after some consideration replies "I have heard tales of a great beast that resides beyond the great water, and is strong and powerful. I want the hide of a hippopotamus." So he gets in his canoe, with knife and bow. Many months later he comes back, very bruised, very bloodied, very beaten, dehydrated and so forth, but lo, he was successful, and they are wed.
Nine months later, the three squaws have blessed events. The eldest (on the bison hide) gives birth to a little boy. The second squaw also becomes the proud mother of a son. But the third, who slept on the hippopotamus hide has twin boys. Which just goes to show - the sons of the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to sons of the squaws on the other two hides.
Boom boom.
Cheers!
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Nov 04 '05
8:30 am PST
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I swapped... (Reply to this comment)
by mattygroves
...a possible 1989 graduation of Reed College for a 1999 graduation of Kingston upon Thames University - and yet, I'm happy with the standard of the teaching and of my degree. So I know where you're coming from.
I considered Carleton College...until I saw a weather report!
Cheers,
Kate
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Oct 13 '05
3:20 am PDT
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Had fun, even though I was reading silently :o) (Reply to this comment)
by lammet
Hi Brian,
I immensely enjoyed reading your '20 facts about, well, yourself :o)
I got to come back for more of your witty writing; though time is at a premium; don't look for continuity, I also like lots of semi-colon/s;
Cheers,
Vasilis
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Jun 26 '05
8:52 pm PDT
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Re: I was wondering . . . (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
Why is that vegetarians decorate their veggies as meat?
In hopes - ever easier to fulfill - that the veggies in question will also taste like meat. Not all of us gave up meat painlessly, after all.
In school, the teachers say to ask questions. "If you're thinking it, then other students are as well." I never found that to be the case.
Amen, sister. "Pinky, are you thinking what i'm thinking?" "Well, i think so, Brain, but if they called them Sad Meals, no one would buy them".
Teachers didn't like my questions. They probably just didn't know the answers huh?
On behalf of a profession i'm still struggling to find permanent work in, let me say "Nope! Probably not".
cheers,
- Brian
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Jun 21 '05
3:31 pm PDT
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I was wondering . . . (Reply to this comment)
by CyndiA
Hi vox,
Why is that vegetarians decorate their veggies as meat--like those burger and sausage things? Now, really I don't try to make my meat balls look like carrots or my bacon look like lettuce.
In school, the teachers say to ask questions. "If you're thinking it, then other students are as well."
I never found that to be the case. I could make the whole class laugh with questions that were going through my head. Teachers didn't like my questions. They probably just didn't know the answers huh?
I think most of my classmates were just wondering when it would be time for lunch.
As always, I enjoyed your review. You go beyond Pepsi/Coke and what you drive. Your transitions are brilliant. You're smart and funny.
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Sep 26 '04
7:28 am PDT
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Re: Very late-- (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
Neat! Yeah, a lot of my friends have been good models of the ace-student-at-age-30 phenomenon, and i finally mastered grad school these past two years. Mind you, my statement was a little too sweeping: to an underclass urban kid, i'd still advise escaping to college as soon as possible, just because it's not likely to happen later. But otherwise, patience and exploring the world are good things.
Glad to hear from you! I expect i'll be returning your Trust as soon as i've had time to read a little more of your back-catalog.
best,
- Brian
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Dec 15 '03
8:00 am PST
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Very late-- (Reply to this comment)
by gaviidae
---getting around to reading your interesting and amusing twenty points. Enjoyed it very much and find some apparent similarities in our experience and orientation. I'll comment about one. You said:
"I think students _should_ take time between high school and college, time to work and futz. They'll appreciate college more, and be more competent at living there.
That's a point with which I strongly concur. I got my degree ELEVEN YEARS after I finished high school, with plenty of time to "futz" and to grow up a little. Once I started college I went at it straight ahead, and graduated with a degree in engineering with honors, which NEVER would have happened right after high school.
Enjoyed getting a little acquainted! Thanks---
Gavia
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Dec 11 '03
8:11 pm PST
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Re: hmm (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
Dr. Freudine seems like a gal who can enjoy all the jokes she gets. Fret not.
O Canada, for spacious skies,
- Brian
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Dec 11 '03
7:43 am PST
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hmm (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
Mass. is a place that mocks accents? Well, there ya go. I had that in my subconcious when I reviewed Authentic Happiness! But maybe I should change Canadian cutie? Or it'll be a joke on Dr. Freudine, yeah...
Jan
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Dec 03 '03
11:02 pm PST
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Re: Re: ... (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
Huh. Now i want a gold panda.
I can definitely see you as a drug-crazed, female version of myself. Not _quite_ enough to talk me out of the straightedge lifestyle, but a more convincing argument than i'm used to. Thanks for writing!
P.S. - we used to ship all the excess anger to Mars, but what with the space program's recent problems, i'm not sure of the current plans. Another emergency in the making, i imagine.
- Brian
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Jun 11 '03
10:48 am PDT
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Re: ... (Reply to this comment)
by kris-kochanski
You know we actually have some things in common. I just quit being a technical support rep for obvious reasons but before then I did Customer Service for awhile and have had my share of impressing psychotic callers with my calm resolve (an industry requirement) and scaring myself in the process. Where does all the anger go, I sometimes wonder, and quietly hope I do not keel over from an imploded organ someday from the one guy who called in and insisted to me that I had a gold panda for sale, even though it was a computer software company, and proceeded to curse at me about the panda before I could get a word in edgewise.
Also, I, too, had a roommate obsessed with Achtung Baby.
And I love pop tarts. Now, if we could only get you to do some occasional drugs, we could be kindred spirits!
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Jun 10 '03
11:06 pm PDT
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... (Reply to this comment)
by dramastef
Thanks for sharing this list... I love your humor and writing style, I'm surprised I haven't found your reviews before now!
Cheers!
~Stefanie
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May 16 '03
7:12 am PDT
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Re: Although I had read this (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
Oh, excellent -- thanks for the feedback. (Thanks to Dede and Nick as well, i seem to be behind). It's interesting that, even given the chance to experience the elite-college scene, your kid still wanted to try UMass later. Hope that goes well.
best,
-Brian
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May 12 '03
12:19 pm PDT
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Although I had read this (Reply to this comment)
by jo.com
already, reading more of your pieces came back to it. I had to let you know (I am a Bostonian) that I left an elite private college on Long Island (elite as in money, not academics) to go to UMass Boston. I needed the antithesis of what I was seeing. In any case, though my children both went to private colleges (though I never thought that is the choice I would help them make) my younger daughter chose UMass Medical vs. a private med school. I like your style. jo
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May 11 '03
6:57 am PDT
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Re: ! (Reply to this comment)
by nick1326
I liked how you did yours in the story format also, thanks for your kind words on my 20 as well. I enjoyed reading this, very much- you seem to have a sense of humor very much like my own!
I really enjoyed reading!
best
nick
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Apr 30 '03
4:39 am PDT
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! (Reply to this comment)
by dedemw
Thanks for the interesting read.
I never thought about autos that way, but your view makes complete sense. Hmmm..
However, since I work 58 miles away, I don't think I will be footing it anytime soon.
: )
Dede (who wishes she once had a room-mate so she could tell cool stories too)
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Apr 19 '03
12:29 pm PDT
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Re: Ah I see (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
You come by the ability to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches honestly?
Not at all! I stole the magic recipe from a sleeping giant, and barely escaped with my life. The giant later won a judgment against me, but it was overturned in Circuit Court.
since I get to the NE area at least once a year (grew up in RI) still have family in the area, I may stop by for one of those culinary delights.
But of course! Anyone else want to come? We can make a festival of it!
cheers,
-Brian
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Apr 16 '03
9:10 am PDT
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Pleased (Reply to this comment)
by theresaro
To meet You.I can relate to I avoid things I have a good chance of despising Well that sounds like me! the roomates stories with me Well I won't even go there! lol I'm not a follower either. Very intestering read and Thank you for sharing.
Teri :)
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Apr 15 '03
9:19 pm PDT
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Ah I see (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
You come by the ability to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches honestly? Very enjoyable read, and since I get to the NE area at least once a year (grew up in RI) still have family in the area, I may stop by for one of those culinary delights.
I as well am pleased to have found you :)
Di
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Apr 13 '03
5:09 pm PDT
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Re: Re: Re: Re: ... (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
If a voice like an overloaded gravel truck struggling up a steep hill is considered sexy, I'm gonna post a couple of mp3's there and get me some groupies
I'm not saying it won't work, Aaron, cuz it probably will. But won't your groupies here on Epinions be offended? (Or are you planning to invite all groupies at once? Your bedboards will go on strike forever...)
-Brian
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Apr 13 '03
3:38 pm PDT
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Re: Re: Re: ... (Reply to this comment)
by chaospump
While I lay dreamin'...
Damn. That sounds like the place for me.
If a voice like an overloaded gravel truck struggling up a steep hill is considered sexy, I'm gonna post a couple of mp3's there and get me some groupies...
-Aaron
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Apr 13 '03
10:59 am PDT
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Re: Re: ... (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
This gives me renewed hope for the feasibility of online personals.
I'm _almost_ certain i'm being teased here, but i've spent much too much time teaching 10th graders to doubt that people will read the exact opposite of what a piece says - especially since, as disinclined revealed in her own tragic 20 facts, she cannot read. The short re-summary: Personal Ads Bad.
Although a couple of my friends have had some luck with Salon.com's personals, which appeal to an artier, weirder crowd that (unfortunately) unanimously regards Tom Waits's voice as the sexiest thing in the world.
and the earth died screaming,
- Brian
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Apr 13 '03
7:02 am PDT
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Re: ... (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
You look sort of like Christian Bale. I hope you take that as a compliment.
I take it as mystifying (Mike's comparison of me to Jim from "Mission Hill" made much more immediate sense). But as long as no one expects me to conduct sex scenes by lovingly explaining the relative merits of different Whitney Houston songs, then getting out my chainsaw, I will accept the Bale resemblance as praise. Whether his meat is fake and/or tastes good, of course, neither i nor Boca Burger have any idea.
cheers,
-Brian
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Apr 13 '03
6:57 am PDT
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Re: Re: Re: Pahking the (furshimmelt) cah in Hahvid Yahd (Reply to this comment)
by chaospump
Not only are you an extremely intriguing Jewish rapper (BTW, I think The Beastie Boys should have put everyone's mind to rest on that issue. ;]), but you also a mean Yoda impression do.
-Aaron
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Apr 12 '03
12:54 pm PDT
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Re: I'm not sure (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
In theory i'd rather not have to answer Comments that are substantially funnier than anything i can think of by way of reply. It is, however, a dumb theory. Hi!
-Brian
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Apr 11 '03
10:23 am PDT
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Re: Re: Pahking the (furshimmelt) cah in Hahvid Yahd (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
it occurs to me it might also mean, "Our one and only Mike Stone, who has had a Bar Mitzvah."
John Stone, who is entirely correct in his interpretation, has already learned that i am sometimes more concerned with writing words down that with order them right in alas putting. This can leads to ambiguity.
Happy to serve you,
-Brian
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Apr 11 '03
10:20 am PDT
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Re: Brian... (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
Keep on rapping (my son turned me into an "8 Mile" fan, so there's hope for us aging rockers).
Hi, Don! Say hi to your son for me! I figure my rebellious hoodlum kids (when they exist) are either going to listen to either cookie-monster-growl death-metal, or Britney Spears's robot daughter. Probably the latter.
-B
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Apr 11 '03
10:16 am PDT
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Re: So Many Great Conversation-Starters Here!!! (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
Gosh. I feel sure i've heard a story or two like Johnny Angel's before, but that doesn't make it any less dreadful -- the sins of the tenant shall be visited on the replacement tenant and the replacement's replacement. Did he get away without paying all the old bills?
Reminds me of when my Mom, Marylaine Block, got hounded for the debts of a local deadbeat named Mary Block, but at least we didn't lose electricity over it.
I've definitely heard stories about people who had to line up their shoes according to instructions before they could do anything else, even if it made them late. Those people were called "soldiers". At one point senior year i gave serious thought to joining the Army. I don't think anyone would've benefitted...
Several people in my family are Seventh Day Adventists, so I got an early introduction to them and found them yummy right from the get-go.
If i've read the context correctly, "them" means fake-meats, rather than Seventh Day Adventists. I wasn't aware they were a vegetarian group, but if they are, cannibalism seems especially rude. Whereas telling strangers about other good fake-meat brands is actually rather nice; thanks!
Lastly, i think i would like your Uncle Kermit. Even if he wasn't a teacher/ pedestrian/ fix-it-guy, he's named "Uncle Kermit". Who could resist?
best,
-Brian
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Apr 11 '03
10:14 am PDT
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