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A glimpse into the odd mind of Hawg ("20 Facts" write-off)Apr 14 '03 (Updated Apr 16 '03) Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line Exactly 20 real-life facts about ol' Hawg. Commotion! Well, well, well. After seeing entries into Corpgent's "20 or So Facts About Me" write-off popping up all over the place, I decided to try my hand at one. Why? Hell, I don't know. It all looked like dandy fun and who doesn't like to have fun? I'm all for fun. One might say I'm a fan of fun. Besides, I've learned a good deal about Epinions members through this nifty little write-off, and figured I'd return the favor (if anyone's still interested). So, here we have 20 facts about me, in no particular order: 1. My full name is Ethan Christopher Nobles. I thought about going by "Chris" for years as I hated the name "Ethan." I suppose it took some time to grow into the name, however, and I'm perfectly happy with it now. I hate it when I'm called "Nathan," but I've grown used to it over the years. I also hated the fact my college kept sending mail to "Ethan Christoph Nobles" and never bothered to reduce my middle name to an initial or fix the problem when I griped about it. The small, liberal arts college I attended was expensive by Arkansas standards, but was rather like high school with beer. Perhaps expecting those scam artists to get my name right was a bit much. 2. Some folks have asked me about my Epinions user name of "HawgWyld." No, I don't own a Harley-Davidson, and I'm not a big fan of motorcycles, anyway. See, I hold a law degree from the University of Arkansas and, as a life-long resident of the Natural State, I'm one of many "Hog Wild" Razorback fans wandering the landscape. 3. About that law degree. I practiced for four years until I called it quits. I figured I had paid for whatever sins I had committed in my youth, so I departed for greener pastures. Besides, if a person really doesn't care that much for attorneys, believes the legal system in the U.S. is one step above requiring people to solve their problems with guns in the streets and hates the fact the bankruptcy system is being chipped away at by credit card ghouls, that person really doesn't have any business practicing law, right? 4. I work as a business writer for The Morning News of Northwest Arkansas and have for over four years now. I really can't imagine myself doing anything else. Journalism is dandy fun, and I deal with a better class of people than I did in my legal days (i.e., I rarely come in contact with criminal defendants anymore). 5. It annoys me when people bring up First Amendment arguments because they usually don't know what the hell they're talking about. Wal-Mart does not violate the First Amendment by refusing to sell a controversial video game. A radio station does not violate the First Amendment by refusing to play anything by the Dixie Chicks. A violation of the First Amendment occurs when there's at least passive government involvement. I wish to God people understood the rights our Constitution actually guarantees. Indeed, it's rather pitiful when grown Americans haven't the foggiest idea about what the document on which this nation was founded actually says. 6. Speaking of the Dixie Chicks, I've always hated them. If that chubby one would have said George Bush is the greatest man on the planet, I'd still hate the Dixie Chicks and the pop-country drivel the band has inflicted on an unsuspecting public. Judging people solely on the basis of political views is an idiotic practice. 7. Unfortunately, what I've learned over the past couple of months is that a hell of a lot of people are willing to judge others based solely on one question -- are you for or against a war with Iraq? I hope most people aren't that two-dimensional. 8. I have a wife and two children -- a six-year-old boy and a two-year-old girl. I like them. I've been married before, and divorcing my ex-wife is probably the second-smartest move I've ever made. The smartest move I've made was marrying my current wife. 9. I was born in Monticello, Ark., and have since lived in the Arkansas towns (in order) of Fayetteville, Marianna, Benton, Conway, back to Fayetteville and now Springdale. I'll never leave Northwest Arkansas, although the idea of heading back to scenic Benton (in Central Arkansas) or living in a fine place such as St. Louis or the Dallas-Fort Worth area is appealing. 10. I find it amusing that people have such a negative view of Arkansas. While people are usually dead wrong about my home state, I enjoy the Arkansas' negative reputation -- it keeps the wrong sorts of folks from moving here. When I say "wrong sorts," I mean the know-it-alls who show up and gripe because we don't do things like they did "back home." We have enough of those folks running around here as it is, and we sure as hell don't need any more. My Great-Grandfather Jones was a railroad man, and he loved to "tease yankees." For example, he was up North at one point and was talking to a few folks in a train station. He started to rub his feet and acted very uncomfortable. When he was asked what was wrong, he said, "I'm from Arkansas. We're not used to wearing shoes down there!" Amazingly, everyone he was talking to at the time believed him. Funny stuff. 11. I used to think Arkansans were stupid because we allowed Bill Clinton to remain as governor for 12 years. After the man was elected president, my opinion of my fellow Arkansans changed completely. 12. My ambition in life is to be a grumpy old man. By the time I retire, I hope phrases like "Hey, you kids! Y'all get on outta hyah!" and "There ought to be a law!" are second nature. I live next to the grumpiest man in the world. Perhaps I'll ask him for some advice one day if I can ever get past the urge to bounce a rock off his head. On second thought, I really don't consider him to be "grumpy" under the strictest definition of the term. He's just a mean, sour bastard. 13. I've written a bunch of children's stories about a dog and a talking sock who roots for the Pittsburgh Pirates, loves sea chanties with titles such as "Come Away to Sea, All You Hardy Young Socks" and "Socks on the Poop Deck" (my son absolutely howls over that title). Mr. Sock also enjoys leaping out of his mailbox and scaring the postman. My son likes the stories. I don't know how to go about selling them, and I doubt anyone would want to buy them, anyway. 14. I've been in trouble with my wife ever since I taught our kids to call me "Big Daddy." 15. My favorite joke in the world is, "A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Why the long face?'" 16. I still maintain the best movies ever produced were in black-and-white. Sure, I love the technical flash of "modern" movies as much as the next guy, but how can you beat such great titles as Casablanca, Citizen Kane, A Hard Day's Night, Bringing up Baby, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, High Noon or The Thin Man? 17. If my grandfathers were alive, they'd be shocked and horrified to learn I'm a Republican. 18. However, they wouldn't be shocked and horrified to learn I've remained a Southern Baptist through the years. The interesting thing about Southern Baptists is that everyone assumes we're all fundamentalists. I was raised more of a moderate Baptist (a.k.a., the demonic "liberal" strain as far as the fundamentalists are concerned). What's a moderate Baptist? That's hard to define. However, my devout parents taught me a very sound philosophy -- you won't sway others to your way of thinking by being a judgmental, hate-filled goon. My views on Christianity are well-represented by the fine works of C.S. Lewis. If you haven't read The Screwtape Letters, you don't know what you're missing. 19. The Beatles were the finest rock n' roll band of all time. The sole reason I ever wrapped my clumsy fingers around a guitar neck was to learn how to play Beatles songs, and I still find it funny that my two-year-old daughter just beams whenever I play and sing "Hey You've Got to Hide Your Love Away," "Baby's in Black," "Bungalow Bill" or "Savoy Truffle." Oh, and not only were the Beatles the finest band of all time, the group had the best album cover of all time with 1966's Revolver. 20. I was in a band called the "Wacky Savages" in college and I miss those days quite a bit. We got our name from one of those cheap, rag newspapers which featured an article about the "Elvis Tribe" in the Outback or some exotic place like that. The article ran with a picture which showed a bunch of primitive types wearing Elvis wigs and the caption read, "Wacky savages sing and dance like the King." There's no greater thrill than hollering lyrics full of cartoonish violence through a microphone while beating three or four chords out of a Fender Telecaster which is plugged up to a Fender Twin Reverb cranked up all the way. Ah, youth! Well, that's enough vain rambling. For the second part of this thing, go right here. For more details about the write-off (in case you want to submit one) and a list of participants, visit right here.  |
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