'H' is for Hugs (Film Dictionary W/O)
Apr 15 '03 (Updated Apr 24 '03)
The Bottom Line I'm no film critic, but I do know how to make random comments of some popular movies and actors, mostly of my generation, when required to.
Hackman, Gene: A lot of people like this actor. I don’t. Gene Hackman likes playing these roles about a man with a great deal of pride too much. One of his most awful movies was The Heist. A better film he was a part of, mostly thanks to Denzel Washington, was the memorable submarine thriller, Crimson Tide. He has starred in a host of other films and is becoming even more annoying because he’s old now. Imagine a Jack Nicholson, only not funny and not likeable. **
Hamilton, Linda: I was particularly impressed with this actress after Terminator 2: Judgment Day, where she threw out her attractiveness as a female in order to fit a role – this is different from the Machiavellian thing Nicole Kidman did last year (she only won the Oscar voting by a nose). Any respect I had for Hamilton, however, was lost after I saw Dante’s Peak (worse than Volcano), although I may have just developed a little appreciation for her again after I heard the news she turned down the role for Terminator 3. If only Arnold was as afraid to become a part of a complete mockery. ***
Hamlet (1996): Perhaps the greatest adaptation of a Shakespearean play since the invention of color in film. Kenneth Branagh (who else?) goes ballistic, calling out all the stars from Kate Winslet to Billy Crystal, and paying attention to every last detail, in making this four hour, unabridged behemoth version of Shakespeare’s ultimate tale that is true to the bard’s vision. A cinematic masterpiece. *****
Hamlet (2000): Michael Almereyda might’ve done well in film school, but he most likely failed his classes in Shakespearean literature. This is one of the most embarrassing film adaptations of any of Shakespeare’s plays, let alone of Hamlet. Almereyda makes the horrible decision of displacing the plot in a modern, corporate setting, while retaining the “thy, thou” lingo. The result is awkward and unconvincing. The movie lacks the appropriate energy and passion, and this is added on to the fact that Ethan Hawke is cast as Hamlet. Yuck. **
Hanks, Tom: I don’t like him as much as everyone else, but I’ll admit Tom Hanks is a pretty talented, and versatile guy. I still can’t forgive him for Forrest Gump, however – and I don’t feel I need to argue this point any further. His maturity from an actor finally became apparent after Philadelphia and reached its peak in Saving Private Ryan, where he played a very complex character that had me enthralled even though I despise war films in general. Jim Carrey’s career path, incidentally, was once heading towards the direction of the shadow of Hank’s, but has since gotten lost somewhere. ****
Hannibal (2001): Ridley Scott’s sequel to the excellent Silence of the Lambs should have been made earlier. Anthony Hopkins, once again as the film icon, Hannibal Lecter, is now a little too old to be scary. Julianne Moore, accustomed to playing slightly fanatical women, is just not a good replacement for Jody Foster. Hannibal, in general, although still having a few memorably grotesque scenes, lacks the suspense of the first movie. Two hours and eleven minutes is also a little on the long side for a horror film. **
Hard-Boiled (1992): Screw anything with Nicolas Cage or Tom Cruise, this is John Woo’s finest film. Yes, it’s a foreign film that’s subtitled, but gunshots and shattering glass, frequent occurrences in this movie, sound the same in any language. John Woo’s unique style of action is not overdone here, as it was in Mission Impossible 2, but it still has plenty of slow-motion, ultra-stylistic scenes with Chinese men looking good while shooting firearms in a myriad of locations, none more memorable than the hospital at the end. *****
Harris, Ed: Always a likeable man, who has starred in a multitude of films and still goes underappreciated. I liked him in The Abyss and I liked him more in The Truman Show. He is forgiven for The Rock, because every actor gets that craving to be in an action-filled summer blockbuster every now and then. His best work, however, is his huge involvement in the captivating drama about an artist in Pollock; it is one of those labors of love that will be hard to forget by any audience. ****
Hartnett, Josh: I’d say I like this pretty boy if it wasn’t for his affinity with war movies. He didn’t particularly blow me away in Pearl Harbor or Black Hawk Down, even though he tries hard to transcend the image of being just a teen heartthrob like Freddie Prince Jr. or no-talent dickwads of that ilk. I did like what he did in the modern interpretation of Shakespeare’s Othello, and, believe it or not, the American Pie-esque, 40 Days & 40 Nights. ***
Haunting, The (1999): This movie is without a doubt Jan de Bont’s suicide, as far as his career is concerned. It’s hard to believe that the director of thrill-a-minute films such as Twister and Speed can create such an inconsequential display of gaudy special effects posing as a horror movie. The Haunting is about as scary as Scary Movie, and not nearly as funny; although Owen Wilson certainly tries, it’s too bad this film wasn’t intended to be a parody. *
Hawke, Ethan: An atrocious actor that will forever be atrocious to me after seeing how he stunk up Hamlet and Gattaca. The only film I thought he faired well in was Training Day, but only because it was amusing to watch this pretty boy be Denzel Washington’s bitch throughout the film… thanks to Antoine Fuqua for finally finding a role that suits him. On another note, I actually cried watching Snow Falling on Cedars… because it was so painful. Ugh, this guy should be doing commercials with Teri Hatcher. *
Hayek, Salma: From purely a sexual sense, Salma doesn’t even appear to be trying, which is why she is a lot more appealing than other Latin celebrities (cough, J-Lo, cough). First caught a (big) glimpse of her in Desperados, where she is simply a piece of meat. Salma has since expanded her roles, allowing her to show off some actual acting talent to go along with that gorgeous frame. I have not yet seen her unibrowed antics in Frida, although I plan to. ***
He Got Game (1998): Spike Lee’s attempt at producing something similar to Hoop Dreams. This had the potential to be a powerful basketball/urban drama but, while Denzel Washington does an admirable job, Ray Allen (a great NBA star) cannot act and his shortcomings are especially noticeable along side someone of Washington’s caliber. He Got Game is still a decent examination of the corruption of collegiate sports and a father-son relationship gone horribly wrong. ***
Heavy Metal (1981): Heavy Metal is widely considered by animation enthusiasts as a classic. The nonsensical storyline is just an excuse to have a multitude of settings, loads of violence, and naked women. Despite the obvious sexism in this movie, it does show a sort of imagination distinctly different from Disney’s. Even though the animation looks severely outdated, some of the scenes still work in creating entertaining scenes, but many do not. **
Hepburn, Audrey: One of the most celebrated actresses that ever lived, as well as one of the most dazzling. Amongst her multitude of acclaimed roles in film, perhaps her best was as Eliza Doolittle in the film version of Pygmalion, My Fair Lady. I don’t really like glamour but I respect her because she was one of the people who defined the things brainless actresses are trying to imitate today. *****
Hewitt, Jennifer-Love: You have got to be fucking kidding. *
Hoffman, Dustin: He was propelled into the acting elite after his role in The Graduate and reached his peak by playing a naïve idiot savant in Rain Man. Like Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs, this was not a particularly difficult role to play and I do not know why he won an Oscar for it. Hoffman, in real life, actually carries himself in a way similar to his character in the Rain Man and I believe he’s one of Hollywood’s many overrated actors that, when you analyze, is not really that versatile. However, he is short, occasionally funny, and, therefore, likeable. ***
Hollow Man (2000): Elisabeth Shue and Kevin Bacon in the same movie should immediately give off warning signals. Hollow Man, following the everlasting human fantasy to become invisible, is an absolute disaster of a film. It is neither suspenseful nor scary and Kevin Bacon’s character’s descent into depravity produces neither empathy nor disgust from its audience. Like so many films, this is just another display of pointless special effects and a couple pairs of tits to attract a teenage audience. *
Holm, Ian: He does take part in some true stinkers, Bless the Child, but when he chooses to try, he is, in my opinion, one of the best actors alive. He was downright creepy in Alien and absolutely gave a performance where words cannot do justice in The Sweet Hereafter. Holm’s genuine acting talent becomes apparent in Lord of the Rings, where he is placed alongside an acting legend in Ian McKellen and manages to outshine him. *****
Home Alone (1990): The original Home Alone is a family classic that has spawned many ill-conceived imitations. Despite the foolishness, usually reserved for cartoons, this is still a great treat for family viewing every Christmas. Joe Pesci’s and Daniel Stern’s intentionally atrocious acting are truly a joy to watch, while Macaulay Culkin delivers a performance so memorable, it probably ruined his acting career (he’s still around – we just don’t notice). ****
Home Alone 2 (1992): With the huge success of Home Alone, they just couldn’t resist making a sequel. The premise is the same as the original; the scale is made bigger and the movie is flashier but not better. Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, and Macaulay Culkin all return to provide a familiarity that will make this film tolerable, if you liked the first one, that is. ***
Hoop Dreams (1994): I selected this powerful documentary as one of my Top 10 films of the 90s. The whole filmmaking process must’ve been unimaginably difficult as director (and narrator) Steve James follows the lives of Arthur Agee and William Gates throughout their high school years in Chicago’s slums. Although much of the film focuses on the two kids’ dreams of making it to the pros, Hoop Dreams is so good because it is also a social commentary that doesn’t feel forced. This documentary may be a little on the long side, but those with patience will be rewarded. *****
Hopkins, Anthony: Unfortunately, any recollection of this man’s career will automatically begin with his Hannibal Lecter role in Silence of the Lambs, which was not particularly multidimensional. He won his Oscar for that role for burning an indelible memory in the everyday American moviegoer – if such a prestigious accolade can be given out for depictions of a caricature, I do not see why Arnold Schwarzenegger never received an Oscar for his equally unforgettable performance in Terminator. The truth is, Hopkins is not a particularly likeable person in real life and not a particularly good actor, although he delivered one of the finer performances in film history in The Remains of the Day. **
Hopper, Dennis: An actor who’s been everywhere yet gets nowhere. He was in the box-office disaster, Waterworld, and was the scheming villain in the highly successful action film, Speed, but who the hell remembers him? If you really pay attention, Hopper is not really that awful of an actor. And, who could forget, he was also King Koopa in Super Mario Bros. **
Hsu, Chi: Many white actresses won’t hesitate to show their assets when required and, recently, black actresses (ahem, Halle Barry) are starting to get into an exhibitionist mood as well. How come, you may be wondering, these hot Asian thespians always keep their clothing on? You just have to dig deeper, man; dig into some Cantonese foreign films starring this perfect combination of voluptuousness and typical Asian smallness. Unfortunately, she’s one-star acting talent and a five-star piece of shapely collagen (I worked out an average rating). She was also in a film that premiered in France, The Transporter, although I’m uncertain as to whether or not she appears naked. ***
Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996): Disney cartoons have a magic about them that can bring both parents and children together in the living room; unfortunately, this is a rare exception that will completely satisfy neither young nor old audiences. This film is rated G, despite some very dark issues bubbling underneath. Hunchback of Notre Dame is a tale about persecution, lust, and obsession; a rated G cartoon that softens the main topics while attempting to stay true to the original story is a compromise that does not work. Still, there’s dancing and stuff, so children will still watch it and there is some dicey dialogue conservative parents should watch out for. ***
Hunt, Helen: A few years ago, everyone loved Helen Hunt, but she has faded a little since then because people have realized that she isn’t all that. She isn’t that beautiful, and she isn’t that talented, and what do you expect when your career is propelled via a sitcom? She likes playing these “I’m vulnerable, yet independent roles” and I did not feel she deserved an Oscar for As Good as It Gets, although she did alright in it. She also did alright alongside one of the most painful-to-watch actors, Bill Paxton, in Twister. ***
Hurley, Elizabeth: She’s a model, born and raised to be sexy on any occasion – not an actor. Still, this is better than, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, who’s an idiot, born and raised to act (and look) like a clueless teen; thus, ‘Liz deserves one more star: **
Huston, Angelica: Age is a lot more than just a number for any actress in Hollywood and I gotta respect any actress with as much staying power as Angelica Huston – the likes of Elizabeth Hurley and Jennifer Love-Hewitt will be lucky if they get to follow up on Murder She Wrote when they grow old. Granted, a lot of Huston’s staying power has to do with the fact she looks like one jolly witch, and she usually plays in similar roles. She was excellent as the evil stepmother in Ever After and who could forget her as Morticia in Addams Family? She just seems like a sport and a fun person (and, psst, I still think she’s hot). ****
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This is a part of Simply Crispy’s Film Dictionary Write-Off. For a complete list of letters and articles, Go to his profile
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