Oh What The #*%&!
Written: Feb 28 '07
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Product Rating:
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Pros: The game is a rare find for NES collectors.
Cons: There is definitely a huge reason for it's low production run.
The Bottom Line: What did I do to deserve this?
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| StarSoldier1's Full Review: Color a Dinosaur for NES |
You got to be kidding me! I know I don't like using swear words in my reviews too often but if there is one game that deserves to be spit or stepped on, it is this very disturbing dud right here. So why am I so upset with this Color A Dinosaur old Nintendo game you ask? The name says it all because like Cobadee said in his review what you are doing here is just colouring in stupid dinosaur pictures really and that's it. Honestly, do you really need me to go on here? Can't you just give that Very Helpful (or Most Helpful :) lol) already so we can both end our suffering here? Oh well, c'mon baby make it hurt so good. Read on and learn more about one of the worst (quite possibly the worst) video games ever made!
Now this is the part of the review where I like to talk about the story but there is absolutely no story here at all. Come on, even games like Super Mario Bros. and Mega Man just throw together a typical Save the Princess or Conquer the World story line to help the player feel somewhat important. The programmers couldn't do that with this crap here.
Color A Dinosaur here actually isn't a game at all but a very VERY limited photoshop title where you get to colour in 16 different cartoon dinosaurs. Now if anyone knows me they know I personally love to draw and paint myself if I have any spare time. It's just a great way to feel creative and relax at the same time but I never in my life wanted to just paint only dinosaurs. Who in the hell would want to do that?
OK, maybe you're thinking to yourself that maybe this might just distract the kids for a bit while you be the master of your domain or something. Well, think again because even small kids would hate this and they'll be right back saying to you 'this game sucks!' Not only is this a dumb idea for a video game since this is a very small niche market but there are only a hand full of options as well.
For example for a drawing game you only get a few dull colours available to paint with. Remember this is the NES here and it can only handle a small number of colours at once. You are also forced to cycle through the parts of the dinosaur instead of free control of the game's pencil so even the controls stink here. How bad of a programmer do you have to be to screw up the controls on a freaking drawing game!?
Moving on to the graphics I can safely say there are no redeeming qualities here again. I hope you consider 16 black and white sketches art because that's the only thing you'll be seeing in this game. Hey, maybe I can scan a few uncoloured children book drawings so I can make my own video game. Yes Satan, I'll do it! Screw you video game buying public!
OK, maybe I went a little overboard there but maybe the sound can save this game, right? The music is actually done by video game musical pioneer Tommy Tallarico himself (famous composer and star of the TV show Reviews on the Run). Normally I'm a huge fan of Tallarico's musical work (Earthworm Jim was awesome for one) but just doing one lame looping sound track for a title screen doesn't cut it. To be fair I can tell he didn't care about this project and who could blame him.
Lets refresh ourselves to why this is one of the biggest pieces of crap you'll ever experience in your life. Can you draw or create your own unique art or dinosaur art here? No! Can you add shading and lighting effects to enhance your pictures? No! Can you play any mini games if you are sick of this stupid sketching? No! Can you stop playing this any time you want? Thank God yes! Yup, if this game sounds exciting to you then be my guess and maybe you'll like using a staple gun on your nimbles too but don't say I didn't warn ya. What makes me even madder here that this non-game got released in North America while other NES/Famicom titles like Over Horizon, Super Turrican, and Gradius II were not. Since Color a Dinosaur isn't a game or even a good drawing program either you should buy it cheap and quickly sell it (the game is kind of rare which is the only positive sadly) because you're never going to ever want to play it again. Now if you excuse me I have to wash my hands to get the sh*& off.
*Uncommon NES game
COLOR A DINOSAUR overall rating: 00/100
Video game company to blame: Virgin
The year its hell was released: 1993
For 1 player only
graphics: 0/10
sound: 0/10
gameplay: 0/10
replay: 0/10
-StarSoldier
(Ryan Genno) 2007
Recommended:
No
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Member: Ryan Genno
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