May 05 '03

The Bottom Line Same trouser snake many different wrappers.

As many of you here at Epinions know, I have an overwhelming enjoyment of the brown sugar and I will do anything that Mimi369 tells me to do. So when Mimi put my name on her list of write-off participants without my consent, I took that as a sign that I better start writing about my undies. When Mimi mention that the winner of this write-off will win the opportunity to hand wash her bras in warm soapy water, I decided it was time to once again make another write-off my number one priority.

Even though I do not wear one specific brand of underwear and I cannot indorse any one product, I will do my best to write about my experience with under-products.

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Stockholder Smothered in Underwear Sauce


Back in my drinking days when my son was in his early teens, his friends called me Mr. Underwear. It seemed to his friends that when ever they saw me I was wearing just underwear. They would be in his bedroom listening to their loud undesirable Heavy Mental music or on the front porch bouncing a ball of the front door and I would need to jump out of bed and start yelling at them to be quiet.

At times I would have to get in one of my son’s wisecracking friend’s faces while wearing just my underwear. At the age of twelve or thirteen, the sight of an angry man with a large bulge in his Tightie-Whities seemed so hilarious that they could not control their laughter. I would hear them say things like "Mr. Underwear strikes again" or "did you see those shit-stains on your dad’s briefs?" I’m sure at the time I embarrassed my son, but he would never mention anything. He knew that it was my house and I was only comfortable wearing just underwear. Plus he appreciated the fact that I always ignored the feeble attempts made by his friends to hide the cans of beer. In fact at times I would confiscate a can or two to help cure my cracking hangover from the night before.

Even to this day you will very rarely see me in the privacy of my own home wearing pants. But now that I am older, I switched from the Tightie-Whitey Underwear that displayed my firm young buttocks, to boxers, the darker the color the better. I will try not to get into too much detail, there are several people at Epinions that are already very attracted to me. I do not want to get misc_el, katybrighteyes and atchesonate overly excited by the description of a half nude very sexy Mr. Stockholder, but I must say I have a very impressive collection of boxers and boxer briefs that fit almost every occasion.

While I do my heavy duty lounging around the house and spending time on the computer, I wear many different types of boxer shorts. I have a pair of Joe Boxers that are just plain white with a black waist, I have a pair of SpongeBob SquarePants boxers, I have a pair of boxers with many different types of red and green hot peppers and I also have my favorite, a pair of boxer shorts that feature every NFL football helmet. All of these pairs of underwear have been bought for me by family members that know that I could go days without putting on my pants.

On the rear occasions when I take out a lady, I will always wear a dark pair of Anchor Blue Boxer Briefs. This type of underwear fits as snug as a normal pair of men’s underwear but they are as long as boxer shorts. So if I were to get lucky that particular night and my pants were to come off for some reason, my cellulite that is directly under my butt checks will not be visible. Yet the boxer briefs fit snug enough to where a lady can check out all of my valuables while my trousers are still on. I wear the darkest pair available for obvious reasons and I will always spray a few squirts of CK for Men directly on the briefs. I would say without a doubt that the boxer briefs are what looks the most attractive on me. Every body part appears thinner except for where it counts the most.

While exercising I will wear my very athletic looking pair of red and black Nike spandex shorts. These things keep everything in place while I am walking on the treadmill or riding the exercise bike. My spandex shorts come directly above the knees so I am able to show off my legs to the ladies, they also give me the appearance of being firmer and in better shape than I really am. I have only one pair so I need to wash them after each use. The one time that I attempted to wear them twice without washing, my son told me I smelled like a homeless person and suggested I change before our workout.

I also have a pair of boxers that are extremely loose and worn in for comfort; these boxers are so old that the tag is now worn off and I'm not sure of the brand name. The elastic around the waist is completely stretched and worn so the belly can hang unhindered. They have the mandatory ventilation holes in both the front and the back of the underwear. These boxers are a perfect fit for going out to eat; mainly to all you can eat buffets. This pair of underwear is for comfort only and I would never allow anyone to see me in them, I would not even lounge around my apartment with these monstrosities on, but I do wear them to bed when they are freshly washed. Before going to sleep every night, I must have a clean pair of boxers on. But that does not always mean they are clean when I wakeup.


In all I would have to say my collection of boxers is quite impressive. It could be the most important article of clothing in my life, yet I never gave it much thought until now. I never thought I would be able to write a full length review on my undies, it is amazing what you can accomplish while you are thinking about hand washing Mimi’s bras in warm soapy water.


Please stop by her page and drool over her photos and read the rest of the participants in the write-off.



stockholder



Stockholder writes about his Cockholders (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
I actually have nothing to say about your review (other than: Bravisimo! Encore! Viva la Stockholder!), but I had to leave a comment because the title above popped into my head, and I thought, if anyone, you would get a kick out of it.

Carry on.

-mike