I do not know a hell of a lot about the Ghost Rider comics nor about the Ghost Rider himself, Johnny Blaze, so I'm not even going to pretend to be an expert on if this movie captures any of that source material. I can say however that the people I know who do read the comics have said that they would rather swallow pop rocks and coke before seeing this movie again. I'm going to go one step further. I'll put a lit stick of dynamite in my mouth just for good measure. Maybe it'll stop me from seeing "Ghost Rider 2," because I love Nicolas Cage enough to sit through a sequel to a movie that was horrendous to begin with. After making me sit through "The Wicker Man," why must I be sitting here writing a review for this? Isn't about time for a "Matchstick Men" level of Cage genius? Please tell me it is.

That's not to say that Cage doesn't have some fine moments in this film. I dedicated a whole paragraph of my "Wicker Man" review to great Cage moments, as any review of a Cage movie should. I like the scene in this film where his character, Johnny Blaze, tells his love interest that he missed dinner because he sold his soul to the devil. I like the scene of him going nuts, Cage-style, in a jail cell, and I also like whenever he does his Elvis point. But none of this feels like it should belong in this film. In fact, nothing in this movie feels like it should belong in a movie where a bounty hunter with a flaming skull is capturing souls.

The character of Johnny Blaze is written as if he is this lovable dufus who would cause a traffic jam to get a girl's phone number and loves to spend his free time listening to The Carpenters and watching monkeys do karate on tv. My God man, this character is a prime candidate for a remake "Speedway," the old Elvis flick. Does Satan really want this man to do his bidding for him? First off, I don't understand why Satan can't do this on his own, but to make a Zen Elvis his bounty hunter almost seems like the result of a really boring day in hell.

As a teenager, Johnny Blaze sold his soul to the devil (Peter Fonda) in order to save the life of his father, in what has to be one of the most emotionless scenes ever put on film. Blaze finds out that his father is terminally ill of cancer, and instead of showing any sort emotion, he stands there with a blank stare on his face, and the movie fades into a scene of Blaze working on his motorcycle. Anyway, the devil betrays him and keeps hold of his soul, informing him that he will one day return with a favor to ask.

Instead of being down and out about the curse, Blaze turns it into an advantage of sorts and becomes the most popular daredevil the country has seen. Indeed, his audiences are made up of people who would probably love a movie like "Ghost Rider." This is another thing I don't buy. He almost treats this curse as if he's found the fountain of youth. It's like The Hulk being thrilled because his green skin will match his shorts, or Daredevil being pleased that he will never actually have to see this film. Things turn ugly when Fonda returns to ask for his favor. Blaze will become the Ghost Rider, which means his head will turn into a flaming skull and he'll roam the night collecting souls, but more notebly, getting ahold of a lost list of souls being hunted down by the even more evil Blackheart (Wes Bentley). Once again, why Satan couldn't do this himself is beyond me.

I will admit that the sight of the Ghost Rider is a pretty striking one. It's a creepy looking image, and the roar-like laughter is very effective as well. If he kept to his laugh and his line about looking into his eyes, then that would have been just fine with me, but this flick has to saddle him up with such clunkers as "You're going down," "You missed," "Time to clean the air," and the always available "You're p*ssing me off."

Did I forget to mention the girl too? Yes, there's a love interest played by Eva Mendes, one of the more forgettable actresses of our time, and so is this character. Wes Bentley is so awful and stock in this film, that with his pale skin and jet black hair, he looks like he belongs in a shot-on-video vampire movie that you would find at Deals for a buck. I know there is a movie out there that could use Peter Fonda as a bike loving Satan, but not with this script. Although, any movie could use Peter Fonda if you ask me. As how about Sam Elliott as the caretaker? I liked his naration better in "The Big Lebowski," although I will admit that I did like the scene of him on a flaming horse riding along side the Ghost Rider. It had no dialogue and the imagery was good. Maybe that was it.

I knew from early on this wasn't going to be a movie that would sit very well with me. I knew it when it wouldn't even give Satan a grand movie entrance that we've all come to know in cinema. Come on, if you're going to have Satan in a movie, then you need the fog or the long hallway or the slow motion strut or atleast some glowing red eyes in the darkness. The first time we see Satan in this movie is through random splices in an opening montage. That's not a grand entrance. That's how you would treat a fifth act at a county fair. This movie gets it all wrong. Oh, and by the way, Eva Mendes gets slow-mo entrance in a hallway. I just realized I hate this movie even more than I thought I did.

Recommended: No