About a Boy: Atchesonate, in 16 Parts May 21 '03    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Books Mildred D. Taylor - Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry: A Literature Unit From $8 Olivier Dunrea - Ollie From $7 The Bottom Line I'd like to ask the Bottom Line a few questions... There are some things you should know about Nate. Here they are. (Special thanks to prelude99 for providing Eps with the chance to get to know Nate a little better) 1. How long have you been a member of Epinions? Nate has been a member of Epinions since October 13, 2002, precisely one day longer than Steph. He is fond of making pointed comments about how long he has been on Epinions, and frequently offers Steph unsolicited advice “for you newbies.” 2. What do you do for a living? Nate works for a film production company, which is to say, he sits at a desk and furtively whacks off to straight porn while his boss is out of the office. He is deeply ashamed of his closet heterosexuality and hopes nobody ever finds out. 3. Favorite food? Nate is a hardcore vegan. In fact, he’s beyond vegan. He refuses to eat anything but organically grown raw foods. Subsisting on handfuls of berries, raw vegetables, and the occasional nut, Nate enjoys gnawing on chunks of honeycomb (harvested by bee-friendly methods) as a special treat. 4. Most embarrassing moment? In a particularly bleak period of Nate’s life, he tried to take his own life with one of his sister’s Just 4 Girls Fruit Scented razors. Not only did the attempt fail (it was a safety razor, and Nate was unable to break the blade out of the protective plastic housing), but he turned out to be severely allergic to the tangerine-guava fragrance on the razor. Nate was rushed to the emergency room, where he failed to provide a convincing explanation for why he’d been monkeying around with his sister’s things, and was severely chastised by both parents in front of the entire ICU staff. 5. What are your favorite topics to write about on Epinions? Since the birth of his third daughter, Malaisia, Nate prefers to review nothing but baby products. Teething rings, pop-up books, gel-filled busy mats, you name it. Nate is currently a Top Reviewer in Beauty and has a limitless enthusiasm for testing and reviewing lip glosses (many of which have been covertly snitched from Steph’s purses). 6. Name a few things that you can’t stand whatsoever: Nate abhors Bob Hoskins and atheists. He thinks all gay people should be swept off the earth in a fiery holocaust as punishment for their wicked, sinful choice of a vile and terminal lifestyle. 7. Hobbies? Though he is a busy man, Nate always makes time for his fleet of remote-control watercraft. On weekends, you will often find him at the local swimming pool, sporting a natty fisherman’s hat and gently guiding his tugboat through the shallows. 8. What kind of car do you drive? What color is it? Nate had a pearlescent pink Lincoln Navigator, but wrecked it while driving in his customary alcohol-sodden stupor. To while away the months until he can apply for a new license, he’s purchased a Segway, and man, does he look cool on that thing. 9. Worst time you got into trouble when you were a kid? Strapped for cash and desperate to get drunk, eleven-year-old Nate masterminded a fake fundraising scam, purchasing stale candy bars on the cheap at a dollar store and selling them door-to-door at an 800% markup. He made several hundred dollars before being caught while trying to convince a homeless guy to go into a 7-Eleven and buy beer for him. 10. Have you ever been on TV? If so, what for? Though he did not technically appear on television (the scene was cut during the final stages of production), Nate did participate in the first round of this season’s “American Idol.” He sang “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette, but was booed off the stage before reaching the first chorus. Nate has yet to recover from the humiliation. 11. What kind of music do you like to listen to? Nate “likes everything but country and rap,” but he does have a few favorites. He’s always had a soft spot for Phil Collins and Celine Dion, and occasionally gets funky in the evenings with some lite jazz and a glass of chardonnay. 12. What CD would your friends be surprised that you own? Nate not only owns, but knows all the words to, the soundtrack to Disney’s “The Little Mermaid.” It’s rumored that he sometimes dons a red wig and demands to be addressed as “Ariel” in the bedroom, but this has not been confirmed. 13. Shoes or sandals? Like all fashion-forward young men, Nate prefers the breatheability and comfort of mandals in summer. Birkenstocks are the ideal combination of playfulness and durability. For formal occasions, or on chilly autumn evenings, Nate pairs his mandals with thick, fluffy black cotton socks with contrasting heel and toe stitching. 14. Where do you buy most of your clothes? Though Nate loves nothing better than sashaying through the mall with a girlfriend on each arm, in his heart, he’s loyal to the smaller, funkier boutiques that echo his bohemian style. To stay true to his eclectic hippie style, Nate will remove the tags from store-bought garments, or add unique accents, like rickrack or rhinestones. He calls them “Nate Creations,” and they exude funky-fresh street flavor! 15. Have you ever met any famous people? If so, who? Once, Nate accidentally spilled a Cosmopolitan on Paris Hilton at a trendy little SoHo bar. She was understandably furious, but when she saw Nate’s handsome face, she calmed down and even laughed about her spoiled Dolce & Gabbana leather miniskirt. The two have remained close friends and frequently call each other’s cell phones for heart-to-heart chats or intense philosophical discussions. 16. What are your favorite TV shows? Nate remains steadfastly loyal to 1980s and 1990s sitcoms. “Full House” and “Blossom” are his special favorites, but he’ll happily watch “Cheers” or “Night Court” too. For reasons he’s never been able to explain, Nate has always had a crush on both Richard Moll and Markie Post, and secretly whacks it at work while fantasizing about a “Night Court” threesome. ***** Thanks for taking the time to read Nate’s most intimate secrets. If he only knew I was doing this, I’m sure he’d be very happy that you all know these things about him now.

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