Dr. Freudine Resolves To Help Her New, Shy Client
May 23 '03 (Updated May 25 '03)
The Bottom Line This is more of a mixture of fantasy and reality, but this category seemed to work best.
NOTE * This is a requested follow-up to my review of The Gift of Shyness (http://www.epinions.com/content_98783891076), where I as Dr. Freudine met with my new client only to have its purpose sullied by my overly opinionated client, 29th_Candidate. Not that opinions are a bad thing, mind you, but they have a time and a place, which isn't during somebody else's psychiatric session! Here in their next session, the New Client has a better chance to criticize the self-help book and we find out why, according to Dr. Freudine, he's shy.
*******************
I step into my dark office, switch on the light and confidently prepare for my session with DavidMac. It would surely go well. This time there is no sign of 29th_Candidate because I scheduled David on a different day and time. Just as I managed a swig of water from the bottle I carry in my purse, I am startled by a knock on the door. I frown at my watch, wondering if it is losing time, and, half-expecting it to be 29th, call out for them to come in. David's smiling eyes meet mine and I let out my breath.
Me: Hi, David! I'll be right with you.
David: I'm not too early, am I, Dr. Freud? I've irritated you, haven't I? I just didn't want to be late when you're such a busy person and...
Me: You're a dear you are to worry so. I'm positive we'll have a rewarding relationship. Okay, here's your "Modesty Journal" that The Gift of Shyness asked you to make. You, um, only wrote about one girl you like. The book asked you to analyze many people to understand how modesty looks.
David (looking uncomfortable): I meant to, it's terrible of me, I know, but she's the only one who interests me and I just didn't have time to analyze others.
Me: It doesn't have to be strangers, but family and other friends or co-workers.
David: Please, could we not talk about my family? I don't like the book, Dr. Freudine. What kind of ignoramus doesn't know what modesty is? First the book hooks me in by telling me that being shy is a gift any prospective mate will appreciate, then it insults me by telling me to practice and perfect being shy with these stupid exercises. I feel even worse for knowing I have too much Observer and not enough Actor in me. Drawing a picture of them as entities inside me and talking or screaming at them is plain ridiculous...
Me: Hey, slow down! (I laugh.) That's fine if you don't like the book...
David: I guess I should...
Me: No, the point is whether it's helped you to like your shyness and to make more friends and conduct business.
David: Well, you just heard me say I feel worse and you know I'm stuck on one girl who, by the way, seemed to respond well to my desire for friendship, but for several days now and one of them her birthday, she's ignored my calls and gift. Isn't she being rude?
Me: Maybe the gift was inappropriate?
David, throwing up his arms: The book didn't have much advice. Something low-key, it said, but this was for her birthday. I gave her a necklace with a locket, a stuffed puppy and a hard-backed copy of Little Women. The clerk said all women love it. Do you think it was the book she hated?
Me: Noooo, but it's all on the excessive side, I think. She may not know how to respond, David. Do you think you're basing your feelings of the book on your frustration with this girl?
David: Why shouldn't I? It said people appreciate shyness in who they date, but Melissa doesn't seem to. It covers itself by explaining that rejections aren't personal, but only mean that at this time in their life they need someone with different qualities. Well, if that isn't a pretty way of saying the very same damn thing!
Me: Hmm.
David: Dr. Freudine, I realize the author Dr. Avila is trying to be helpful, but I don't think he went about it right.
Me: Hmm?
David: He started out just great and made me feel my shyness was an asset, but then he said I needed to be a better shy person by being more of an Actor than Observer, more spontaneous and expressive. That seems like criticism to me, you know.
Me: Hmm.
David: What's with this hmming, Dr.? It reminds me of my mother.
Me: I'm sorry. I was practicing my Sigmund Freud imitation. Very spontaneous and expressive answers, by the way.
David, blushing: Really? I'm getting all worked up...
Me: You're doing fine, David. So self-help books shouldn't criticize?
David, pausing in thought: Yes, but not after praising what it then criticizes. And it promised I could find my soul mate by recognizing other shy people who really appreciate shyness, but I have never been that attracted to shy girls. I like girls who are easy to talk to because it's too hard otherwise. Dr. Avila doesn't think opposites attract, I guess.
Me: I've known quite a few couples who are opposite in nature and that is the crux of the attraction.
David: Exactly! They make up for something we're lacking...
Me, opening my eyes wide: Oh, now what do you mean?
David: Well, there's a special someone who will be the piece that is missing and with them we'll feel together, content and, you know, complete. Introverts need extraverts; a romantic needs a logical person. Yin needs yang.
Me: Okay, they complement each other, but are still worthy people alone. Spring is yin and winter yang, but both are all they can be in accordance with their nature. (I reflect on his silence and stare of his hands where he plays with a class ring.) David, if you feel incomplete without that special person, you can't feel good about who you are. You will only feel good about yourself as long as you're with that person and then fall apart without her.
David, laughing, looks up: Isn't love grand?
Me: That's passion, not love. Love isn't needing something someone can give us. If you think you're shy because you haven't found the right person to complete you..., I can see why this book hasn't helped you. You don't want his help, silly as it may be. Only a girl you like can help you.
David: Oh. That's why I'm shy? A misguided sense of love?
Me: Yes, it's preventing you from fully expressing your desires and needs as you wait to be forgiven your faults. "Love" from another can only validate your worth.
David: Isn't that the case with Christians?
Me: Well, traditional ones, I would agree..., but they don't usually give the same power to humans. Anyway, are you willing to consider that you need help to be a more complete person, which will allow your shyness to be part of you?
David: Would I have to like The Gift of Shyness? I'll really try...
Me: Hahaha! No, you don't even have to reread it. I just want you to enjoy being who you are by yourself or with others. Catch yourself when you start to critique yourself and instead praise or compliment somebody else. That will take your mind off yourself and make you feel good about yourself. I think it'll help you a lot more than arguing with your Observer or cajoling your Actor.
David: You're right. I overanalyze myself and this book kind of encourages that. Thanks, Dr. Freudine. Hopefully I'll break that habit by next week.
Me: Oh, that fast? (I chuckle.) I do declare you are ambitious! See you at the same time then, David. Don't try to impress me, okay, but change your perspective for yourself. Real love won't be such a stranger then.
David, smiling: I'll try, Dr. (We both rise and clasp each other's hand.) Thanks again. See ya!
Me: Oh, here's your journal. The session wasn't very long because you didn't analyze more people. If you want to add to it for next week, I can help you more. Have a life-changing week! (After he murmurs "thanks so much" and leaves I start humming and sit down to scribble notes of the session. David promises to be a most satisfying client.)
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
jankp
|
 in Movies |
 - Top 100 |
|
Member: Jan Peregrine
Location: Lincoln, NE
Reviews written: 1499
Trusted by: 498 members
About Me:
Farrah, I'm stunned. Play with the other angels, love.
|
|
|
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.