you’re 16, you’re a questions writeoff, and you’re mine Jun 12 '03    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Books Mildred D. Taylor - Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry: A Literature Unit From $8 Olivier Dunrea - Ollie From $7 The Bottom Line Voxpoptart is a superb and Trustworthy product, a man of steel at any price. (The 16 Questions Write-Off, born on May 1st to prelude99, was left for dead weeks later after being dismembered by disinclined and atchesonate, who insisted that "we only wanted to see how it worked" and that "'performance art' is a two-word genre label". However, it was lately revived through the 26th-century medical skills of kris-kochanski, who unfortunately, because she is a robot, does not look at all like Tori Amos.) ************* 1. How long have you been a member of Epinions? I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of Epinions. Epinions is a member of me, a product of my own mind. You are figments of my imagination. Which implies that, despite my avowals of a straightedge lifestyle, I must somehow be taking _way_ too many drugs. Cuz y’all are weird. 2. What do you do for a living? I write for Epinions. So far I have made 73 cents this way. My Dad taught me to live cheap. Also, I sell other people’s belongings on e-Bay, and I sell ancestral lands under duress to the invading white man. The invading white man’s name is Kevin. 3. Favorite food? In your honor I consume the roasted corpses of your fiercest and most hated enemies. Assuming for the moment that your fiercest and most hated enemies are vegetables or beans. 4. Most embarrassing moment? When, trusting my informants at the C.I.A. that Cuban rebels would rise up and overthrow Fidel Castro, I ordered an invasion at a place called “Bay of Pigs”, carried out by a small elite force consisting of five lightly-braised heads of purple cabbage. I should have been tipped off, by the fact of its English name, that the Bay of Pigs was not actually anywhere near Cuba, where the native language is Cubism. 5. What are your favorite topics to write about on Epinions? Beauty and skin care products. Because I am a firm believer in delayed gratification, however, I have not written on these topics yet. 6. Name a few things that you can’t stand whatsoever: I can’t stand in the place where you are, though I can think about direction and wonder why you haven’t, now. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t stand losing. I can’t dance, I can’t squawk, the only thing about me is the way I walk. I can’t stand whatsoever, but darling, darling stand by me. I can’t help falling in love with you, and yet I can’t get no satisfaction. I can’t explain, can’t explain, can’t explain. Who’s on first? No, just Roger Daltrey is. 7. Hobbies? Yes. 8. What kind of car do you drive? Imaginary ones. But as established in (1) above, so do y’all. 9. Worst time you got into trouble when you were a kid? I went back in time, trying to find an era where my Epinions salary would amount to actual money, and prevented my great-great-great-great-great-great paternal grandmother from meeting my great-great-great-great-great-great paternal grandfather at a synagogue dance. Luckily their wedding had been arranged 13 years earlier by _their_ parents, so they were introduced two days later and everything went off without a hitch; but I had a lot of trouble explaining who the ponytailed guy was on my five-cent piece. Fortunately I caused an eclipse and escaped further questioning. 10. Have you ever been on TV? If so, what for? Yes, I have, as part of an investigation about whether sex on TV is dangerous to the moral fiber of our nation. I determined that our nation’s moral fiber was probably safe, but neither our nation’s carpet fibers nor my knees and ankles could long endure the substantial risk of falling off of TV. 11. What kind of music do you like to listen to? Excessively complicated pop songs and anything else made by people who have put too much thought into their music; favorite artists of mine include the Loud Family, Rheostatics, They Might Be Giants, XTC, the Boomtown Rats, Tori Amos, Dar Williams, Nine Inch Nails, Alanis Morissette, Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine, the Beatles, Yes, Ani DiFranco, Thought Industry, R.E.M., 5uu’s, Radiohead, and Lesbian Spank Inferno. 12. What CD would your friends be surprised that you own? (I do not understand why anyone would be surprised at me owning cd’s) 13. Shoes or sandals? As I often frequent places with a strict policy allowing no shirts, no shoes, and no service, I obviously try not to wear shoes. 14. Where do you buy most of your clothes? Elsewhere. 15. Have you ever met any famous people? If so, who? I am not now, nor have I ever been, cognizant of who qualifies as “famous” at any given time. If I have met any famous people, I am sure they were honored to meet me. I would be honored to meet myself, were it not that this would cause extreme ruptures in the time-space continuum, which would cause actors in weird jumpsuits to look very nervous. Not that that’s bad. 16. What are your favorite TV shows? Ay, that is the question. Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of Wide World of Archery, or to take arms against a sea of bass fishermen, and by opposing end ESPN? To die – to sleep, no more do by a sleep we say to end with a national anthem, oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light, a haze of static, to give us pause; and there’s the respect that makes calamity of such a long season’s programming. It’s a wonderful life, it’s a miracle on channel 34; merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. This special handbag to anyone who donates $75. Bless you.

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