Like nectar to a bee - Manly W/O
Jun 13 '03 (Updated Jun 16 '03)
The Bottom Line The sexiest, most appealing men are those who have a healthy dose of the female persona.
This is part of the “Manly Write-Off” hosted by Joubert and Hawgwyld to celebrate their respective third-year anniversaries on Epinions. Be sure to read the other entries; their names are listed at the bottom of this review, and you can reach direct links to their reviews at http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/mypageontheweb/page9.html.
*****
Many, many years ago, I knew a man (let’s call him Vic) who drew women to himself in a way I’d never seen before. As soon as he entered a room, women flocked to him like bees to nectar. They flirted with him, tried to attract his attention (not hard to do,) mooned all over him when they thought they’d caught him, and were absolutely devastated when he drifted out of their lives shortly thereafter. He was intensely focused on them for the brief time their relationship lasted, but left them suicidal when he sidled away and into another one.
Now, I could understand all this if he looked like, say, Paul Newman, or Harry Belafonte, or Harrison Ford, or any member of the current crop of hunks (they all look alike to me, so I can’t remember any names - I guess I just gave away my age.) But he didn’t. He was short, stocky, totally absorbed in his profession, completely committed to non-commitment, and... ummm... somewhat under-endowed. (Don’t ask.)
So what was it? What made him so irresistible to women?
It took me a while to figure it out. In fact, I didn’t get it until I got involved with a friend of his (“Sam,” for the purposes of this essay,) who attracted women to only a slightly lesser extent. The two of them couldn’t have looked less alike, but both Vic and Sam had That Certain Indefinable Something that made them irresistible to women. The fact that they were both gangbusters in bed didn’t hurt, either, but somehow, women were drawn to them long before that fact had been empirically proven.
After having been pulled into both their auras, and having escaped relatively unscathed, and having sat back and watched them operate, and having observed the way women responded to them, and having spent a lot of time pondering and cogitating and thinking about it, I finally grokked it.
These two men had unusually strong female personas.
Carl Jung, one of Freud’s first disciples and an early proponent of psychoanalysis, posits that we all carry within us elements of both our own sex and the opposite. Some people, exemplars of prototypical “masculinity” or “femininity,” are heavily weighted toward their own sex. Others appear to be almost androgynous, of indeterminate sexuality. (I’m talking about the psyche here, not the physical embodiment, although I know they can’t be entirely separated.) And all the rest of us are ranged along the rest of the spectrum. (Disclaimer: I am not a fan of Jung, and can’t speak with any authority about his theories - this just about exhausts my knowledge.)
Most women regard “manly” men - big, broad-shouldered, hairy-chested, interested in typical male pursuits, and so on - as catnip. To a certain extent, so do I. I like men who aren’t like me - bigger, bulkier, not “pretty,” strong where I’m not. (It’s only been in the last couple of years that the straggly, gangly, undernourished pre-pubescent-body type of guy has been considered attractive, and I think that’s because of the “heroin chic” fad in fashion.)
But there’s a quality that I find even more enticing in a man, and that’s a combination of a real love for women, wit, a certain softness, an innate sense of what women are about, and, most definitely, a twinkle in the eye. It has to be all of these qualities - you can’t pick and choose. And It’s inborn - you can’t learn It.
And did I mention that they’re wonderful, thoughtful, pleasure-giving lovers?
That’s how I recognize the strong female persona in a man. I can’t define it more clearly because it’s sensed rather than seen. And it’s not about being like a woman - these men don’t cry more easily than other men, or show an interest in the kinds of things women are often interested in, or even behave with more sensitivity or consideration for women. In fact, Vic was notorious for moving from woman to woman, usually drifting out the door after a few months, never committing to either having or ending a relationship.
There’s no one personality type that’s common to these men, either. While all but one of the men with whom I’ve had serious relationships had that strong female persona, that was the only thing they had in common. Dave is very quiet and reticent, thinks before he speaks, and was emotionally unavailable to me for a long time, but finally reached out to me and continued to do so for a long time. Charles is very authoritative, committed to his art, and voluble and talkative. And my beloved Penguinman - ah! - he’s in a class by himself. He’s funny, sociable, sensitive, loving, and intensely aware and focused on me and our relationship... and has a wide female streak right down the middle of his being.
You can’t even recognize this quality by the man’s relationship with other men. Both Vic and Sam tended to be initially disliked and mistrusted by other men, mostly because they would routinely walk into a room and own every woman in it, with very little effort on their part. Vic had some men friends, but spent most of his time with women. Most of his male relationships were somewhat shallow. Yeah, I know most men don’t get as emotionally close as women do with their friends, but his relationships were notable for their paucity and superficiality. Sam did a little better; in fact, in later years, he successfully went out of his way to develop strong male relationships. But with all that, both continued to effortlessly draw women into their orbits. In fact, I saw several “man’s man”-type women, who loved football players and construction workers and other such testosterone-laden take-charge types, fall under the spell of Vic or Sam.
These aren’t girly guys, either. Granted, none of the ones I know is a jock, or even particularly enjoys sports, either doing or watching. And I’d never ask any of them to go shopping. But when you walk into the room after an hour spent getting ready, you’ll get a completely heartfelt and spontaneous, “My God - you’re beautiful!” And you’ll get bountiful hugs and touches, and a lot of undivided attention.
There are really only two qualities these guys have in common: All but one of them have remained in close, loving relationships with me, to the initial consternation of Penguinman, who had never experienced that before and who took a while to get used to the idea that I really do still love my former lovers, and they, fortunately, reciprocate.
And... they’re wonderful lovers. Or did I mention that already? A man who’s really tuned in to women can’t help but be. Your pleasure is paramount.
So what more could you ask for? Let’s hear it for nectar, whatever its source!
*****
Be sure to read the other entries in this write-off. Participants include:
HawgWyld (host)
Joubert (host)
char.mike
Donnie013
maggsmomm
AliventiAsylum
cathyjones
Dbbum
tombarnes
jenb123
Mimi369
Aerocat
Susie-34668
Amykhar
erinrounds
mind-full
murasaki
RedDiva
SKAD13
Logimom
Onelamefan
gaelkm
AdaDavis
amyk49
Barefooter
drdevience
ginzo
jankp
jetbluefan1
PacManY2J
sweetcece
edsmith
martytdx
melissasrn
Misc_el
Mom2TyZick
Robinmichele
tigger500
artbyjude
kcfoxy
lorenmgreen
cr01
SweetyPeach
jlava73
combat_rock / Best Blasphemous Western Ever
kld718
Mike.Holmes
tombarnes
Debbie26
pogomom
Sordid-1
DGTurtle2
lizf
chad8246
Bryan Carey
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
Penguinlady
|
 in Hotels & Travel |
 - Top 200 |
|
Location: I'd rather be in Antarctica
Reviews written: 628
Trusted by: 281 members
About Me:
Many thanks to Travel CL SurgRN911 for speedily adding Stuff for me - she's GREAT!
|
|
|
© 1999-2010 Shopping.com, Inc.