To Dad...BECAUSE...Manly Write-Off
Jun 15 '03
The Bottom Line I loved my Dad. How much more 'bottom line' could I be? Sheesh!
This is my first entry in a write-off celebrating Manliness and three-year anniversaries, hosted by http://www.epinions.com/user-hawgwyld,http://www.epinions.com/user-joubert,http://www.epinions.com/user-char.mike (Thank goodness there is ONE girl in the hosting trinity. I don’t feel quite so isolated now!)
Paste this link to go to the web page where the other entries are posted, or go to the above profile pages for more info.
http://www.angelfire.com/mb2/mypageontheweb/page9.html
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The question you might justly ask is: What are YOU doing here? (Like I would know anything about this!) Although I know I have never been a very feminine girl, I am definitely not a man. I don’t have the tiniest clue about what it feels like to be a man. I think, for you ladies, that it is much harder than it sounds.
I think, unfortunately, that most of us associate the roles we play with the ones pre-fabricated by our society. In my day, I guess it was a John Wayne kind of macho, or a Gary Cooper style of stoicism that contained most of the gender markers. For American men, I think it required protecting your family, earning a living, and being the one strong enough to handle all of life’s emergencies-without showing any weakness. It did not usually include sharing your own insecurities and doubts with your family. The touchy-feely stuff and the domestic care. Even the raising of children was women’s work. I suspect I am not the only one of my generation who saw such a limited aspect of their fathers. I was extremely lucky, I think , to have had both of the parents I had. For most of the good stuff, I give full credit to my mother.
It was hard for me to come to terms with my Father, since I had a fight with him that lasted twenty years, and was not resolved when he died. But I have done a lot of thinking since then.
My Dad drank, often cursed, took long “vacations” from work, and had a major problem with communication. That he felt alienated from the world must have been true. The sensitivity that he possessed (as Granniemose could tell you) lay hidden beneath a tough macho exterior. He was not an ideal father. But he always kept food on the table, and honestly, we never lacked anything we needed. And I do know now that he loved us.
So this is dedicated to my Dad
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A POEM FOR MY DAD-BECAUSE....
To Louis Stephen Kiraly 1917-1996
It is not because you were the best
That ever walked the earth,
Or stayed close to comfort mom
at the moment of my birth
It is not because you loved me
(although I know you did).
The habits of a lifetime
helped keep those feelings hid.
It is not because I really know
what it is like to be a Dad.
You were the only one
That I ever had.
I thought for years the only way
A man could show his heart
Was to loosen up with whiskey,
or fight and fall apart.
I thought that being female
was not a happy lot
So I fought with you at every turn
not knowing what you thought.
Its not for these I dedicate
this shabby verse to you
Its not for what you didn’t give
But for what I got from you.
First you taught me how to fight
to punch, and then to slice
with words as sharp as razors
and thoughts as cold as ice.
You taught me to play baseball
and how to catch a ball
How to throw, and how to bat
And roller skate, and fall.
My brother sure, expected this
I didn’t know back when..
How rare this gift of sportsmanship
really was, back then.
You took me to the roller rink
and taught me how to glide
I never felt more special than
When we skated side by side.
I wish I would have told you
how you made my heart race
No one else’s Dad came close
or moved with so much grace.
And there’s something now I know
That I didn’t know before
You backed me when I acted out
in protesting life -and war.
When I blew an engine speeding ,
Careless as you please
you just smiled, and took me home,
and asked me for the keys.
I guess what this means to me
as I think about you, Dad,
Is that you really liked me best
When I was being bad.
You never made me feel
I couldn’t do it too
As well as any other kid,
wearing pink or blue.
Well I’ve been bad a lot of late
It’s a habit, I’m afraid.
They’re grinding hard down
on my head
My debt is never paid.
It helps to think of your easy grin
when I really was expelled
for telling my home room teacher
To go on straight to hell.
So here’s the point of this lengthy rant,
because now I know its true
Parenting is much easier
When its shared in life, by two.
I wish I could have said this
straight from me to you.
I really did love you Dad,
and I know you loved me too.
And here’s another truth
I finally came to see
In many ways inside our heads
Dad, you were a lot like me.
Jude Paxton
(This is my second letter to my Dad. This is a much earlier posting...if you are interested., please feel free to read it, http://www.epinions.com/kifm-review-7D5D-14209373-39CD94AA-prod3 or not)
About the write off:
This is from my invitation, to explain it to you all:
..."What the heck kind of write-off is this? Well, it's very simple -- write about stuff that men like. It can be cheap beer, one of those Lethal Weapon films or anything else that's good and manly. And, since HawgWyld's anniversary falls on Father's Day this year, why not write about a gift for your dad or post something in Writer's Corner about the old man? If you think you have to be a man to join, phooey. You couldn't be more wrong. Everyone's invited, so be creative. ..."
My second entry to come for this write off will be a movie review, on ABOUT MY MOTHER, an Amoldovar film.
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Member: jude paxton
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About Me:
If I'd known TODAY was to be my TOMORROW I woulda done better YESTERDAY.
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