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Hey, Mari! (Reply to this comment)
by chaospump
I forgot to tell you I loved yours, especially the part about me!
You know, it seems like you could at least visit California...
;]
BTW, I didn't drop the ball; it's up, although a day late and prob'ly 2 or 3 dollars short...
Thanks again.
-Aaron
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Jun 28 '03
5:33 pm PDT
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Ahhh the memories (Reply to this comment)
by misc_el
Your first husband and the milk/water had me laughing so hard.
It reminded me of a time when my ex husband was sleep walking and insisted that the baby's bed was his an he was trying to climb in! He was really getting hateful when I was like...o.k dude go right ahead sleep there. I mean we were in a full blown argument over it.
I started to pick our then screaming son up when he (my ex) snapped out of it. He looked around like why do I want to sleep in the baby bed?
He swore that was his bed! It was crazy.
Great ramble, Thanks for sharing.
Miss E~
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Jun 26 '03
2:43 pm PDT
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For the record (Reply to this comment)
by hugh_u_kidden
I'm a deranged gnome who without facial hair looks the part of the eight year old with male pattern baldness superbly. Except, my bald spot is shaped like a duck. Actually, now it looks more like a duck laying an egg.
I don't ask for directions, either. I figure if you can't get lost at least once on your way somewhere, it isn't worth going. And hell....finding your way out yourself....that's like discovering the North Pole, climbing Everest, and building the better mousetrap. :)
Great ramble!
Hugh U. Kidden
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Jun 23 '03
8:18 pm PDT
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Re: Well, Hell... (Reply to this comment)
by javajnkie
I have, he accepted. Whoohoo! I'm anxious to read it, especially if you get him drunk first.
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Jun 23 '03
10:37 am PDT
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Re: Re: Re: LOL (Reply to this comment)
by javajnkie
Ah, he's totally normal! Once,I had gotten grand directions off mapblast.com to where a wedding was to be held. My husband made a wrong turn (he was sure he knew where he was going) and when I pointed out that he was going the wrong way, he told me it was a shortcut, that he knew exactly where he was going, and mentioned, in passing, how much he hated back-seat drivers.
Knowing full well he was going the wrong way, I didn't say another word. I didn't really want to go to the wedding anyway. Anyhow, an hour later he stumbled on the right street and drove by the location at least four times before he said in frustration "Where IS it?" I pointed behind us.
We went out to dinner instead. See why it's a love/hate relationship?
I think most of them are like that. Asking for directions, to them, is equivalent to being castrated. I could be wrong. Any guys care to explain what the deal is here?!
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Jun 22 '03
3:28 pm PDT
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Re: Re: LOL (Reply to this comment)
by katybrighteyes
"Do you ever pick up the instructions while the boyfriend is tinkering around and then when he leaves the room for a break fix whatever it is he couldn't figure out?"
Haven't had the opportunity to do that with the boyfriend yet, but with my ex, yes. Years ago when we bought our first VCR, out of sheer frustration I sat down and, following instructions, learned to operate that thing with great efficiency. The ex never learned more than how to work "Play" and "Stop." Doh!
My biggest beef with boyfriend is directions... you know, when you're on the road somewhere, trying to find a place, and the male driver will go in circles 100 times or drive 45 minutes out of the way because he refuses to stop and ask someone, "Where is...?" My dad was the same way, so I reckon boyfriend is NoRmAL. I mean, isn't he? LOL
Katy
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Jun 22 '03
1:28 pm PDT
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Re: LOL (Reply to this comment)
by javajnkie
Hi Katy,
The irony is really that I'll bumble around for a few minutes without picking them up, but later when I'm out of books and have read every cereal box in the house and am hunting frantically for reading material, I'll always pick up instructions that are sitting around. I can operate every feature on his office printer/fax/scanner, and I've never even seen it, because he left the instructions here. Why don't they do that? If I get stuck on something, it's not too hard to read six sentences and 'get it.'
Do you ever pick up the instructions while the boyfriend is tinkering around and then when he leaves the room for a break fix whatever it is he couldn't figure out? Then lay in wait and snap his picture when he walks in and sees that you've done it? I haven't done the picture thing, but it would be fun.
Yes, instructions and maps will be the downfall of humanity. Huwomanity may be able to save a few of them to help us procreate though.
~M
P.S. I really do love men...this isn't a 'down with men' post, honest!
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Jun 22 '03
10:48 am PDT
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Re: Re: ... (Reply to this comment)
by javajnkie
We moved here from Seattle two days before the deadline to register, so we hurriedly registered (already we knew Bush would probably take our state). He still stands by his vote. I actually checked this morning, and even if every Nadar vote had gone Gore, he still would have been short 30,000 votes. Not that the popular vote mattered at all.
I still blame him, because I can.
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Jun 22 '03
10:18 am PDT
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LOL (Reply to this comment)
by katybrighteyes
I noticed you highlighted the word "instructions" in bold letters when speaking of your hubby's mustache trimming set. What is it about men and reading (or NOT reading) instructions? My ex and my boyfriend tinker with something new for hours, trying to "figure this out" or "figure that out," when all they have to do is take a few minutes to read the frikkin' instructions!
I love rants (rambles) like this one, Mari. I swear, if I didn't hear them every once in a while, I'd be convinced I'd gotten hooked up with a bunch of goons. At least by sharing, we women know all fellas are pretty much the same!
(Sorry guys, I loves ya anyway.)
Katy
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Jun 22 '03
1:01 am PDT
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... (Reply to this comment)
by lemon_lime
most excellent - thank you berry much. like becky, i hadn't read much of your stuff before, but now i've read a good deal of it, and i'm glad to have done so. even sober, this was quite the ramble...
(my wife blames me for voting Green too. but i live in a state that Gore won. so i'm off the hook.)
take care,
chad.
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Jun 21 '03
11:33 pm PDT
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Ramble on! (Reply to this comment)
by beckytcy
I don't care that a bunch of people in my state voted for Nader since Massachusetts is firmly Democrat in presidential elections. But if I ever meet someone in Florida who voted for Nader, I might change my position on capital punishment. ;)
Great rambling! I don't think I've read any of your stuff before. I'm off to read more!
Becky (Rambler #17)
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Jun 21 '03
8:31 pm PDT
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Re: Great job!! (Reply to this comment)
by javajnkie
Thanks Mimi! I really was worried that I'd blow the whole thing. Grand tradition that it is, there was quite the legacy of writers before me. I'm not as eloquent as they are, but I had fun!
Thanks for passing me the baton!
~Mari
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Jun 21 '03
6:50 pm PDT
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Great job!! (Reply to this comment)
by Mimi369
I am happy that I passed the torch to you, great funny writer extraodinaire!!
Thanks!! I laughed quite a few times, perfect for my depression, which is slowly going ...elsewhere.
Mimi
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Jun 21 '03
10:55 am PDT
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Re: Most excellent (Reply to this comment)
by javajnkie
My family is still there and they always ask why I don't visit. This could be the perfect excuse. Then again, while my husband doesn't mind that I oogle my a boyfriend who lives in the television whenever he's on, he could object to my participation in a joint stalking and hog-tying event.
But thanks for the invitation. :) If you go, take some photos and be sure to review the camera, the rope you used, the airline, the rental car company, and the hotel you stay at.
Thanks for reading Doc!
~M
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Jun 21 '03
9:00 am PDT
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Most excellent (Reply to this comment)
by drdevience
A fine additition to the FNR! This was great fun! You had me giggling like crazy.
And I can't think of a better person for you to hand this off to than Aaron! *drool*
Wanna run away to Cali with me...? We could hog tie him.. he likes that kinda stuff.
Doc
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Jun 21 '03
7:53 am PDT
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Re: hey there... (Reply to this comment)
by javajnkie
Hiya Tom,
Selective amnesia is a possibility, except that he was so clueless the rest of the day that I absolutely believe that he really had no idea. Although I've used "I didn't say that!" myself, so who knows. If a psychic ever knocks on my door offering seance services and I'm looking for kicks, perhaps I'll add "was that for real?" to my list of questions.
Thanks for reading!
~M
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Jun 20 '03
10:02 pm PDT
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hey there... (Reply to this comment)
by sleeper54
..
Ahh to be 28 again...
you said...
"He had no friggen idea what I was talking about. None whatsoever. He didn't remember getting up and he didn't remember speaking to me at all! Seriously."
Selective amnesia perhaps? A quite common trait of husbands.
'You told me what? I said what? I don't remember that!'
A very effective tool if not over-used...
And my usual, sappy, very..nicely..done !! for you...
...tom...
"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony." —Robert Benchley
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Jun 20 '03
9:21 pm PDT
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