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You think you know but you have no idea: Utensil Usage 101 (Sunstreeks' BBTUDSOBNQAWO W/O)Jun 26 '03 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line Those spoons can get awfully tricky. (Sunstreeks' BBTUDSOBNQAWO W/O) This entry is part of Sunstreeks' Bringing Back the Un-Dead: Sort Of But Not Quite a Write Off W/O. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines "utensil" as follows: Pronunciation: yu-'ten(t)-s&l, 'yü-" Function: noun Etymology: Middle English, vessels for domestic use, from Middle French utensile, from Latin utensilia, from neuter plural of utensilis useful, from uti to use Date: 14th century 1 : an implement, instrument, or vessel used in a household and especially a kitchen 2 : a useful tool or implement Most of us have been using them since we were mere toddlers but those who did not attend a prestigious finishing school or cotillion might be unknowingly using their utensils incorrectly! Oh the horror. Here is a foolproof guide to immaculate utensil usage that even a cannibal could understand and appreciate; I like to call it "Utensil Usage 101." This tutorial will help solve those burning questions regarding the proper usage of not only the commonly utilized trio of fork-knife-spoon but also the lesser known (but equally important) utensils like spatula and tongs. The Fork The fork is a utensil with a handle at one end and four prongs at the other end, especially used for lifting or handling food. It looks eerily similar to a pitchfork, which is maybe why you can see the word 'fork' in the word 'pitchfork.' There are several things you need to watch out for when you are using the fork. First, do not push so hard onto your food with your food that you puncture the plate and create a hole. (This occurs most often in styrofoam and paper plates.) Next, hold your fork like it is a pencil; you do not want to look as though you are eating at Medieval Times. Also, avoid stabbing yourself in the cheek or tongue with the fork's prongs when you put the food in your mouth. The Knife Knives are cutting instruments that consist of a sharp-edged blade attached to a handle. Knives are the most precarious of all utensils. To use a knife, place the blade on the food and rub back and forth until the one piece of meat/butter/bread/whatever has become two smaller pieces. Even if you have a very painful hangnail or very unsightly fingernails (manicure is apparently a foreign word), never use a knife to cut off your fingers or other extremities, for that matter. Do not put your knife in your mouth because you'll probably cut off your tongue, even if by accident. (It happened to my best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend.) The Spoon For those music advisors out there you would be proud that I know 'spoon' is a band, but in the context of the review category 'How to Use Utensils,' it is a utensil of wood, metal, or plastic consisting of a handle with a small, shallow bowl at the end that is used in preparing, serving, or eating food. Although there is little you can really do to screw up the usage of the spoon, the delivery of food from the bowl to the mouth is easily misunderstood. Unless you want to look either extremely immature or, even worse, just plain boorish, do not slurp your food. If I hear slurping in a restaurant I think of an uncontrollable five-year-old. The only substance you can slurp is a slurpee. Some common foods eaten with spoons are ice cream, cereal, and soup. Do not drink your drink with a spoon unless you want to finish in about seven years. So we're all pretty much cognizant regarding the usages of the 'Big 3' of common household utensils - fork, knife, and spoon. But there are several other methods and instruments that people for centuries have used to transport their food from table to tongue. Although there are countless others, some of them include the ladle, spatula, tongs, toothpick, chopsticks, and even your hands. The Ladle Unless you drink punch frequently, you probably do not encounter ladles in your everyday eating experiences. A ladle is a long handled spoon (see above definition for spoon) with a cup-shaped bowl for dipping liquids. To use a ladle, adhere to the following directions. 1. Get a big vat of liquid (lemonade, punch and the like are perfect for ladle usage) and put in an open-top bowl. 2. Get your ladle. 3. Dip the ladle in the liquid with the spoon part face-up. 4. Lift up. 5. Pour the liquid in the spoon part into something else. 6. Enjoy. Beware-the ladle and the pipe may share structural similarities but they are not the same thing. Also try to avoid spilling the contents of the ladle all over; Murphy's Law asserts that it'll probably fall onto a $3000 tablecloth. The Spatula The spatula is a long utensil with a handle on one end and a flat, square plane (usually made of metal or plastic) on the other end. It has two major uses, the first being stirring, spreading, or mixing thick substances such as paint, plaster, or foods like icing or brownie mix; the other is for lifting and scraping cooked items like from a cookie sheet. So the spatula is many things, but many things it is also not. It is not a flyswatter. It is not a mirror. It is not a frying pan. It is not a spanking device. Tongs (No, Not Thongs) Tongs are very unique utensils. They are a device used to grasp other objects, which include (but are not limited to) ice, salad, and chips. You can also use tongs to pick up non-edible items like metal or glass that you have just melted or charcoal. Usually, tongs are used in place of hands, because the object that you are picking up is either too cold, too hot, too clean, or too something to be touched by the naked hand and putting on a glove is just too tedious. Although they have similarities in looks, tongs are not like the claws of a lobster or crab in that they do not grab things spontaneously and erratically. The mastery of the tongs is a very difficult subject. Holding the tongs too tightly will cause the object to bend or crack. Holding the tongs too loosely will cause the object to slip through your grasp and fall onto the ground. Sucks for you. Chopsticks The Macmillan Dictionary for Students defines 'chopsticks' as a pair of eating utensils first developed China, consisting of long, slender sticks, usually wood or ivory, which are help between the thumb and fingers. Dude, I'm not going to lie to you and say that I know jack about chopsticks because it'd be so obvious that I just flat didn't know what I was talking about. (Hell I thought the things were from Japan until I looked them up.) I think you can use them to pick up noodles and other types of things, but I haven't used them since third grade when my class had cultural week and we studied China for about an hour, which mainly consisted of using chopsticks to "pick up" popcorn off a rug and eat it. You're on your own here pal; but if you are lucky they might be covered in Utensil Usage 102.  |
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