The Top 10.....New Sequels You should avoid
Jul 17 '03
The Bottom Line Stop the insanity you sequel thinker-uppers, Aim for an original story and don’t play with sequels.
It seems movies nowadays are becoming sequel happy, in some cases the results are enjoyable and some sequels actually surpass the original (Godfather 2, Terminator 2, X-Men 2), or at least come close to it. Then you have the sequels that have no rhyme or reason of being made, these fall into 2 criteria: The original was really a poor movie and a sequel is being planned for it, or it is the 5th or 6th in a series that has been slowly degenerating in appeal. I did a little research (with the help of upcomingmovies.com) and discovered many sequels are being planned over the next couple of years, most of them appear to be poor choices. This is my top 10 list of potential bad sequels: (Caution, sarcasm ahead!)
10. Jurassic Park IV: I loved Spielberg’s original rendition of Michael Crichton’s novel, it had a good storyline, good character chemistry and groundbreaking visual effects, bringing the dinosaurs to life. Part II lost much of it’s punch in stroyline but the CGI effects have improved dramatically. JP 3 was a total waste of time, no real originality, just a bunch of chases in the jungle. so JP IV is coming out, hmmmmm, what will they think of with this one? dinosaurs mate with humans creating a new species, Manosaur, a stinky, lazy, beer guzzling monster? please don’t make this film!
9. Alien 6: Alien was a true horror classic, Aliens was James Cameron’s very worthy sequel that was a lot of fun to watch and be frightened. 3-5 came along, much of the punch and the fright has dissipated. Now Alien 6 is planned? Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) morphs into the alien and starts chasing her own tail...Another no no sequel.
8. Batman 5: Never been a real fan of Batman, the first one with Michael Keaton had its good moments, 2 and 3 were ok but not revolutionary, and 4 was The Clooney role with his girlish sidekick Robin (Chris O’Donnell) fighting crime in tights. Batman 5, let me see...Batman admits his love for Robin and they retire to the batcave and share cooking stories. Come on people, please don’t!
7. XXX2: What the....? XXX was a horrendous attempt to take James Bond and fuse it with Fast and Furious. The result? not very good, ridiculous stunts with bad visuals, bad character development and no real excitement. XXX2? let me think....Vin Diesel drinks his Jack Daniels, Shaken not stirred in his souped up Mitsubishi EVO chasing bad Nazis on the Autobahn, all the while crackin’ bad jokes. This sequel should be XXX-terminated.
6. Scooby Doo 3: Don’t consider me a hypocrite, I did not see Scooby Doo, but I understand from IMDB.com viewers that it was pretty poor. Silly acting and poor computerized effects, and even before SD2 is coming out they are talking about a 3rd? (No sarcastic remark here, it is unnecessary, you get the point.)
5. Blair Witch 3: Blair Witch Project was a huge surprise hit, it was supposed to be the scariest movie in quite a while, the story of a legend that is sought after by a bunch of teenagers, the documentary aspect was intriguing about this first film, but it wasn’t all that scary and the movement of the camera made me dizzy. BW2 was supposedly a bomb and was really bad. Here comes Blair Witch 3, the Prequel. In this film the guys take camera handling classes and fail miserably, all the while searching the true meaning of fear, college final exams! Bad, bad, avoid at all costs!
4. James Bond 21: (Sigh) how many more of these can we take? what will this one be called? Die Already Today? James Bond Movies have deteriorated ever since Timothy Dalton took on the Bond Role in The Living Daylights. Some Bond movies were entertaining, such as Goldfinger and Live and Let Die. Sean Connery and Roger Moore epitomized the macho Gentleman with wit, but the last few with Pierce Brosnan have taken a turn for the worst, relying too much on old clichés and neverending sexual innuendos, along with amateurish visual effects and endless stunts we’ve all seen. When is a villain going to kill this character off? Soon I hope.
3. Child’s Play 5: OK, It’s not cute anymore! please knock it off, chucky has had his day, his success, and his owner is approaching his 30’s. There is no more story here, Stop.
2. Anaconda 2: Seriously folks, a sequel to one of the worst movies in recent memory? Yep, that’s what it says, the movie that launched Jennifer Lopez’s bad acting career, the stepping stone to such classic kaka as Maid in Manhattan and Enough, enough is right, no more mechanical snakes, one of the most ridiculous attempts at making a machine move like a real animal. The huge, hungry and lightning snake appear to be making a comeback. In this one the snake tries to swallow J-lo whole, but his mouth is not wide enough to fit her butt in, he chokes to death. Anaconda 2, one for the garbage can.
1. Rocky 6: Are you kidding me? Another one? Granted Rocky was a classic, Rocky 2 was not half bad, I even admit to enjoying some of 3 and 4, Rocky 5 was bad in every sense, Rocky was in his mid 40 and barely moving. Now, almost 15 years later there’s another one? What will they think of for this? Rocky is fighting his enlarged bladder problem and Knocks out his Pension plan advisor. I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.
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Member: Roman
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