|
|
Sexile, Peeing on Rugs, Sour Milk, and Other Perils of Communal LivingAug 03 '03 (Updated Aug 23 '04) Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line Someone named Adrian peed on the bottom line. Aaaadrian!!!!! Well my four years of college have come to an end (tear). I've lived in several different housing arrangements including a single room, a two-room triple, a two-bedroom apartment, and a five bedroom house. I've also witnessed many of my friends go through roommate crises. I hope this essay will help future college students (Charlie, it's less than a month away!) ward off potential conflicts and enjoy their precious four years. NB: All examples are real, but some names have been changed. When living with other people, communication is the key. A lot of people assume that their roommates are intentionally annoying them, but most of the time, playing their music too loud or slamming down the toilet seat results from a lack of self-awareness, not maliciousness. If you don't tell someone that what they're doing really annoys you, you'll just get more and more angry and resentful as they continue their behavior. So, it's best to bring it to your roommate's attention early. If you hold onto all your anger about your roommate's slovenliness or blasting of "Born to Run" on repeat, you may one day explode, yelling, "I hate you! And I hate Bruce Springsteen!" Instead, you should calmly say something like, "I'm sorry to be demanding, but I would really appreciate it if you would turn down the music because I need to study." The best way to bring it up, according to psychologists and relationship experts, is to use "I" statements like these. That way, you are placing the blame on yourself, and your roommate is less likely to become defensive. Example 1) Boy B lived with two roommates in a two-room triple his freshman year. John was the ideal roommate, keeping his space clean, never playing music too loud, and rarely bringing in visitors. Ben, on the other hand, seemed to have no regard for Boy B and John. He let his garbage pile up in the corner, which aggravated Boy B. However, Boy B never brought up the fact that he was annoyed by the garbage. Fact is, some people are cleaner than others. If you have two slobs living in a double, chances are pretty good that they will get along since neither of them will care about living in filth. Boy B would make a big production out of taking out the trash in an attempt to make Ben offer to do it himself, but Ben was simply too self-centered and sloppy to notice. Boy B got more and more aggravated, and his anxiety generalized to other areas of his life. Most people reading this can probably picture themselves being Boy B but not Ben. But, in reality, most people are both of these characters at one point or another in their college lives. So, it is crucial to be able to put yourself in someone else's shoes (not literally, since your roommate might have athlete's foot). Before leaving a huge pile of dirty laundry on your roommate's TV, think how you'd feel if this were being done to you. Example 2) Boy B lived with four roommates in a five-bedroom house during his senior year. This time, he was the one annoying his roommates. Instead of gently placing the toilet seat down after using it, he slammed it with such force that the ceiling shook. One bathroom was right above my room, so sometimes the crash would scare me. I didn't bring it up for the first few weeks of living there because something else was always going on when the big bang occurred. Finally, one day, I ended up yelling at Boy B. If I had brought it up sooner, I may have been able to express my displeasure at the noise in a more reasonable tone of voice. As it turned out, Boy B had no idea that his toilet slam was bothering people, and he was more careful from then on. "Hot and fresh out the kitchen" The kitchen is the area of a communal living space that tends to get the most disgusting. Even the most vigilant housemate can have trouble remembering which food is his, and no one has enough time to wash the dishes promptly every time. The clanging of pots and pans can wake people up, and who hasn't been disappointed to find that someone ate half of her box of Oreos? The more people there are sharing a kitchen the dirtier it will be. Example 3) Girl M and I lived in an old mansion with 15 others during our sophomore year. Although we labeled our food, anything that was left in the communal refrigerators was inevitably going to get eaten by some stoned housemate. And hardly anyone did their dishes! We tried everything from house meetings to putting up threatening signs, but nothing worked. We couldn't just ignore the dirty dishes and wash only our own because, eventually, fruit flies showed up. So, we would periodically have to just suck it up and wash a sinkfull of dishes. If there had been any type of house leadership, we could have set up a chore wheel, but this house had more of a Survivor feel to it. Sometimes it can help to bargain. For instance, this past year, we never set up a chore schedule, so the common room and kitchen got pretty dirty. No one else really seemed to care, but I didn't want to clean the whole house myself, so I'd say, "I'm going to sweep the kitchen. Could you vacuum the living room?" It's hard for most people to say, "no." In terms of food, it's a good idea for everyone in the house if you keep an eye out to make sure that your vegetables don't rot into liquid form. But, on the other hand, don't get so attached to your food that you will freak out if someone steals a couple of slices of bread for midnight toast. Sexile on College Street Even if you and your housemates get along perfectly, other people often come along to break up the harmony. Often, this home wrecker is a romantic interest. It is considered good form to ask permission before kicking a roommate out for a few hours (known as a "sexile"). For example, Kevin told Jon that his girlfriend would be visiting on Saturday and asked if Jon would be willing to sleep on the couch. This scenario usually works fine as long as it doesn't happen every weekend. On the other hand, when Rachel came home from a night of partying to discover a sock on the door (secret codes are a good thing) indicating that her roommate Meghan was indulging in a random hook-up inside, it put a strain on the roommates' relationship. One does not have to be ousted from one's bed to feel angry about a visitor. One of my friends invited himself over and smoked pot in the living room, causing Boy E's room to "smell like a Snoop Dogg video." If you have a friend whom no one else likes (it will probably be pretty obvious), try to keep his/her visits to a minimum, and give your roommates adequate warning so they can make other plans if they want to avoid the person. "But it really tied the room together!" When disaster strikes, it's best to keep a sense of perspective and be able to laugh about it. Sophomore year, in the old mansion, Girl M and I lived in the outside room of a two-room triple. Our third roommate had to travel through our room to get to hers. A work-aholic, she often went to bed later than we did and would usually forget to re-lock the door to our room on her way back from the bathroom. I reminded her several times to lock the door, since we lived on a main street, but she rarely remembered. One Saturday night, there was a huge party at our house featuring a live band. Girl M, our friend Kerry, and I got really drunk and were sliding down the banisters and dancing around the house gleefully. We went to bed around 3AM, and Kerry slept on our floor since she lived all the way across campus. At around 5AM, I was awakened by a disturbing noise. I hoped that it was just the crinkling of aluminum foil, but I knew, even before I opened my eyes, that it was the sound of urine hitting carpet. The guitarist from the band had mistook our room for the toilet and was peeing on the rug. I was too drunk and freaked out to get out of bed, so I just started saying, "No. no. no. Why? Why?" over and over again. Girl M jumped out of bed, shoved the guy out of the room (he tried to leave through her armoire first) and washed the floor and Kerry's shirt, as she had rolled over into the wetness (!). I still feel guilty that I didn't do anything. From then on, our motto became, "Eh, the floor's seen worse!" whenever someone would spill wine, beer, or bong water. This was the same house that was graced by the stripper. Oh, the memories... House Manifestos and Secret Clubs When living with people, you might as well make everyone else jealous of your coolness by giving your living space a special name or writing an Y Tu Mama Tambien inspired manifesto. This past year, we named our house Xenon House since it was located next door to the Neon Deli. Even though the house was rather dingy and tilted, giving it a special name made us love it and cherish our time in it. Sophomore year, Girl M invented the tradition of having all visitors to our room trace their handprint and decorate it with markers. We then cut them out and taped them to the wall, which looked fantastic. Theme parties are also an excellent way to bond with your housemates or roommates. Our best parties were the Bill Clinton Going Away Party complete with cigars and the Festivus Party with feats of strength and airing of grievances. Further reading (aka Shameless Self-Promotion): How to Write a Killer College Essay Managing a College Budget Why You Should Study Abroad and What to Expect What College Life if Really Like My recent alma mater: Wesleyan University What to Look for When Choosing a College -- Dedicated to the fabulous residents of 134 Cross St (2002-2003). I miss you guys! "It was good living with you (wao-oh)" - Better than Ezra  |
| Read all comments (25)|Write your own comment |
- Top 500|
Ads by Google
|
