How the hell did I get on this damn island anyway? (Guildenstern's write-off)
Aug 04 '03
The Bottom Line Feel my heat taking you higher.
Why is it that critics always fantasize about being stranded on a desert island? Sounds pretty nasty to me. Oh well, let the fantasy begin.
I'm s'posed to bring eight songs or compositions, a luxury, and a book. Keep in mind, these are not necessarily my all-time favorite songs. Some of those had to be left off because I only have to press the play button in my brain to hear them. Anyway, let's get on with it:
Beethoven's Seventh Symphony
This is my favorite Beethoven Symphony. From the gigantic strides of the introduction to the whirling dervish maypole celebration of the finale, the seventh never loses its rhythmic vitality. And it has great oboe lines! Plus, the seventh has the niftiest scherzo of any four movement work. It goes "ya-dat-dat-Dah-dah-dat-Dah-dah-dat-Daaaaa." Neat, huh? Finally, you better be careful: The weeping, sighing violin melody in the second movement has torn several people's hearts out!
The Musical Box - Genesis
A sick, twisted tale about a young girl who decapitates her brother while playing croquet. The brother's ghost then escapes from his old musical box and tries to...uh...get at his sister, but he is destroyed by their nanny before any penetration occurs.
Yes, definitely a messed up story there, but that has little to do with why I would bring this one. The music to this epic, ten minutes and change song does a certain something to my spine and my flesh: one gets tingles up and down while the other grows little round bumpy proterbances. Not many songs can do that but The Musical Box can and does in several different spots (particularly during the adventurous, distorted guitar sounding keyboard solo by Tony Banks and the nearly operatic ending). Make me shiver! Make me tingle! Oh YESS!
Fracture - King Crimson
Another prog rock masterpiece of epic proportions (somewhere around eleven minutes this one). Purely instrumental, very Crimson-esque what with all the angular, dissonant, whole-tone melodies, all the odd time signatures, and all those scary sounds. Boooooo! What I like the most about this piece is the last three minutes or so, which starts with slowly moving monster movie music with violins and rubber guitars and ends with Satan himself conducting a headbanging orchestra of skeletons with long hair. However, you can't have the last three minutes without the first eight. Excellent handling of dramatic tension there Mr. Fripp! Tingle, tingle, tingle!
Gethsemane - Jesus Christ Superstar
Jesus (that's the guy who Ian Gillan of Deep Purple played on the 1970 recording of JCS, just in case you didn't know about him) is all whiny in the garden of Gethsemane. Why me God? Why me? Wah, wah, wah. Oh well, I like the song anyway.
Seriously people, you wanna talk about chills and tingles of truly orgasmic proportions, listen to this song all the way through. The highlight for me is the "I will drink your cup of poison" line with the full orchestra blaring and Ian Gillan wailing away after a very quiet section. No bowl of ice cream could ever accomplish the same thing. Whew, I need a cigarette after that one...
Evening Star - Fripp and Eno
This track will work as my post-coital smoke. Relaxing, luminous, glowing, and yes, very, very "ambient". It'll also help to put me to sleep when my mind is occupied with thoughts of "How the hell am I going to get off of this island? These songs SUCK!" But, just in case I am throughly enjoying feeling trapped and piszed off about it, I'll put on
Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath
One of those songs that I can just push the play button in my head for, but I could never get my head to sound as eerie and downright evil as this song does on Sabbath's debut. Beyond just sounding eerie and evil, it fills all available sonic space from top to bottom without sounding cluttered. Ozzy sounds like a monster choking on cream pie! AND the mosh pit ending is one of the most brutal explosions of rage ever caught on tape, reaching its climax with a screaming guitar solo from Tony Iommi.
Ok. I suppose there is the slight possibility that I will be in a really great mood while on the island (say my endorphins kick into overdrive or I come across some wild exotic drug). In that case, I will play...
hmmmm...
I don't really seem to specialize in happy music....
Oh! Wait!
Landscape - The Recchia Brothers
This song is absolutely hilarious. It features Charlie on acoustic guitar, John on some sort of makeshift bongo, and Rich (aka Matzaballman) singing and whistling. I think it was recorded in 1981 or 1982. The song is made up of a two octave F major scale in the first position followed by alternating between an E and an A chord. Isn't that hilarious? No, really it is an amazingly funny song, but you probably just have to hear it to see why. Some of my favorite lines:
He's walking so fast I can hardly see his shoes
and
There's a farmer that I know...but he's not too nice to me...
Plus Rich sings the word "landscape" somewhere around twenty times because there was nothing else to say.
Finally, let's say I feel like dancing all around the island for no particular reason other than nobody can see me and I like to dance and my pants are on fire. In that case I'll throw on
Sex Machine - James Brown
Y'all know this one, no need to go into details. Just picture me doing my happy Fartzarellah dance all over the island, all elbows and kneecaps and what you had thought were impossible angles for a body to make and several monkeys pointing and laughing. Hayyyyyy! Ain't it funky now?
Ok, a book...
That would have to be my little book of zen. I don't know who put the compilation together or what the actual name of the book is or if I still have it so "little book of Zen" will have to do. It has all of these koans and Yogi Berra quotes. If I read it for an hour or so I get an irrepressible urge to wash the dishes. I like to feel that way.
And finally, a luxury...
Well, I guess I can't really call Emily a luxury, so I'll bring a computer with an internet connection instead. I think I would go even crazier than I normally am if I had absolutely no human contact at all. Just in case you consider that cheating, I'll bring a telephone. And if that is still cheating then I'll bring an umbrella, case it rains ;)
All of those who are also stranded:
aerocat | andymack | andym173 | anvrill | atchesonate | beckytcy | blksqul | cecile1 | cletta1201 | cryptosicko | drdevience | emptywishes | fartzarellah | foxy_shy | guildernstern | headlessparrot | hiimfred | imprimis2 | kcfoxy | lambchops | madtheory | mattA75 | plorentz | shadesofblue | sparkless | speeddemon531 | teamfreak16 | thevoid99 | trust12354 | vanwarp
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Epinions.com ID:
fartzarellah
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Member: Tomatzio
Location: Ol Virginny
Reviews written: 91
Trusted by: 53 members
About Me:
He always walks with his hands in time.
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