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The 10 Best Horror Movies: Most Insane "#1" From Any List...EverAug 07 '03 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line No Freddy, no Micheal, no Jason, No Scream, no masturbation with the crucifix...no problem...I'll bring a list to you. Intro- There’s no explanation for it. We like to be scared. It’s not an enjoyed emotion, because every time your lunchlady looked at you without someone giving you prior notice, you get angry, upset, even emotionally stirred. So why is it we enjoy horror movies? Unexplainable, like I just said. Maybe it’s because some of them were so masterfully done to a point where a scared emotion is rightfully and worthily experienced, or maybe because they were just damn scary. All of us like them. All of us. You can’t tell me you don’t like scary movies, and have me believe you, because for everyone, there was a movie that scared them, traumatized them, scarred them (Monster’s Ball anyone?), and brutalized them, and they feel that because of such a movement within yourself, it’s a good movie. But enough philosophy, because all of us know damn good and well that there have been many attempts at horror that were unintentionally put in the comedy, foreign language (Hollywood movies to that extent), or just plain sad-ass halls of our Blockbusters, so we have to pick out the bad from the good. So to get down to it, what makes a good horror movie? The primary thing is, of course, it scares you, and second (as with all other genres), it has to be coherent. The following list is for that which has scared. The following is a list of classic horror movies by 1 or 2 standards. First, they just plain scared me, and second, of course, was coherent. Some of you might find a horror flick that carries the first, but not second of these traits, and I have thrown in those types once or twice, so prepare to laugh at and fear the Mage: here are the best damn scariest movies ever made. Enjoy, Wandering_Mage *Note: Point the gun away from your temple, no Scream or 80's teen-horror franchises included. #10 - Thir13en Ghosts 2001 - Directed by Steve Beck Chris, you must be reading this so, pack the magnum, because I’m not talking about the previous version. No, no, I boldly speak of the 2001 movie none of you urine-less bastards ever seemed to like. COME ON! It was a time to ditch the mindless, plot-less teen horror flicks, and go into something with more of a “how did this happen to me” plot, a more realistic and glamourous type of environment (a GLASS house...no crew reflections Mr. Highhorse), and just something that actually scared me, something Dark Caslte didn’t do before, and certainly has not done since with that Ghost Ship rubbish. Sure, some of the ghosts are over-the-top and silly, but who isn’t scared of a scarred-up, straight-jacketed, maniacally-laughing asylum psychopath chasing and clawing at you with that dreadfully loud Dolby they got nowadays...well, I guess NONE of you, seeing as how it made 16 dollars at the box office, which I seemed to help to the extent of 8, and then another 8 from some guy that guarded the doors to every single screening in the world. Sorry ‘Crispy, but this is my revenge for that Memento thing ya got going on there...we’re all crazy, get over it. # 9 - The Ring 2002 - Directed by Gore Verbinski Let’s face it: if this wasn’t put up here, you’d all kill me. At first glance, it just seems like a Poltergeist rip-off, but when you watch the movie, you find a much more dark and deep thriller. My real and only complaint: Naomi Watts was miscast. The movie is starts off with the deaths of a young girl. When a young journalist (Watts) hears teen fables on how it was caused by a videotape, she begins to investigate. Apparently, this video contains strange and graphic images of many things, including a mysterious closing “ring” of light within a darkness. When you finish watching it, you get a phone call that says....”seven days...” And everyone who has watched it has mysteriously died a week later. Who made this tape? And why does it cause deaths? Another one of those final revelation thrillers that does almost everything quite right. # 8 - The Sixth Sense 1999 - Directed by M. Night Shyamalan Ok, let’s face it...some gifts are best left digested, and it’s probably the worst trauma a child can suffer, or anyone can suffer. Who wants to see dead people, and not be crazy? Shyamalan, a most talented and very young director broke out and brought us the idea to the screen, and it was probably the biggest horror/thriller hit of the 90's. In the movie, Osment, a young and enormously talented actor doesn’t play a role, but becomes a role...a role in which we can see the fear of a child (named Cole) who would actually have such a gift, convinces us of the fear he has, and gives one of the best performances ever. A mother who tries to understand, and a psychologist who tries to help are also elements in the movie that make it all the more intense. The “lack-of-oscar” Collete (Cole’s mom) and Osment himself suffered on March 2000 was the biggest display of true sadness and true stupidity from a collection of retards God himself doesn’t understand. The movie, while is a good idea, would flop without the performances, and that’s where The Sixth Sense is strongest. It’s not just a masterful thriller, but it is also indeed a masterful movie overall. #7 - Jaws 1975 - Directed by Steven Spielberg It took the kids months to get back in the water. It sung into our brains, one of the most suspenseful tunes ever. It made the waters red. When a police chief (Roy Scheider) discovers victims (animal and human) of shark uncanny attacks, he tries to order the beach closed. When a town crazed and popular due to the beaches is attacked, a retarded, greedy and moronic mayor (Murray Hamilton) keeps the beaches open. When the shark is apparently caught, a marine-life scientist (Richard Dreyfuss) determines that the problem is not only unsolved, but bigger, and far more dangerous than previously assumed. When the attacks resume, they both have no choice but to tag along with a grisly sailor (Robert Shaw) to try and kill the menacing creature. Spielberg's directing is ably displayed in one of the most popular and exciting thrillers we've seen these many years. # 6 - Signs 2002 - Directed by M. Night Shyamalan Pretty impressive that 2 movies by one director (who has directed 5 movies) can make a top 10 horror flick list. Absolutely no one will agree to the fact, nor believe that I have upped Signs before Sense here. I found it better. I found it scarier. I found that I thought the cast was well put together for these roles. I found that I was more scared throughout Signs much more than in Shyamalan’s other, and besides: it’s a movie about the possibilities and theories of crop circles, when dug down, you’ll have found that there really is no explanation, so how could the movie not hit? I was surprised to see that Mel Gibson played the lead role wonderfully this time, instead of blinding people with looks (I still don’t understand that ladies) and previous blockbuster history. It’s a movie about a widowed and faithless ex-priest, Graham Hess, played by Mel Gibson. He has 2 children named Morgan (Rory Culkin), and Bo (Abigail Breslin). To cope with his faltering situation, he has his younger brother Merril (Joaquin Phoenix) to help him out. But then, the family suffers a puzzling predicament. His crops have been marked, and there is no explanation for it. Some think it’s just a couple of morons fooling around, but at the same time, there have been other things happening that no one can explain. Dogs are starting to go rabid, unnaturally quick and nimble people are obviously running around their house, and then there was that thing...that creature...who we saw walk into the fields. The nicest thing about Signs is the alternation and balance between breathing-break comedy and actual suspense: this perfect alternation tweaks it to where we are scared, but at the same time, we’re allowed more releasing emotions. Silly to you, I’m sure, but I think it made Signs one of the best thrillers ever. # 5 - Misery 1990 - Directed by Rob Reiner I still haven’t found anyone who didn’t love this movie. Seriously, it’s anyone’s worst nightmare: you get rescued by someone who’s obsessed with you, and then find out as she mends your wounds in her own house, that she’s a raving psychopath wanting to keep you for herself. Ok, so it’s not anyone’s worst nightmare (waking up with no “fellas” takes the cake), but it’s quite up there. In the movie, a revered author of a book franchise called “Misery” finishes his latest (and last book) in his series in his own cabin in the mountains. On his way back, he gets caught in a huge blizzard, and is buried in the snow. Later on, an apparently friendly woman named Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates) rescues him and brings him to her home. She’s apparently a nurse, but the snow apparently blocked all roads to the hospital, and no phones, no one possibly knows where he is. Is this her intention? “I’m your biggest fan,” she says, she loves the books, and now that he’s feeling better, she asks if she can read his latest masterpiece. She flips: Misery’s character is killed off. She goes crazy. She has now forced him to burn this garbage, and write something better, something that will bring Misery back...something that will keep you alive. This is where the movie picks up. Who wouldn’t be scared of a crazy woman rattling your bed and screaming at you while you lay paralyzed and defenseless? There’s no other actress besides Bates who could’ve played this crazy woman better, and her performance, and what her character does is where the real terror is. Maybe Stephen King (original author of the material) thought it was an author’s worst case “crazy fan” scenario...he’s damn right, for sure. #4 - The Shining 1980 - Directed by Stanley Kubrick I remember watching this when I was about 11. All the kids in my school were allowed violent movies, and I was not, so I had always been itching to. I remember seeing it was gonna be on TV, with all the good stuff cut out, so my parents let me watch it. They must’ve never seen it, because they let me watch it in my room...all by my lonesome. It was the first film I had seen Jack Nicholson in. Brilliant movie. Stephen King’s novel is brought to the screen with the aid of Kubrick himself, and the movie still reigns as one of the best horror movies ever made. In this one, the graphics get a little loose, unlike most of the tame movies in this list. The movie is about an abusive husband named Jack Torrence (Nicholson) who takes his family up to a hotel. There (and no, I will never say more), he starts to lose his sanity. I’m not gonna spoil it for you, because even the non-plot-twists parts of the movie are what carry the movie along. It is a little dated, but it’s not graphically or mentally feeble in any way, and is, in my opinion, Stanley Kubrick’s best movie. #3 - The Others 2001 - Alejandro Amenábar I don’t see any reason why I wouldn’t include this movie here. Have you watched it? Doubtful, since everyone seems to think Nicole Kidman is someone who totally relied on Cruise to get her where she is. It’s a load of crap. The story is about a widowed woman (living shortly after WWII), living with her 2 photosensitive children in an old and dreary mansion. Set in her ways and arrogant, her beliefs of the “silly ghost stories” her children make up are aroused when she herself starts seeing and hearing things she cannot explain...especially since the new help arrived, as they must have something to do with the disturbance in her home. Graphically, it’s completely tame and non-graphic, but that’s what makes this a wonderful thriller: it’s strength relies on the psychology and eerily realistic performance by Kidman alone to bring the scares. A script and 1 performance alone could not finish a masterful thriller such as this since Psycho! Some instances include a somber playing piano...you enter the ballroom...no one there...you lock the door, piano, entrance, all is sealed...you leave......the piano goes again. Just thinking of that scene now literally gave me chills, and the whole movie is that way. Not only the instances, but also the performance by Kidman. You can tell this woman is scared. You can tell by the way she speaks her lines, plays her part, and masters the art she is really a 40s widow scared out of her wits...you just get that from the masterful Kidman. Oh, and on a side note...being nominated on Moulin Rouge and not here is the biggest comedic entertainment the Academy has ever produced....ever. #2 - Psycho 1960 - Directed by Alfred Hitchcock You know, I’m not some big scary-movie expert or nothing, but I think it’s pretty fair to put at least 1 Hitchcock movie in a list like this, yea? You never saw anything like this before...ever. And if you’re one of the people who saw it first in theaters, you still don’t forget that damp feeling, do you? Mind you, I of course wouldn’t have existed at this time....I had it worse than you ever did. 8 years old...spent the night at my friends house, he had a pretty big damn TV too...lights out...(back when my parents shunned PG-13 and above), and Jim sneaks it off his parent’s shelf, just for the sake of wanting to watch gore. I remember it vividly. As we got to the part where the woman gets to the hotel, he falls asleep. I’m alone. The shower scene...it is the very reason I’m printing this list. This is a true story, and this movie is what defined horror...it also defined Hitchcock. Not only is it his (debatably) best movie ever, it set standards for 2 things: absolute violence in the theater, and that you should get to the theater on time, after all, the “star” dies 20 minutes through. Ah, it’s not a spoiler, who doesn’t know of this? The star of the show, Anthony Perkins (as psycho, Norman Bates), plays the part like no other will. Hell, Vince Vaughn practically crapped on the poor late Anthony’s grave doing that comedy bit...Anyways, the film is about a shy and mysterious young man that runs a motel for his alleged mother. The problem with that is, people around say his mother’s dead...but that can’t be, because everyone hears them argue all the time...we all hear her scold him, and...who was that “woman” who killed the innocent beauty in the dreadful but infamous shower scene? It’s Psycho, and it defined horror. It defined being afraid. I had a traumatic way of watching the film, mainly because it was my first scary movie, but because I watched it in a closed room...lights out...and no fellow hand to wring...*shudders. Kids...when mother tells you, “You don’t need to be watching that, young man!” you better damn well listen. #1 - Identity 2003 - Directed by James Mangold It’s another of those that I mentioned: those which none of liked. It was really pitiful. I can’t get over it....the way you people treated the movie anyways. Sure, it wasn’t the scariest of movies, and it didn’t necessarily contain all good actors...but it had suspense, and is definitely one of the movies with a smart twist endings. Generally, at the time, I got sick of walking out of the horror movie saying: What the f*uck was that? No, it had intelligence, an intelligent ending, and it’s own share of good scares. Oh, and you jerks at Epinions are alone on this (finally), because IMDB has it up to 7.0, which is a really good score. It was a smart movie, with some good acting, and it did scare, so why is it I hang around people who don’t see that? Out in the middle of nowhere, 10 travelers are caught in a severe rainstorm, and met with dire predicaments, find shelter in a creepy old and almost abandoned motel (ala Psycho). All of them have a problem, all of them screwed up to be there, and all of them are in danger. There is a killer among them. They are dying one by one. 2 of these travelers are a police officer (Ray Liotta) and a prisoner on his way to be transferred (Jake Busey)...can this convict be the killer. Doubtful...he’s always either tied up or in a different place, and is obviously not mentally capable of doing these things, is he? They are all going to find out that this “killer” is much more than simple flesh and blood, because all the corpses start to mysteriously disappear, with only a numbered motel key where they but seconds before laid. They are all going to find that they aren’t strangers. They are all going to find that they all have some type of unknown connection with each other. The revelation of everything at the end is really the reason I wanted to watch the movie, and it wasn’t one that disappointed me so friggin much (*cough The Others). This was a pretty underrated movie, and is not only one of my favorite thrillers of all time, but one of my favorite movies period. Am I alone in this again? Guess so... So I guess you weren’t expecting that last one, were ya? Were ya??? Heh, I must be pretty damn bold...and pretty damn correct. The Movies You Think I Should Have Added, and Didn’t- Rosemary’s Baby -1968 - Roman Polanski - We don’t see the baby...we don’t see the GODDAMN BABY!!! Undoubtedly the most overrated horror movie ever made. Exorcist - 1973 - William Friedkin - Who masturbates with a crucifix for us to see on the screen, honestly? A completely boring movie with no continuity about a girl who we gloriously get to see puke split pea soup out of a garden hose taped to the side of her head. I need a huge aspirin and an ungodly sized wrecking-ball aspirin. What’s the deal here? Silence of the Lambs - 1991 - Jonathan Demme - Sure, it’s one of the best films ever...but horror? That’s the only excuse I have I guess... Just Now Hitting the Finish Line- Sleepy Hollow - 1999 Friday the 13th (Part One) - 1980 Nosferatu - 1922 From Hell - 2001 Rear Window - 1954 Here to serve, Wandering_Mage  |
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