Grimm in the Ghetto Part One: Sno Wyte and da 7 Lil Thugs
Aug 07 '03
The Bottom Line Sno Wyte yo!
Yo, once there was dis crazy little girl named Jamartha and bein' her stupid self on welfare, she just started awhorin' and what not to make money. Well one day, one of da many men who had gotten up in dis chick got her pregnant, and as luck had it, she had dis little albino child who was so WHITE that da neighbahood kids started callin' her "Sno Wyte," and da name stuck. Even though Sno Wyte WAS white, the b*tch was so beautiful, any man knew he woulda gotten up in her if he da chance, so they didn't pound her with jokes, they just tried to get into her pants. But Sno Wyte had a good soul, and wouldn't let them.
One day Jamartha had a drug overdose and died, so Sno Wyte was handed over to Jamartha's sista Kakariki, another woman on welfare who spent her entire day on drugs. Now Kakariki, though she was a crackhead, had a very special pill that she liked to call the "Magic Mirra." It was this silvery little shiny pill dat looked all nice and sh*t. On very special occasions, Kakariki would take dis pill, and she'd walk up to her mirror in the bathroom after she started sweating, and would start talkin' to it, which freaked the neighbors out, but they didn't ask. Now generally, Kakariki would ask this mirror, "Mirror mirror on the bathroom wall, am I the finest b*tch of all?" and bein' her delusional self, she would get the mirror to say yes. But when Sno Wyte was shoved into her custody, she was quite irked, and as we all know, bein' irked can change yo trip, so when Kakariki took dis pill da day of her custody, she asked the mirror again, "Mirror mirror on the bathroom wall, am I da finest b*tch of all?" but dis time, da mirror replied, "Hell no, b*tch! Sno Wyte is one fine ho!" Kakariki was pee-yissed.
When her trip was done, and all her anger had been mustered, Kakariki decided to make the hitman a call. She said to him, "Walk down by my house, and when you see dat little albino b*tch, you pop a cap in her @$$, ya here?" Not knowin' who da lady was, the hitman said okay. So the next day, he started walkin' down Kakariki's street, and he saw Sno Wyte playin' in the dirt, and he pulled his gun on her, but when she turned around and screamed, he saw her beautiful face and said, "Aw sh*t, woman! I can't kill you! You is fine!" He helped Sno Wyte off the ground, and she was very confused. "Your stepmotha said to kill you, but seein' as you is so fine, I ain't gonna, but we can't let that lady find out, so we gonna have to get out. I ain't got no food, but uh..." the hitman shuffled through his pockets, and pulled out some acid. "Take dis sh*t... you'll feel fine pretty soon." And he sent Sno Wyte off.
Now being very traumatized about dis incident, Sno Wyte ran off, and took da acid, but since she was in a very bad mood, da acid had some f*cked up effects, you hear? Like she was walkin' down the street, and started seein' all deez colors, but then outta nowhere, some monster popped up, and chased her all throughout da trip, and she saw all deez eyes, and man... it was messed, yo.
Eventually, da b*tch ended up in this junkyard, and she didn't do sh*t about that. She just sat back against a car shell and cried and cried until she fell asleep. Then finally, she woke up, and she looked at the entire junkyard, and saw a few hundred feet away, seven cars lined up, side by side. She went and looked.
Now carved into deez seven cars, on da hoods, were da labels: sneezy, bashful, cranky, happy, dopey, sleepy, and doc. "Well sh*t," she said, "I wonder what the hell that's for."
"It's for us, you stupid b*tch," she heard. Then Sno Wyte turned around and saw seven little punk-@$$ kids with bags of weird rocks in theirs hands, lined up.
"Well where'd you all come from?" she asked.
"We all came from the crackhouse," the one in front said, "All we do there is sit around and inspect crack rocks to make sure that they're real. If they are, then we ship 'em off to town."
Sno Wyte sighed. "Well, that's nice," she said, "So what're your names?"
"Well I'm Doc," the one who was talking said, "And I inspect the rocks- over there is Sneezy- he has that problem because he's allergic to the coke dust that always gets stuck in his nose, its a f*ckin mystery he ain't dead yet. Then we get Bashful, and he's always high off his @$$ on bad weed, so he's paranoid as sh*t. Too afraid to come out and talk. Then we got Cranky- the mothaf*cka's always mad because he ain't got crank, and it gets annoying, but hell you got to live with it. Happy right here is always on X, and he's just... whoa... you know? Dopey right here is this little b*tch who's done so much dope, he can't talk. Stupid @$$ b*tch. And then we got Sleepy- he's always on nyquil and sh*t. I think I'm the only sober one in here, mainly cause I got a job to do. I'd be as f*cked up as them if I didn't. So what's your name, you fine-@$$ piece of woman? I'd be pleased to make your acquaintance tonight."
Sno Wyte blushed. "Well, my name is Sno Wyte, and I'm just runnin' away from my stepmom right now. Kinda stressed out, you know?"
"Well," Doc said, "we'd be pleased to help you out. We gots plenty of crack, and that sh*t will help you right out. You'll forget about all that stress."
"Well," Sno Wyte said, "I ain't never tried that stuff before. Guess I should give it a try."
So Sno Wyte took the crack rocks and used them as they should be used. But then, all of a sudden-
"OH SH*T!" Doc yelled, "THE B*TCH OVERDOSED!"
Quickly Doc and the others grabbed Sno Wyte and rushed her off to the hospital. When they got there, she looked dead, but then one of the doctors tried to breathe into her to resuscitate her. He kept kissin, breathin, listenin, and then, finally, the b*tch coughed, and all was saved. She and the doctor lived happily ever after until she overdosed again and died.
The end, foo.
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