Funny Anecdotes caused by regional usage of English Language.by Ram Narayanan Sastry
Aug 22, 2003
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The hilarious English one often hears in various parts of the world is due chiefly to the uncertain logic, not of the speakers, but of English itself. When an Indian paid tribute to Annie Besant, the Theosophist, by describing her as a 'woman broad in conception, deep in penetration, quick to conceive and rapid in delivery', he didn't mean to insult her. He was simply unaware of the double entendres that exist in English but not his native tongue.
Below are more examples of unintentionally hilarious English. They come from an Air France in New York bulletin, as reported in Knight-Ridder Newspapers many years ago.
Even when grammatical, the examples are uproariously incorrect. The joke is as much on English as it is on the non-native speakers.
In a Paris hotel: 'Please leave your values at the front desk.'
In Bucharest: 'The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.'
In a Japanese hotel: 'You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.'
In a Russian monastery: 'You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.'
In an Austrian ski resort: 'Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.'
A Hong Kong tailor shop: 'Ladies may have a fit upstairs.'
In Germany's Black Forest: 'It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.'
In a Zurich hotel: 'Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom it is suggested that the lobby be used for that purpose.'
Hong Kong dentist's advertisement: 'Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.'
In a Rome laundry: 'Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.'
From a Czech tourist brochure: 'Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.'
A Rhodes tailor shop: 'Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.'
A Tokyo car-rental brochure: 'When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.'
A Copenhagen airline office: 'We take your bags and send them in all directions.'
A Norwegian lounge: 'Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.'
At a Budapest zoo: 'Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.'
A Roman doctor's office: 'Specialists in women and other diseases.'
In an Acapulco hotel: 'The manager has personally passed all the water served here.'
A Japanese hotel instruction on air-conditioners: 'Cooles and heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.'