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Re: This explains a lot! (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
Hehe. I should be an in-depth reporter! But can he be taken seriously, do you think?? ;-)
Jan
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Sep 28 '03
10:19 am PDT
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This explains a lot! (Reply to this comment)
by toospoiled
Great job you two...I am ROTFLMFAO!!!
OK...now I get it, 29th is an alien! It explains everything!
29th regarding your angel dream...ahem, "supernatural experience"
You know I have told Jan that she IS an angel before and she is and I am an angel too, so...
And your idea of a romantic date Jim...LOL!!! At least you are honest! LOL!
Jan, you are quite the amazing Dr. and woman to get this incredible look into the mind of Epinions beloved 29th Candidate. KUDOS!
See you both in therapy!
Hugs you two,
Karen
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Sep 28 '03
12:30 am PDT
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Re: Re: Re: ------------ (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
Of course he's funnin' you, Jim! Everybody's funnin' everybody. It's the thing to do. ;-)
Jan
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Sep 09 '03
2:44 pm PDT
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Re: Re: ------------ (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
["So you take the alien wannabe real man seriously?? Tsk, tsk, Jack!"]
Not even JACK is crazy enough to take me seriously about that, Jan. I think he's just funnin' me. By the way, the phone number for "the recall" has been changed, Jack-o-laughter. Funny, I don't seem to recall exactly what it is. I do seem to recall that its first few numbers are: "1-800-EAT-SHxx." Jack? Do YOU recall what the final two numbers are?
--29th (The Patron Saint Of "Sex, Drugs & Rock n' Roll")
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Sep 08 '03
5:57 pm PDT
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Re: ------------ (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
So you take the alien wannabe real man seriously?? Tsk, tsk, Jack!
Jan
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Sep 08 '03
9:59 am PDT
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Re: Re: My comment (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
Are you suggesting then that you actually are this shallow? I thought I was helping you out, 29th, by giving you more personality! ;-0
Jan
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Sep 07 '03
5:32 pm PDT
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Re: well now you know the truth! (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
You got it easy. I have to answer your questions, woman!
Jan
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Sep 07 '03
5:28 pm PDT
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Re: Ohhh my gosh!!! (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
Poor 29th! Everyone's laughing at him! Hoo-hah!
Jan
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Sep 07 '03
5:25 pm PDT
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Re: Gah! (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
"Comments on (_haggis'_) 'Being at my Keyboard on a Snowy Evening--Proxam's Epinions Addiction Write Off' (30 total)
Silly boy. (Reply to this comment)
by katybrighteyes
Haggy, Haggy, puddin' and pie
His addiction to Eps makes his family cry
We all know he ain't got the nerve
To tell them he comes here to act live a perv.
Hags, I enjoyed your poem immensely... but what's this? No mention of body parts or underthings? Not like you, man. Not like you at all.
Katy
Aug 17 '03
8:42 am PST
Re: Silly boy. (Reply to this comment)
by _haggis_
Katy, Katy, silly thing
As perverts go, I am the king.
Don't need no Eps to make me twisted
I s'pose that's why your phone's unlisted.
Katy, every once in a while I have to leave out body parts and lacy underthings. Kinda like baiting the trap--you know--to draw in the unsuspecting. Don't worry. I'll be back in form next time.
Hags
Aug 18 '03
3:01 pm PST
Re: Re: Silly boy. (Reply to this comment)
by katybrighteyes
If you're King Pervert
Doc's the Queen
She's the perviest gal
I've ever seen.
Some people think
She's just darn mean
I know for a fact
She'd like to get between...
...the sheets with you.
There. My love poem for Haggis, King of Pervia.
Katy
Aug 18 '03
11:30 pm PST
Re: Re: Re: Silly boy. (Reply to this comment)
by _haggis_
Aw Katester,
This brought a tear to my eye. I love it. And Haggis, King of Pervia--man, that's sweet.
I know there are lots of quality pervos on Eps, so I appreciate the support. Surely on the female side, Doc rates right up there with the best of the pervettes. Of course, you're the one writing the dirty poetry. *smile*
Hags
Aug 19 '03
7:10 am PST
Re: Re: Re: Re: Silly boy. (Reply to this comment)
by drdevience
Doc rates right up there with the best of the pervettes
Flattery will get you everywhere.
DocQueen
Aug 19 '03
8:26 am PST
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Silly boy. (Reply to this comment)
by _haggis_
Flattery will get you everywhere.
I'm counting on it. Heh, heh, heh.
Hags
Aug 20 '03
9:27 am PST
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Silly boy. (Delete your comment)
by 29th_Candidate
You're ALL damn wrong! --I swear! --The NERVIA!
The 29TH is King of Pervia!
My eyes can travel every curvia
Before you notice me observia.
Doc's deviance is slightly overstated
And Haggis' hand; he may have over-played it
The Bright-Eyes' thighs, tell lies when she's fellated
But MY libido's NEVER compensated!
--29th_Royalty In Sexile
Aug 28 '03
9:36 am PST
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Silly boy. (Reply to this comment)
by _haggis_
King James XXIXth,
Whenever we're talking perversions
There are always some kinds of incursions
By west-coasters who claim
That perversion's their game.
Jim, the ladies ain't looking for re-runs.
Haggis--the Original Pervert
Sep 03 '03
12:41 pm PST
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Silly boy. (Delete your comment)
by 29th_Candidate
Sir Hags, must thou casteth aspersions?
Just cause I supply multi-insertions?
Hunz prefer my "RE-runs"
Cause your "one-bullet" guns
Leave all YOUR hunz "2-orgasm virgins."
29TH-- The Lift That Keeps On Giving
Sep 07 '03
2:57 am PST"
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Sep 07 '03
2:55 pm PDT
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Re: My comment (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
Jan? I don't know how you did it, but you narrated my responses in a way that seems to make people think they were intended to be taken tongue-in-cheek! I thought we had agreed this would be a SERIOUS interview! Since I've complied to the fullest extent of my ability, I do not consider it unreasonable to expect YOU to requite me with YOUR best efforts as well! In consideration of same, I request, nay, I DEMAND that you sort through the content of your narration until you find the offending material and then PLEASE REMOVE IT!
I strongly suspect your Bottom Line: "Obviously 29th acts like a real man here. . ." is the kicker.
To anybody reading this, if you've mistakenly construed Jan's "Bottom Line" to mean that I'm just ACTING like a real man here, please disconstrue it! This is NOT an act! This is REAL, real-man manliness! The fact is, you will not, in ANY part of the universe, find a more bona fide, more genuine, more actual or truer female alien BEING (not "acting the part of") a real man! Now please reconsider everything you've read in the interview in that light. Thank you.
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Sep 07 '03
1:58 pm PDT
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well now you know the truth! (Reply to this comment)
by artbyjude
I actually invited you BEFORE I realized you had done this...LOL...whoo boy, this will be a tough act to follow......just reading the comment section will take days......Jude
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Sep 07 '03
8:00 am PDT
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Ohhh my gosh!!! (Reply to this comment)
by msmorvay
too funny. He's not tooooooooo picky about is women is he? This gave me a great laugh and I truly enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the giggles.
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Sep 06 '03
6:42 pm PDT
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Re: My comment (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
:-) Wait 'til the next installment I have planned!!
Jan
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Sep 06 '03
3:16 pm PDT
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My comment (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
Would be better if I could see through these stream of laughter tears. LOL
Nice job folks!
Di
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Sep 06 '03
10:18 am PDT
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thanks, everybody, (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
for the fun comments! You really inspire me...
Jan
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Sep 04 '03
8:31 pm PDT
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Re: Regarding Your Narrative Musings: (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
Hey Jim! Would one see Alicia Silverstone in the bar? I thought Jack Sommersby could finally meet her. So you were making fun of my "sexual repression"? Just because I wanted conversation you think I was inhibiting my natural urges? HAHAHA. You make as much sense as author John Gray, Ph.D!
Hey, why not ask me some questions likewise? Glad you enjoyed it as readers have too!
Jan
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Sep 04 '03
8:28 pm PDT
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Regarding Your Narrative Musings: (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
["Hmm, I reflect to myself. Not very imaginative, are you? You always come here. But you didn't understand it could be a fantasy bar, I realize. Wonder if I'll see any celebrities."]
--No, but I'm a relatively new occupant of this body. The 29th whose soul previously inhabited this shell was pretty imaginative, according to his memories.
--I did understood it could be a fantasy bar, but fantasy is dilutive to irony; the active ingredient in self-parody.
--Unfortunately, the increasing number of celebrities "discovering" The Cat, has begun to erode its once-cozy ambiance. It used to be an oasis of casual indifference in a desert of stifling egotism.
["I don't quite catch his meaning. Sex as therapy is more fun to unwrap...or discover what? Sexual problems? Is he thinking that sex and sex therapy are the same thing? But he's not wanting therapy anymore...or sex either??"]
--Jeeez doc, you've got ME confused with your response... I thought mine was pretty straightforward, no? Speaking from the "XX" perspective, I've scanned through Jim's memories and experiences and the answer you seek becomes clear: All men are over-sexed scoundrels, but all women are too. The propagation of your human species depends on it. Your culture has traditionally forced its women to suppress this aspect of their nature, but in the late 20th Century, they broke through this oppressive and unnatural social stereotype with a vengeance.
Your planet's males seem to be slow to wake up to the fact that they're not the only ones with sexual libidos. The "Victorian" guilt and shame humans associate with sex; their dishonest and irrational attempt to suppress their natural, sexual natures, enables their sexuality to subconsciously rule them and Madison Avenue to exploit them. The advertising industry of Madison Ave., not the X-rated movie industry of Van Nuys, is the capitol of your porn industry. Your males often go into situations completely innocent and with the best of intentions, but then they encounter us and it triggers their testosterone-activated, filthy-pervert override-buttons.
This is because men are relatively new at the libido suppression game. Women, having been forced to suppress their sexual natures for your entire history, are old hands at it. Jim was lampooning this in his responses to your questions, but from what I can see, he doesn't seem to personally relate to this caricaturization. He seems to appreciate it on an intellectual level, but everything I can see about his personal experiences indicates that he considers it even more oppressive and pathetic than we do.
This is a characteristic common to the male of my species; they relate to the female as much from the female's point of view as from the male's. Though our males generally prefer to mate with our females, neither our men or our women have any trouble maintaining genuinely asexual friendships with members of the opposite. Here on your planet, there appears to be no "middle ground." The men and the women of your species are as alien to each other as our species is to yours. Your "men are from Mars; your women from Venus." Your men have become as much sex objects to your predatory women as your women have traditionally been to your planet's men. There's nothing wrong with this when men and women maintain the option of relating on a gender-neutral basis, but here on Earth, it seems to have become an "either/or" option. As an alien of our species, this would have seemed strange and unnatural to Jim, and in fact, he appears to have discovered this socio-cultural "gender disconnect" the hard way.
["So describe the perfect woman, I follow with, hoping for some helpful insight into how to best flirt with him. I'm not really that comfortable with flirting. I raise my eyebrows. He must've read my mind about needing insight and made sure I didn't get any!"]
--It's a question that provokes a theoretical answer. Does anybody ever REALLY know who their perfect woman or man is before they encounter her or him? They usually discover who their perfect counterpart is, after, not before the fact, but I didn't see the point in using the previous sentence as my response. I saw this review's purpose as being as much to entertain as it is to enlighten.
["Okay, now I know he's just having fun with me!"]
--Yes.
["I nod, grinning. In other words he eats out or orders in."]
--Virtually never. That restaurant crap'll kill you. I'm not a voracious eater or a foody. My food intake is very basic; salmon, steamed vegetables and salads mostly. I do all my own cooking, but when I have a date, I do the "bumblng, hapless male" routine out of sheer laziness.
["Is there anything you dislike about yourself?" I pose, expecting a thoughtful pause.
Not an overthinker by any means! Meaning too sexy or too driven by sex, I wonder."]
--I probably am an overthinker, but I generally don't allow it to inhibit me from acting. I don't believe there's a "right" way and a "wrong" way in the conventional sense. The "right" way is to make whatever way you choose the right way. It's the right way because you make it work. It works because you don't hesitate or vascillate over your choice, but rather throw yourself into it and behind it 100%. The only "wrong" actions/positions are taking NO action/position at all, or not committing to the action/position you choose.
["So he thinks people listen to politicians and ambulance chasers! Hmmm..."]
--Are you suggesting these paragons of humanity aren't society's most revered and influential members?
I hope those clarifications help to provide some perspective.
This was a lot of fun, Jan. Thanks for the spectacle-making opportunity.
--29th
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Sep 04 '03
5:26 pm PDT
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This is absolutely (Reply to this comment)
by millinocket
shocking! Appalling! Horrifyingly deviant! 29th wants women with lispy S's? I don't think I'll ever get over the trauma ;)
Sue
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Sep 04 '03
5:15 pm PDT
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Gah! (Reply to this comment)
by _haggis_
Dr. Freudine, I admire your staying power. My head is still spinning and I haven't had anything to drink today. I hereby relinquish, forever and ever, yea even unto the seventh generation any and all claims I might have made previously concerning my rightful place as the King of Pervia. It is clear to me now that there can only be one king, and that rightful king is your former client--the alien--the_29th.
Hags
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Sep 04 '03
10:06 am PDT
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Dr Freudine - (Reply to this comment)
by Granniemose
You and the twenty-ninth have outdone yourselves with this one. I am still laughing.
Grannie
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Sep 04 '03
9:49 am PDT
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Very Interesting... (Reply to this comment)
by lyoness913
I hope you left him during your escape to the bathroom. I don't really see you as the lap-dancing/loose woman/alien loving type of gal.
;)
He does kind of look like Tom Cruise, doesn't he?
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Sep 04 '03
8:29 am PDT
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billable at last (Reply to this comment)
by voxpoptart
Very charming! I'm not sure I would have bet much on Dr. Freudine ever being able to tie down an actual patient to hear scattered insane nonsense from. Now she has. It was as intriguing as I would have expected.
cheers,
- Brian
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Sep 03 '03
11:30 pm PDT
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