Weird Al is a Goner...
Sep 07 '03
The Bottom Line Get thee behind me, you Dustmop...
In the words of Carol Burnett, "I'm so glad we had this time together, Just to have a laugh or sing a song...Seems we just get started and before you know it, Comes the time we have to say, I'm Gonna Suck you up with the Hoover". Well, that's close, anyway.
In previous essays I've mentioned my deep emotional attachment to the wonderful little dust bunnies that have decided to take up residence here in my home. Like all bunnies, these little guys seem to procreate with alarming speed. Romantic little critters, aren't they?
I decided to adopt them months ago and they've become a part of me. Every morning I see them there with their fuzzy little bodies. They're so familiar, just like my coffee and Dorals. It would be hard to start the day without these creature comforts. They've become a part of the "fam". So I just had to give them each a name, didn't I? Hey, some folks name their cars, right? And some name their plants. Why is that? I personally don't see any difference in referring to an automobile as "Hot Mama" than calling a dust bunny Daisy (she's the one hiding under the microwave cart with her little buddies, Huey, Dewey and Louie).
This all began when I first noticed Harry. He is the oldest and the most distinguished dust bunny that called this lovely abode home. He lived right there in the Living Room, over next to the book shelf. Harry was a dashing figure of a dust bunny. He collected little female friends faster than Colin Farrell could make a phone call. Harrys' real claim to fame, though, would be his many offspring. He was a good Daddy and he kept those kids in line....all the way around the floor boards of the room and into the hall.
A Hall, which in fact, boasts the elite of the Dust Bunny Conglomerate. The largest and most wide-spread collection of dust bunnies under this roof lived there. At one time the Hall was shiny and actually a rather dull place to visit. That all changed when Mr. Bezos showed up. What a powerful dust bunny! Over a relatively short period of time he turned that hall into a major enterprise. He had managed to build an empire of little dust bunnies practically overnight.
Then, of course, there's the bedroom. We all know how much activity can go on in there. Now get your mind out of the gutter....I'm not referring to carnal pleasures. The bedroom is where the Waltons' dust bunny family lived. A few months ago it was simply John and Olivia, cuddling up in the corner. Before I knew what had happened, there were little Waltons along the baseboards, a whole ton of them. Every night when I climbed under the covers, I heard myself saying, Goodnight, Mary Beth, Goodnight, John Boy, Goodnight Weird Al.
Oh, yes, I have to include Weird Al. He lived under the bed, you see. He was an elusive dust bunny. Every once in a while I could see him peeking out. Sometimes it was from the sides of the bed and sometimes from the foot. Although I couldn't see him to the same degree that I could see my other dust bunnies, I always knew he was there. I think that's why it was so hard to say Goodbye.
Yes, today I had to say So Long to all my little friends, my family. It's Auf Wiedersehen, Aloha, Sayonara, Arrivederci, Guidbye, Hasta la vista, Baby. The dust bunnies are gone now. I'm moving out and they had to go, along with the cute little fuzzies that were clinging to the ceiling fans. The Landlord would not have appreciated them in the same way that I always have. She's just not hospitable....actually, she's a real B. But that's beside the point! So, anyway, there they are, sucked up in that sickening vacuum cleaner, drowned in the putrid Pine-Sol, completely wiped out with that demented can of Pledge. I'm going to miss them... *sniff...
Everything in my new home is shiny and bright. It's so pretty with the sun shining through the skylights. I did happen to notice, over in the corner, by the edge of the stones in the fireplace a couple of possible new friends. I think I'll call them Fred and Ethel. Whatdya think?
8-)
~~Nedi~~
Aha! Now you're thinking to yourself, hey, this has gotta be fiction. What kind of nut names dust bunnies? And the answer is, of course, that's for me to know and for you to find out! I do consider it to be the highest of compliments when folks say something like, "Nedi, you're weird...". Mission accomplished!
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nedipooh
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Member: Nedi
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