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4 Years, 4 Questions. An Epinions Diamond Dozen (Part Two)Sep 16 '03 (Updated Sep 29 '03) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Still ambivalent...still sure.
(Please see Part One. I had to split this into two for the posting system. Imagine if all 12 had responded!) Once again... The Questions: 1) How has epinions.com blessed you? (If at all) 2) How has epinions.com cursed you? (If at all) 3) How has epinions.com expanded and inspired you as a writer and all-around creative artist? (If at all) Where can we view your newest work? 4) How has epinions.com contracted, deflated, and depressed you? (If at all) 5. forkids I'm going to pass for this one only because I get weary even thinking about it. Epinions as phenomenal as it is/was, in so many ways, it sucked a lot of energy out of me that I, mentally, can't forget. My life is busier as my kids have grown and my focus has changed in newer directions, obviously. I would love to "play", I just can't do it for this anniversary. You still make me smile and remember how fun it was but I just can't devote the energies... hopefully you'll understand. 6. mptang How has epinions.com blessed you? (If at all) Blessed, eh? You're gonna make me get all alt.Chopra this early in the convo? Well, I guess the blessings have come in the form of community. Eps as much as it considers itself a commercial website, is very much that. People move in and out of the neighborhood as in any bricks-and-mortar community in the real world. A resident can choose to enrich or ravage whatever dwelling they call "home". I've gathered 'round the Eps campfire these past 3 years and have rubbed shoulders with some truly excellent writers. Had this venue not existed, it would've been my loss in not knowing them. Wherever you're transmitting from, so many folks have inspired, informed, infatuated, and infuriated me. I may only be acquainted through your oddly floral and fruity screen names, but you've drawn me into your lives, spun me around madly on my lounge barstool, scrubbed my skin with a metaphorical Brillo pad, and woken up my senses -- all from your words. A scary thought, that. Still, it doesn't take a meet-and-greet for me to feel up a lot of you. Your hearts are written between the lines. Your souls wrapped around the wings of adjectives. And folks here have banded together, just like any other community, to rally around a cause or someone in need. You just need to look around. When reflecting on Eps history recently, I wondered if any one website had generated so many diverse conversations, undergrounds, pockets of intrigue, clandestine relationships, and overall drama while at the same time minding the hiccup "ka-ching" of the cash registers. The mind boggles at the topography of this place. Egoboo? Please. It's a freakin' protracted sociological experiment. Uh...did I answer the question? Almost forgot.... I also was showered in $169 worth of IS blessings, so thanks, ya'll! How has epinions.com cursed you? (If at all) I guess you could say I had an Eps curse back when the place was a dark smoky jazz club and I chanteused a few regulars in my little spooky nook. It was an addiction back then. Like any other Eps Addict, reading here kinda took over my life. Then the lights of Eps 2.0 came on way beyond the 21 days it takes to kick a habit. So it’s been sort of a blessing and a curse. Okay, wait, oh... I get it ... a blessing and a curse. Better pass the herbage around me next time. I'm inching myself into too-stupid-to-live territory. How has epinions.com expanded and inspired you as a writer and all-around creative artist? (If at all) Where can we view your newest work? I'm afraid my butt is the only thing that has truly "expanded" from the Eps experience. "Inspired?" Absolutely. Plenty of times, by plenty of authors -- many of whom jumped ship to the now-defunct "Written By Me" site. Encouraging words from people I respect gave me a push into the shaky unknown worlds of both erotica and poetry. Latest work? Well, for the last year, I've worked as a private contractor as Google Answers researcher, so whatever I've written is more of a dry, fact-based nature. Most questions don't allow for too much creative expression. About the closest opportunity would be naming someone's business or website domain. Recently, I've joined a small writer's "tunda" where we practice writing and critiquing each others' work. It's tough to find the time or deal with the hassles of attending class. Plus you also don't know what or who is waiting for you in class. It's sometimes difficult to trust total strangers to give you honest feedback. But these folks are grizzled life veterans who've been knocked around a bit, can take it on the chin de la Hoya style, and can give as good as they get. My writing can only get better because of them. I'd encourage anyone to partner up if they're really serious about writing as a craft. How has epinions.com contracted, deflated, and depressed you? (If at all) I suppose the pat answer would be the politics of the site. Seeing people attacked with such viciousness. It's upsetting when you realize we have such a short time to get it right here on earth. We also lost many sage voices after the 2.0 blackout and that saddened me. Life calls you in many different directions and it's good to go refresh yourselves -- dip yourself in foreign waters. I've personally done my share of wandering but I'm still in touch with every community I've been a part of since becoming a netizen in 19999. They have to turn the lights off permanently before I throw in the towel. However, I don't consciously withhold myself from people. I work a brutal number of hours and try to have a life outside of this chair. Plus it helps to remind myself that I’ve never written "for Eps"; I write for you guys. This place is my little update area where I wander in periodically. Since I have no time to stay up on the gossip, I have often wondered where everyone has scattered and your individual reasons for leaving. I’m sure they’re all quite valid. Just know that many of you are missed. If it's only ego keeping you away, a "he-said/she-said/I said" situation, hopefully you can reexamine that over time and know that there is only love. The rest is crap. Please come back for a visit occasionally, will ya? And should some of these absentees wander in, could we please not insist that they stay? I imagine they would be here more if they could. Eps writing just becomes another responsibility and we all have too many of those right now, don't we? The most interesting people are out living their lives, gathering new experiences, and sharing themselves elsewhere. Let's not be greedy for their time. For people who write here regularly, just as a gentle reminder, before you hit that ‘publish’ button, could I ask you to do a couple things? Ask yourselves why this 'opinion' should be in print? Is this the best piece of writing I have to offer? Does this site need the 55th review on the same product or do I have something new to add? Has this piece of writing emanated from my lower "dantian"? For anyone unfamiliar with that term, the lower "dantian" is located just below your belly button. When speaking of the lower "dantian" in the body, it refers to a "field of elixir," a center of gravity, where one's chi or vital life force is generated. The guidepost, "Yi Shou dantian", points your mind to that central location in your body. The literal meaning of the word "Shou" is to keep or to guard. It implies "guarding" your mind and chi to maintain integrity and unity. When you speak from that place, you don't have to wear a hat or a badge or belong to any Hall of Fame. People will find you and seek out your reviews. This place has a drumbeat for writers such as yourselves. Everything in place? Okay, now hit the ‘publish’ button. I probably wouldn't have written this piece except Laura asked me. She's asked for so little and deserves my debt of gratitude for being such a warrior queen in the Early Days. If she'd indulge me, I'd also like to thank the people who have inspired me to be a better writer and goofball human being. All of you are in my personal Hall of Fame for various reasons. I will assume each of you knows why. Leah/Laura ladydagney/Lynne Arazim/Mattykins NFP/Nick/Antonio kifwebe/Jeff Walt_Lockley FilboidStudge/Dom? plastiquehomme/Paul my baby boy Chad (WBM) zenhues/Rich MrEyore/Brett dustygold JudeAce/Robert (WBM) minstrelman (WBM) gr8dane/Dainon repulsemonkey/Marty ObiWanJabroni/Darion eric_james Max -WBM bloodyryan (WBM) brotherman/Robert tipu cwrnpuppet/M-A Donlee_Brussel rich2003 katmar/Marsha lessaleigh sslabs/Tony jodhissatva All of you, along with those folks mentioned in my HoF piece, consistently write from that place. While I've tried to keep up some of you via email, it's just impossible. I'm one poor correspondent. Even my mother says so. But since I don't have time to chase after you, I hope you'll consider posting over here again when something gets under your skin. Whether you care to acknowledge it or not, this crazy place and the relationships you've formed here probably influences whatever current project occupies your time. Just let it roll around in your mind. Or your "dantian". A tip of the hat in the old homestead's direction ... could it be such a bad thing? Thanks everyone for being a past or present communitarian of this website. I'll pop in if there's a something just screaming to be reviewed. I'll look for you here. Always. Or at least until they dim all the lights. "Namaste" and thank you for your friendship. 7. Grouch I think I can answer most of your questions in one swell foop. Prior to Sept. 8, 1999, I was purely an Internet dabbler. I used the web mainly for research and to look up news or reviews of books and movies. I had a slow dial-up connection and any time I spent on-line meant our home phone lines were tied up, so I limited my time wisely. No whiling away entire afternoons (nay, entire days!) idling surfing from site to site, no browsing through reams of messages on chat boards. None of that. Prior to that day in September, the Internet occupied about 5% of my brain. Then came that fateful e-mail from Andy Diamondstein on Sept. 8. He'd seen a 100-word review of Arthur Golden's "Memoirs of a Geisha" I'd posted at Amazon months earlier. He introduced himself, then said, in part, "Your review shows that you have valuable expertise to share about books, and I would like to invite you to share that expertise with the Epinions.com community. At Epinions.com, we believe that everyone is an expert at something, and we are building a site where users can earn recognition and rewards for their expertise." It was probably the first time I'd heard the word "community" used in conjunction with the cold concept of cyberspace. I still have a copy of that e-mail and in its own small way, it made a huge impact in my life. Andy D. probably has no idea what his invitation has done to my life. I contributed a few reviews to Epinions (including that anorexic "Geisha" review) and, for about a week, it was a fun game to obsessively check back and watch my numbers grow. This was back in the days when users could watch their account statistics change every 30 minutes or so--not quite "real time," but close. But then, something happened along the way...I found I liked reviewing books and movies. There are times in a writer's life when he turns a corner in his career, when something in his brain cracks open like an egg and he can see a new kind of yolk inside. For me, that yolk was the promise of a possibility--a hint that maybe, just maybe I could actually fashion, if not a career out of reviewing, then at least a serious hobby out of spewing my opinion on the page (or screen) for everyone to read. I discovered I loved lambasting bad movies, I dug praising excellent books, I enjoyed coming up with new ways to say the same old thing. I started writing less fiction and poetry and started writing more and more reviews--sometimes as many as five a week (maybe even more). I learned things about myself and about how I could shape a new expository language for myself. I never could have cracked open my egghead without Epinions' help. I would never have gone on to become a contributing editor at "January Magazine"; I would not be writing weekly reviews for "Long Island Press"; I would not have had the pleasure of interviewing authors like Darren Strauss, Russell Rowland, Debra Magpie Earling or Allen Morris Jones; I wouldn't be published in "Glimmer Train Stories, Readerville Journal" or "The Missouri Review". None of that good fortune would have come my way if it hadn't been for Epinions initially paving the road for me. And, as I contributed more and more reviews to the site, and hung on (sometimes by my fingernails) through the dot-com rollercoaster ride--enduring the ups and downs of eroyalties, the rough, jarring swerves of copyright ownership, the dips and flips of promises made and half-kept--I began to notice something else. A sense of community. Bonds grew between strangers separated by miles and miles of wires and satellites and modems. People I'll never meet "in real life" became real to me on the screen and I laughed, cried and sympathized with them in ways that made my family justifiably jealous. Through Epinions, I learned the Internet can be a small, intimate harbor--even while floating in a vast cyberspace. So, has Epinions "blessed" or "cursed" me? Certainly, there are blessings--the blessings of community, the blessing of expanding my creativity, the blessings of career opportunities. Has it been a curse? Only in the sense that I now spend an inordinate amount of time in my basement typing cold words onto an even colder screen. Sure, I've made sacrifices "in real life" -- not always good ones and I regret many instances of poor judgment when it came to making more time for my family. So, in that sense, it's been a "curse." But it's been a great ride for the past four years. A damned good ride. Where can you view my new stuff? Besides reviews which also get posted at www.culturedose.net and www.januarymagazine.com, I'll give you a sampling of other original stuff I've written in the past four years: (Sorry, Bro! The System made me take out all the html! Where's mobiprof when I need him? Laura) An essay on grizzly bears which appeared in the "Anchorage Daily News": "Ursus Arctos Horribilis". A short story which appeared in "The Hook" magazine: "My Father's Heart". An interview with Russell Rowland which appears in "January Magazine": "The Trials and Tribulations of a Virgin Novelist". 8. cornelia The Questions: 1) How has epinions.com blessed you? (If at all) Epinions blessed me by giving me my writing chops back. I'd worked at a number of smallish hippie weeklys around the country, never earning more than the low two figures for an article, and when I stumbled across the site I'd landed in Cambridge, Massachusetts, with two small kids and a husband on the road all the time. I didn't have the energy to apply for any local gigs,or to pitch ideas to any bigger publications. I was driving children around all day and failing to clean my house. I had two crappy and unfinished novels in my file cabinet, an aging plaque awarded by the Syracuse Press Club, and a seemingly worthless BA in creative writing from Sarah Lawrence. One of my kids had just been diagnosed with autism, and I thought well, that's pretty much it for me. I'm another one of those people who seemed to have promise in high school, and I was just so damn tired I'd never write anything meaningful again. I spent a lot of time net-surfing. It didn't take a lot of concentration. It felt like activity, in a vestigial way. I came across a couple of sites touting ways to get things for free. Epinions was listed in one of them, a way to make a little money. I passed it by. I mean, product reviews? Please. But then I bought this really stupid Timex watch that was supposed to act like a low-rent Palm Pilot, and it didn't work, and the instructions sucked, and it p!ssed me off so much that I remembered Eps, and wrote a shallow and scathing review of it. Magic. I got to watch the numbers crawl up as people read it. I got some nice comments. I made ten cents a hit. My little Swiss cheese ego felt a glimmer of something. So I wrote a review of my rice cooker, and anything else that crossed my line of vision. I earned a little more money. I got more nice comments. I started reading other people's stuff on the site. And then I got emails from KCFoxy and Leah, saying they liked what I was doing, and that I had talent, and they were glad I was on board. I started writing about books and food and autism and things that p!ssed me off. I started writing about my intrepid spouse and my kids and my world, and people "trusted" me, and I got to know other writers who were kind to me about what I was doing, and suddenly, wow, I was myself again. I had rediscovered that kid who could write, whose opinion mattered, who loved playing with words and pushing the boundaries of a sentence or a topic or a page. And I found, yes, a village of other people who cared about that same stuff, and I could come to my little desk no matter how cold and gray it was outside, no matter how worried I was about my kids, no matter how little sleep I'd had the night before, and be entertained and warmed and made whole by their words, their craft. Like the rest of the dotcom bubble, the money we were being paid didn't hold, but I credit the site with making me feel that I was worth more than what they could pay. We moved to California for my husband's work, and I was back in a place where I had more real people to play with, not just my Eps buddies. I got full-time work as an editor at a dotcom out here; my first job since the kids were born. The confidence I'd gained on the site set me up to go after that job, and sustained me when the business folded and we were all laid off. In a funk, I saw an ad on craiglist.org for a mystery writing group, and joined up. It's two years later, and yesterday a second agent emailed me to say they want to sign me, to represent my novel Sore Excuse. Five more are reviewing the manuscript, and have promised to let me know by next week whether or not they, too, want to duke it out for fifteen percent of what they think my work can make for them. They have stoked my ego from Swiss cheese to a trembling, breathless little slice of brie. If it weren't for you guys, for kcfoxy and leah and counsel and mshawpyle, sweeper and grouch and cowboydj -- all of you -- it never, ever would have happened. I would have died someone who once had a glimmer of talent, and who should have gotten her sh!t together enough to finish a novel. There's no promise it will be published, or that anyone will ever read it if it is, but you guys gave me the ability to make this thing to send out into the world. And I think that Gandhi was totally right when he said, "everything is futile but you must do it anyway, because effort is full victory." I don't care that I have a review here about antique stoves that over 10,000 people have read but that Eps only paid me eighty cents for. I don't care that my account balance says that I've earned $2495, but that I owe Eps $17.42. Screw it. I got you guys, and you are priceless, and you gave me back my self. I am eternally in your debt. 9. mshawpyle The Questions: 1) How has epinions.com blessed you? (If at all) Eps itself ... well, that's really not the question. My particular Eps experience? Hugely. I've 'met,' and in some cases met, some of the most important people in my life as a result (Winzeler, call your office). It's been a useful form of 'five-finger exercise,' mentally and authorially. I've even gotten 'bidness,' as we say down home, through it. Mostly, it has kept me from a tendency towards academic aridity, and forced me to dismantle at least a few of the outer works in the defenses I've spent years building up. 2) How has epinions.com cursed you? (If at all) It exposed me to boybands. And vice versa. Actually, even the ooooogly bits at Eps have been of use. What don't kill, fortifies. 3) How has epinions.com expanded and inspired you as a writer and all-around creative artist? (If at all) Where can we view your newest work? As I say, I think it's made me take what is laughingly called 'real' life, and even pop culture outside my narrow circle, more seriously. And to confront it and deal with it. As far as the latest work, well, the things I'll admit to writing are In Progress. But we'll see. 4) How has epinions.com contracted, deflated, and depressed you? (If at all) Ouch. Well, although I bide by my statement that what don't kill, fortifies, I will admit that seeing the Great Ones leave and seeing the tide of mediocrity wash in has been painful. It's always painful to watch the increasing dumbing-down of the culture. 10. SLOW My answers to your questions: 1) Epinions blessed me with four little Epinionettes, and if I ever get hold of that doggone Epinions, not only will he have to cough up for palimony, but beg forgiveness for using faulty condoms. "I've got protection," my left foot. I can't believe I fell for that.... Actually, Epinions gave me the opportunity to hang out with some quality folks and share some writing. And, for a while, get paid for it. I think "bless" is a misnomer here, though- I gave, and Epinions gave; it was mutually pleasing, like good sex or a bad prison sentence. 2) The Curse of Epinions, while not as brutal as the Curse of Underarm Odor or as fatal as the Curse of Tutunkhandominium, or as cool as the Wrath of Khan, is alive and well- I have to go back, every now and then, and see what's going on over there. And I get phone calls/e-mails from Old School Epinionators occassionally as well. Like a black tar junkie, you're never off the Epinions Wagon forever. 3) Epinions- expanded or inspired me? Hmmmm...I wouldn't go that far. It kicked me in the butt to write while I had a bit of free time on my hands, but as that dissipated (around the same time as viable payment for my talent), so did my "inspiration." Yes, I'm a capitalist. Long may she wave. Or stoop, or slouch, or bend over in a slow, seductive manner, whilst wearing a short, flimsy sundress while backlit by...uh- where was I? Oh, you can find my monthly column on eDodo.org; it's always the last page of each issue. It's good to be the publisher. And every now and then I crank out some dry, boring piece related to my chosen field. One of my favorites was "Attack of the 50-Pixel (Naked) Woman" for SANS. 4) eh. I dug the money, and was sad to see it go, but it seemed like a rather optimistic business plan from the get-go. With no quality-control other than a market chock-full of people with way too much time on their hands, an Internet connection, and no interest in porn, the literary merit of any given Epinionator meant less (in terms of readership) than emotive nonsense- and no vendor, manufacturer, retailer, or producer would support such a model through advertising or partnering. So the Big Bucks for writers had to go, and, with them, the good writers. Funny how you get what you pay for (see comment above, re: my harsh mistress, Lady Capitalism, the Self-Regulating Ho' of Champions). So am I bummed? Not really- although it was fun while it lasted. ------End of Answers---- ********************************************** THE REMAINING JEWELS IN OUR CYBER CROWN (Please post in the comments if you feel inspired to do so or email me your answers and I'll try to deal with editing this post.) 11. Sordid-1 12. that-guy ************************************************ As for me -- it saddens me to say that writing is no longer a large part of my daily life. Sometimes (usually when I'm bored) I get a bit wistful about the cyber-community experience, but always, always, I pine for the magical, mystical, joyous ritual of playing with words on the screen and marvelling at what comes out after a bit of effort and surrender. I hope to change this in the 7-year life cycle just beginning but just don't have a grip on the appropriate venue or subject matter just yet. Chanting as we speak, Sweetie. Last year I wrote a monthly wine newsletter ("The Grapevine") for a local liquor store that brought me much creative joy and freedom, but that ended too soon. I wrote a rather detailed personal profile last Summer and posted it to match.com on impulse (user id: law217. Wanna ask me out?). The responses and fall-out to that "experiment" over the last 13 months make for some delicious and biting personal essay material. Unfortunately, many have beaten me to that punch. Damn that salon.com! I took down my own pique assiette mosaic web site and opened a little eBay store that has a few new pieces in stock (mention this post and I'll cut you a steamy deal!): http://www.stores.ebay.com/mysticalmomentsmosaics Frankly, the last few years have found me dealing with the very challenging and often-terrifying consequences of some financial and personal lifestyle decisions I made 7 years ago. I've managed to live through a foreclosure on my first home, a horrendously painful and exhausting move from there into a funky 1929 farmhouse, a personal bankruptcy, more real estate losses, a retail job which I quit when it finally sucked me bone dry, followed by a few bleak Winter months of desolate unemployment which brought out the resourceful parts of me (thank Goddess for eBay and my mosaics!), near-eviction from the 1929 farmhouse, and life goes on, bra. La la how the life goes on. In The Large Scheme of Things I know I'm not alone, and I know things could be much, much worse, and are, for most on the planet right now. Leah The Cattle Dawg was just an insane puppy when I joined Epinions on launch night in 1999. Today she is nearly an insane 5-year-old. I've lost a couple of my beloved cats to illnesses but gained a darling new kitten who ran in front of my car a year ago July, a terrified, starving, dehydrated ball of scraggly fur. Sadie brings my feline equilibrium back to a perfectly- balanced four. Leah and I still hike the mountain paths almost every day and we now have a wonderful new home with perfect canyon trails right out our back door. This last week here in Southern Colorado reminds me once again why I am still here, 7 years after landing. Autumn kicked down Summer's door Monday night while we slept, still with floor fans in the bedroom to fight the impossible-to-sleep-in heat of August. Tuesday night it was 38 degrees and frost covered the decks. And I am once more acutely mindful that the many "things" I forego for this simpler Mayberry existence are more than compensated for by the soul support and nourishment afforded by the natural beauty and astonishingly precise timing of the seasons and Earth's creatures. How do it do what it do so consistently and seamlessly and effortlessly? How do it know when, precisely and exactly, to do these things? These simple, complex, unfathomable rhythms and patterns in the natural world offer me a scintilla of hope for homo sapiens, such as they are, devolving or evolving, depending upon the day, my mood and my perspective. I seem to cherish, above all, the ability to live a relatively quiet and solitary existence for that is the wellspring from which my creativity, balance and inspiration flow. Now -- if I could only find a way to couple that idyllic lifestyle with a writing gig that paid the bills -- BLISS!  |
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