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Re: Unfortunately nobody has that sort of training (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
I understand that but it's hard to be un-emotional when it is your child.
Thankfully, AJ is out of the military. I can't tell you what a relief that is.
It's sad that troops are still over there.
Thanks for the comment.
Smiles, Char
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Feb 28 '05
1:14 pm PST
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Unfortunately nobody has that sort of training (Reply to this comment)
by cuculuain
I'm sorry to hear about your son's experience. It's very sad. I'm a career soldier (18 years) currently stationed in Washington, D.C. While I haven't been to Iraq, I am prepared to go if called.
There really is no MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) that cleans up remains. "Graves Registration" is an additional specialty, not a primary one. It involves securing what would be the major portion of remains, preparing them for repatriation, and making the proper documentation.
The unit would still be responsible to recover the vehicle. That would mean it was on them to clean it up. Unfortunate, perhaps a little disheartening, but true. There just aren't enough people, nor enough time to leave the equipment behind because someone died. And to be totally fair to the commander, he or she may not have been there to help. We teach commanders to be at the most influential spot on the battlefield so that they can best direct their force. Cleaning that vehicle may not have been the best place for he or she to be. That doesn't mean that given the chance, they wouldn't have been there to help.
Perhaps a nasty by-product of war is that soldiers often have to put aside grief for a while so that they can continue to fight. Which probably explains the amount of PTSD related injury in the Military.
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Feb 24 '05
5:32 pm PST
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Re: Re: Re: So Hard For YOU! (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Ruby, I hope Meg did well on her exams. I'm sure that is a trying experience, too. :O)
AJ is now in Souther Iraq at a hub for troops leaving and entering Iraq. He will be there for 30 days then go to Kuwait for 3 weeks before leaving for Ft. Carson.
He is no longer getting shot at or bombed! WHOHOO!
Smiles, Char
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Jan 19 '04
3:10 pm PST
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So sorry ... (Reply to this comment)
by iwannagrowup2b
that AJ is experiencing the unthinkable. My prayers are with you both.
We were newlywed when my ex left for Vietnam, where he served as a combat medic in the 27th MASH. He too experienced the gore of war that AJ has. But he held it in for way too long.
During the wars of past, I think men felt that they had to hold all the horror in; it was the "manly" thing to do. That "manly" thing to do destroyed many young men emotionally. He came home a different person.
I'm sure you will notice a change in AJ when he returns. You can't experience what he has, and not change! I feel confident that if he was able to share this horror with you openly, then you have a loving and strong bond, and he will openly talk about any other troubling experience. ENCOURAGE him to hold nothing back!
His heart is heavy with a wound of a different kind than a weapon can inflict; healing will take time, love, and patience.
I know he has all that with you.
Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Connie
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Jan 15 '04
7:37 am PST
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Re: Re: So Hard For YOU! (Reply to this comment)
by ruby950
Char:
That is very commendable of A.J. not wanting to put himself in the forefront. Our armed services are proud men. You better leave it alone. I must admit that I thought about that too. So hard being a mom! I am now trying to get my Meg thru her last final this morning. I am a nervous wreck, and I can only imagine what you go through each day.
My best,
Deborah~
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Dec 19 '03
5:25 am PST
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Re: So Hard For YOU! (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Ooops, I got ahead of myself, I wasn't quite finish with my reply.
It certainly was an assignment above and beyond the call of duty, but it sounds as if A.J. did it with loving care. Bless his heart!
Ruby, yes, I think he did it with loving care, too. I know he sent me an e-mail saying he was proud of the job he did to clean it and fix it after it was done but that it was really hard.
I wanted to send this to my senator and AJ asked me not to use his name. He said they have all had to do horrible tasks and that it would be held against him if anyone found out.
I'm proud he doesn't want to be singled out and sad at the same time too; it's hard to understand what he and his friends have been through.
Thanks, Char
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Dec 18 '03
6:39 pm PST
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Re: So Hard For YOU! (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Ruby,
R/R is extremely hard to keep up with. I know I'm always behind so please don't worry about not reading this sooner. I'm just happy you read it. :O)
AJ will be home sometime in 4-6 weeks. They have packed up and sent most of their equipment home already. :O) He told me they will be heading to Kuwait in the next couple of weeks and will be there for 3-4 weeks before flying home.
I'm so excited. I just wish there was some way I could get to Colorado to greet him. He does get leave when he gets back but may have to stay close to Ft. Carson. They will be having quite a few briefings to get them acclimated to getting back to normal life and away from a war zone.
Smiles, Char
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Dec 18 '03
6:28 pm PST
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So Hard For YOU! (Reply to this comment)
by ruby950
I just can't even imagine having a son over there, let alone hearing about this! Let me say first, that I am so sorry that it took me so long to read this, Char.
The only consoling words I have to say is that maybe A.J.'s friend would have wanted no one else to do such a task, but a friend, like A.J. who cared. Perhaps what A.J. did was better than junking the humvee with his friend's bodily fluids
included.
It certainly was an assignment above and beyond the call of duty, but it sounds as if A.J. did it with loving care. Bless his heart!
Does he have any idea when he is coming home? I think about him all of the time. You too!
Try and have a Merry Christmas!
Deborah~
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Dec 17 '03
8:42 pm PST
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Re: Re: Re (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Matt,
I will keep your cousin's hubby in my thoughts for a safe return.
The fear, anxiety and excessive worry do take a toll. I sure your cousin, like me, hope this will soon be over with our loved ones home safe and alive.
Thanks for reading,
Char
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Dec 05 '03
9:35 am PST
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Re: Re (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
I did ask my son why trained personnel did not do this task and he said they don't have enough people in that MOS to do it.
I still worry about having troops doing this clean-up that aren't trained emotionally or physically (OSHA regulations) for this type of removal.
I do feel it's a shameful blot on todays army. They should have been better prepared.
Thanks so much for reading.
Char
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Dec 05 '03
9:31 am PST
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Re: ... (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Tom,
It does, however, make me happy to know that these dire circumstances have not stolen your son's ability to feel. I hope AJ finds his way home to you, safely and soon.
One of AJ's greatest strengths is that he can put himself into someone else's shoes. I think that is a rare gift sometimes; it seems many people are unable to look through another's eyes and imagine what they feel.
My boy is a big ole softy. I truly hope he comes home with his ability to care for other intact.
Thanksgiving was a bit blah; I kept wondering if he was enjoying his and wishing he was home celebrating with us.
Thanks for reading.
Char
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Dec 05 '03
9:24 am PST
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Re: Boy this really burns me up (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
I wish I know what the President was thinking, too.
I just read that armored humvee's are just now being sent to Iraq. I would think the troops would have had these before even going or very soon after getting there.
Many lives could have been saved by providing this special humvees. I guess from their point of view a human life is cheaper than to spend the money on protection.
Thanks for reading, Char
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Dec 05 '03
9:17 am PST
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Re: Best thing I've read on epinions for a while (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Thanks for reading:O)
I wish this wasn't real but it is. I can't imagine the horrors some of our troops have gone through.
I can only hope they will all be home soon.
Thanks, Char
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Dec 05 '03
9:14 am PST
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Re: Re (Reply to this comment)
by matthewn
My cousin's husband is in Iraq. His job is finding ammunition. Imagine my cousin, just like you, are very worried about your loved ones. I hope that it all is well in the end.
Best regards,
Matt
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Dec 04 '03
5:54 pm PST
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Re (Reply to this comment)
by travelgall
I too hope your son returns safely to you. Whilst I am now out of the army, I have many friends still in and either in Iraq or are going as part of the British reinforcements, and I wish all British and American troops well and hope they keep safe.
Unfortunately the Graves registration unit don't do this gruesome task. Their job is to bury and record the dead - not clean up afterwards. You are absolutely right in saying that an Officer should lead from the front and not tell somebody to do something he would not do himself - its the first thing they teach you; and consider it crass stupidity of the officer in question to order somebody to do this task without asking whether he knew and was friends with the unfortunate soldier in question.
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Dec 04 '03
9:30 am PST
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... (Reply to this comment)
by tbthorn
Hi:) I hope your holiday weekend was enjoyable, although I'm sure you (and your son) are still understandably distressed. I agree that special teams should be designated for this type of duty. It takes emotions of steele to be able to handle this type of thing (just like not every doctor could be a pathologist). It does, however, make me happy to know that these dire circumstances have not stolen your son's ability to feel. I hope AJ finds his way home to you, safely and soon.
Take care,
tom
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Nov 30 '03
5:05 pm PST
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Boy this really burns me up (Reply to this comment)
by st_patrick
I can't imagine what it would be like to clean up the remains of one of my own friends. What was your son's commanding officer thinking?
I don't know what your thoughts on this war are, but regardless Bush should have anticipated the disaster that is post-war Iraq. It makes me angry that Bush is to send other people's sons and daughters to war, while he himself avoided service in Vietnam. I'll be praying every day for your son's safe return.
Regards,
Patrick
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Nov 30 '03
4:49 pm PST
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Re: Charlotte... (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Marsha,
Oh I'm so sorry about your cousin, Bill. It's awful the Vietnam vets were not provided with the help they needed when they came home. :O(
AJ should be coming home sometime in Feb. I'm starting my countdown now and then when I find out the exact date he will be in...I'll start another count down to then.
Thanks so much, Char
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Nov 27 '03
3:47 pm PST
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Charlotte... (Reply to this comment)
by katmar
This is one of the most horrific things I've ever read. We all think of the front lines when we think about war. We don't think of the day to day things that go on behind the scenes.
I'm so sorry your son had to do this. I am sorry that our soldiers are still over there at all. There really are no words to describe the horror of what these men and women go through. George W. certainly isn't over there doing it, is he?
God...
My cousin served in 'Nam. He was some type of scout that went ahead of the unit. Bill's friend that was there with him said Bill had to do things that none of the rest of them did. He came back irrevocably scarred.
After fighting his demons for years and years, he finally took his life two years ago in August. He was my hero. I loved him so much. I can only imagine the nightmares that he lived with every day.
Anyway, I'm rambling...
I wish your son safety and health, and may they all come home soon. You will be in my thoughts.
Marsha
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Nov 23 '03
8:44 pm PST
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Re: This is truly (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Oh, I'm so sorry. I never thought of the families having to clean a car out after a terrible accident.
Life is just not fair sometimes but it seems even more unfair to some.
Thanks, Char
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Nov 20 '03
4:51 pm PST
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This is truly (Reply to this comment)
by msmorvay
aweful. How insensitive it was to make him do this when the person was his friend. I am sure this must have been aweful for him.
My Sister in Law was killed instantly in a car accident months ago. My husband and his aunt went to clean out her personal items from the car which was totalled a couple of days after the accident. They did this to spare my brother in law from having to see the car, and further upset him. My husband's aunt cleans crime scenes for a living but it was still difficult even for her because she of course knew my sister in law. It was my job to clean the items that they retrieved from the car. I was extremely upset all day, and agitated and grossed out as I waited the arrival of the items. Thankfully for me most of the items were not that bad, but I still cried the entire time I was cleaning and washing. This is truly a terrible thing for anyone close to someone to have to endure.
I am so sorry that your son had to endure this terrible experience. I don't blame you one bit for being angry, someone else could have cleaned that truck.
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Nov 16 '03
10:13 am PST
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Re: That is the worst thing I have ever heard! (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Peggy,
Thanks so much for your comment. All those prayers being sent MUST be keeping some of our troops safe.
Char
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Nov 15 '03
11:11 am PST
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Re: Oh Char (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Patti,
Boy do I wish he could be in a bullet-proof, bomb-proof car everyday he's over there.
I always have AJ in my prayers, but even more now. Sending you positive thoughts - the best I can do :-) Thanks, this is so nice!
Char
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Nov 15 '03
9:11 am PST
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Re: Re: Hugs (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Susie, Yes it is sad, sometimes almost too sad to bear.
I hope Len's grandson is stationed somewhere safe. I'll be keeping him in my thoughts.
Char
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Nov 15 '03
9:06 am PST
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Re: Hi (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
76,
Thanks..I, too, am still horrified by what AJ had to do. He wrote to tell me he got the truck cleaned and fixed. He was proud of how it had turned out and everyone was telling him what a good job he did. He said it made him feel good.
I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around the horror of the cleaning.
Thank you for the comment.
Char
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Nov 15 '03
9:04 am PST
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Re: Hugs (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Becky,
This whole war is confusing. I don't know what to think or believe anymore. I do know I want my son and all our troops home safely.
This essay is not my best work, my writing skills seem to go out the window when I'm upset like I was/am.
Thanks for reading my rambling jumble of thoughts.
Char
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Nov 15 '03
8:59 am PST
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Re: The sadness... (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Ann,
You are right; I feel for this soldier's family, too. I know all too well the fear and anxiety of having a loved one over there but I pray I will never have the unthinkable as having my son killed.
I'm praying for his family, too.
Char
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Nov 15 '03
8:55 am PST
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Re: Horrid! (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Terrie,
Also how the military can justify risking a human life for the sake of salvaging a wrecked piece of equipment is beyond me. This is what I just don't understand either.
Thanks so much for the comment.
Char
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Nov 15 '03
8:52 am PST
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Re: So sorry (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Penny,
Thanks, I know the prayers and good wishes being sent to AJ will help him come home safe.
Char
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Nov 15 '03
8:50 am PST
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Re: Hi (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
Drew,
I totally agree with ya.
Thank you for the comment.
Char
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Nov 15 '03
8:49 am PST
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