RETURN OF THE MUSIC INTERVIEW 2: meet Caffienatedyak Nov 18 '03 (Updated Nov 21 '03)    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet The Bottom Line Yakety yak. Bwa-ha-ha. In an effort to continue my ongoing series of music-related interviews, I (louderthandrew1) cornered caffienatedyak (icecap knuckles) in a dark alleyway and forced him to answer my questions.... luckily, he was a good sport.. read away! LouderThanDrew1: Ladies.... gentlemen..... everyone else. I'm here, chillin' with one Caffienatedyak on a blustery Tuesday afternoon. What's up in the heazy, 'yak? IceCap Knuckles: Roman orgy. Or boredom. And a tummyache from all those damn cookies. IceCap Knuckles: and the itnerview too. Which is also up IceCap Knuckles: and stuff. Isn't it? LouderThanDrew1: Absolutely. LouderThanDrew1: So, first things first; what can I call you? IceCap Knuckles: T.J. Just don't ask what it stands for. FBI secret. LouderThanDrew1: Fair enough. T.J. LouderThanDrew1: So, T.J., feel like talking music? IceCap Knuckles: yeppers, sure do. LouderThanDrew1: What's rocking your socks off right now? IceCap Knuckles: Before I change the mp3 due to being overplayed... Mariah Carey. ...and now Chihiro Onitsuka. LouderThanDrew1: What's your most embarrassing musical purchase? LouderThanDrew1: Or download, if you're into stuff like that. LouderThanDrew1: (thief) IceCap Knuckles: Eh, I don't believe in thinking anything I listen to is embarassing (accomplice), but... lemme think a sec on this one IceCap Knuckles: Purchase - Willa Ford: Willa Was Here. Wait. That was more masochistic. Download... I guess Madonna's American Life, because I actually wanted to hear her rap. Now I never want to hear such things again. Torture A Friend. Have Madonna Rap. LouderThanDrew1: Who do you think could bust phatter rhymes, Madonna or Britney Spears? IceCap Knuckles: Britney, because if we're lucky she will not get a double shot-ay of her soy latte. Then again, Dido rapping would probably whoop both of them. Dido needs to rap. IceCap Knuckles: just outta curiousity, what'd be your pick? C'mon. Say it. IceCap Knuckles: You know you want to. LouderThanDrew1: Out of Madonna and Ms. Spears? IceCap Knuckles: yessssssss IceCap Knuckles: ssspeak, my pretty. LouderThanDrew1: I'll pull for Madonna just to be difficult. LouderThanDrew1: But Willa Ford could trump them both. IceCap Knuckles: will someone have her shot-ay if she drinks a soy latte? Then she could never rap again and the world would be a better place LouderThanDrew1: Can you rap? IceCap Knuckles: I suck horribly at it. But to an extent, yeah. LouderThanDrew1: Have you tried? IceCap Knuckles: many-a time. It could be used as a torture device LouderThanDrew1: Will you give us a sample, here, front of all Epinions? LouderThanDrew1: You could be the next 3rd Bass...... IceCap Knuckles: alrighty then IceCap Knuckles: wrdawcrsdfvsodtu8efu895usdgrgt4s38645se689uj456456h5pimping~! ::bows:: LouderThanDrew1: Brilliant. IceCap Knuckles: Avril Lavigne will weep with envy LouderThanDrew1: Out of all Epinionaters, who would you most like to see me battle? IceCap Knuckles: hmm.... IceCap Knuckles: Yourself. It'd be kinda like Good Andrew Bad Andrew. One of you could be a secret clone ninja of death IceCap Knuckles: hikeeeeeeeeba and then grow to immense size and completely damage San Francisco (again, damn superheroes and supervillians) battling each other LouderThanDrew1: sounds like a plan.... LouderThanDrew1: hmmm. IceCap Knuckles: and then it could become a romantic comedy LouderThanDrew1: what, "Something about Mary"? IceCap Knuckles: Good Ninja Bad Ninja fall in love marry SEX SCENE have 4343436582.3662 and three-quarters children. Starring Cameron Diaz as Child # 3/4 LouderThanDrew1: on that note, do you like movies? IceCap Knuckles: Sorta. Most of my favorites are anime movies, though LouderThanDrew1: would you cast a prospective film for me? IceCap Knuckles: righty-o LouderThanDrew1: okay.... IceCap Knuckles: ...let me look up prospective first LouderThanDrew1: to-be-made. IceCap Knuckles: ... oh, wait. Duh, prospective. Okey-doke. IceCap Knuckles: let 'er rip, then. LouderThanDrew1: You're the star. You're the lead singer for a struggling indie band, when, allofa sudden, during your performance at a local battle of the bands, you sprout wings and fly circles above the audience. They're amazed, and you're a sensation. But of course, things don't always go right..... cast the following roles: LouderThanDrew1: Johnny, lead singer of the rival band determined to expose you for the fake you are; Brian, your good buddy and lead guitarist who will stick by your side no matter what; Quincy, the jerk-off government official determined to send you to the clink; and Barbara, the kind-hearted reporter who you confide in. For bonus points, name your band. IceCap Knuckles: Johnny - the guy who voices the Arby's oven mitt. i hate that oven mitt - and thus, will gladly become his rival. Plus he notices things that he shouldn't notice. Eeeevil. Brian - Mr. Bucket. Me and Mr. Bucket, we're like this. Quincy - Scott Stapp. First jerk-off that came to mind. Barbara - One of those toilet-cleaner duckies. They know my deepest darkest secrets. The band name: Spastic Vagina. I've always wanted to name a band Spastic Vagina. LouderThanDrew1: I think Stapp could pull off Quincy admirably... great choices. IceCap Knuckles: (...for lack of any actual actors to pick out - my knowledge of them stinks) IceCap Knuckles: ...unless I re-cast Barbara with Reese Witherspoon LouderThanDrew1: So let's chat Epinions. IceCap Knuckles: Epinions Alrighty LouderThanDrew1: Of all our illustrious music writers, who is the sexiest? IceCap Knuckles: HMMMamamama... since I can only guess with the pictures they have up... voxpoptart. Or punkrawka. IceCap Knuckles: well, for the guys IceCap Knuckles: for the wemminses, since I haven't seen too many of them... itztru and shadesofblue. IceCap Knuckles: and I plan to steal shadesy's bandana. LouderThanDrew1: Good calls.... what about great writers? Those writers that you absolutely can't miss? IceCap Knuckles: hmm. Lotta names to type up, but... here goes IceCap Knuckles: shadesofblue, shilmafone, plorentz, insomniac1587... who else... imprimis2, carletta1201, speed, itztru pt-paratroopa, katmar, broomqueesha, bob_tomato, and voxpoptart. And just to name some outside-a music, for the hell of it (if I can) - MrsNormanMaine, Scenery, and prfstars. I need to update my damn favorites list. LouderThanDrew1: Nice list.... so what about interviewers? Who's the best interviewer on the site? IceCap Knuckles: that guy, uhh... you know, the one who... interviews people and stuff. I think his name's S2D, something of the sort. IceCap Knuckles: come to think of it, he's the only one I've seen at the site IceCap Knuckles: bizarrrre LouderThanDrew1: yeah, he's cool. LouderThanDrew1: hmm. IceCap Knuckles: HMMM LouderThanDrew1: up for a little word association? IceCap Knuckles: ASSocation. Filthy word. Word association is goooood. LouderThanDrew1: where to start? LouderThanDrew1: A-Teens IceCap Knuckles: KILL LouderThanDrew1: cocoa puffs IceCap Knuckles: P. Diddy Doodle Dandy. (...technically, a name's one word.) IceCap Knuckles: (...or not) LouderThanDrew1: cheezy poofs IceCap Knuckles: evil LouderThanDrew1: Stacey's Mom IceCap Knuckles: hooker LouderThanDrew1: voxpoptart IceCap Knuckles: Husband #4. LouderThanDrew1: Alabama IceCap Knuckles: Thingymastate LouderThanDrew1: Brad Pitt IceCap Knuckles: vomit LouderThanDrew1: The Godfather IceCap Knuckles: wiseass LouderThanDrew1: Eminem IceCap Knuckles: Antichrist LouderThanDrew1: God IceCap Knuckles: Damn IceCap Knuckles: ...it. Meant to say Dammit LouderThanDrew1: XXX IceCap Knuckles: XXXX LouderThanDrew1: Aerosmith IceCap Knuckles: Floatationdevicelips. LouderThanDrew1: Adam Sandler IceCap Knuckles: Panties LouderThanDrew1: plorentz IceCap Knuckles: hooray LouderThanDrew1: internet porn IceCap Knuckles: HOORAY LouderThanDrew1: On that note, let's switch gears.... LouderThanDrew1: boxers, briefs, or other? IceCap Knuckles: I crave boxer-briefs. Alas. I'm stuck with briefs. LouderThanDrew1: Pepsi or Coke? IceCap Knuckles: Pepsi. That makes me think of Mariah and Whitney, cause they're like rivals, and Mariah's the Pepsi and Whitney's the Cokehead, and that's creepy so Pepsi. LouderThanDrew1: Word. LouderThanDrew1: Britney or Christina? IceCap Knuckles: Christina. If only because i like the video for Beautiful lots and lots. ...that and she makes the pretty music that makes T.J. go yay LouderThanDrew1: Who would win in a fight, Toucan Sam or the Lucky Charms leprechaun? IceCap Knuckles: Toucan Sam would eat that Smarmy worrisome bastard. Even Lucky's mighty marshmallow power will be futile against Sam's annoying little nephews aessdsdahfdfs maybe he can pluck them first then get eaten by an enraged T.S. LouderThanDrew1: Because I like ego stroking, what interview was my best? (although I suppose whoever you pick is more the result of the interviewee than anyone else, but still..) IceCap Knuckles: ...hee hee. Stroking. As for itnerviews - since the only one I've been able to find so far was speed... IceCap Knuckles: it would be... IceCap Knuckles: speed. LouderThanDrew1: Which Mike would win in a fight, speeddemon531 or shilmafone? LouderThanDrew1: Or, even better, a freestyle? I'm obsessed with freestyle ever since I posted mine. (plug! plug!) IceCap Knuckles: Mr. Bucket would win, because Mr. Bucket's the [coolest person ever]. Both Mike and Mike (...and Mike?) would be powerless against his sexy bucketism. As for freestyle - insomniac and me. Because we would build this giant Mariah Carey robot and the power of her amplified screeching would make everyone go "Owie" and we'd be wearing earplugs. LouderThanDrew1: hmm. okay, so wanna play "finish the lyric"? IceCap Knuckles: I can make up the ending, yes? LouderThanDrew1: basically, goes like this: I spout off a lyric, and you finish it. only thing is, you MUST make up the ending. IceCap Knuckles: yay! LouderThanDrew1: Lessee.... LouderThanDrew1: "son, she said, have I got a little story for you...." IceCap Knuckles: "T'was the year of aughty-aught, in the backseat of a Buick. The Big One came along, and we had Buick interruptus." Freestyle verses, AHOY. LouderThanDrew1: "my baby don't mess around because she loves me so and this I know fo' sho'...." IceCap Knuckles: "...and just because she moaned my mama's name last night, happens all the time - y'know?" LouderThanDrew1: "oh, it's so funny to be seein' you after so long, girl/ and the way you look I understand that you are not impressed...." IceCap Knuckles: "...and, girl, i can see why - do I need to get fake breasts?" LouderThanDrew1: "when I find myself in times of trouble mother mary comes to me....." IceCap Knuckles: "...and smacks me upside the head, saying, 'It's your own fault, dumbass. Now I'll get you outta this for fifty bucks and a mar-ti-niiii." LouderThanDrew1: "baaaaaaby, I'm hot just like an oven...." IceCap Knuckles: "And baaaaaby, put some beans in there - aw, [DRATS!] FIRE! FIRE!" LouderThanDrew1: "the sirens are screaming and the fires are howling way down in the valley tonight....." IceCap Knuckles: "I bet it was Grandmother Rose trying to get her joint alight..." LouderThanDrew1: last one: LouderThanDrew1: "new kids on the block had a bunch of hits..." IceCap Knuckles: "...and probably two of the members would later grow [large female breasts]." IceCap Knuckles: being stucck for rhyming words stiiinksssss LouderThanDrew1: I lied. that wasn't the last one. LouderThanDrew1: "dig if you will a picture of you and I engaged in a kiss...." IceCap Knuckles: "...then, baby, drop trou, and on it take a [pee-pee]." LouderThanDrew1: I think I had that coming. IceCap Knuckles: picture-[urinating]. The new Olympic sport LouderThanDrew1: Finally, sum up the interview in a brief, four-line freestyle. LouderThanDrew1: (what, you thought that "fg89n3598tyh398539898hpimp" stuff was gonna cut it? ;-) ) IceCap Knuckles: no, but I thought my lively dance number on a sheet of bubble wrap (which I just did to make my feet stop hurting) would do. Mmm-mmm good interviewing time, sans erotic haiku. Jealous yak wants haiku, causes riot, just like when someone said "Lesbian demands cheese, causes riot." Yummy by the hair in your tummy-chin-chin with Mr. Stariway2Drew and thanking him. IceCap Knuckles: oh yeah, extra line (NYAH NYAH) - thaaaaaankyou! LouderThanDrew1: You've got a future, dawg. IceCap Knuckles: IS IT BRIGHT, MISS CLEO? LouderThanDrew1: Thanks for interviewing, and to all of you out there in Epinions, this is Drew, singing "caffienatedyakety yak - please talk back."

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