Movie Etiquette For Dummies
Nov 30 '03
The Bottom Line Jesus, people annoy me.
After going to see The Last Samurai last night, I was moved to write up my thoughts on movie-going etiquette. This review is dedicated to all of the idiots that I have to cohabitate with while enjoying the latest flik on the big screen.
Idiot Parents
Don't bring your four year old to a "R" rated movie. Along with stunting his/her growth, what explanation will you use when Johnny starts ranting at his prep school about the "f'in this and that"? Are you going to blame it on the oversexed Britney Spears media blitz? Are you going to claim that it was the influence of an evil giant on your block? Of course, anything to avoid responsibility. If you can't get a babysitter, rent a video people.
Also, if your kid kicks my seat one more time, I'm going to turn around and administer my own form of parenting. I'm sure it's not one you'd endorse.
Be Nice To The Employees
It's their job to ask if you want the bigger size for 25 cents more. They could care less on whether or not you take them up on the offer. Don't yell at the employees if your movie is sold out. Like they can help what movie the buying public wants to see at that moment?
Say, Excuse Me and Please
When you step all over people to get to your seat, don't act like it's your gawd-given right to smash their toes, mar their view, and spill their food, just because you were late to getting into the movie for a seat.
This is MY Space
The drink holder to the right is mine - not yours. Don't lay your coat over my seat. Don't kick my seat in the back. Don't spread your legs like a cowboy needin' a cowpoke. MY SPACE is what I paid for. Leave it alone.
Bathe
I wouldn't think that asking someone to bathe on a regular basis would be such a big chore. I mean, I do it every day and don't even question whether or not I need to. Do a whiff check or better yet, ask someone who hates you to do one for you. The worst answer you'll get is that you do stink and that you do need to shower. As always, it's better to err on the side of conservatism.
Knock Off The Perfume Shower
You might be in love with the latest JLO perfume, Still, but what makes you think that *I* am? When my popcorn tastes like your perfume and not the greasy, buttery, crunchy stuff that I'm expecting, I'm ticked.
Learn To Chew With Your Mouth Closed
I realize that the theater sells food that makes noise but that doesn't mean that you have to compound the issue by making more, extraneous and definitely, unnecessary crunching, grinding, and lip-smacking noises when eating and/or drinking your concession wares.
Cell Phones
Vibrate mode is the only acceptable mode other than off. If you have to get to the "vibration", exit the theater. Don't sit there and talk damnit. I'm sorry your kid is sick. From the sound of it, it's not like this was news to you when you left him/her home with a babysitter. If they have the need to call you in the theater, then you probably shouldn't have left in the first place you moron.
Whispering
I'm sorry that you couldn't hold your bladder. I'm sorry that you don't get the movie. Maybe you're the type that videos are made for. The point here is that you're interrupting my ability to hear the movie due to your incessant whispering to your next door neighbor. I mean, this is stuff we were taught in kindergarten.
Don't Be Such A Damn Slob
Pick up after yourself. The worst offenders are those that bring in their own stuff. Hey - I don't condone your actions however, I understand why you do it. Some theaters don't offer the robust menu that they should. Do you have to screw them over twice? First, you don't pay them the exorbitant prices and then, you make their people clean up after you? That's just wrong.
Wash Your Hands
This just grosses me out. I don't consider myself to be anal-retentive but help me understand how you using a public restroom and NOT washing your hands is a good thing?
I'm done for now. I reserve the right - at any time - to update this list with all of the annoying habits of the movie-going public.
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kristinafh
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Member: Kristina Frazier-Henry
Location: Indiana
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About Me:
Cannot breathe. Missing Barbara.
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