'Zis F*cking Write-Off Is F*cking Stupid, Wee, But I Like It Very Much (BTK Write-Off) Dec 11 '03 (Updated Jun 24 '05)    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Music Jersey Boys [Original Broadway Cast Recording] by Original Broadway Cast From $8 Mai by Eri Sugai From $4 The Bottom Line "Yeah, alright then Paul, you zee man. Let me give that as* a pat..." It's Pareeee, France, a cold, lonelay night, and I am zee one 'n onlay Pepe Le Blanco (my mother was Spaneeesh). There Is no-thing to do here in the cold night except wonder where I could be... But it is Tzursday night! 'Zis time to go to that one club...what zoo they call it? Ahh, yes, the BEEEEE Zee Karaoka Club. My goooooood, round friend Paul works up at zee bar and ALWAYS has MY favorite drinking av-ale-EEE-ble! What do YA know?! All 'eez not lost! Let me go get my mink and get at zeez bee-yotches as they say in that rogue country, Amareeka! As I roll up into 'zis motherb*tch of a karaoke club, I hear some beeech as* hoes singing that SHEEEET, uh, what is that you call it? Ahh, wee, zat Justeeen Timberlake "Cry Me A River", what you call? Happy horse-maure! "I SAY BOOOOO, BOOOOO MOTHERF*CKERS, I SAY BOOOOOO!" Ohhh, geez, did not know you were still there (blushes). I'm not usually like some silly barbarian you know? I also am not usually speaking zee English but what zee hell, ya know? Anyhow, Paul, the main motherf*cker passes me my personal fav-o-rite. It's 8 motherhoing-on-the-streets shots of Captain Morgan's spiced rrrrrum on the rrrrrrocks! "Magnific Paul! Here is a bit of that U.S. dollar sheeeet you are always asking about! Would you like, a, what you call? 50 spot...dawg?! Yeah, alright then Paul, you zeee man. Let me give that as* a pat..." Oh, sheeet! sheeet! Motherb*tch! You were not supposed to be standing here while I did that sheeeet! OK, I am reee-composed. Anyhow, as I got to my center "critique's seat", I see 'zee startling-sexy waitree Helene. Only God knows what has gone on in between those dazzling set of legs and zometimes I begin to wonder...why can I not find out too! Maybe I am too charming or classy... "BOOOOO MOTHERTRICKS! I SAY BOOOOOOOO! GO TAKE THAT SILLY, STUPID NATALIE IMBRUGLIA AND SHOVE HER IN YOUR REAR ORAFICE!" Sorry. Yes...it must be zee class! Anyhow, after zat I give a weeenk to zee owner, Andrew, and get ready for some sh*tty music. Somehow, I hate zee f*cking singing but I love being around it. It is, a, like drug or something I fear. This is why zee Paul knows to get me liquor until I am ripped-man! One Shot Down Ahhh, as I toke zee cigarette, these worthless motherhumpties hit baaaad high notes and expect me to cheer for zem. I say, "I could do better street-walker!" Zay don't take affection to zat but zee night is young and I am so-bear. I feel very underappreciated but zee Paul gives me zee thumbs up as he laughs at my most professional commentary. "You couldn't hit zat note if I kicks you in the balls motheramereeeka!" Very intelleeegent if I do say so meself. 3-4 Shots Down Ahh, now I feel zee liberation in zee liquor! I grab zee Helene's as* as she passes me by but she looks none friendly! "What does young Pepe need to do to get-a his rocks off!" Paul looks a little ready to answer zat but I say, "not tonight Paul, my love!" Then he looks at me sort of weird and I'm thinking that now maybe I have not had the same thoughts as HE. So now I look away in embarrassment. I have SHAMED myself. Then I listen to zee singing! It is zee "In Zee Club" by 50 Cent. Did you know he was shot 9 times?! Word spreads but he is some ill motherf*cker! I gets up and starts grinding up on zee behind of 'zis English Aesop girl. She takes none-kind to to that as I get zee slap but I say, "It's OK, I love you long time but no! You miss out!" That should do it for her. Ahhh, let me sit back down and listen to these hoes a bit long-air... Almost Zee Whole Cup. Was At Here (Points with thumb), Now Am Right Here, (Licks The Spot Where The Top of the Liquid Mass Reaches) (Falls Out Of Seat) Paul comes running ov-air! "Man, Pepe, you dumb motherf*cker, you drank just about all of that in about an hour!" "Wee", I say, "WEE!" I can not take these dumb motherscrewers singing this SHEEEET so I must drink!" All zee people are staring as they say it looks like I am getting alcohol-poi-zend! The eyes begin rolling into zee back of my head and I see pretty white place... Zen it was like magic but 'zis song came on. It was my song! "It's a RAINING MEN! HALLELUJAH IT'S RAINING MEN! Paul, come over you big stinky God of zee karaoke" But looking frightened, Paul just walks a-way. Helene goes back to her job of looking sexy like sex goddess should and Andrew just ignore me like usu-al. Still, I go back to zee Aesop to get a dance but zee Sun Tzu code named motherhoe is already getting up on her. That is my FEMALE! MINE! Still, I dance, and it was zee Cher that makes it all zee more betair for me! I dance and rub zee nipples and have blast! I hate zee singing motherb*tches but I love zee person singing Cher and zee Paul's drinks! BEEEEE Zeee Karaoka is a cool place man! As zee night ends to zee Elton John medley...ahh, I love zee Elton!...I grab me coat, weeenk to a frightened Paul, pinch zee Helene's as* and solicit a ride home from zee Aesop girl. I feel like tonight wasn't such a waste! BEEEE Zeee Karaoka saves yet another Tzursday night! See you next Tzursday you worthless motherbeeches! * * * * * * * * * * For more information about Cryptic Cradle and his reviews, please click here. * * * * * * * * * * Written by Cryptic Cradle for Spike-A-Delic Productions.

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