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Again I empathize... (Reply to this comment)
by bonnieleigh
...and another me-too type of moment. I consider myself psychologically alert and well-educated about mental health as well as mental illness (since there's a lot of that in my family). You can imagine MY surprise when testing of my son demonstrated that (1) he was bipolar, and (2) he was at high risk of suicide, though not having suicidal ideation at the time of the evaluation! I was blown away! How could it be? He had seemed quiet, and deep sometimes, and maybe had his own way of looking at things, but SUICIDAL? Impossible! Of course, I have educated myself since then about Bipolar Disorder specifically, and after counseling and medicines for a couple of years, my son is now making it without psychotropic medicine and without therapy. He CLAIMS to be content, not suicidal at all, and he SEEMS to be okay. But I will always worry....as I am sure you do!
Hang in there, sister!
bonnieleigh
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Jul 12 '04
5:46 pm PDT
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please forgive me... (Reply to this comment)
by Mimi369
My son did indeed return home the next day after my post on 12/21. He was very angry and resentful. His behavior was quite erratic until after a few uncomfortable situations, my hubby and I laid down the law....He decided to sign a contract which clearly outlined what we expected of him and what the consequences would be if he failed to.
Intense psychotherapy is helping him and the medications have kicked it, finally.
Thanks for the love and support and above all, the genuine concern.
It is a day to day process of trial and error.
I remain hopeful for my son's future.
God bless and Happy New Year...
Mimi
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Dec 30 '03
10:22 am PST
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Re: Re: Re: wow...latest UPDATE 12/21/03 (Reply to this comment)
by AinsleyJo
It seems to me as if your son is sending the message that he's not really up to dealing with being outside a controlled environment at this time, and I think it would be wise to keep him in the hospital until he's able to. . .
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Dec 29 '03
5:35 am PST
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Re: Re: wow...latest UPDATE 12/21/03 (Reply to this comment)
by Mimi369
Thanks, AJ Jan~ Jaime and everyone else who have given me supportive comments and good advice...
As of Friday morning, my son was to be discharged today...however, upon receiving a strange call from him last night stating "don't come get me", I sit here wondering why not? What's wrong? Why don't you want to get discharged? ...sigh...
So, now I sit here semi-patiently awaiting a call from my son's therapist about the change of plans. I know now that my son is filled with inner conflicts that had not been dealt with up until this time and the fact that he received a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder with suicidal ideation tells me that his chemical imbalance can be helped with medication.
My hope is, and always will be, that by sharing my son's story, other parents who may be going through a similar experience will find some strength and support.
God bless and happy holidays,
Mimi
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Dec 22 '03
6:45 am PST
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Re: wow (Reply to this comment)
by AinsleyJo
Mimi!!!
I'm totally with Jan on this one!!!
Both our educational system and the media have failed our sensitive young people miserably for at least the past 25 or 30 years.
Several of us saw this coming, but other people just told us that we were overreacting.
We were the people who seemed to clash with the education-elite at the time so obviously that we either lost our jobs after getting licensed and starting to teach or were (as in my own case) not even given a complete education degree.
I'd started college with a major in el-ed (with plans on getting a special-ed degree at the graduate school level) and a minor in English. I ended up graduating with my major being English--even though I actually had almost a double major along with a minor in behavioral science by the time I graduated.
Other things happened to me also--which I'm currently writing an online non-fiction novel about--that have left their mark to this day.
Thankfully, I've had a wonderful support system when it came to family and friends.
I was about to drop out of college at one time during a time when I was feeling really depressed and barely able to function enough to comprehend words on a page.
My folks would come to my apartment and stay all night with me. We'd go out to eat, visit, and then my dad would go to sleep on the couch while my mom and I shared my double bed with me clinging to her like a baby monkey while she read my lessons to me and quizzed me over them.
We got through the first semester of my sophomore year of college that way, and, by the second semester, I was much stronger and more like myself.
I'd written to Diana to tell her that I was thinking of quitting college, and she wrote me back right away telling me not to quit--that I would be a fool for quitting college with all I had going for me.
I knew where she was coming from.
She had been told that she couldn't finish high school, because she had missed too many days due to her epileptic seizures.
At the time she was writing the letter to me, she was at Logansport State Hospital so that she could have 24/7 medical observation in hopes of making her seizures more controllable, because she was always having grand-mal seizures even though she was taking her meds all of the time.
She was in need of a major overhaul in that dept.
Even then, she knew that she would probably never finish high school, go to college, and get a lasting, well-paying job.
Her letter was a wake-up call that I needed not to give up and drop out, even though I was going through a heavy-duty depression like I'd never been through in my entire life.
It was never a matter of suicide-consideration with me--but it was just this feeling of "What on earth is wrong with me!?! I have no creative side. I can't comprehend what I'm reading. And what kind of teacher would I be even if I got to teach?"
Writing this makes me so anxious to get this book off the back-burner and continue writing it. I'd put it aside for awhile to do other things, because it's a book that needs my full attention while I'm writing it.
Anyway, to make a long story short. . .Diana never got a college degree, but she did finish high school (plus some college-type training in some areas) and now has a well-paying job at a local hospital.
She also had surgery that removed the tissue from her brain that was causing her seizures--which led into opening all of these other doors.
She learned about this surgery being available from me--and I learned it from a college classmate who spoke to a class we were both in about his own experience in having it.
This was after I had gotten my college degree and was now taking some special education courses.
How far I had come since I was considering dropping out of college--and what a wonderful reward to find its way back to one of my cheerleaders who reached out to me during a rough time in her own life to make me decide to hang in there!!!
You've done your son a big favor in getting him help, and my prayer is that this place you've found for him won't simply offer band-aids where major surgery is needed!!!
And don't even get me started on the education-elite and the media-elite!!!
Hugs!
AJ :o)
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Dec 21 '03
11:16 am PST
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Re: Re: Hang in there (Reply to this comment)
by Penguinlady
Mimi, it took a long time for him to reach this state, so it doesn't seem reasonable to expect him to make a breakthrough in a short time. He's got a lifetime of scabs and scars to work loose before he reaches the "Aha!" stage, so give him time. I think it's very encouraging that he's participating fully in the options available to him. It's like losing weight - the longer it takes to lose it, the greater the chances that it will stay off!
Margaret
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Dec 18 '03
10:01 am PST
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Re: Hang in there (Reply to this comment)
by Mimi369
My warmest thanks for all of your helpful comments and encouraging words.
A brief update is that my son is in his 6th day of treatment and continues to insist that "everything is fine" and that "everyone is making a big deal out of nothing".
His state of denial is making a breakthrough difficult in a short stay treatment center. The good news is that he is attending all available groups with his peers, as well as all sessions with his therapist and doctor.
I am grateful for the wonderful residential hospital that he is in..I highly recommend Four Winds Hospital.
Mimi
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Dec 17 '03
7:50 pm PST
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Hang in there (Reply to this comment)
by Penguinlady
You KNOW you did the right thing for your son by signing him into a residential facility where he can be protected from himself while working out some of his issues. Parenting is an inexact art, not a science, and there are so few hard and fast answers. Yeah, you should have done this and no, you shouldn't have done that, but in the end, very little of that matters because you can't make him choose the right way to live his life..
Keep us posted!
Margaret
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Dec 17 '03
4:58 pm PST
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Don't blame yourself (Reply to this comment)
by AliventiAsylum
Chances are there is something more beneath the surface that is causing this behavior. Whether it's a chemical imbalance on his part, or something that's happened to him that he's been unable to talk about, or even just bullying in school he is having problems coping with, I will wager that in counseling you will find out that your parental actions had very little to do with this behavior.
Best of luck, I'll keep you in my prayers
Patti
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Dec 17 '03
4:40 am PST
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You are so wonderful! (Reply to this comment)
by Mimi369
To all of you,
I am so appreciative of the well wishes and prayers in my family's time of need. I am sure that all of your combined prayers and positive feelings will reach my son enabling him to have a speedy recovery.
God bless and many, many thanks,
Mimi
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Dec 14 '03
11:38 pm PST
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Many prayers... (Reply to this comment)
by jlhin
for you and your son and family. Parenting is so hard. Please know that you are in my thoughts.
Jaime
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Dec 14 '03
6:32 pm PST
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Re: Hugs (Reply to this comment)
by Mimi369
Suzi,
I am grateful for your comments more than you can ever imagine. Having the support of other mothers who have been through this experience is priceless. I realize that my child is in the best place possible right now and worrying about him or his future is senseless, impacting negatively on my own health and well-being.
It is time for me to let go of the guilty feelings and allow the doctors to take care of the rest.
Thanks,
Mimi
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Dec 14 '03
2:21 pm PST
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Re: Good luck Mimi (Reply to this comment)
by Mimi369
Thanks, Bonnie for this helpful information...
I will definitely gain additional knowledge and info by joining in the OCD parenting group. I have researched bipolar disorder, as well, and will join a support group for parents of teens. The suicide rate for depressed teens is staggering and overwhelming.
I am finding this incredibly difficult, especially as the holidays approach.
Thanks for your support.
Mimi
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Dec 14 '03
2:10 pm PST
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wow (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
Mimi, I have girlfriends with troubled teens and they're wonderful, loving people like you. I think you should find fault with other influences like school, media and hormones than yourself. I hope counseling helps, but probably time will the most. Just an opinion. Peace on your soul.
Jan
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Dec 13 '03
9:46 pm PST
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Good luck Mimi (Reply to this comment)
by bonniesayers
I am glad your son will get the help now that the warning signs have been determined and thanks for sharing so others can get help quickly.
Currently within the group I am in for ocd parenting the topic is SSRI's and suicide. If you look at yahoo groups and type in ocdparenting you should find it. Good to have some online support in various areas.
Who would have thought teens had temper tantrums. You could sell your story to 48 hrs, 20/20 or dateline. I wonder if genes determine any of these issues?
Best wishes to your family and Happy Holidays.
I am always here to talk with you via email, do not have any chat programs, they ruin my computer.
The OCD parenting group has chats every Sunday night. I have done a few of them.
Bonnie
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Dec 13 '03
7:24 pm PST
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Hugs (Reply to this comment)
by Suzer
to you and your family Mimi. One of my sons had a difficult time in his teen years, acting out, hurt because of the divorce between his Dad and I and his father's abandonment. It got to the point where I had to put him in a residential treatment program. I felt sooooo guilty at the time, and it was probably one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but he now says it was the right thing to do.
He is now an adult, has a good job, a great wife, and brand new baby.
Things do work out! Just be there for him.
Suzi
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Dec 13 '03
2:33 pm PST
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Very powerful essay (Reply to this comment)
by pilarzmom
my teen newphew went through a bad year last year too and so my brother and sister-in-law can so relate to your story. Stories like this happen to even the "best" of families with no apparent problem(which they thought they were). Unfortunately they know now they missed many of the signs, as it so easy to do. My newphew has gone through two treatment programs away from home and now attends a special boarding school.
Mimi, I know you're a good mom. I had one brother who was definitely different than the rest of my siblings. My poor parents used to wonder where they went wrong. They didn't. Under what you went through I'm sure didn't either.
Please know that I'm praying for your son and family. The teen years are traumatic, I know. One of my young sons is a master manipulator too and like you I'm sometimes putty in his hands. So I do worry about him in the future. It happens so easily.
Take care,
Peggy
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Dec 13 '03
8:20 am PST
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My prayers are with you Mimi (Reply to this comment)
by Rosalyce
You did the right thing and I hope that knowing that helps you to get through this tough period in your son's life and yours.
Rosalyce
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Dec 13 '03
8:19 am PST
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Thoughts and prayers.......... (Reply to this comment)
by Mimi369
I am grateful for your sincere thoughts and well wishes for my son. He is in real trouble; even worse than I thought at the time of writing this essay.
As I gathered up some of his clothing from his bedroom last night, I found two bottles of a potent mixture of pills stashed underneath his bed. Many of the pills were mine and my husband's! Enough to kill a horse.
Thanks for all of your support as I go through this difficult time.
Mimi
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Dec 13 '03
7:29 am PST
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I feel your pain (Reply to this comment)
by barakah59
My wife and I took on the responsibility of raising my nephews. All of them had been abused to some extent before we took them in. Our best efforts failed and may have done more damage to them. I know it did to us. the two younger ones are in a treatment facilities now, the oldest is in jail for steeling a car. He was in the care of a treatment facility and had already successfully completed the first phase of treatment and was supposed to be in a step down program.
When we first took him in he declared he wanted to die and he was going to kill himself.
I gave him a big scary butcher knife and told him if he was going to do that then get on with it or quit talking like that. He chose to quit talking like that. I never heard him mention it again, I think as bazaar as that was it did help him want to live.
Raising children with mental problems is always a difficult undertaking, especially if you don't know the early background of the child. We failed these kids miserably, and it hurt our own family and caused our own kids to have problems that they would never have ordinarily had. Even though we sought help for these children mostly what we got was drugs, not the psychiatric treatment that they needed to deal with what was really wrong.
Prayers with you,
Mark
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Dec 13 '03
6:24 am PST
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Hi (Reply to this comment)
by proxam
Hope everything works out.
Drew
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Dec 13 '03
3:00 am PST
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Good luck, Mimi! (Reply to this comment)
by Horswispr
I'm glad you took action. How to acknowledge a kid's tantrums without "giving in" to them...that's a tough one. Keep us posted. I'll be thinking of you.
--C
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Dec 12 '03
11:49 pm PST
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Mimi dear... (Reply to this comment)
by kld718
As a counselor working in the mental health field, I definitely want to extend my prayers your way. We have a young girl on suicide watch now at my center and I can feel her pain when she talks to me everyday. I can only hope that your son will be able to resolve the issue's bothering him in a way that he can live with.
Going through your own troubles' has given you the hindsight to admit to yourself that your child needs help. So many other parents out there refuse to believe that there children have problems until they become extreme.
Hugs to you and your family!
Kim
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Dec 12 '03
10:10 pm PST
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Hi (Reply to this comment)
by michelle7898
Your review had a lot of info. I love that.
Michelle
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Dec 12 '03
5:57 pm PST
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Re: Awesome Review (Reply to this comment)
by Mimi369
Thank you for the support...I need all the support that I can get right now.
Mimi
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Dec 12 '03
4:09 pm PST
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All I can offer are...... (Reply to this comment)
by popsrocks
...prayers.
Best to you always.
Phil
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Dec 12 '03
1:09 pm PST
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Awesome Review (Reply to this comment)
by iluvbirds
As a Mother of a Son that tried to commit suicide, I know what you're going through.
Stay strong and know that I'll be praying for your family.
You've done the right thing.
Savanna
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Dec 12 '03
12:07 pm PST
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