Another Damned Christmas Letter!by Steven Mrak
Dec 24, 2003
The Bottom Line Got my annual Christmas letter from an old acquaintance, and every year they get worse...
Holiday greetings, one and all! It's time for yet another of those boring holiday newsletters with which we try to top your achievements for the year and, once and for all, prove that we are indeed superior humans who lead exemplary lives. Just observe the evidence!
This past year, Kay was re-elected for a record sixth term as governor of Texas on a platform of free semi-automatic handguns for all and a satellite-ready Hummer H2 in every garage. Needless to say, she won in a walk! Russ took a sabbatical semester from Le Sorbonne, where he is the chair of the Quantum Physics faculty to direct her campaign. We're certain that the time away from Paris won't harm his chances for the year 2004 Nobel in Physics, though (he's planning to add a third medal to those two he already has - Economics '92 and Medicine '98). He's used to wearing several hats. After all, he did have three books on the NY Times best-seller list last year in addition to his and Kay's Grammy-winning album, Puttin' the C back in Rap. Both Russ and Kay were able to sneak away in late November for a well-deserved seventh honeymoon; adding Antarctica to their list of sites and thus planting their flag on all seven continents!
The cats checked in with their usual flair: Christy, at fifteen, is still going strong. She has composed the third in her series entitled "Tone Poems for Feline and Canine," a CD of which will be released by the Academy of Pine Marten of the Woods early next year. She is also showing her paw paintings (in tempura and doggy-doo) at the Brooklyn Museum of Art, Governor Pataki notwithstanding. Not to be outdone, little Miss Alyssa became the first calico ever to win best of show at the Westminster Kennel Club! That, honor, of course, could come only after Stuttgart Windstedt Barnswallow (affectionately known as Barney) acquiesced and retired from the circuit after having swept top honors for four consecutive years. Barney has now turned his attention to the world of sports, where he inked professional contracts with both the Chicago Black Hawks as a goalie and the Denver Broncos as kick-return specialist, putting those retriever instincts to good use!. He demurred on joining the PGA tour, though, preferring instead to hold off until he can join the Seniors tour (that'll be in 2006, considering dog years). Not bad for a kid without opposable thumbs, eh?
We've been far to busy arranging the IPO of our Internet Company to go shopping this season, so we've had to restrict our purchases to online charges. Who knew that www.porsche.com could deliver matched red Targas via FedEx? or that www.debeers.com could actually scrabble together a 17-carat necklace in under four hours? We didn't, but we've got the goods to prove it! Plus, picking up the odd Rembrandt has never been easier...
Here's hoping that your year has also been full of modest successes, and that your family has thrived in 2003 as well as ours! Happy Holidays to everyone!
Russ and Kay