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WORST MOVIES OF 2003, AND--SURPRISE--"GIGLI'S" NOT #1!Dec 24 '03 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line Yes, it was awful, but as you'll see, it had LOTS of competition! 10. "Mona Lisa Smile" In this distaff "Dead Poets Society," Julia Roberts is the most miscast teacher since Michelle Pfieffer was a Marine in "Dangerous Minds." But at least THAT was based on a true story--what's this one's excuse? 9. "Last Samurai" Or, if you will, "Dances With The Japanese." Cruise does Costner--poorly--and only Ken Watanabe (as the requisite non-white guy who only exists to help the white guy become a better person--what they refer to on the "Man Show" as "the mystical Negro" (or in this case, I guess, "the mystical Asian")) keeps this from being MUCH worse. 8. "It Runs In The Family" I guess the "it" in question is narcissism--not only Kirk and Michael Douglas, but Mike's real wife and son to boot. This is "Parenthood" without that film's laughs or heart. 7. "Grind" Remembering this nightmarish ode to skate- boarding makes me wish I were Ben Affleck in "Paycheck." 6. "Brother Bear" Besides the awful Phil Collins music, which is too unctuous to even be called treacle, the plot is an insipid rehash of "The Emperor's New Groove"--the obnoxious lead character becomes a bear instead of a llama. Oh well, at least this one doesn't have David Spade! 5. "Haunted Mansion" When was the last Eddie Murphy film that DIDN'T end up on one of these lists--or deserve to? Other than the 1st "Dr. Doolittle" or "Nutty Professor," I'm stumped! 4. "Gigli" You knew it was coming. The more interesting questions are, Who's more responsible, Ben or Jen? (I go with the former, because Lopez CAN make a good film now and then--cf. "Out Of Sight" most notably) And two, what farm animal do they have pictures of Pacino with to get him for a cameo? 3. "Love Don't Cost A Thing" Teen TV star Nick Cannon, who made the far more interesting "Drumline" before this, is totally trashed in this painful remake of a 15 year old film that was a glorified afterschool special to begin with. If Cannon deserves those analogies to Will Smith (a discussion for another time), then call this his "Wild, Wild West." 2. "Malibu's Most Wanted" Jamie Kennedy, who makes Tom Green looks subtle, is repellent as a wannabe rapper who gets "deprogrammed" by his politician father. Memo to Ryan O'Neal, who played his dad--you need work THIS bad? Welfare is more noble! 1. "From Justin To Kelly" With apologies to Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog--they sing, they act, they don't know what to s**k at!  |
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by carstairs38
