My apologies for posting this in the category for the book. As part of this write-off (see below), I had to do it on the magazine, but epinions doesn't have it in their database. Thus, I was told that I should just post it here instead. Reduce my Helpfulness Rating if you must. I have no regrets.


This review is part of the "Poetically Challenged" write-off by imokliel, badkittyM, and thom413. The point is to write a review about a magazine (assigned by a partner), in the form of good or bad poetry (you can decide for yourself which category mine falls under). To see further details, look up imokliel's profile page. To see a list of all participants, see the end of this review.


[POETRY]


Weekly World News, the best information around
Hey, did you know? Satan's pitchfork was found!
And if that doesn't just fill you with joy
Come hear the latest concerning Bat Boy!

Oh, my apologies, of him you don't know?
Bat Boy is WWN's pride-and-joy freak show!
Found in W. Virginia, which isn't a surprise
Since their gene pool isn't exactly on the rise

They claim he came from miles below ground
And hears by radar, not conventional sound
He has enormous eyes, teeth like cleats,
And insects are by far his favorite eats

But watch out, he'll maul anything he can get
Just ask the 10-year-old girl whose arm he bit
He was being kept in a secret lab, but broke free
And she threw a rock at him as he sat in a tree

She incurred his wrath, and like a fly to feces
He flew to her arm and chewed it to piecees
Luckily she was saved by a quick-thinking man
Who chased the beast off with a garbage can

Several years later, the abomination endorsed Gore
But then proved himself a political whöre
For he recently fell in love, or so they sez
With Jenna, the bad-girl daughter of our Prez!

Even if you don't like Bat Boy, here you can find
Plenty of other things that will dull your mind
Like Jesus's face, seen in the clouds overhead
Or perhaps the hornéd visage of Satan, instead

How about some advice from the talented Dear Dotti?
This counseling columnist sure ain't no hottie
But she can solve any problem, from a lazy hubby
To the horny couple in the apartment hot-tubby

You may find something to quicken your pace
If you like girls who aren't pretty of face
Personally, though, I will violently hurl
If I ever see another skanky "Page 5 Girl"

If you like astrology, give the horoscope a try
For it gets no complaints from this skeptical guy
Not for accuracy -- vagueness can always relate
But for being no worse than any other to date

If you ever read WWN, then like typical tabloids
You'll find bullsh*t, such as gerbils on steroids
If you're looking for truth, this isn't your bag
It is obviously an "entertainment-only" mag

However, if you live with no large cities around
This may be the best news-source to be found
But I bet you won't care, if your significant other
Is your aunt, your sis, your cousin, and your mother

So if you're just a city person, and want a chuckle
Grab yourself a copy, and then undo your buckle
For if you like blatant absurdity, chances are high
That this will cause you to drop a nice turd pie

But if you happen to be a country-type blumpkin
And want to hear about the latest mutant pumpkin
Sit out on the porch, spread a wide, toothless grin
And let that thar high-quality learnin' begin


[/POETRY]


Well, that's my little poem on World Weekly News. I hope you enjoyed reading it -- I had a lot of fun writing it. Here are the participants (in their groups):

badkittyM: Martha Stewart Living
thom413: American Pageantry Magazine

repulsemonkey: Soap Opera Digest
imokliel: Tiger Beat

Cerdo: 2600 Hacker Quarterly
Kung_fu_chimp: Juxtapoz

dastr8poop: Mad Magazine
29th_candidate: Skin & Ink

deaser26: Official U.S. PlayStation Magazine
LoBue: WIRED

fallenjesusboy: Weekly World News
imperialgirl21: Electronic Gaming Monthly

mike24: New Yorker
lessaleigh: Cult

saintgoddess69: Nintendo Power
Annexation: Fangoria
sumo_rhino: Playboy




Recommended: Yes