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Hold Me JebusDec 26 '03 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME
Oh SWEET CHRIST NOT ANOTHER ONE. That was my immediate response to discovering there was YET ANOTHER public masturbation 20 Things About Me style w/o and despite my rampant frothing at the mouth I knew I had to be involved. Instantly. As if the Original 20 Things/ 20 More Things/ Tell Us About Your Car/No, Really We Want To Know About Your Car weren't enough. As 20 Things Aficionados will agree, these surveys were all similar in that they let you boast about your material possessions in a manner disguised as sharing about yourself AND they all had an unhealthy fixation with our vehicles of choice. So, off we go with a ho-ho-ho. Birth Date: Jan 1st, AD 1 Height: 4.5 inches. Yes, I'm a little on the short side. Eye Colour: Magenta. Hair Colour: Baby Poo Yellow. What Does Your Name Mean: Munkus is in fact the anglicisation of arschgnoddle which is a Pennsylvanian German word meaning the scads of faeces which cling to the hairs of the anus. It was so chosen because I have a romantic, if somewhat clingy, free spirit. High School Graduation: 2000. Ha. Favourite Relatives: Goebbels, Milosevic and Stalin. I'm ashamed to admit I'm also related to the Bush Dynasty. Summer Memory: Being the only person not to score with the Hilton Sisters during their recent Australian Bulimia-a-thon. What's On Your Mousepad?: Gee, I wonder. In the Car- A/C or Windows?: Oh for f*ck's sake. YET ANOTHER CAR QUESTION. For the love of god, we already know way too much information about each other's cars. For the record, neither as I ride kangaroos. Do You Belive In Yourself: Well if no one believes in me I cease to exist, as I'm a figment of kk's imagination. Possibly. Actually I'm not sure. So I guess not. Favourite Game: Russian Roulette. Favourite Drink: Virgin Urine. Favourite Food: I don't eat, but once or twice a year I indulge in a lettuce leaf. Favourite Colour: Puce. Favourite Cigarettes: Cow Dung. Favourite Sounds: Scraping Fingernails down a blackboard/Dry Retching/Birds flying into windows/People falling on the spike pit in my front yard. Favourite Smell: Human Suffering. Favourite Things to Do On A Weekend: Screw. Overthrow democratic institutions. Taunt socialists. Favourite Soundtrack: Chairman Mao's little known dance remix "PARTAY OF THE PEOPLE". Where Do You See Yourself In 10 Years?: Disavowing Epinions then returning ten minutes later. Epinions will of course at this time will be overthrown by us dirty rebels who use naughty language and don't list the ingredients. There will be a monster. And a Mullet Munchkin will die after a rock falls on her. Sucks to your a*s-mah. First Thought In the Morning?: Where did THAT come from? Do You Get Motion Sickness: No, but I get Anti-Motion sickness which means I need to spend most of my day rolling violently side to side. Rollercoasters- deadly or exciting?: Deadly when I've finished with them. How many rings before you answer the phone?: I communicate exclusively with smoke signals. Are you a good friend?: If by 'friend' you mean 'murderous arch-nemesis' I guess I am guilty as charged. Chocolate or Vanilla Cake?: Raisin or sultana? Honestly, this sucks. What do you drive?: OH FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: If you by stuffed animal you mean 'the embalmed corpse of Jimmy Hoffa' then yes. Thunderstorms- cool or scary?: Arousing. If you could meet one person who would it be?: Kris-Kochanski so I could explore my inner psyche. Zodiac?: Capricorn. Does this infernal quiz ever end? What do you wear to bed?: An off the shoulder cocktail number, 10" stilleto heels, a garter belt and usually a big hat featuring an ostrich feather and, sometimes, a live ostrich. Do you eat broccoli stems?: No, I pray to them. If a girl asked you for the shirt off your back would you give it to her?. If she gave it to me, yes with a "I never liked it anyway". Otherwise, no. If you burn your bras you can't go back I'm afraid. Would you ask a guy for his shirt?: Only if I got the whole outfit. If you could have any occupation what would it be?: Dictator. If you could dye your hair any colour what would it be?: Hair on my head? If you could have a tatt etc...: On my scrotum. And of Hello Kitty. Favourite Brand of Gum?: Yes, as this will reveal a lot about my personality. What is your favourite quote?: "Yes". Have you ever been in love?: Only with myself. What's on the walls in your room?: Blood, Semen, Animal Pelts, the head of Lenin and a few faeces-smeared art pieces. I go for a homely, comfy decor. Glass Half-Empty/Half-Full: If the glass contains vodka it's always very definitely empty. Cool-Ranch or Dorritos? Socks or sandals? Honestly. You people need to get a little original. Favourite Flavour Snapple?: What's snapple? Quite frankly it sounds a little perverse. Coke or Pepsi?: Now THERE'S an original question. What kind of milk is your favourite?: Oh jesus. Um, pasteurised? If you were to kill someone, what method would you use? Poison possibly. Or a FREE MAKEOVER from the Healthy & Beauty advisors. Are you a righty/lefty etc: None of the above. I'm a pandigitallic. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: Actually I use my eyelashes. When you meat (or is that meet?) a person of the opposite sex, what is the first thing you notice?: Their parole officer. What's under your bed?: Squirrels. What's the best number in the world?: Pi. It helps us measure circles. Which, god knows, I can't get enough of. What is your dream car?: I... don't... f*ckin... belive... this Who is your biggest crush right now?: Howard Dean. I'm currently sitting on him. Nickname: Oh magnificent one of omnipotent power. OMOOOP for short. School: St Lucifer's School for Wayward Boys and Rampant Homoeroticism. Bacon Bits or Croutons: Ugh. Favourite Salad Dressing: Exxon. Do you drink: Only when you cry. Type of Shampoo: I only wash my hair in spring water which has been filtered through the plaits of a pre-pub*scent Finnish virgin. And Epinions has reached new levels of prude with the banning of a biological term like pub*scent. Have you been skinny dipping: Only with your wife. Do you make fun of people: I refer you to all my Beauty Product reviews for further reference. Have you ever been convicted of a crime?: It's only a crime if you get caught. That's all I'm saying. One pillow or two?: I rest my noggin on a pile of bricks wrapped in sandpaper. Pets: Six vultures. Favourite Movies: Big Black Bettys BamBam G*ngBang. Favourite Type of Music: Slovak Work Songs. Hobbies: Haven't I already answered this question? Though admittedly it may have been in an earlier survey, they do tend to blur together easily. This quiz will never end, I swear. Overused Word/Phrase: "No." Toothpaste: Soot. Piercings/Tattoos: I'm half cyborg, so does that count? Do you get along with your parents?: If you mean 'get along' as 'had them committed' I guess so. Favourite Beer: I don't drink beer. Favourite Song At The Moment: Fix Bayonets, Forward Red Troupe! Most Humiliating Moment: Coming Back. Again. To Epinions. Favourite Holiday: Feast of the Sacrifical Virgins. Well I dunno about you, but I'm exhausted. TTFN. Love me with your comments.  |
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