Every Little Thing Hist Does Is Magic! (GTKY W/O - circle jerk edition)

Jan 10 '04    Write an essay on this topic.


The Bottom Line Getting to know hist, getting to know all about hist........come on, sing with me!

When sarahlovesadam started this write off, I told myself I had to resist, not give in to temptation. But, alas, I failed. I had to participate! You know, some people simply can’t be trusted to answer these types of surveys about themselves. On such an occasion, others are called upon to answer for them, in hopes of revealing the person behind the myth. Would that this were such an occasion. Fact is, I just can’t help but talk about the magical, mystical hist (aka Sir Dave). The survey is just a conveniently supplied excuse (thanks sarahlovesadam!). So here’s all there is to know about Dave. You can thank me later.


Birth date of any past incarnation: 1480 – turns out Dave was Magellan!

-Height: Dave stands 8 feet 3 inches tall when he holds both arms straight up in the air.

-Eye color: Lemon Yellow

-Hair color: Lemon Yellow

-What does your name mean: Dave’s username “hist” is short for “histochemistry” which is Dave’s secret passion. “Dave” actually, and this is true, means “Dave”.

-High school graduation year: Dave thinks, though he’s not sure, that most high schools hold a graduation every year.

-Favorite theory of relativity: E=MC2 Dave is a traditionalist that way.

-Summer memory: Leaping gazelles and squirrel stew.

-Favorite TV shows: Dave loves “The Land of the Lost”. He owns each episode on tape and watches one every Saturday morning while eating Frosted Flakes out of the box. Dave challenges anyone to name the villainous lizard-like creatures on the show.

-What's on your mousepad: Dave doesn’t own a computer. He does all his reviews via mental telepathy and carrier pigeon.

-Do you believe in yourself: Dave is a hologram so this is a particularly difficult question. He’ll check his holo-matrix and get back to you.

-Favorite game: - It’s all Twister all the time at Casa de Dave.

-Favorite way to drink: - Dave either likes to use a bendy straw or drink straight from the keg.

-Favorite food: Roast Cavy

-Favorite colors: Burnt Sienna

-Favorite sounds: Burning Sienna

-Favorite smell: Burned Sienna

-Favorite things to do on a weekend: Hurl expletives at the neighbors and take long walks on the beach.

-Favorite soundtrack: “My Dinner with Andre”

-Where do you see yourself in 10 years: Exactly ten years from today, Dave sees himself playing put-put golf in Nepal.

-First thought in the morning: “How can I help mankind today?” or “Why do I use this thesaurus as a pillow?”

-Do you get motion sickness: Dave only gets motion sickness when he moves. Other than that he’s fine.

-Rollercoasters- deadly or exciting: Deadly if you die.

-How many rings before you answer the phone: Dave doesn’t answer the phone. His butler takes care of that and then brings him the phone on a silver tray along with a jar of Grey Poupon.

-Are you a good friend: Dave is an excellent friend unless you fill out an internet survey about him and post it for the world to see. Oops.

-Chocolate or Vanilla cake: Maple syrup sponge cake with moose frosting

-What do you drive: Dave drives a dogsled.

-Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Does vinyl count, here?

-Thunderstorms cool or scary: Dave used to think they were cool, but now he thinks they are passé.

-If you could meet one person in the World, who would it
be:
Dave would like very much to meet Kyle. He doesn’t know anybody named Kyle, and would like to meet someone with such a hip name.

-What do you wear to bed: Dave wears his superhero clothing in case of a nighttime emergency call from the mayor.

-Do you eat stems of broccoli: Dave used to eat them, until he realized they were the embodiment of evil, and made his skin slightly green.

-Guys- If a girl ever asked you for the shirt on your back,
would you give it to her?
Dave did this only one time, and realized that he was chilly. Now he only loans his pants.

-If you could have any occupation when you get older, what
would it be:
Dave is ageless, this question does not apply. But if it did, Dave would like to be a dragon.

-If you could dye your hair one color, what would it be: A fresh, minty green

-If you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be: Dave would have a nice, tactful, sophisticated full color tattoo of James T. Kirk on his chest.

-What is your favorite quote: “Let’s dig worms and head for the fishin’ hole, Opie!”

-Have you ever been in love: Of course Dave has been in love. He’s Dave.

-What's on your walls in your room: Chains and fur

-Is the glass half-empty or half-full: Dave drinks from the can so as not to dirty a glass needlessly.

-Which kind of milk is your favorite: Yak, 2%

-If you were to kill someone, which method would you use? Dave would use his steely gaze and his magic heart shaped pink laser ring-o-death.

-Are you a righty, lefty, or ambidextrous: Dave writes with his forehead.

-Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: see above.

-When you meet a person of the opposite sex, you notice
their:
Dave first takes note of whether or not they seem to be following an appropriate skin care regimen. Then he looks at their elbows.

-What's under your bed: A marmot

-What's the best number in the World: 1/45

-What is your dream car: A 1980 silver Plymouth Champ complete with AM radio!

-What are you crushing right now: Dave is currently crushing two tin cans, his old eyeglasses and seven mini-muffins beneath his dogsled.

-Nickname: “Dave”, and his really close friends call him “Dave”.

-School: Dave is self taught using only the “Globe” and “Star” as instructional aides.

-Bacon Bits Or croutons: Smelt

-Favorite Salad Dressing: White school glue

-Do you Drink: Dave knows the importance of hydration, thus consumes some sort of fluid each and every day.

-What type of Shampoo/Conditioner: Dave refuses to divulge any beauty secrets

-Your favorite skinny dip: Dave can’t decide between Calista Flockhart and Lara Flynn Boyle.

-Do you make fun of people: No. Never. Oh, that’s me. Dave makes fun of people for fun and profit! And you can too!

-One pillow or two: Where?

-Pets: Dave has a single pair of manatees

-Favorite Movies: Dave, David and Bathsheba, David and Lisa, David Copperfield, David Holzman’s Diary, Davy Crockett: King of the Wild Frontier

-Favorite type of music: Beginners on Bagpipes

-Hobbies: Taxidermy, Upholstery

-Word or Phrase you overuse: “Is that the sound of humping manatees?”

-Toothpaste: This is a beauty secret question. I thought we covered that.

-Piercing or tattoos: Stop with the beauty questions. Dave is becoming annoyed.

-Do you get along with your parents: Dave gets along with everyone’s parents. He’s a parents magnet. A Parents Pied Piper.

-Favorite beer: Dogsled Ale

-Favorite song at the moment: “I’ve Been Workin’ On The Railroad”, as rendered on bagpipe

-Most humiliating moment: Right now.

-Favorite Holiday: Dave likes International Bring Your Manatee to Work Day.



So there you have it, all there is to know (and then some) about the enigmatic hist. Thanks sarahlovesadam for letting me indulge my hist - eria. In fact, I think I’ll go there now and see what Dave is up too. Join Me? CLICK



The other esteemed members of this circle jerk are:

hist writing about disinclined writing about beckytcy writing about mfunk75 writing about moi.


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