Broke, buggered and bewildered!
Jan 13 '04
The Bottom Line I am going to take my bat and ball and play in someone else’s sandpit!!
Well that’s it – I’ve had enough. I am not going to play this silly game anymore.
For nearly fifty three years I have been a model citizen but the pressure of perfection is really getting to me.
Even when I was just a little tacker my father called me his incorrigible son and he incorriged me to do my best all through my youngest years. As a result I turned out perfect and it embarrassed me when I saw others making mistakes. As I got older that embarrassment turned into fear because I realised that I would be in deep doodoo if I ever actually made a mistake because, unlike my peers, I had no experience in correcting things. This fear still haunts me today.
I have written nearly five hundred yarns for this mob called Epinions and I have read many more than that – I don’t ever read my own because I know how they come out.
There are some people I admire – some people who, although somewhat up against the IQ stakes nevertheless come out with some absolutely wonderful things. One of the best I have heard comes from an Accountant I know. Lets just call him Mark coz its his real name. Now Mark is a real dinky di Aussie bloke but being an Accountant means that every time spending money is contemplated he says no – yep, polite, plain and simple NO. But this is the bit that really gets to me – if someone dares to question him he, once again politely but firmly, simply says “now, what is it about the word no you don’t understand?”
Don’t ya just love that – I do, I reely do!
Oh yes in case you haven’t noticed I couldn’t give a continental about spelling and gramer – in fact I have deleted both the spell checker and grama checka from my computer and call on all the good people of the world to do the same.
What this epistle really is is a bloody great whinge. Aussies do this when they are p..issed off. That means they have had enough of trying to live at the highest possible standard and should not be confused with hissed off – that is what snakes do and that is the fundamental difference between an Aussie and a snake.
While on the subject of differences it is interesting to know that on that sand bar called New Zealand to Australia’s east they have a completely different idea of what a bisexual is – in New Zealand that is a bloke who goes from women to sheep. Very strange mob over there! Of course I know that it is really just a form of boasting – after all, who has sex twice in one day!!
I actually got the idea of turning all radical while on the bus. That is the bus that takes me to and from work. Would you believe it costs $2.16 each way!! Now how can that be fare….er…..fair? Surely the number of passengers determines the real cost and that should be adjusted in the price. But fair dinkum, sometimes that bus is half empty and other times it’s half full – where’s the justice?
And oh yes justice. I wanted to lead this country by now but I must admit it’s just too bloody hard. No, no not too hard to lead the country but too hard to get elected. The trouble here is every vote is counted and every vote is counted only once! So now you know who is behind old Arnie Schwarzenegger getting elected to Governor of California. See, he wasn’t born in the USA so technically he can’t become President but we all know he will get that changed and from Governor of California to the White House is a cake walk! All he has to do is keep sweet with the Governor of Florida and a few judges!
I figure by then my book will have made me more popular than Steve Irwin (no feeding crocs with my kids, oh no!) so I’ll be Governor of California and that I reckon pays a bit better than my current job. Then logically it’s the White House for me but I’ll run that joint from my little cabin in the hills here in good old Ozz.
Actually that accountant is the rooster that helped with me book and the truth is I work for him – well not technically for him because I really work for an old geezer we will call Frank. Calling him Frank keeps me out of trouble because that’s what he calls himself. Like I said he’s an old geezer but smart as a whip! – If you don’t believe me just ask him! But trooly, he is a remarkable bloke, a fair diunkum Aussie Aboriginal and I love him dearly. Like me he is never wrong so we get on like a house on fire most of the time and when we have a difference of opinion I respect the culture and make out he is right and that I am just a little less than correct. (Should be a pay rise in that!)
By the way its been a long time since I have mentioned my best mate Blue, the blue tongued lizard who helps me in the garden most weekends. Yes he still reads books and has his own internet connection and computer out under the gum tree. He is still talkative but I can’t get him to write much, although he certainly helps she who must be obeyed with her Intensive Care Nursing studies.
Now I am starting to feel like I should tell the truth. Funny feeling that but it gets me every time.
But like my muvva and bruvva know “everything is true except for what isn’t” and yes I am still writing unfettered by knowledge.
I figure it’s time to start writing some good old Aussie travelogues again but hell and tommies I have taken you mob over just about every inch of the country. Still I know it’s the serious stuff you like so that’s what you can expect from now on!
Expect, mind you, expect! Nothing is guaranteed.
Oh and before I end this little whinge session why is Epinions a little quiet lately – are the yanks Bushed and the Poms a little tired of the Queen saying “arise and send me your Gold”????
Still that’s no excuse for the rest of you mob so come on South Korea, India and China, show ‘em how it’s done!
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Epinions.com ID:
SMITHSWOODSIDE
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 - Top 500 |
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Member: Peter Smith
Location: South Australia
Reviews written: 521
Trusted by: 400 members
About Me:
my FIRST BOOK is now at http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-2725.html
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