QWEST: Why Horswispr is Standing on US 191 Listening to the Semis Roll By
Written: Aug 27 '01
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Pros: the phone works now
Cons: everything else
The Bottom Line: QWEST's customer service is an absolute abomination.
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| Horswispr's Full Review: General Reviews of Qwest Customer Service |
This review begins with Horswispr standing in the 97 degree heat at an open-air phone booth on the US 191 Truck Bypass in Lewistown, Montana.
"If you'd like to inquire about service, press..." and an 18-wheeler soars by, drowning out the recording.
"To return to the main menu, press..." This time, it's a Grayhound bus.
Finally: "I'm sorry. All of our representatives are busy. Please try again Thursday."
THURSDAY?!!? IT'S F%$#&*ING MONDAY!!!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SH%$#&*ING ME!
You see, Horswispr had discovered a couple of weeks ago that his phone at the family cabin in in Montana was out, when he was back in California. Turns out that QWEST (his local service provider) had screwed up, temporarily cutting off service. But he had been able to fix the problem by phone from his house in the Golden State.
He'd known that he'd be heading up to the cabin to conduct important local business, and so it was essential that the phone be working for the entire week. On this hot Montana morning, he also wanted to cancel his order for touch tone install. Turns out that his cabin was already fitted for touch tone (he'd tried it the night before and it worked), but the QWEST representative hadn't known that when he'd spoken with her back in California.
Fortunately, he'd already canceled his order for the over-priced (about $80) touch tone phone after finding his old phone in the closet.
Imagine his surprise when he woke up Monday morning to find the phone dead.
Montana heat is dry, but 97 degrees is a bit much, especially when you're not in the best of moods.
So Horswispr heads to a local Ma and Pa restaurant, orders coffee, and finds a back-up 1-800 number to call.
He gets through!
The service representative tells him that someone had already turned in a "trouble report" about the number in question (he correctly assumes that it was Ms Horswispr, desperately trying to call him from California), and that phone service will be up by 7 PM that evening.
Just to be on the safe side, Horswispr reminds the service representative that he doesn't need the service changed to touch tone, as his current line already works with touch tone (see above), that he NEEDS service by 7 PM that evening (he is reassured again), and that he doesn't need the new phone (though that order had been canceled a week ago).
After conducting several errands in town, he returns to the cabin (several miles from the nearest phone). He fells four small trees. He fixes his bridge and his fence.
7 PM approaches. There are insurance companies to be called, and mining issues to be discussed. The numbers lie by the phone.
7 PM passes.
The phone is dead.
Horswispr reads another 40 pages of Steinbecks's "Cup of Gold."
8 PM passes.
The phone is dead.
He drinks a beer and reads another 35 pages of Steinbeck's "Cup of Gold."
9 PM passes.
The phone is dead.
Horswispr utters and oath, drinks two more beers, and falls asleep in front of his Coles Hot Blast wood stove.
Horswispr rises at 8 AM.
The phone is dead.
Horswispr drives to the Pioneer Bar in Hilger Montana, 25 miles away.
He uses his phone card to call Ms Horswispr in California. He instructs Ms Horswispr to call QWEST's 1-800 number and inform them of his intent to sue them for monies lost due to their incompetence.
That night, the phone works.
Ms Horswispr informs Horswispr that they had thought he meant turn the service OFF monday morning when he'd asked for it to be turned ON. And they had made the same mistake the previous evening at 7 PM. It had something to do with the technicians not reading the whole request sheet (or not scrolling down on computer).
Horswispr, working close to c (the speed of light), gets done what needs to be gotten done over the next few days.
He drives home toward California, marveling at the fact that he pays $40/month so he can use the phone at his cabin for one to two weeks per year, and QUEST screws up his service for the very week he is there.
He swigs from a bottle of Jack Daniels as he drives through Southern Idaho, his nerves shot and his sanity in danger.*
The next night, he arrives in California.
On his desk is a large package. He opens it, hoping it is an interesting book, or some other pleasant surprise.
Inside he finds a touch tone phone and an invoice for $80. He tapes the package back up, marks it "Return to Sender," and takes it to a nearby Mailboxes Etc. to send back. They inform him that UPS will not take the parcel, as it has been opened. It was opened because QWEST did not put a proper return address on the box, forcing Horswispr to open it to discover its contents consisted of the phone for which he had canceled his order almost two weeks ago.
Do I recommend QWEST?
DO I RECOMMEND QWEST?
I would recommend two five-year-olds with tin cans and a string over QWEST.
If they are increasing shareholder value by providing absolutely incompetent customer service, then buy the stock. The ticker symbol is "Q."
If there are alternatives to QWEST for providing local service in your area, USE THEM.
* Note: The sentence marked with an asterisk is fiction. The rest of this review is absolute truth with NO exaggeration.
Recommended:
No
Amount Paid (US$): 40
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