Sure, but do you care? (The Great Unannounced Open-Ended Write-Off )
Jan 15 '04
The Bottom Line Alright, I think you people know enough about me, now. Back to my hermit spider hole. You know, there's no spiders there. Funny, eh?
I'll be honest. I'm tired of sitting around in relative obscurity, writing with little notice except from a core group of great people who knew me back when I was an advisor in games and have supported me ever since.
As such, I've been branching out since coming back to the site, in an attempt to get more recognition. Also, I'd like to unseed a lead within the year should they ever come back up for review.
But before all that, I'm here to finally open up to the community I've, for so long, tried to entertain with potty humor, pop culture references and a penchant for sarcasm.
Of course, that makes no difference. In my quest to become a glory hog, I'm jumping into "The Great Unannounced Open-Ended Write-Off" hosted by AdaDavis.
THE QUESTIONS:
1. If you had to choose, which would you rather have: herpes, a root canal, a computer virus, a colonoscopy, or a polygraph?
See, this is an easy question.
I would never want herpes because it doesn't heal. Syphilis I could deal with, sure, but I'd like something that I could have healed.
I wouldn't want a root canal because I've got no problems with my teeth, except that I need braces.
I wouldn't want a colonoscopy because, if my guesses are correct, that'd be an entry into an exit only oriface.
And I wouldn't mind a polygraph, really, but I'd rather feel like you could trust me without the use of a lie detector.
So, I'd take the computer virus. I've worked with computers professionally for the last five years so it may be cheating, but I've always preferred to work smarter than harder.
2. If you could go back in time and do one thing over, what would it be?
Well, it all depends. Since this is open-ended, I'm interpreting this question two ways.
First, if I could do one thing over in all of history, I'd have to say it'd be stopping Gumpei Yokoi from creating the Virtual Boy. Sadly, Nintendo of Japan is known for being one of least forgiving companies when it comes to mistakes.
Had Gumpei Yokoi only created the Virtual Boy, then it'd be of no consequence. However, this is the man who was responsible for the Gameboy. When he failed, it totally negated what an achievement the Gameboy was and Nintendo demoted him. Shortly thereafter, Yokoi resigned from Nintendo and died in a car accident.
Considering the reason Nintendo still has legs to stand on is the evolution of the Gameboy, I have a hard time supporting Nintendo. At one point, I was seriously considering flying to Japan to kill the Nintendo board to avenge this guy's death.
He was a visionary. I am a passionate gamer. Together, we fight crime with our kung fu grip. Ain't that right, Bosley?
Now, had I the ability to change anything in my own life, it'd be my first kiss. It was terrible, I wasn't ready for it and I ended up looking like a fool for it. A girl who was far too gorgeous for a guy like me showed interest, lunged and kissed me. I sat there, in shock, like I was kissing a baby.
There's few moments that I really feel embarassment over and, to this day, that's the one that gets me the most... because I totally could've gotten some action had it not been for that. Oh, and she had a model's body. And I'm not talking runway model, I'm talking top-heavy Playboy's Voluptuous Vixens model.
3. If you could only have one food item and one drink for every meal for the next month, what would they be?
Well, that's rough, really. I mean, if I could only have one drink for every meal, it'd have to be water. Actually, I take that back. Since it's only 50 calories per eight ounces, I think I could deal with Gatorade Riptide Rush as my only drink.
I was originally going to say some form of Slim Fast, but to stay properly hydrated, I'd have to drink a load of those and then I'd have vitamin saturation and would end up with a rare condition, like the people who get orange skin from eating too many carrots.
As for meals, that's harsh. There's nothing I could think of that I'd be able to eat for a month straight. However, if made properly I could live off of "Kimchi Bokum Bop" or Kimchi Fried Rice. I'd hate every time I had to take a Grumpy, but that just means the toilet paper I use for the month is Charmin Ultra with Aloe.
4. What do you usually leave in - a Huff? a Tizzy? the bed of a beat-up pickup? a High Dudgeon or a stretch limo? What?
I leave in a hurry. It may take me forever to get ready, but when I'm ready, I'm ghost, my friends.
5. You open up a bottle and instead of beer, you get a jjin. Standard three wish deal. What do you wish for? (And the first person who says "World peace" will be tracked down like a dog, eviscerated, and strangled with his/her own intestines. You have been warned.)
Hmm... well, I'd have to say Melissa Mastrapa, an extremely gorgeous Playboy model, with a penchant to please me. She doesn't even have to be the real deal, I'd take a genetic clone, so long as she was gullible enough to do my bidding. That's a wish well used, in my eyes, though it's for perverted reasons.
The second wish, I'd wish for an Orgazmo ray, like the one found in Orgazmo. However, I'd wish that it was an innate ability that came out of my fingertips or eyes or something, so I wouldn't have to carry it around. Seriously, what better way to spread joy and love than by doling out ecstasy?
The final wish would be for cigarettes to be healthy. I really love to smoke, but I don't like to think of how I'm damaging myself. I struggle not to smoke. I'm winning, barely, but I'd love to be able to just indulge to my heart's and lungs' content.
6. You just inherited/won $1 Billion. What do you do for the next 24 hours?
Go fishing. I've got the rest of my life to blow a billion dollars. Why rush things?
Fine, you want a different answer? I'd spend the day on eBay, buying arcade units. I'd also buy a large plot of land in my home of "The Middle of Nowhere, Ohio" and contract multiple bricklayer groups to expedite a house to my design. I'd have an architect work on a large family room, twenty bedroom, five and a half bathroom house. Fireplaces are tacky in large houses, so I'd make sure they didn't try to sneak one it.
I'd have a separate building that had an arcade in the basement with the first floor yet to be decided. I'd want to build my own regulation football field and I'd hire a personal chef. I want a large library and, now that I don't have to work, I'd finally find the time to read a good book.
Also, I'd give a million dollars to each of my brothers. My nieces and nephews each get a quarter million. My parents get five million. I'd find some way of giving the family in Korea a large sum, too, and would try to move them here to America so we could be closer.
Charities of my choice get donations to be announced later. Most of the charities would have to deal with the homeless. I'd try to put a large sum to cure cancer.
I'd offer a sum large enough to build a revamped church to my local Presbyterian Church. I'd then toss a few bucks at the Catholic churches, too, but only enough to make them mad at me. It's interesting to see how they'd be angered that I didn't give them enough, not thankful that I gave anything at all.
I'd buy two more Gamecubes (for a total of four), four broadband adapters, 7 extra controllers and four copies of Mario Kart: Double Dash. I'd also have to buy some furniture, I suppose, and the televisions to play it on.
I'd buy two heavy metal Dance Dance Revolution pads with the handlebars on the back. I'd dance, dance, dance the whole night long.
I'd buy a large number of computer parts and build my own.
I'd start my own video game webpage in hopes of one day starting a video game magazine for the truly serious gamers out there. I'd want something more mature than Electronic Gaming Monthly but not enough to make me hang my head in shame, like FHM Gamer.
I'd hire a couple of people to find that kid who was on MTV's Ultimate Videogame Countdown and beat the living *SNARF* out of him with a Wavebird.
I'd try to harvest spider silk and have a spider silk shirt woven for me.
I'd buy my way into politics but try to remember what I was before a billionaire so I can make things better for those who don't have what I do.
I'd try to make a better tomorrow for my children and their children... while, at the same time, having enough fun while I'm still young.
7. Of all of the voices in your head, which is your favorite?
The one that says I'm destined for greater things, even as I stagnate in my current seat in life.
8. If you could attend your own funeral and give the eulogy, what would you say?
"I, uh... I know what you're thinking. What is HE doing here? Well, funny story..."
9. Name an actor, performer, talking head, or public figure that you just can't stand.
Cher... seriously, just quit. You're starting to get all Michael Jackson on us.
Wait, no... Rush Limbaugh. See, we all pretty much guessed you were deaf, anyway. I mean, seriously, who could ever say so many misinforming *SNARF*ing stories and respect themselves in the morning.
10. You are leaving tomorrow for a 6-week stay in the 12th century. What do you pack?
My bags, dummy. I'm going to take clean underwear, clean water and maybe some art supplies.
Oh, and a shotgun with a load of ammunition. I'm not about to get sliced and diced by some freaked out dark knight.
11. Name something small that really annoys you.
Dust. I know where it comes from, but I'm still amazed by it.
12. What's the bravest thing you have ever done?
I like to think that taking a stand for a friend, even when you know they're wrong, is damn brave and I've done that numerous times.
Otherwise, jumping into a rolling hummer after the parking brake got loose and it started to roll downhill was a bit brave, considering I could've easily been smashed had I messed up.
13. What is the dumbest thing you have ever done?
You know, I'd have to say dousing a plush soccer ball, won from a crane game, in lighter fluid, setting it aflame and then punching it. See, there's something they don't teach you in school and that is synthetic material tends to stick when it comes into contact with something natural, like skin, when melting.
So, just picture having a hand covered in melted plastic, on fire and tossed errantly into some water to stop the burning. My hand was charred black and I couldn't remove any of the plush material without taking my own flesh with it.
14. What assumptions do people make about you that are wrong?
That women are stupid. It's when they're girls... that's when they're stupid. They grow out of it and then they, from what I've experienced, apparently know more than I do. At least, that's what they'll assert.
Oh, wait... make about me, not that I make about people.
In that case, they assume that I read the whole question and have an attention span longer than my wang... which, sadly, isn't true.
15. If you had a building named after you, what would be in it?
I'd like to think books. I'd love to have a public library with my name attached to it one day.
16. It is the year 2024. What kind of computer are you using?
The kind that lets me surf for the best pornography, use the most pirated materials and experience the wonders of MP6's.
17. When your pet looks at you, what is it thinking?
Oh, crap... he's Korean. Is... is he going to eat me?
18. If you were forced to move to another country, where would you go?
South Korea. I've family there, it's far more peaceful and safe there and I've already considered living there the rest of my life instead of the United States.
19. Okay, 'fess up. What did you do that made it necessary to move to another country?
I killed a man... with my MIND!
20. Zen space. Make up a question and provide your own answer.
"So, if Daniel Stern was the grown-up voice of The Wonder Years, why didn't Fred Savage sound anything like him when he was eighteen?"
Well, plastics, of course. Plastics.
"Huh?"
Totally.
"Are you trying to make any sense?"
Do or do not, there is no try. So sayeth Yoda, so it must be true.
"Why have you been writing *SNARF* in your reviews?"
Because Epinions won't let me curse and I'm in a parental advisory content mood.
"You make me sad."
That's not even a question.
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Epinions.com ID:
rader6795
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Member: Terry Rader
Location: noun - a point or extent in space
Reviews written: 107
Trusted by: 120 members
About Me:
If you can't beat them, join them. Look for game reviews on the horizon.
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