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Spanking the Munkey (anti Moi W/O)Jan 23 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Get someone else to spank your munkey
I've been struggling to get up to date with reading and writing of late. I know that in February I will be all over the place, but I just can't get down to writing at the moment. However, I read a few great entries into this W/O that Munkus has started and, when I read James23's entry, I got the idea for the title and thought hey, I can't miss the opportunity to use this title! Everyone is prettier than you. Discuss. Yup. True. That's coz I'm a guy. If I wanted to be pretty I'd put on lipstick, don a wig and squeeze into a tarty red cocktail dress and stockings. Then I'd look like I do every Saturday night....oops. What is the worst, most unforgivable thing you have done to another human being? When my younger brother was about five or six years old, we were cycling past a farm and there was a family of pigs standing there looking at us. For some reason I pointed them out and told him that they were his real parents. He believed me. I didn't think he did, but years later he told me that he had believed me. What kind of sexual inadequacies do you suffer? We're all friends here and promise not to tell. None at all. In fact I am something of an expert, I am so quick. I can be finished in about two and a half minutes if I want. How were you bullied at school? Why did you deserve it? I was never badly beaten up, but I did get pushed around a bit generally. I think I deserved it because I used to kiss the teachers' feet as they walked past, and I had a T-shirt made that said "I'm Different, Kick Me", and I used to tell everyone that I was dating Erin Grey from Buck Rogers (no, she is the pilot not the robot). What is your most disgusting bodily feature? Be graphic and as lurid and perverse as you can without being physically ill. Though vomit may be a good sign that you're on the right track. Well my warts and moles are actually quite attractive, the grapes are clearing up, so I think probably my big toenails, which were ingrowing. I had the operated on, the butcher botched them both and they grew back. One has been operated again, and is much better thank you. Present three examples where your self esteem has hit an all time rock bottom and the alcoholic beverages you drank to cope. These are all supposed to be about love, aren't they? 1- I wanted her, she didn't want me, I wrote a song and got drunk on beer. I think it was Carlsberg. 2- I wanted her, she didn't want me any longer, so I had a friend stay round and shared a bottle of Southern Comfort. Well, I had most of it. 3- I found myself sitting here writing articles for a website, and was writing about my most depressed moments and realised that yes, life really has come to this. (sob)I'm drinking vodka. Give an example where your heart was so broken you did nothing but eat ice cream, cuddle your old soft toys and watching Jerry Springer crying out at the trailer trash "They may have their problems but AT LEAST THEY'RE LOVED WWWWWAAAAAAAAAA". She loved me, but it wasn't working, so I sent her back to the trailer park and settled down with Floppy Bunny and a bucket of cookie dough ice cream. When Jerry Springer cried out, "at least they're loved" I threw a dollop of ice cream at him and shouted back, "Not any more, a**hole!" How many times, on average, since were you born have your parents had wild, animalistic sex involving common kitchen utensils? Bonus Points awarded if you caught them in the act. Well I used to replace the wooden spoon every month, the whisk every two weeks and the electric tin opener once a year. How many times have you been caught by a spouse/child/boss looking up Internet porn? Hey it's a contest each day to see who can spot the pictures of me first! Once a couple of years ago, while I was living in one of the former Soviet republics. One night at around 2 am I happened to find myself mistakenly on a porn site (hey I thought that "Willing Teens" was a parent's educational site, and I'm sticking to that excuse!). Anyway about half an hour later, as I realised my mistake, the doorbell rang. My first thought was, "OMG, the KGB do monitor the phone lines! Anyway wife and I got to the door around the same time, and as she pulled the door open I hid behind her, for safety. Anyway, there standing on the doorstep were two women, dressed to party. One was in a leather miniskirt and a top that openly displayed her curves; the other was in tight pants and plunging top. As I emerged from behind SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed) and she unleashed her best "woken up" temper, the poor lassies looked confused and apologised that they had got the wrong address. Charitable soul that I an, my first thought was that they must be freezing; I wanted to invite them in to warm up, but I think they would have been too scared, even if I had been brave enough to ask. They scuttled away, and I never did find out if their arrival was connected to the nature of the website I was (accidentally) viewing at the time! Give some examples of random malice you performed, preferably at strangers I used to throw eggs from the sixth floor balcony at cars, cyclists, shoppers. I think once got one into an open sun roof. I used to do the silly phone call,s "Hey, this is DJ Coolhead, you're on the air, if you can sing the theme tune from "Fame" you'll win a copy of the album", but nothing really worse than that. I don't do bad things against people. At least not any more! So that's it. If this has inspired you, go see the other entries at: The Anti Moi W/O. If not, then go to bed.  |
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