Insomniac Ramblings (an entry into AdaDavis' Open Ended w/o)
Jan 22 '04
The Bottom Line You know, lack of sleep makes your mind do weird things.
It's late at night, I can't sleep (no, clowns won't eat me, the cats would get them first), and my brain is running around in circles. What better time than to join the open-ended, strangely creative write off by the clever and talented AdaDavis? (Whose stuff you really should be reading. Yes, you should. Trust me. I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.)
1. If you had to choose, which would you rather have: herpes, a root canal, a computer virus, a colonoscopy, or a polygraph?
No question: root canal. I've had two, and felt so much better afterwards that I wanted to ask for another. The first infected mess that was my tooth pressed on the nerve, sending shooting pains like red-hot Vanadium spikes up into my ear. The sensation of the novocaine starting to work is planted firmly on my list of the Top Ten Best Things I've Ever Felt In My Life.
If that didn't cement its place, the Good Drugs they give you after the procedure would have. Gotta love those percodans.
2. If you could go back in time and do one thing over, what would it be?
If I knew then what I know now, almost everything. Geez, the things I could have gotten away with, but didn't because I was too scared, I was too sure that adults knew everything. Yeah, I was one of those goody two shoes, and believe me, I suffered for it. Suffering does not make you noble. It makes you a paraiah.
If I had to do it all over again only knowing what I did then, I wouldn't bother. I'd make the same mistakes. Once was enough. I'd rather go forward and make new ones.
3. If you could only have one food item and one drink for every meal for the next month, what would they be?
What, I'm going on the Atkins Diet :-)?
To drink: iced tea if I could have lemon and sweetener, ice water if I can't. I like ice water. I don't like soda. Yet another item for the list of ways I'm strange.
To eat: either chocolate or roast beef. Especially if I can have horseradish sauce. Or maybe shrimp cocktail - again, I have to have the cocktail sauce (even if it isn't really made out of cocktails).
4. What do you usually leave in - a Huff? a Tizzy? the bed of a beat-up pickup? a High Dudgeon or a stretch limo? What?
I leave in a cloud of stately dignity. At least that's what I tell people it is.
5. You open up a bottle and instead of beer, you get a jjin. Standard three wish deal. What do you wish for? (And the first person who says "World peace" will be tracked down like a dog, eviscerated, and strangled with his/her own intestines. You have been warned.)
Just three, huh? I suppose the standard rule that you can't wish for more wishes still applies. Ok.
- I wish for financial security, to the point where serious illness or catastrophe won't wipe me out.
- I wish for a two hour conversation with god. If this is not able to be granted, it'll tell me everything I wanted to know anyway. And if it is, boy, do I have a list of questions.
- I wish for a renewal of purpose.
6. You just inherited/won $1 Billion. What do you do for the next 24 hours?
I spend it on the phone with my accountant and financial guy to figure out just how much of it I'll have left to spend. The NEXT 24 hours starts the international shopping spree!
7. Of all of the voices in your head, which is your favorite?
The one that unmercifully beats up the other one which is constantly trying to sing "It's A Small World".
8. If you could attend your own funeral and give the eulogy, what would you say?
Where the H\ell were you all when I was alive?
9. Name an actor, performer, talking head, or public figure that you just can't stand.
Just one? I've got a HUGE list!
Rachael Ray on the Food Network drives me mad. I hate her voice, her mannerisms, her attitude...it took her about 5 minutes to make my list.
Emeril's on it too.
And Jessica Lange. I don't care what she's done since then, I thought she was just awful in that remake of King Kong, and I haven't forgiven her since.
10. You are leaving tomorrow for a 6-week stay in the 12th century. What do you pack?
Antibiotics. A lifetime supply of Pepto Bismol, Immodium, Sudafed, Ibuprofen, Bandaids, Neosporin, and every other pharmaceutical I can get my hands on. A lighter with a 6 week supply of fuel and flint. Underwear. Toilet paper. Soap. A warm jacket. Books. Gold to buy things with. Bedding (which I will leave there because by then it will be infested with fleas). Work gloves.
Basically, anything that will keep me alive long enough to get home. I have no desire to visit the 12th century.
11. Name something small that really annoys you.
Interchanging to, too, and two, or its and it's, or there, their, and they're....it's minor stuff in the grand scheme of things, but boy, it's annoying.
12. What's the bravest thing you have ever done?
Uh, pass. The only thing I can think of that I thought was brave isn't something I want to talk about. Sometimes I think the bravest thing anyone can do is just keep soldiering on.
13. What is the dumbest thing you have ever done?
Once again: just ONE?
I've made a left turn onto the wrong side of a divided road more than once. When I was on the radio, I've forgotten to take my finger off the talk button when I was done talking to the public. I powered down the station once by accident. I've high centered my car on snow. First day on a new job and I turned off the power on one of the main development servers.
I consider myself fortunate because if these are the worst things I'll ever do, I'll have led a blessed life.
14. What assumptions do people make about you that are wrong?
They mostly assume that because of the way I look, I naturally have a whole host of other negative personal habits and characteristics. I often use this to my advantage.
15. If you had a building named after you, what would be in it?
Whatever it was, it would be full of the unusual, the unique, the clever, the funny, and the fun to play with. So it's either a museum, a "novelty shop", or a junkyard.
16. It is the year 2024. What kind of computer are you using?
I will probably still be continuing my futile, one-person crusade against all that is Microsoft, so I'll either still be using whatever Apple is offering, or some kind of Unix system. Even lost causes need believers.
17. When your pet looks at you, what is it thinking?
Food? You got food? I could really use some food. Are you sure you don't have food? Maybe you have food now? Ok, I could use a scratch behind the ears and under the chin...oooh, ahhh, purrr....that's nice, but it's not food. Can I have some food now?
18. If you were forced to move to another country, where would you go?
Canada or Australia. Probably Canada. I like cold. Yeah, I'm strange that way, too. They also have a coffee/dessert shop called "Death by Chocolate". I like that in a country.
19. Okay, 'fess up. What did you do that made it necessary to move to another country?
Did you ever wonder where all the Chocodiles went? I didn't do it and you can't prove it.
20. Zen space. Make up a question and provide your own answer.
Do you talk to inanimate objects? Do they talk back?
Yes I do, and no, they don't. Eventually, I will end up addressing any inanimate object as "Toots". Those close to me think this is weird. I think it's weird not to.
However, if they did talk back, I'd probably have a lot more interesting stories to tell.
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purplewiz
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Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
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