|
|
Raymond Woodford Phillips--Most Helpful & Rated Five Stars But Worth Many More!Feb 02 '04 (Updated Nov 05 '04) Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line In loving memory of Daddy! February 2, 2004 at almost 10 a.m. This spot is reserved for a tribute to my dad who passed away this morning when we were least expecting it. This will be added to in the hours and days to come. Right now, we're still in shock and trying to get people called and make arrangements. I'm about to go write the obituary, and we have an appointment at Robert D. Loose Funeral Home at three this afternoon. This has been so hard for us to take in and to think about, but we need to carry on, because Daddy would want us to. He's out of his body but with us always. As I write this, I'll be sharing links to other things I've written about him here, but this is the first one. I find comfort that our Heavenly Father has delivered him from The Slide , but it still hurts a lot and will hurt even more as it all sinks in. Prayers and good thoughts needed badly. . . A Little Over An Hour Later. . . None of this really seems real to me. Life still matters, and it's a beautiful day outside, and everybody has been really kind. Yet, I feel the kind of hurt that there's no way I'll recover from until that Blessed Day when I'm reunited with him again. Flaming parties, lost loves, knee-dislocations, frustration at not getting things done fast enough, weight that falls off too slowly. . .life's disappointments dim, because friends forgive each other, lost loves often become lifetime friends, kneecaps pop back in place, things get done, pounds get shed--but there will be no more good reports on Daddy and no more visits home. Our dreams of bringing him home from the nursing home to live at home again have evaporated. Our only consolation in all of this is that God is with him--and there's the consolation that we were blessed to have known him for so long. There have been other times when he could have been taken from us sooner. In fact, he once had a birth defect that nobody had been known to live past the age of 32 with until they heard of Daddy's case. Had this been true with him, I wouldn't have even been born, because he was 35 when he had me--and he often told me that, when the doctor told him "It's a girl!" he was just floating on air. It's wonderful to feel that wanted! BEYONDwonderful!!! He had the same kind of surgery to fix his birth defect (a deformed aorta) for the first time when I was in second grade. It was a risky surgery, but he survived it. But the effects from the surgery were only temporary, so he went through the new, improved version of it when I was in fourth grade. I never knew until years later how close we came to losing him then, due to an infection (the same as what happened to Lewis Grizzard, I believe, for the same kind or surgery--with both of them just about the same age at the time of surgery--but the latter didn't survive). There have been other times, too, when his earthly lease-on-life was renewed, and we've been so blessed to have him. but, this time, there's no turning back--not unless something happens like it did to Lazarus almost 2000 years ago. So much of me wishes that something like that would happen--yet, I know that chances are slim-to-nil of that, because that's generally not the way things are done. Would I wish him back into his Parkinson's body after he's tasted Glory? I'm selfish enough to say, "Yes!" Even if it's just for awhile. But when is a really "good" time to say goodbye to a parent? The sad answer is that there isn't such a thing as a good time for this to happen. If Daddy had reached 100, I would still be wishing for more time with him. To be continued. . . Paul Harvey Time On 2/2/04 One of the things we wanted to do when we got Daddy home was to let him listen to Paul Harvey's noon broadcast. We'd tried getting a radio down in his room to pick up WIBC 1070 AM, but the reception wasn't that good there. He did get to listen to The Rest Of The Story in the evenings at times when he was out on the sun porch visiting with one or both of us, but it's been quite awhile since he'd heard Paul Harvey during the noon hour. Perhaps, he's hearing it today. . .I don't see why not. . .To be continued. . . Groundhog Day 2004 Draws To A Close. . . I haven't seen the movie named after that famous day, but I believe it's supposed to be about being trapped in the same day and forced to live it over until you get it right. I wish there were something I could change about today to make it entirely different and happy. If only Daddy were coming home for an overnight visit next week instead of being laid to rest on Monday. We were, weather permitting, going to bring him home next Monday. My folks' 57th anniversary would have been on Sunday, but the TRAM only operates on weekdays. So he was to come home and stay overnight from sometime Monday until late on Tuesday afternoon. He had been doing so well that this just doesn't seem real. We have the hours set as follows: First off, it's at Robert D. Loose Funeral Home, which is located at 200 W. 53rd Street in Anderson. Visitation will be this Friday (February 6) from 4-8 p.m. The service will begin this Saturday at one in the afternoon. He'll be laid to rest at Cunot Cemetery in the little village of Cunot sometime in the afternoon of February 9, weather permitting. After that, years and years of missing a very special dad until we meet again--but not just missing him. Also, remembering a wonderful 51-plus years with him and carrying on the values he stood for. That's all for now. . .To be continued. . . Very Early Morning Of February 6, 2004 First, an update. . . If weather permits, his earthly remains will be laid to rest at two in the afternoon on Monday. The weather doesn't look that great right now, so I don't know if it will be good enough for his graveside service or not--and I've pretty much decided that it would be best if I didn't venture out that way whether it's nice enough for the service or not. Sharen (the wonderful angel we met when we needed people to help get Daddy in and out of my minivan for going on rides) will be coming over tomorrow and making the path out to my Montana more salty than Lot's wife. She has already taken my mom's car out of her garage and parked it outside so I can safely get in AJ's Groovy Igloo, drive all the way into her garage to pick her up, and we would both stop under the roofed part of the funeral home today and tomorrow and going in while the attendant parks it--and returns it when we're ready to go home. Jerry (our minister for those who don't already know) is going to have the handicapped area at church good and salted so we can park there for the bereavement dinner afterwards. After we return home, we're staying in--even though my mom will probably ride down to Cunot, either with her nieces or else with our minister come Monday. ANYWAY, I WANT TO SHARE A LITTLE SERENDIPITY WITH YOU NOW!!! Sharen brought me the newspaper with Daddy's obit in it yesterday evening, and there were details re: how to get to his memorial there. The URL listed took me to the website for the funeral home, and there was a place to click to get to memorials. Once I learned how to navigate it, I found his: http://www.memorialobituaries.com/memorials/obits_display.cgi?action=obit&memid=118940&clientid=loose I was trying to find out how long these memorials last and if donations were needed for each one to keep them on. I didn't find anything about that (yet), but I did find out that there were memorials on there extending back into the last millennium. So I began to wonder if Epinions.com's own Hard_To_Please might have a special spot therein. I found out that he does--and, as with Daddy, there's a guestbook to sign. Some members of our neighborhood have already signed it--but I'm sure that more of you would also like to. Anyone who would like to visit the memorial and/or sign his guestbook should go here: http://www.memorialobituaries.com/memorials/obits_display.cgi?action=obit&memid=40884&clientid=baue I'll be back a little later, but this is all for now. . . February 9, 2004 (a little after 11 a.m.) This would have been the day that Daddy was laid to rest, but the cemetery is a sheet of ice--and even the gravediggers couldn't get their backhoe in there. Life is going on. I've even written a new piece here, and it's humorous--with the main part of it being a copy of a humorous comment I've left elsewhere. Actually, the most humorous part of it is the "punchline"--but it's still a sign that I'm doing what Daddy would expect and want me to do: go on with my life. This is a short-form comment right now, as I need to be doing some other things soon, so I'll be back a little later with more to say. . . Presidents" Day 2004 (a.k.a. 2/16/04) Originally, I was going to make my final addition to this piece on Valentine's Day, but I was too busy with other things to get to doing that. Besides, I need to make some other online preparations first. I suppose that I'll just do the most predictable thing and make my last revision here on the last day of February this Leap Year. By then, everything should be in place. A little later today, I'll be back and add some more here. . . It's Still February 17 In Brisbane, But February 18 Here. . . As soon as I get some rest, I'm going to begin writing "Thank You!" notes because everybody has been so nice. In a little bit, though, I'm going to rest. Life goes on. Lots of times, Daddy's passing doesn't seem real to me--as if it were a bad dream that I could still wake up from. Yet, as each day goes by, I have to face more and more that this isn't true. Tonight, I ran across this piece that recalled the time that Superman flew around the world backwards in order to reverse time and save his girlfriend's life, and I thought of how wonderful it would be to do this. Yet, I've also already known of a lot of wonderful things that have happened since Daddy passed away, and would I want them also to be just a dream? Daddy is free now to be with us whenever both God wills and he wants to be instead of being confined by so many physical limitations and red-tape rules that tie the hands of so many who wanted to do more for him to help him on his way to recovery. When I have more time and energy, I'll be writing about that. I've already written a few things along those lines, even before he passed on. Right after he passed, I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would feel like to write things that weren't about him--and I certainly couldn't imagine writing anything humorous. But I knew that I would in time--and, already, I have! I know that Daddy wants it that way! He has always been so proud of my writings!!! Here are the pieces I've written here (to date) since writing this one: First, I shared a humorous (IMO) rant. Then, I began a message forum that began as something to locate one runaway teen. Please participate in this one!!! After that, I shared a lovelorn poem that's over 25 years old. Finally, my latest endeavor has been participating in a really goofy W/O. And life will continue to go on, and I'll continue not only to survive but to thrive. Meanwhile, the years will pass, and, one of these days, all three bears will be on the same side of life once more!!! February 20, 2004 (Morning) It's ironic that the last thing I would write here before my world changed so drastically was a tribute to someone very near and dear to me who had passed on in 1976. Little did I know that, at the time I posted it, someone so much more near and dear to me--my own dad!--had only a short time left to spend on this side of life. At that time--if I had gotten some sort of e-mail that had questions in it, and one of those would have been, "How do you picture your life on February 20, 2004?"--I would have answered that I would picture my life having that sense of anticipation to it that usually comes around this time of year, because Johnny Angel's birthday is only four more days away and, weather permitting, I would be getting out to buy and mail a card to him. Perhaps, I would even be brave enough to get down that way to see him and get back on the right track with him again (long story). One thing for sure, I would be anticipating him coming home for an overnight stay sometime in February--even if it weren't February 9 (the first day TRAM runs again after my folks' 57th anniversary on February 8)--just as soon as we had fitting weather for this to happen. I knew that spring would be coming and that there would be more days when we would be bringing him home for daytime visits until it would be time for him to come back home for good. He was getting progressively better--just a few days before he passed, his oxygen saturation-level was even 100% at the 2-litre setting, and he had been maintaining in the mid-to-upper 90s on 2 or 3 litres at other times!--and I could even picture him walking again in time to at least be able to listen to our Easter cantata over a speaker on the first floor of our church, if not actually being able to climb the stairs to the sanctuary as he had done for the last time on the morning of March 23, 2003. I even had a picture in my mind of his going to The Red Brick Inn after the service and being able to at least eat a serving or two of their peas and drink a Coke. At this time, I'm also working on a piece for Candice923's Big 500 W/O. I had decided to participate in that for some time--and, even though I knew it would be a long-and-involved bit of writing, I would have predicted that it would have long been posted by now, even when working on it between doing shorter pieces, etc. But I wasn't anticipating how much of my writing would turn out to be tributes to Daddy all over the Internet--not tributes like this, anyway. And I wasn't anticipating that I would be organizing flower cards, sympathy cards, etc. in order to get ready to send out "Thank You!" notes to so many people. And I wasn't anticipating taking into account the energy and emotion put into missing Daddy. But, yet, there's a positive kind of energy involved, too, because I can also, in a special place in my soul, sense his current freedom and how those things that had been taken from him have returned to him multiplied manifold! Therefore, I mourn for the loss of being able to interact with him in ways that are familiar to me--those ways so beautifully talked about in Everything I Own, which was written and sung by Bread's David Gates upon being in that spot where I am now--but I rejoice as I think of Elton John's words in Daniel: "Your eyes have died, but you see more than I!" I've always loved that line! Having a blind aunt as well as knowing/knowing of several other people who have either been born without sight or else have lost it somewhere along the way, these words remind me of how people can still live full and meaningful lives even when their eyes--and/or other body parts--don't work. Yet, placed in the song, those lines take on a whole new meaning--and, when I heard that song a few days ago, I mentally exchanged "Daniel" for "Daddy" so that another line would say: "Lord I miss Daddy, oh I miss him so much!" That song makes me think of Daddy a lot, because it talks of Daniel traveling here and there--and having the freedom to travel places he'd possibly never been while his soul lived in a body of flesh and bone. Daddy loved to go places--whether on long road-trips or just around town and other near-by places to see what was going on. When he had the chance to ride around with me in AJ's GROOVY IGLOO, it was a great day for him--and it was worth all of the effort it took (once he was wheelchair-bound) to get him in and out of there. And, one evening, he got to take the ride-of-his-dreams. . .but that's another story to be shared later! Anyway, it's morning here and a lot to get done today. I need to run some errands in the morning and be back here working on "Thank You!" notes for the majority of this day. For those of you reading this, be sure to check out Can's W/O, as she would love to have a lot of people participating! Will get back with you later. . . Same day. . .a little later. . . I've recently finished posting Canada Geese & Honeysuckles here. For those who don't already know, this is a story that tells a little about my folks and how they got together. This tribute appeared in The Herald Bulletin on 2/6/04--the same day as Daddy's 4-8 p.m. visitation. February 28, 2003 My cousin, Denise, told me that I have "situational depression"--and she speaks from experience, because she went through the same thing a little over a year before I did. She told me that it took her about six weeks to be "up to" writing all of those "Thank You!" notes--which has made me feel a little bit better about not having my own done long before now. I'm doing okay--but it's as if I'm doing things in slower motion now--and I wasn't the fastest person to begin with. Anyway, I hope to have my own notes ready to mail out by the first part of the week with my goal at this time being for Sunday night. And I thought that I would be ready to put my final entry here that would link onto other directions I'm going with paying tribute to Daddy. But there are things I need to get more complete at the other places before taking you there--and some of those places will be ones I'll be writing reviews on here. Am I making any sense!?! In short, I've decided to make the day for my last update here the first day of spring. If not finished by then, I'm going to give myself until May 9--which is the anniversary of my folks' first date back in 1946. Hey! I think that's fitting, so I'm just going to plan to do that now--not that this will be constantly updated between now and then but that, instead, it will be a completed work-in-progress after that. I've already come up with another one of those updatable works for it to bleed into after that. My life is a work-in-progress. I've even recently opened up an online shoppe that's a work-in-progress. . .but that's another story altogether, even though it has some items in it already that pay tribute to Daddy. Today, though, I'm going to work some more on organizing all of the info I need to get organized in order to be sufficient at thanking everybody, because everybody has been so wonderful to us during this difficult time. Laters. . . March 11, 2004 (Anderson, IN time) I've just finished reading The Way Things Are - a random Friday night ramble by badkittyM and would highly recommend reading it to anyone. And it makes me feel even more thankful that I was blessed with a dad who taught me to find the pictures in the clouds and to, in many other ways, think outside the box! Our children are far too precious to be allowed to "grow up" too fast and become jaded before they're even old enough to menstruate or shave. I grew up in a simple and beautiful time of feeding bread to the ducks at Pendleton's Falls Park, playing simple sidewalk games (e.g. trying to jump from one crack to the other), enjoying all of the wonderful things at Shadyside Park from the playground equipment to the shelter houses, to the gardens, to the caves and enjoying a great meal at The Pink Horse either before or after. Some of my toys had batteries, but most of them didn't--and all of them ran on imagination. I remember those father/daughter evening trips to fish frys in the area and summer nights at "the drive-in fitter" watching wonderful movies such as The Parent Trap and The Trouble With Angels. The latter was on TV yesterday--and there was this part where a much-loved convent schoolteacher passed away unexpectedly in her sleep, just as Daddy had. As with Daddy, nobody was expecting this to happen--in fact, there was at least one other nun there who seemed to be much closer to crossing over than the lively math teacher. The girls all went to sleep one night--and, in the morning, their world had changed unexpectedly. I was up the night that Daddy passed away writing a tribute to my eighth grade teacher/principal, because he would have been 102 on February 1. I was writing it a little late (already Feb. 2 here in Indiana) but better late than never. What I thought I would be waking up to once I got to bed was the early morning news people discussing whether or not the groundhog at The Indianapolis Zoo (or wherever else) had seen his shadow--and, superstitions aside, when the weather was going to break. Would the ice have melted enough to have Daddy home for an overnight visit in a week to celebrate that my folks would be married 57 years on February 8? And how soon would he be home for good? It would probably be best to keep him right where he was until spring came. Now, we no longer think about when we would be having him home but, instead, remembering our anticipation of bringing him home while knowing that this chapter has closed for the rest of our earthly lives. Right now, we're in a kind of valley where the sun will--and does--shine. Yet, it's a valley of tears as we get reminded of that closed chapter by the everyday things in life. I can be watching Tom & Jerry on The Cartoon Network or Leave It To Beaver on TVland and think about those times when Daddy would be home for a visit and we'd watch them together. I can be driving down a road or street and suddenly recall being on that same road or street with Daddy beside me in the passenger seat taking everything in. When I think of Mammoth Cave these days, I remember how my very first cave tour was with him during a father/daughter road-trip right after he retired back in 1974. There are so many beautiful memories all around--"misty watercolored memories of the way we were". . . April 22, 2004--wee hours of a brand-new day. . . I haven't been back to add to this in awhile. For one thing, there's been a posting problem at the site, and I didn't want to risk losing this. I still hope that there isn't some kind of bug and will breathe a sigh of relief when I get this put back up. Anyway, it's a beautiful spring--a spring that came somewhat early when it came to the blossoms on the trees, and a spring that seemed to change the grass from brown to green overnight. I'll be leaving on a road-trip soon--one that has been postponed over and over, but it hopefully won't be anymore, as I'm really in need of it!--and I've already started on a lot of exciting, new projects. Just a little bit ago, I changed my imood to motivated. Yet, I would trade it all for waking up and finding snow on the ground and a happier beginning to Groundhog Day 2004. But, as time goes on, I'll become less and less inclined to want to wake up and find that everything after 2/2/04 has been only a dream. In Dallas several years ago, they killed off Bobby and then decided to bring him back (actor decided he wanted to come back)--so they made his death like only a dream. However, that didn't set well with audiences, because it was as if nothing that had happened in the entire story had ever taken place, and too much time had passed for this to seem really real. One storyline along those lines I found to be really cool was how Bob Newhart went from being an innkeeper back to being a psychiatrist. If it's ever broadcast in your area, watch the final episode of Newhart to see what I'm talking about!!! Whether the "just a dream" tactic works (Newhart) or doesn't work (Dallas), it's not what happens in real life--not for THIS long, anyway. And I've made some new and special friends since the time that Daddy passed away, and to wish away these past few months would be like wishing my friends were a dream. And several friends and loved ones have received really good news since that time, and this would be wishing away that, too. It would be wishing away how Sharen (Daddy's caretaker when he was home) has started coming to our church after looking for a new church when she found out that the one she had been attending was to judgmental (e.g. Wear shorts and short sleeves, and you'll at least be dressed for the climate that you'll be in after you die!). We would be wishing away how Marty's son, Jason, is now back in the USA again after bring over in the Middle-East--not to mention wishing away several others who have returned safe-and-sound. Of course, we would also be wishing away the bad news other families heard about their loved ones serving over there. Life is like that--parts we would wish to be dreams, but parts that we want to stay real. I think that the song by Eric Clapton called Tears In Heaven says it so well--that we need to be strong and carry on, because, at this time, we're needed somewhere besides Heaven. This was one of the songs we had played at his service. At least, Daddy's passing came in the natural order of things, unlike when Eric survived his little boy. . .unlike our dentist and his wife whose 21 year old son drowned last year. . .unlike those parents whose children won't be coming home from serving in the Middle-East. And, at least, I was older when it happened--unlike the kids of our former minister who range in ages from mid-twenties down to ten. When Daddy was about six years old, he said that we weren't here to stay for long--only long enough to get a report card! And this is so true. . .In the scheme of things, even 86 years isn't that long of a time. It doesn't seem that long ago that he was pushing me around the yard in a wheelbarrow, teaching me multiplication tables, or taking my cousin and me to see The Beatles when they came to Indianapolis. The years have gone too fast, and report card time arrived too soon to suit those of us left behind. As for Daddy, he graduated with honors!!! April 29, 2004 I've just written a second "Goodbye" memo before leaving on a much-needed retreat trip that will morph into an extreme makeover of sorts. For more details, you can go HERE . Aunt Bev passed away this Monday. This wasn't one of those things that was a big shock as it was in the case of my dad, because she had been in very fragile shape (adult failure-to-thrive) for several weeks instead of making great strides in improving health. Still sad to think of one other very special and much-loved person missing from this side of life. She and my mom had been roomies when they were both single and had never stopped being "forever friends." Aunt Bev was the one who played a big part in getting my folks together. Even though my mom had no idea what was going on, I suspect that it was no coincidence that Aunt Bev had them off to the bowling alley at just the right time for my folks to meet!!! I'm about to leave on my road-trip a little later today, so this will be the last entry I make here until I get back. . . May 9, 2004 I've been home briefly for Mother's Day and haven't had the chance to finish this off the way I wanted to. As this was the 58th anniversary of my folks' first date, I'd planned on making whatever I wrote then my last entry. But I'm still taking a break from a lot of computing at this time and will be pretty much tied up during the month of May, so I'll probably not wrap this up until sometime early in June. . . August 26, 2004 I have no idea when I'll get to a stopping place in this piece and lead everybody over to another place I'm keeping up a tribute to Daddy when I feel inspired to do so and am around a computer at the same time. There's been so much going on since his passing--and even some very familiar people (besides Aunt Bev, whom I've already mentioned) have passed on in this same year, which seems to be extra full of graduates, among them: Ronald Reagan Katherine Hepburn Julia Child...and so many others whose names elude me at the moment. And this list doesn't even include all of the soldiers and civilians killed either over in the Middle-East or else killed for Middle-East-related reasons. I have too many activities going on right now to really take the time to elaborate on how my life is going now, so let me put it into the short form: Lots of wonderful things happening--including the completing of three books (one of those being the Canada Geese & Honeysuckles story with other details added and a beautiful book cover, both front and back)--but there's still always this feeling that, if I woke up tomorrow and it was February 2, 2004 again and Daddy's passing was just a bad dream, I wouldn't miss anything that I've accomplished in the months since. Yet, how can I say that when I've probably done some things that have made life better for one or more people--and, even if I haven't, wonderful things have happened to people I know and love that I wouldn't want to have turn out to be just a dream. Life goes on, and, hopefully, I'm doing things that will make Daddy happy and proud, even if I can only imagine seeing him happy and proud at this time. Each day I live brings me closer to that day when we're together again--and don't take what I just wrote for a death wish, because I want to take the grades as they come, and, personally, I would like to know what it feels like to turn 100 years old! So, we're talking (God willing) of over 48 more years here! I've been working on myself to try to make whatever time I have left in this realm lived in a more healthy body where, more often than not, I'm putting the best-version-humanly-possible of my spirit forward! For now, I need to close and get on with moving forward... Wee hours of November 6, 2004 (Anderson, IN time) but still November 5, 2004 (Brisbane, CA time) I said I would be wrapping up this tribute here on what would have been Daddy's 87th birthday--and this still holds true, if you go by Brisbane, CA time. Anyway, for now, I'm going to do so and give you a link to go to that will take you to a blog that I'll always be adding to--a continuing tribute to my dad. It's a subscription blog (that is, a blog at a website you subscribe to in order to read more than a little of), but this link won't automatically subscribe you--just gives you the information and, then, gives you a choice of subscribing or not subscribing and, if so, for how long. It shows you a very detailed preview of the website (which contains at least hundreds, if not thousands, of blogs on a variety of different subjects, themes, etc.), so you can see whether or not it's something you would be interested in. Anyway, here's a link to the blog: http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Affil/?20873/Blog.aspx/DaddyBear/ Will sign off for now so that this will still show up as being updated on November 5, 2004. Anyway,  |
| Read all comments (18)|Write your own comment |
