I’m thinking of firing-up my woodworking router and carving a sign that reads “If it’s listed in the database, they must want it reviewed... right?” This will adorn the pine-paneled walls of my office to serve as a reminder of the truly bizarre items dug-up on past database explorations. Although not as mind-boggling as the 148 results for a search of the words “Rubber Bands” (many of which are reviewed), the inexplicably mindless mini-tome-ette entitled Is Your Cat Gay? definitely occupies the first-tier of Epinions database weirdness.

If your primary reason for light reading is to pass the time, this book will fill the five spare minutes between self-flagellation and a splitting migraine. Measuring a minuscule 4 5/8 x 6 5/8 inches, the cotton-candy pink hardcover tribute to trash-tabby tedium fills its 62 page interior with the classic opposing-page format - a hallmark of the vapid card store genre of pedestrian and pointlessly cutesy books.

The Set-Up . . .

“Have you ever found yourself pondering your cat’s sexual preference? If so, consider the following . . .”

The Follow-Through . . .

A single caption: “Do your shoes feel furry in the morning?”

Illustrated response: A semi-Victorian-style full-color drawing of a cat modeling a variety of women’s high-heeled shoes before a full-length mirror.

Example number two: “Does kitty refuse anything but filtered water served in a martini glass?”

Illustrated response: The same red zebra-striped cat reclining on an ornate daybed in Harlequin attire with outstretched glass in hand.

And just to prove that the authors will retire no stereotype before its time:

Caption: “Does kitty’s scratching post double as a shrine to mother?”

Illustrated response: You guessed it... a photo of mummy dearest atop kitty’s carpeted and clawed cubicle-esque monument to mama cat.

A leather-clad cat purchasing chains (in a chain-store, perhaps?) is the motivation for the caption “Is the tom next door your cat’s special friend?”

Similar and no less predictable drawings and captions occur regarding fashion, cosmetics, camp fiction (Valley of the Dolls, no less), musical comedy, Judy at Carnegie Hall, interior decorating and the collecting of Barbie dolls.

Do you have the sneaking suspicion that your cat leads a more glamorous life than you do?

If the dead mice, chipmunks and birds he hacks-up on my doorstep are any indication, I would have to say no.

In the words of P.T. Barnum... “There’s a sucker born every minute”

Having bought the book sight unseen; this minute, that would be me.

Like the two-headed snake in a jar at the circus, Is Your Cat Gay? exists as a neutered freakish example of publishing don’t, deserving little more than an open-mouthed stare of disbelief. If you find the need to prop-open an old window approximately 6 5/8 inches, this book is a must; otherwise the $11.95 cover price (US - $17.50 in Canada) would best be invested in a whole new window.

This is a (dubious) entry in the jps246 2007 Gay Pride Write-Off

Is Your Cat Gay? (2004)
Authors: Charles Kreloff & Patty Brown
Illustrations: Victoria Roberts
Simon & Schuster (who’d a’ thunk?)
Rockefeller Center
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
Cover Price: $11.95 (US)
Price Paid: $1.95 @ edwardrhamilton.com

Further former unfunny feline fodder:

Yoga for Cats


Recommended: No