My Feet Are Trees, My Head Is The Sun - Exercise In Surrealism W/O
Feb 12 '04
The Bottom Line Oompah Loompah Doopity Doo
Schlamozzel's "Exercise in Surrealism" Write Off
This seemed to be an interesting enough concept that I simply could not resist. My answers are in bold below. I implore you, read on; uncover the mysteries of the Universe.
Rules:
Answer the following ten questions with the surreal answer ONLY YOU YOURSELF would give.
1) If 1 plus 1 = 2, then how much does 2 plus 1 =?
The weight of my pores.
2) At this very moment Gerald and Raymond are on the equator at the international date line and begin traveling east at a speed of 472 kilometers per hour (hey, I have to think global here). Accounting for the speed in which the earth rotates how long will it take until they reach the exact point from which they began their journey and will they be there yesterday or today?
Days are irrelevant. Time is irrelevant. The rotation of which you speak is an illusion, because it is based upon reference to three-dimensional space that is merely the product of small imaginations. Bow down, puny mortals, for I am the Iconoclast.
3) How do you like your eggs cooked?
Cooking suggests that I believe in the laws of physics. Instead, I shall hold the eggs and leverage my mantic abilities to examine the changes in the space-time continuum given the harvesting of these unfertilized ovum. Ah, the unrealized potential! My eyes! My eyes!
4) Which automobile manufactured in the 1920's would you prefer to own?
I pet an orange cat that licks my face, which has become a bowl of cheese.
5) Is there snow atop Mt. Everest or is it ice?
Mrs. Buttersworth! Get your hand out of my pants! You should be ashamed of yourself, you saucy wench!
6) Sarah has 5 apples. Judy has 2 pears. Maude has 6 kiwi fruit. Which one of these statements is unlike the other two?
Obviously, Maude and Judy are lesbians. Sarah just likes to watch...mostly.
7) Name 3 provinces in China.
Terre Haute, Grand Duchy of Luxembourg, Ping Pong Table And Two Spoons
8) Who composed the 1812 Overture?
Often credited to Dick Clark, the 1812 Overture was actually composed by Meat Loaf in 1977. The name just makes it sound older. That, and it (the composition, that is) took place in a temporal disturbance created by the too-near passing of a Klingon Bird of Prey traveling at Warp 5.
9) How many cards are in a deck of cards used to play poker?
A perfectly sufficient amount, also too great for four-handed Euchre, yet inadequate for five-handed Euchre, which, in addition, requires bidding. I'll give you forty-seven cents for that sandwich. What? You say some vulture has swooped in and out-bid me at the last second? In that case, I shall whallop him about the kneecaps with my Yardstick of Smiting +9! Whap! Whap! Whap! I smite thee! You are smitten! You have been smote! Why is my hair on fire?
10) Given a choice of orange juice, lemonade, or pineapple juice which would you prefer?
Neoprene polychloroprene is an extremely versatile synthetic rubber with 70 years of proven performance in a broad industry spectrum. It was originally developed as an oil-resistant substitute for natural rubber. Neoprene is noted for a unique combination of properties, which has led to its use in thousands of applications in diverse environments, not to mention that it makes people feel naughty when worn as an undergarment.
Some of Neoprene's Many Properties:
* Resists degradation from sun, ozone and weather
* Performs well in contact with oils and many chemicals
* Remains useful over a wide temperature range
* Displays outstanding physical toughness
* Resists burning inherently better than exclusively hydrocarbon rubbers
* Outstanding resistance to damage caused by flexing and twisting
* Makes a wonderful spread on deli sandwiches
* Prevents unwanted physical contact with Roseanne Barr
The basic chemical composition of Neoprene synthetic rubber is polychloroprene. The polymer structure can be modified by copolymerizing chloroprene with sulfur and/or 2,3 dichloro 1,3-butadiene and spinning around three times whilst wildly clapping one's hands to yield a family of materials with a broad range of chemical and physical properties. By proper selection and formulation of these polymers, the compounder can achieve optimum performance for a given end-use. Neoprene is available as a solid and as a liquid dispersion, but it's much more difficult to carry by hand when in its liquid form.
Ok, now it's your turn to contribute to this wondrous bit of strangiocity (yes, I enjoy creating my own words). Go here to see the original document from Schlamozzel, which only exists in a darkened corner of his mind where tiny winged beings called Ookepookendumdidumdums supply him with all cognizant thought. They live on a small but constant supply of ribald brain wax, which closely resembles, not coincidentally, fluffy pink cotton candy.
I expand to fill infinite space. I contract to a mere point without dimension. I like apricots. I am Captain Wenchcannon -- hello, Schnoogans! I am an eraser. I am inedible. I am the walrus. I am. I'm. I.
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Epinions.com ID:
grez
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Member: Mike Gresley
Location: Houston, TX
Reviews written: 27
Trusted by: 51 members
About Me:
Pay attention, puny human! You must listen to my band, Escape Plan! There'salinkinmyprofile.
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